Interesting Experience Last Night....

[yogacat]

51 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Cool! I’m sure you will find men to date who feel comfortable with you going out with your friends and having those sorts of interactions and you obviously will be fine with friendly women approaching your man at a bar and hanging out at the table so they can get friendly. It’s one less thing your partner will have to do as far as saying he has a girlfriend or spouse. That way he can have more fun flirting if it goes that way knowing you’re cool with it. For some it’s a sexual turn on to hear about their partners being hit on when they’re out and about - another benefit !

I'm not sure why I'm replying but I'm in a mood.

First of all, women should be comfortable and have the freedom to go out with their friends and have interactions with other people without it being seen as anything more. 

Also, it's not about being "cool" with other people hitting on your partner. Rainbows group of men that came over to chat with them, asked her where she lived and then made a beeline afterwards. He mentioned his girlfriend who "would kill him" if she knew he was talking to her.

Rainbow mentioned that she was friendly, but not flirty.  And doesn't even seem like this guy interpreted her as flirting. 

She also said they were both openly just having a good time trying out tasty ribs during a nice evening out, nothing more. She has no clue if the gf would actually have killed him or he was just being a typical cheat. He thanked Rainbows for the "friendly polite chat" and left.

Anyway, I see that you're married and in a good relationship so I respect your opinion and what works for you. But please don't assume that all women should conform to what you think is "cool" or "beneficial" for their partners. Each relationship is different and people should do what makes them happy and comfortable. 

[boltnrun]

A gentleman I know was married to his absolutely lovely wife for over 40 years. Adored her. But one night after a sports event that required the participants to travel out of town and stay overnight at a hotel (which his wife chose not to attend because she wasn't particularly interested), I was present when he and a couple of other gentlemen had a long conversation with a couple of ladies. Attractive ladies. I could tell he was enjoying having this conversation with an attractive lady close to his own age, but it didn't mean he didn't sincerely love his wife. It was just a pleasant experience. They didn't go off to a corner to chat privately and she wasn't someone he used to date. Just a nice lady who happened to be at the same event and staying at the same hotel.

I presume this guy from the rib place wouldn't have sat down at the table with you and your friends if his girlfriend had been present. Perhaps that's why he behaved the way he did and said what he said. 

[rainbowsandroses]

4 hours ago, yogacat said:

I  don't think it's fair to jump to any conclusions about his intentions based on a few sentences in this story.

He could have just been a friendly guy who struck up a conversation, and then maybe realized he was getting too comfortable and decided to abruptly end it to avoid any confusion or issues with his girlfriend. 

Thank you @yogacat, I completely agree with this^^ and everything you've posted on this thresd.

And the second paragraph is pretty much how I viewed it as well. No harm no foul.  

I didn't find him suddenly leaving an issue at all, he wasn't obligated to continue the conversation.

I was just surprised by his comment "My girlfriend would kill me!... that's all.  And thought I would share it here to discuss. 

IMO, a simple "Excuse me" and getting up to leave would have sufficed.. 😀

 

 

[yogacat]

10 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Thank you @yogacat, I completely agree with this^^ and everything you've posted on this thresd.

And the second paragraph is pretty much how I viewed it as well. No harm no foul.  

I didn't find him suddenly leaving an issue at all, he wasn't obligated to continue the conversation.

I was just surprised by his comment "My girlfriend would kill me!... that's all. 

A simple "Excuse me" and getting up to leave would have sufficed, imo.

Well, maybe his girlfriend would not 'kill him' and not literally so.

Anyway, I do not see any harm in the whole thing. Maybe he could have used other words but it does not change the essence. The thing is he had a nice little convo here and when he needed, excused himself.  I think he left it light hearted and with humor, because that was the mood of the convo for that moment.

Hopefully his girlfriend has no intent to actually kill him haha. 

[rainbowsandroses]

9 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Anyway, I do not see any harm in the whole thing.

Agree, like I said no harm no foul. 

9 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Hopefully his girlfriend has no intent to actually kill him haha. 

I didn't take him literally, clearly he became uncomfortable (for whatever reason) and felt he should leave.  Which was fine.

I wasn't expecting anything to happen, it was friendly chat at restaurant/bar as far as I was concerned, we weren't even flirting. 

