Am I oversensitive about comments on my body?

[Sarah Smith]

I keep getting comments on my body from a lot of different people. Classmates, co-workers and even friends. Many of them say straight up sexual things to me about how nice my a** is or what sexual things they would do to me. And this comes from both women and men. Is this normal?? Am I oversensitive if it makes me uncomfortable? Before, it would happen here and there so Id brush it off. But now it happens all the time, and from people I wouldn’t expect it from.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Sarah Smith said:

I keep getting comments on my body from a lot of different people. Classmates, co-workers and even friends. Many of them say straight up sexual things to me about how nice my a** is or what sexual things they would do to me. And this comes from both women and men. Is this normal?? Am I oversensitive if it makes me uncomfortable? Before, it would happen here and there so Id brush it off. But now it happens all the time, and from people I wouldn’t expect it from.

You get to create your own boundaries.  If someone makes a comment about anything about you you find rude you can - walk away, ignore, or say "I feel uncomfortable when you say that."  You own your body so you get to have the boundaries you want. 

Yesterday a teenager tried to talk to me on the subway platform. I answered his factual question then saw that he was acting in an off way so I walked down the platform. 

I believe he followed me because he then sat across from me. He randomly addressed me I ignored. He did it again and I quietly got up and walked further down and sat elsewhere.  Maybe someone else would have had fun interacting with him.  I had no interest in doing so. 

My son was the target of insensitive comments years ago by a dental hygienist about his height.  I chose to call the manager later and complain.  They ended up having a full office meeting to address the general issue.  Someone else would have thought I was being oversensitive and I didn't give a darn. 

I don't like when others comment on my body size especially at a restaurant -tying it to what I choose to eat or not (I am thin).  Others are cool with that or even feel flattered. I don't.  There's a way to calmly and firmly let others know your boundaries and I'd stop second guessing about oversensitivity unless it seems to you somehow you've totally overreacted like someone tells you they love the turquoise in your earrings and you are offended that they must be noticing how large your ears are.  

[TeeDee]

Somebody you are not dating / having sex with is way out of bounds to make comments about what sexual things they want to do to you.  You need to speak up & shut that garbage up immediately.  

If somebody gives you a compliment that is one thing but something crude along the lines of "nice a$$" is vulgar & again you need to shut this down.  

[Kwothe28]

Maybe you do have nice bottom lol

Anyway, its all depending on how you draw the line in the sand. When I worked in a hotel, my boss once smacked my coworker to her bottom “Sean Connery James Bond style”(there is a famous scene from one of those movies where he does that). I thought it was way over the top but she was fine with it so eh, to each on their own.

My guess is that you dont have the line in the sand drawn. Meaning that you are “willy wally” with your friends and coworkers. Which makes them think they can even say sexually explicit stuff to you without you even batting an eye. You need to fix that if you dont want it to happen anymore. Meaning to draw the line  somewhere before somebody of them really smacks you to your bottom like my colleague.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Sarah Smith said:

I keep getting comments on my body from a lot of different people. Classmates, co-workers and even friends. Many of them say straight up sexual things to me about how nice my a** is or what sexual things they would do to me. 

Is this happening at work? If so, it's sexual harassment and you can report it.  

[tattoobunnie]

It's sexual harassment.  Not normal, and not acceptable.  

[Sarah Smith]

4 minutes ago, tattoobunnie said:

It's sexual harassment.  Not normal, and not acceptable.  

Yes that’s what I thought. But lately its been happening like at least once a day, and by both genders.. and when I tell them they brush it off like Im crazy.

Thats why Im wondering if Im overreacting 

[Batya33]

Just now, Sarah Smith said:

Yes that’s what I thought. But lately its been happening like at least once a day, and by both genders.. and when I tell them they brush it off like Im crazy.

Thats why Im wondering if Im overreacting 

What do you tell them exactly?

[tattoobunnie]

If they think you are crazy, let the know you are going to record them doing it, and firmly say, "stop commenting on my body."  Doesn't matter which gender; it's still unwelcomed harassment. 

[yogacat]

Are you dressing differently all of a sudden? By no means am I saying you should start wearing shapeless sacks, or that you're bringing this on yourself. People are still responsible for their own behaviour. I'd start by giving clear and simple statements like "that makes me uncomfortable" or "it's not ok to comment on my body."

