How ask a woman as a friend to hang out

[Armyguy368]

A woman I asked to get together to hand out as friends said to contact her on Sunday. We were supposed to get together two weeks ago, but things didn't work due to her being sick. She replied via text back to me "hopefully next time". I know she was sick and feel it was not a rejection. 

 

So, I asked again today and she said to contact her on Sunday. 

 

So here is next time which is this weekend.

 

Should I call or text her:

I plan to say:

"Hi XXXX. Want to go throw some axes and have some fun? We could also go for a coffee or get some ice cream at XXX afterward if you want."

 

What is the best approach? Phone or text message?

 

I guess I feel there may the possibility of a rejection as well, which will be my last stray asking her out. Its not worth my time to keep on asking to get together when I know we would have a great time. 

I have another friend of mine who is a female that I stopped asking as well because it was like pulling teeth to meet.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Armyguy368 said:

A woman I asked to get together to hand out as friends said to contact her on Sunday. We were supposed to get together two weeks ago, but things didn't work due to her being sick. She replied via text back to me "hopefully next time". I know she was sick and feel it was not a rejection. 

Is she clear that it's just friends? 

[ShySoul]

In my estimation phone is always better. Actually talking to a person leaves a better impression and gives more opportunity to actually connect with the person. Plus you can try to get a clear answer right there, setting a time that works for both of you. Text leaves more room to ignore it or delay. 

Maybe when you ask be a little more specific? State a day rather then living it open ended. And if she can't make that day, ask her what day works for her. Goal is to get something decided rather then continue to dance around the topic.

2 hours ago, Armyguy368 said:

its not worth my time to keep on asking to get together when I know we would have a great time. 

Just me, but if I know we would have a great time, I would keep trying. I believe I did once. It took a few attempts to get things worked out, but we did end up having a great time and several more great times over the next few months.

[Kwothe28]

I wouldnt contact either of those two. Simply because they are not excited to meet. As soon as they cancel out and/or you have to pull words out of their mouth like teeth, that means they are not interested. 

[Armyguy368]

14 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is she clear that it's just friends? 

Yes, its just friends as I know she is not into me romantically.

[MissCanuck]

Just now, Armyguy368 said:

Yes, its just friends as I know she is not into me romantically.

Are you into her romantically, though?

[Armyguy368]

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

Are you into her romantically, though?

I would be lying if I said no. She had asked me about axe throwing two weeks ago and we set a date and time, but it did not work. So, some say if the woman can see. you in a fun environment as a fun guy, its a step in the right direction.

[boltnrun]

28 minutes ago, Armyguy368 said:

I would be lying if I said no. She had asked me about axe throwing two weeks ago and we set a date and time, but it did not work. So, some say if the woman can see. you in a fun environment as a fun guy, its a step in the right direction.

So you're trying to hang out under the guise of being "friends" but you're really hoping she'll want to date you?

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Armyguy368 said:

I would be lying if I said no. She had asked me about axe throwing two weeks ago and we set a date and time, but it did not work. So, some say if the woman can see. you in a fun environment as a fun guy, its a step in the right direction.

Then I wouldn't ask her and also she'll see and experience your attraction to her and either will decline, bring friends and/or cut the outing short. That's not friendly on your part -it's an ulterior motive.

[Armyguy368]

On 4/27/2024 at 12:54 PM, boltnrun said:

So you're trying to hang out under the guise of being "friends" but you're really hoping she'll want to date you?

So, I am getting more opinions and I know the answer. If she sees me a friend, should I mention about wanting more than a friendship or leave it as is, since I think she already knows this. We do work together, so I dont want to to be awkward as well and this is how it all started unfortunately.

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Armyguy368 said:

. If she sees me a friend, should I mention about wanting more than a friendship or leave it as is, since I think she already knows this. We do work together, 

You already know about her recent breakup, her crying on your shoulder about it and that she's not interested in a relationship at this point. Please don't blurt out your feelings since she's already aware of that. Is this the same woman?

 

[Batya33]

When you are ready to hear about who she is dating or would like to date you can be her friend and hang out. Better still if you suggest a group outing including a new boyfriend of hers if there is one. 

[Andrina]

On 4/27/2024 at 12:25 PM, Armyguy368 said:

So, some say if the woman can see. you in a fun environment as a fun guy, its a step in the right direction

If you have to feel like you're some circus performer to catch her eye, then it's obvious you sense she's just not into you as bf material. 

Her saying for you to contact her on some given day in the future spells more of the same.

Speaking as a woman, if I were into a guy, and was truly sick on the day we were supposed to do something, I'd be the one keeping the interest alive by contacting him with flirty texts and suggesting a new, particular date to get together.

Try Meetup.com groups to meet women outside of any work situation. It's less stressful than OLD and also avoiding the awkwardness of seeing a woman every day at work when the dating situation didn't work out.

 

[catfeeder]

You’ve already asked her, you don’t instructions for that. She’s well aware that you want to see more of her, and if she were interested in doing so, she would reschedule. If she doesn’t, then consider this her way of sidestepping to keep your work interactions cordial.

I second the suggestion above to join meetup groups to make more friends outside of work.