His friend thought his comment a bit weird too (not him leaving just his comment) but after that, we continued to have a good time and I began chatting with others at the bar, including other guys. 

All in all, it was a great time!  

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

I'm not sure why I'm replying but I'm in a mood.

First of all, women should be comfortable and have the freedom to go out with their friends and have interactions with other people without it being seen as anything more. 

Also, it's not about being "cool" with other people hitting on your partner. Rainbows group of men that came over to chat with them, asked her where she lived and then made a beeline afterwards. He mentioned his girlfriend who "would kill him" if she knew he was talking to her.

Rainbow mentioned that she was friendly, but not flirty.  And doesn't even seem like this guy interpreted her as flirting. 

She also said they were both openly just having a good time trying out tasty ribs during a nice evening out, nothing more. She has no clue if the gf would actually have killed him or he was just being a typical cheat. He thanked Rainbows for the "friendly polite chat" and left.

Anyway, I see that you're married and in a good relationship so I respect your opinion and what works for you. But please don't assume that all women should conform to what you think is "cool" or "beneficial" for their partners. Each relationship is different and people should do what makes them happy and comfortable. 

I made no assumptions at all - read again what I wrote.   I assumed about most people not all.  Thanks for sharing your opinion! I've always had platonic male friends and made new friends etc and husband has always had platonic female friends. I was only commenting on this particular situation not broader. I hate the notion of "conforming" in the sense you mentioned so I agree with you! I gave you a number of examples like open marriages or where it's a sexual turn on to be friendly/flirty and dish about it later. Obviously then couples should have their own sense of boundaries -or no boundaries -whatever works for them.

I don't think Rainbow did anything wrong in the least ! I'm happy she had fun!!Sorry if it came across that way. I only wrote that the man with the girlfriend should have mentioned that after approaching them in the particular way he did.

[rainbowsandroses]

Okay guys, please allow me to clarify a few things because I think there are a few assumptions being made without the proper context.

This was NOT a singles club, it was a casual country restaurant.  We were NOT flirting.  We were four individuals having a friendly conversation at a very lively restaurant/bar where everyone was mingling and chatting with each other.  Both at the bar and at tables.

If his girlfriend had been there, who knows, it's quite possible, the three of them (him, his girlfriend and his friend) would have asked to join.  And no I am not being naive when saying this, it was THAT type of place.

Granted, I DO think after a time, he became uncomfortable talking to me.  I have no idea why other than his comment suggested he may have been feeling a bit guilty which was his own feeling to deal with, within himself, and NOT based on anything 'wrong' he, or I or any of us were doing.

OR maybe after talking to me a bit, I reminded him of a toxic ex or something, who knows!  It could have been anything, it doesn't matter.

All I can tell ya is he suddenly became very nervous, he was clearly uncomfortable and left.

As @boltnrunsaid, it WAS a completely different scenario from my thread last year about my friend privately talking with an old male friend from college (who happened to be an ex) at a bar, her boyfriend witnessed it and broke up with her.

Now, some of the guys (and gals) reading this may believe their intention approaching us was to "chat us up" for the purpose of "picking us up," but it was not like that at all.  It was not that type of place.

As for me being OKAY with my boyfriend or husband casually chatting with another woman at a restaurant or bar (let's say a sports bar, the equivalent to a country bar which this was), yes I am okay with that. 

And I don't deem it necessary for him to announce he's in a committed relationship while doing so UNLESS a woman is clearly flirting with him and hitting on him.  THEN he should mention it.

I was doing neither.

But other than that, it's presumptuous to believe that the woman he's talking to even cares!  Again, they are casually chatting.  She may have a boyfriend herself!

In fact, I have been out with boyfriends or my ex-husband at a sports bar or a party, where everyone was chatting with each other, and he would sometimes talk to another woman (with or without her boyfriend present if she had one), and of course I am also right there, talking to people, both men and women.   Sometimes at the bar, sometimes at a table.

No one thought a thing of it, it's a perfectly natural and normal thing to do at such places.

It's not like he was sitting a private table, intimately chatting with another women, or out "clubbing" for the purpose of picking up women.  THAT I am NOT okay with.

I hope that clarifies the situation, thanks to all who responded! 🙂

 

 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Okay guys, please allow me to clarify a few things because I think there are a few assumptions being made without the proper context.

