Interesting Experience Last Night....

[rainbowsandroses]

Hey guys, I guess since I'm single again, I'll post about some of my experiences, the funny ones anyway. 

I'm not on dating apps so nothing to share there, but I'll post about random guys I meet. 

So last night I took a Uber to Lakeside (East County San Diego) to have some dinner with a good female friend who lives there.  

We decided to head out to a local country bar where they have the BEST baby back ribs, very low key, and we sat at a table. 

Soon thereafter a couple of guys came to our table and asked if they could join.  They ordered a pitcher of beer for all of us. 

One of the guys pulled his chair closer to mine and we started chatting.  He asked if I lived in the area, I said no I live downtown (the city) and we started talking about that and other stuff. 

I wasn't being particularly flirty or any type of flirty, not intentionally anyway, I was just being my usual friendly self. 

We were ALL having a lot of fun when all of a sudden the guy I'm talking to got really weird, he seemed nervous suddenly and said (more like blurted out) "my girlfriend would kill me if she knew I was talking to you!  Gotta go." 

WTH.  Gotta admit, that was a first!  

So he got up and left!  I mean seriously all we were doing was talking!  Even his friend thought it was weird but made a silly joke of it. 

Anyway, we continued to have a good time eating ribs and drinking beer, ended up at the bar and got casually talking to a few other guys. 

We eventually left, but I got to thinking about a thread I created last year about another friend casually talking to a guy at a pub who she knew from her past, and her boyfriend saw them together and broke up with her!  

Does anyone remember that thread?  I recall there were many posters who believed she should not be talking to another man alone at a table in a bar while in a committed relationship.

In the sitch last night, it would appear the guy felt he was doing something wrong by talking to me as suggested by his comment "my girlfriend would kill me if she knew I was talking to you"!   His exact words. 

Again I was not being flirty, this was not a pickup joint, my friend and I simply went there for some ribs and the two guys approached us! 

Thoughts?  

Thanks! 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

the guy I'm talking to got really weird, he seemed nervous suddenly and  blurted out "my girlfriend would kill me if she knew I was talking to you!  Gotta go."  

Great you had some fun. Was the guy drinking a lot? It seems like he changed his mind and just left, not that he felt guilty or whatever.  

If you are really on a cowboy 🤠 roll that area has a rodeo. 

https://www.lakesiderodeo.com/

[boltnrun]

15 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I recall there were many posters who believed she should not be talking to another man alone at a table in a bar while in a committed relationship.

If I recall correctly, this friend of yours had dated the guy she was alone at the table with. I see them as two entirely different situations.

[rainbowsandroses]

45 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Great you had some fun. Was the guy drinking a lot? It seems like he changed his mind and just left, not that he felt guilty or whatever.  

That's possible but then why the sudden nervousness and well, what a weird thing to say, all he had to do was excuse himself or say he has to go to the RR and then not return to the table.

He nearly ran out of the bar!  I didn't see it, but perhaps his gf texted him or something, who knows?

Just a weird experience that's all. 

@boltnrunyes my gf knew the guy she was talking to but she hadn't seen him in six years.

I still think her bf over-reacted, we shouldn't feel guilty for simply talking to the opposite sex when in a relationship.

Not imo anyway. 

TRUST.

[rainbowsandroses]

41 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you are really on a cowboy 🤠 roll that area has a rodeo.

Oh I know, they have a great a rodeo there, I went to one many years ago! 

It's why I offered to go to hers (not the rodeo but the guys haha) usually she visits me and we head downtown to the Gaslamp.

Now I gotta say, living downtown, I didn't look like the local gals and a few guys commented on that, like they knew I wasn't from around there. 

I wasn't dressed in anything fancy -  jeans, cute top and boots but somehow they could tell.

But after talking to me, they then commented on how "cool" I was, lol. THEY were cool as well, very polite, unlike many of the men I met at clubs downtown (whenever I went which wasn't often).

Which led me to think they have this image of 'city girls' and in their opinions, it's not very good. 

Anyway again it was a lot of fun, I just thought what he said was a bit weird. 

 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

It's why I offered to go to hers I didn't look like the local gals 

Ask your friend to take you shopping wherever she goes and get in touch with your inner cowgirl.

[rainbowsandroses]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ask your friend to take you shopping wherever she goes and get in touch with your inner cowgirl.