If nothing's really changed, I'd bet it depends on who you're hanging out with. If people are trying to fit in and others around you are used to saying these things, they start saying it too. And of course, you could be around a bunch of perverts there. 

[Batya33]

What I do if someone is dressing or accessorizing differently or new hairstyle -if I feel like commenting I comment on the specific style or accessory "Love your new hair style" or "that's a great scarf!"

[boltnrun]

Sexual comments at work are actually illegal in the US. You can go to your company's HR department to tell them what's been going on. 

[Sarah Smith]

40 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Are you dressing differently all of a sudden? By no means am I saying you should start wearing shapeless sacks, or that you're bringing this on yourself. People are still responsible for their own behaviour. I'd start by giving clear and simple statements like "that makes me uncomfortable" or "it's not ok to comment on my body."

If nothing's really changed, I'd bet it depends on who you're hanging out with. If people are trying to fit in and others around you are used to saying these things, they start saying it too. And of course, you could be around a bunch of perverts there. 

I dress the same as I always have. Sometimes revealing and other times very baggy, usually a mix (one baggy and one tight item). But lately Ive been into the vintage style, so I wear a lot of baggy pants, so according to this logic they wouldn’t be commenting on my butt but they are.

[Sarah Smith]

12 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Sexual comments at work are actually illegal in the US. You can go to your company's HR department to tell them what's been going on. 

It’s mostly been from friends and acquaintances now. I quit my job because of this.

[yogacat]

6 minutes ago, Sarah Smith said:

I dress the same as I always have. Sometimes revealing and other times very baggy, usually a mix (one baggy and one tight item). But lately Ive been into the vintage style, so I wear a lot of baggy pants, so according to this logic they wouldn’t be commenting on my butt but they are.

I can understand a comment here and there but from everyone all the time? Odd.

[Sarah Smith]

53 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

What do you tell them exactly?

I tell them it’s inappropriate but try to keep it light. But I guess I should set more clear boundaries.

Examples of what I have been told: guy friend (we haven’t been friends for long) telling me the sexual stuff he would want to do to me.

A girl who keeps saying stuff about my body and curves and that I have “sexy shapes”.

A friend pretty much trying to sit in my lap and touch me and stuff.

A guy who got into me and my friends hotel room, he was flirting with her not me. Then he diverted his attention towards me. I ignored him because he previously commented on my breasts and joked that he’ll buy protection for later and took photos of me without consent. I made it very clear Im not interested, told him off and was even mean. When I wasn’t paying attention to him he would literally kick my butt.

And in general a lot of guys and girls saying I have a nice butt. This I usually just take as a compliment and move on.

Am I crazy and overreacting for thinking that all this is too much? Is this normal? Should I just suck it up? 
Btw we live in a pretty progressive country so it’s not like this is the culture at all

[Sarah Smith]

1 minute ago, yogacat said:

I can understand a comment here and there but from everyone all the time? Odd.

yeah it’s suddenly more frequent, but it might be because Ive been meeting a lot of new people lately because Ive been attending events (profesional business events). But maybe Im over sensitive idk

[TeeDee]

All the examples you seem to have given were friends or purely social situations.  There you do need more boundaries.  

If anybody mentions anything about your body in a professional business event they should be firmly & immediately scolded & told such comments are unwelcome & they will be reported to HR if it ever happens again.    Make a note somewhere of their names, the location, & who else was present.  Then do immediately go to HR if it happens again.  

[yogacat]

13 minutes ago, Sarah Smith said:

yeah it’s suddenly more frequent, but it might be because Ive been meeting a lot of new people lately because Ive been attending events (profesional business events). But maybe Im over sensitive idk

I don't think you are overreacting at all. I'm just trying to figure out why you think that you are. It's also odd that there seems to be an increase in these comments from people who you've known for a while.

Sure, a woman that is beautiful in a classic sense may attract more comments occasionally.

Maybe because you are not responding to these unwanted comments so I wonder if you are questioning how others might be affected by your silence and, apparently, lack of discomfort in telling them to “shut up” when the comments are made.