[ShySoul]

On 4/27/2024 at 9:25 AM, Armyguy368 said:

So, some say if the woman can see. you in a fun environment as a fun guy, its a step in the right direction.

Forget what some people say. Whatever some people say, there will be other people who say the opposite. And others will say something completely different. None of these people are in your position either. They are not you. They are not her. And even if their words work in some cases, they might not be right for your situation.

Instead listen to what she says. If she isn't interested romantically, don't get your hopes up that you can change her mind. If she wants to be friends and hang out together, then be happy being her friend. Personally, I'd rather have someone I care about in my life as a friend then not at all.  

12 hours ago, Armyguy368 said:

if she sees me a friend, should I mention about wanting more than a friendship or leave it as is, since I think she already knows this. 

If she already knows, why add more tension or drama? Enjoy the friendship you have for what it is. 

On 4/27/2024 at 12:05 AM, Kwothe28 said:

As soon as they cancel out and/or you have to pull words out of their mouth like teeth, that means they are not interested. 

I had someone cancel on me multiple times. A couple of those were valid (family unexpectantly came to town, schol/work scheduling). One time wasn't which I confronted her about and she owned up to. Even with all of that, she was always interested in me. Things can happen, life can get in the way. Some people are also just really poor communicators and planners. Just because someone cancels doesn't mean they aren't interested (be it romantically or just friendship). Better to take it as a case by case basis.

[Armyguy368]

On 4/28/2024 at 1:39 PM, Wiseman2 said:

You already know about her recent breakup, her crying on your shoulder about it and that she's not interested in a relationship at this point. Please don't blurt out your feelings since she's already aware of that. Is this the same woman?

 

Yes this is the same woman.

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Armyguy368 said:

Yes this is the same woman.

Why do you keep trying? 

I understand you like her but with the literal millions of women on the planet there have to be at least a few dozen you would like.

We all suggested you find ways to meet women you don't work with. Have you tried any of the suggestions you were given?

[Kwothe28]

7 hours ago, Armyguy368 said:

Yes this is the same woman.

Same that put you in friendzone? Bro…

[ShySoul]

Armyguy, I understand how it is when you really like someone. Even when you know its not going to work out, you still want to cling to that hope. You still believe something will change. When someone gets in your heart, you can't just move on and try to meet someone else. Your heart wouldn't be in it if you tried.

So don't try. Don't try with her and don't try to meet anyone else. Right now should be about you. Put a pause on relationships at all. Give yourself and your heart time off. Take time to feel all the emotions you are feeling and go where that rollercoaster takes you. Take as much time as you need. This is your story, no one else. Be as close to her as you want, while respecting her wishes if she isn't interested romantically. Be a friend because (contrary to what many will say) being friends with someone is usually a good thing. Focus on enjoying your life and having fun yourself. Eventually, you will be okay and find yourself in a better mindset.

[MissCanuck]

On 4/30/2024 at 1:49 AM, Armyguy368 said:

Yes this is the same woman.

Dude. You need to let go. 

She is  not going to date you. 

[Armyguy368]

On 4/29/2024 at 9:37 PM, boltnrun said:

Why do you keep trying? 

I understand you like her but with the literal millions of women on the planet there have to be at least a few dozen you would like.

We all suggested you find ways to meet women you don't work with. Have you tried any of the suggestions you were given?

Yes I have and nothing is working. 

[ShySoul]

Armyguy, if nothing is working maybe the only thing left is to just do nothing? 

You can't force yourself to stop having feelings for someone. You can't force her to like you back, no matter what you do. You can't force yourself to be interested in anyone else. These things have to happen on it's own when it's right.

In trying to plan things out and figure out how you are suppose to do everything, you're just putting more pressure on yourself. So when things don't happen as you'd like, it just becomes more fustrating for you. That fustration then leads you to overthink and plan for. Thus a cycle of neverending fustration is born.

As contradictory as it sounds, I've found doing nothing is often the best course of action. Just be you and do what you internal feel is the right thing to do. I've been advised in the past to move on and meet someone else. But my heart wasn't ready for it. I've been advised how to interact with a woman. And yet, I knew what they said wasn't right for that particular woman. I'm glad I didn't listen because I ended up with some great experiences by following my own way.

You've tried all these other pieces of advice, talk about what other people say you should do. But that's what others believe. In the end, we have to follow our own heart and do what's right for us.

[ShySoul]

For what it's worth, I went back and looked at your last post on her and the message you wanted to send her. I didn't have a problem with it. I thought it was a sweet gesture and something a supportive friend would do. I've done something similar in the past and it was well received. How something is written isn't as important as the thought and feeling behind it. If it comes from a place of honesty and compassion, the actual words/length/style is secondary. And the ultimate goal is to make the receipt feel better. So it's not about what others would write, it's about what you want to say and want you think that particular person would want to hear. Some like flowery language, others don't. As long as it made her smile, that's what mattered.

[Batya33]

On 5/3/2024 at 8:09 PM, Armyguy368 said:

Yes I have and nothing is working. 

It's tough out there.  I dated for 24 years on and off and felt that way at times.  Time to switch it up! All that needs to work is you will meet a person -albeit no guarantees -one person who is right for you.  Not a perfect person. And if your goal is not to find one right person but to enjoy dating lots of people then that's fine too and that's also hard!