Well I was eating ribs and drinking beer lol versus a nice bottle of chardonnay with my usual poached salmon in a mustard cream sauce. 😋 

But yeah I love it there, my late mom lived in a town next to, and I always enjoyed it when I visited her.  Lots of country bars and such and great food! 

I'm definitely gonna start spending more time there, maybe even open my salon there this year or next.  

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Im definitely gonna start spending more time there, 

Better start listening to country music. Here's a guy from NY that mastered it and you can too. You'll have to get a cowboy hat and learn the two-step.

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

This is more my style these days....  haha  😉

 

[Coily]

Great you got out of your usual places!

As for the guy, My guess is that he felt he might be seen as being flirty by some of the regulars; or have an insanely jealous GF who he worried might hear word about him chatting up the pretty city gal. That's the best read I can give you on a guy like that.

He was in for the banter and chatting, then had a striking reminder of some sort. Though he may have been too flirty or perceived that way.

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

t's why I offered to go to hers (not the rodeo but the guys haha) usually she visits me and we head downtown to the Gaslamp.

Oh nooooo Gaslamping! LOL

With the boots, is what I'd guess have you away. Haha.

[rainbowsandroses]

21 minutes ago, Coily said:

With the boots, is what I'd guess have you away. Haha.

I can't upload a pic at the moment but they were literally these, from Amazon.  In Taupe.

>>Soda “BLAZING” ~ Women Western Stitched Pointe Toe Low Heel High Top Ankle Shaft Boot Bootie<<

Cowgirl boots!  

[Coily]

Just now, rainbowsandroses said:

I can't upload a pic at the moment but they were literally these, from Amazon.

[>Soda “BLAZING” ~ Women Western Stitched Pointe Toe Low Heel High Top Ankle Shaft Boot Bootie<<

Cowgirl boots!  

Definitely greenhorn boots. Haha.

Kidding

I remember in Wyoming talking with one of the ranchers, something about if the jeans were worn over vs in the boots. Can't remember the details, but it was apparently the sing of a "Dude" up there.

[rainbowsandroses]

10 minutes ago, Coily said:

I remember in Wyoming talking with one of the ranchers, something about if the jeans were worn over vs in the boots.

Trying to give you a visual not that it matters but my jeans were tucked inside the boots. Think low rise skinny jeans with a casual long sleeved blouse. 

I honestly didn't think I looked like a "city girl", very little makeup which is my style anyway; I wasn't all glammed up.

But still they knew!  

Maybe it was my "energy" or something lol.

[Coily]

12 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Trying to give you a visual not that it matters but my jeans were tucked inside the boots. Think low rise skinny jeans with a casual long sleeved blouse. 

I honestly didn't think I looked like a "city girl", very little makeup which is my style anyway; I wasn't all glammed up.

But still they knew!  

Maybe it was my "energy" or something lol.

You did just fine, I'm not into the rodeo scene; just hanging out with ranchers and their tall tales.

Sometimes it's a matter of how you carry yourself. I know when I was in Belgium most people thought I was Dutch, I didn't know why until my Dutch friend and I were hanging out; she pointed out how I was doing things like She did. and laughed her butt off at it.

[lostandhurt]

Those two guys didn't walk over and join you for absolutely no reason. My guess is the guy you were talking to was the wingman and things in his mind became disrespectful to his gf so he bailed.

  He did the right thing, if it feels wrong then you shouldn't be doing it.  If it is disrespectful to your s/o then don't do it. 

 Trusting someone is fine but respect is just as important.

Lost

[rainbowsandroses]

9 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

My guess is the guy you were talking to was the wingman and things in his mind became disrespectful to his gf so he bailed.

This makes sense.  Which is honestly refreshing!  

Unlike the men I have typically met downtown at the clubs (when I went) who, if they had a girlfriend, didn't care. 

So it surprised me.  

Thanks! 

 

[Kwothe28]

8 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

In the sitch last night, it would appear the guy felt he was doing something wrong by talking to me as suggested by his comment "my girlfriend would kill me if she knew I was talking to you"!   His exact words. 

 

I mean, he basically did. I dont believe his girlfriend would condone him making a pass on you or even just playing a wingman. Even playing a wingman is a "murky waters" territory. How would he explain that to her? "My buddy needed help so I started talking to this woman"? I dont believe that would fly lol

[kim42]

I wouldn't think too much aboit it, es0ecially if he was drinking. I don't take conversations with strangers at a restaurant or a bar too seriously, especially if they had a few drinks.

