Pianooooooss Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 LOL! He ghosted me! I wonder if I came off too strong. Or something. Oh, well. Going to try real hard not to overthink about this... Link to comment
kim42 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 15 minutes ago, Pianooooooss said: LOL! He ghosted me! I wonder if I came off too strong. Or something. Oh, well. Going to try real hard not to overthink about this... What do you mean by 'ghosted'? He didn't reply to your message? 2 Link to comment
Pianooooooss Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 2 minutes ago, kim42 said: What do you mean by 'ghosted'? He didn't reply to your message? Well, I just checked again. I thought he ghosted me, but he eventually responded (after like 8 hours). Said he's too busy to come to the event. I can take the hint. Oh, well! 🤷♀️ Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 5 minutes ago, kim42 said: What do you mean by 'ghosted'? He didn't reply to your message? 1 minute ago, Pianooooooss said: Well, I just checked again. I thought he ghosted me, but he eventually responded (after like 8 hours). Said he's too busy to come to the event. I can take the hint. Oh, well! 🤷♀️ Yes typically the person would suggest an alternative. I'm sorry you're disappointed. 1 Link to comment
kim42 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 3 minutes ago, Pianooooooss said: Well, I just checked again. I thought he ghosted me, but he eventually responded (after like 8 hours). Said he's too busy to come to the event. I can take the hint. Oh, well! 🤷♀️ Do you know for sure if he's single? I think if he didn't suggest another option to hang out, it's probably better to let it go. I think it's great you'vr tried though! Better than spending hours on assuming amd analyzing things. 3 Link to comment
Pianooooooss Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 4 minutes ago, kim42 said: Do you know for sure if he's single? I think if he didn't suggest another option to hang out, it's probably better to let it go. I think it's great you'vr tried though! Better than spending hours on assuming amd analyzing things. Yes, I definitely don't have regrets on doing it! I think I'm also proud of the inner work I've really tried to focus on lately. Old me would spiral and overthink and blame myself. Now I'm glad to let go but still practice confidence (even if took me several days and an internet forum to do it 😂). 4 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 4 minutes ago, Pianooooooss said: Yes, I definitely don't have regrets on doing it! I think I'm also proud of the inner work I've really tried to focus on lately. Old me would spiral and overthink and blame myself. Now I'm glad to let go but still practice confidence (even if took me several days and an internet forum to do it 😂). Yes it's a good thing to try/risk to take. I did it a number of times when I dated - in person and on the phone - no texting or messaging. When I dated I found it ineffective as far as finding a husband which was the only reason I dated. Link to comment
kim42 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 49 minutes ago, Pianooooooss said: Yes, I definitely don't have regrets on doing it! I think I'm also proud of the inner work I've really tried to focus on lately. Old me would spiral and overthink and blame myself. Now I'm glad to let go but still practice confidence (even if took me several days and an internet forum to do it 😂). Absolutely, I've done some inner work myself so I can relate to this. I'm definitely being more direct these days, I think it's much more effucient than overthinking things. 1 Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 4 hours ago, Pianooooooss said: Yes, I definitely don't have regrets on doing it! I think I'm also proud of the inner work I've really tried to focus on lately. Old me would spiral and overthink and blame myself. Now I'm glad to let go but still practice confidence (even if took me several days and an internet forum to do it 😂). You did great! And no need to feel shy with him if your paths cross in the future. He could be tied to someone at the moment, but you never know how that will play out. Meanwhile, see how well you can parlay your newfound courage into exploring other ways to meet men. Screen them through conversation to learn whether they are single, and then suggest grabbing a quick coffee to learn more about one another. As for strangers on the Internet who slam you, I would just take that as misguided folks trying to impose their own limitations on another. No need to internalize any of that. Head HIGH! 3 1 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 5 hours ago, Pianooooooss said: he eventually responded (after like 8 hours). Said he's too busy to come to the event. That's ok. When you leave no room for setting anything mutual up, people often can't accommodate the specific time you want, such as after the event. Perhaps have more confidence and ask someone out one-on-one rather than to just meet you somewhere you're going to be anyway. Link to comment