[yogacat]

I wonder how these guys handle them self surrounded by other females. I mean you were there with a friend. Presumably he's there with a friend. What was he supposed to do according to his GF at that time.

Walk in and immediately sit down a few tables down. Stare at the wall?  

I think if you like country you should try line dancing! I took line dancing classes and mechanical bull classes.

So much fun...and you could def meet a man there. Yeehaw!

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I mean, he basically did. I dont believe his girlfriend would condone him making a pass on you or even just playing a wingman. Even playing a wingman is a "murky waters" territory. How would he explain that to her? "My buddy needed help so I started talking to this woman"? I dont believe that would fly lol

I agree- it went beyond wingman and unless he and his girlfriend have a nontraditional arrangement it's inconsistent with being committed to approach two women in a bar and drink with them and sit near them and strike up that sort of conversation.  Had he said outright to you -even discreetly -hey -my friend likes (you/your friend) and I'm here as wingman -I have a girlfriend -well - ok I guess.  Obviously his exit was awkward but he'd also been drinking.  At least he left.  I would be really mad if my husband behaved like that -or when we were dating.  

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I wonder how these guys handle them self surrounded by other females. I mean you were there with a friend. Presumably he's there with a friend. What was he supposed to do according to his GF at that time.

Walk in and immediately sit down a few tables down. Stare at the wall?  

I think if you like country you should try line dancing! I took line dancing classes and mechanical bull classes.

So much fun...and you could def meet a man there. Yeehaw!

He was supposed to mention up front that he is taken or mention his girlfriend then behave appropriately.  

[yogacat]

His friends sat down with them, I don't see that he was being particularly flirty (unless there are detail missing) maybe he was just making small talk.

I don't think it's fair to jump to any conclusions about his intentions based on a few sentences in this story.

He could have just been a friendly guy who struck up a conversation, and then maybe realized he was getting too comfortable and decided to abruptly end it to avoid any confusion or issues with his girlfriend. 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, yogacat said:

His friends sat down with them, I don't see that he was being particularly flirty (unless there are detail missing) maybe he was just making small talk.

I don't think it's fair to jump to any conclusions about his intentions based on a few sentences in this story.

He could have just been a friendly guy who struck up a conversation, and then maybe realized he was getting too comfortable and decided to abruptly end it to avoid any confusion or issues with his girlfriend. 

I think it’s inappropriate for two men to approach two women in the way they did unless they are single or make it clear that they are not. I feel very comfortable with my opinion. I struck up a conversation with a man on my jogging trail when my son was a baby in the stroller. We were at a similar pace power walking. Within the first two minutes I mentioned my husband. We spoke a number of times over the next month or so on the trail. We talked of parenting and our city and fun stuff. I’ve always had platonic male friends. I asked my mom bsck then what she thought.  She said it was so great I’d met a new acquaintance in my new city especially since I was a SAHM. And that it was completely appropriate. However had I gone out with him after or spent time with him outside the trail then I would have checked with my hsibsnd first. I’m not even sure I mentioned him. After a month or so i didnt  see him again. Same with a neighbor years ago in my fitness room. We chatted here and there. We added each other on LinkedIn. He mentioned his girlfriend and I mentioned my husband.
To me that’s appropriate. I think it’s fairly obvious what the OP described is inappropriate to most people in marriages or committed relationships. It’s not just friendly for men to approach women in a bar and sit with them without disclosing they are not single. I suspect many feel as I do with rare exception. Unless the marriage is open etc. 

[yogacat]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think it’s inappropriate for two men to approach two women in the way they did unless they are single or make it clear that they are not. I feel very comfortable with my opinion. 

Good. And I feel comfortable with mine.

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Good. And I feel comfortable with mine.

Cool! I’m sure you will find men to date who feel comfortable with you going out with your friends and having those sorts of interactions and you obviously will be fine with friendly women approaching your man at a bar and hanging out at the table so they can get friendly. It’s one less thing your partner will have to do as far as saying he has a girlfriend or spouse. That way he can have more fun flirting if it goes that way knowing you’re cool with it. For some it’s a sexual turn on to hear about their partners being hit on when they’re out and about - another benefit !