Pianooooooss Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: That's ok. When you leave no room for setting anything mutual up, people often can't accommodate the specific time you want, such as after the event. Perhaps have more confidence and ask someone out one-on-one rather than to just meet you somewhere you're going to be anyway. I think if he was truly interested he would have followed up with another time, but I'm not stressed about it. Moving onward! 1 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 36 minutes ago, Pianooooooss said: I think if he was truly interested he would have followed up with another time, It's good you're letting it go and gave it a shot. But it's a myth that it's on him to reschedule something. 2 Link to comment
Pianooooooss Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 Just now, Wiseman2 said: It's good you're letting it go and gave it a shot. But it's a myth that it's on him to reschedule something. I can see that. But I think reaching out again trying to come up with another time would be a big weirdo move, lol. 1 Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 8 minutes ago, Pianooooooss said: I can see that. But I think reaching out again trying to come up with another time would be a big weirdo move, lol. I agree. If I decline a date invitation and don't either suggest another day or say something like "but another time would be great" it means "thanks for asking, but no". 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: It's good you're letting it go and gave it a shot. But it's a myth that it's on him to reschedule something. It's not on anyone. It's what people typically do in response if they'd like to see the person. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 On 3/21/2024 at 10:44 PM, Pianooooooss said: DM'ing and inviting him to a date 1:1 seems premature and too straight-for-the-gusto. Exactly. When you invite someone in this half-hearted manner you can expect vague results so it's hard to tell if he was busy or not interested. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 Just now, Wiseman2 said: Exactly. When you invite someone in this half-hearted manner you can expect vague results so it's hard to tell if he was busy or not interested. Oh I see what you mean - I meet a lot of people platonically and if they suggest a specific time to meet and I can't I suggest another. If it's vague -then, sure! Link to comment
Sindy_0311 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Exactly. When you invite someone in this half-hearted manner you can expect vague results so it's hard to tell if he was busy or not interested. I think it’s not fair to make her believe he was just busy. She opened a door, began a conversation and invited him. he declined and closed the conversation: Not interested (at least for now) Pretending that he might be busy is dangerous because it can trigger the “what if”s and make OP second guess her move: wasn’t it upfront enough, is he really busy, didn’t he get the hint etc etc and lead her to chase a man that is not interested. She tried, he declined. Conversation died. End of story. 2 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 3 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said: make OP second guess her move: wasn’t it upfront enough, is he really busy, didn’t he get the hint . He probably was busy. Asking people for extremely specific times rather than a mutually agreed upon get together is confusing for that reason. Lame vague tag-along invitations lead to this type of confusion. Either jump in and ask or don't. No one made anyone second guess anything or is leading anyone on. "I'm busy" is a perfectly valid reply to this type of invitation. Link to comment
Pianooooooss Posted March 24 Author Share Posted March 24 Perhaps I'll be more straightforward with other guys in the future, but for now, I'm willing to lay it to rest. Precisely for the reason someone said: I don't want to feed into any delusions and chase an uninterested guy. 😅 1 Link to comment
greendots Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 If this guy is into you, and was honestly just busy, you'll know over time. Meanwhile, so glad to hear you gave this a shot! 🙂 3 Link to comment
Pianooooooss Posted March 25 Author Share Posted March 25 10 hours ago, greendots said: If this guy is into you, and was honestly just busy, you'll know over time. Meanwhile, so glad to hear you gave this a shot! 🙂 Thank you! Link to comment
Pianooooooss Posted April 6 Author Share Posted April 6 So.......I just found out he's taken. The rejection makes sense now. 🙃 1 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 7 minutes ago, Pianooooooss said: So.......I just found out he's taken. The rejection makes sense now. 🙃 Sorry this happened. At least you gave it a shot. 2 Link to comment
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