This was NOT a singles club, it was a casual country restaurant.  We were NOT flirting.  We were four individuals having a friendly conversation at a very lively restaurant/bar where everyone was mingling and chatting with each other.  Both at the bar and at tables.

If his girlfriend had been there, who knows, it's quite possible, the three of them (him, his girlfriend and his friend) would have asked to join.  And no I am not being naive when saying this, it was THAT type of place.

Granted, I DO think after a time, he became uncomfortable talking to me.  I have no idea why other than his comment suggested he may have been feeling a bit guilty which was his own feeling to deal with, within himself, and NOT based on anything 'wrong' he, or I or any of us were doing.

OR maybe after talking to me a bit, I reminded him of a toxic ex or something, who knows!  It could have been anything, it doesn't matter.

All I can tell ya is he suddenly became very nervous, he was clearly uncomfortable and left.

As @boltnrunsaid, it WAS a completely different scenario from my thread last year about my friend privately talking with an old male friend from college (who happened to be an ex) at a bar, her boyfriend witnessed it and broke up with her.

Now, some of the guys (and gals) reading this may believe their intention approaching us was to "chat us up" for the purpose of "picking us up," but it was not like that at all.  It was not that type of place.

As for me being OKAY with my boyfriend or husband casually chatting with another woman at a restaurant or bar (let's say a sports bar, the equivalent to a country bar which this was), yes I am okay with that. 

And I don't deem it necessary for him to announce he's in a committed relationship while doing so UNLESS a woman is clearly flirting with him and hitting on him.  THEN he should mention it.

I was doing neither.

But other than that, it's presumptuous to believe that the woman he's talking to even cares!  Again, they are casually chatting.  She may have a boyfriend herself!

In fact, I have been out with boyfriends or my ex-husband at a sports bar or a party, where everyone was chatting with each other, and he would sometimes talk to another woman (with or without her boyfriend present if she had one), and of course I am also right there, talking to people, both men and women.   Sometimes at the bar, sometimes at a table.

No one thought a thing of it, it's a perfectly natural and normal thing to do at such places.

It's not like he was sitting a private table, intimately chatting with another women, or out "clubbing" for the purpose of picking up women.  THAT I am NOT okay with.

I hope that clarifies the situation, thanks to all who responded! 🙂

 

 

The way I read it two men approached your table and asked to join you.  You did NOTHING wrong and I'm glad you all had fun!!! The way they approached you I think he should have mentioned his girlfriend early on in the convo even if there was no flirting because approaching that way in that context to me suggests there's possible interest in getting to know you/both of you for potential dating, etc.

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

The way I read it...

Yes which is why I clarified in my last post because your initial reading of the situation was inaccurate.  You were not there, I was.

That said, I do appreciate your opinion, thank you.

 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Yes which is why I clarified in my last post because you're initial reading of the situation was inaccurate.  You were not there, I was.

That said, I do appreciate your opinion, thank you.

 

I mean duh but you made a post describing a situation and opening it up to thoughts -if you already knew no one could comment in this way -why bother since we can't know unless we were there?  I never wrote that I was giving my opinion as if I was there.

[rainbowsandroses]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

because approaching that way in that context to me suggests there's possible interest in getting to know you/both of you for potential dating, etc.

I really didn't want to debate this and I do respect your opinion, but I am curious what "context" you are referring to?

Again this was not a singles club, it was a local country bar where everyone was mingling and chatting with each other both at the bar and at tables.

When they approached us, neither my girlfriend nor I interpreted it to mean they were "chatting us up" hoping to date either one of us.  Nor was he his friend's wingman, it was not that sort of place, I posted that.

Try to imagine a different scenario from what you are imagining.  After he left, we all went to the bar and again we and everyone were talking and interacting with each other, drinking beer or whatever their pleasure and having a great time.

Unlike the men I have encountered at the single's clubs downtown, none of the men were pawing at me, making suggestive comments, trying to pick me up and get my number. 

I mean I did receive a few compliments but they were given respectfully and politely.  And I thanked them.  

It was NOT that type of place and I found it so refreshing, it was amazing to me how the men could be so different but live in the same county.

 

[Batya33]

29 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I really didn't want to debate this and I do respect your opinion, but I am curious what "context" you are referring to?

Again this was not a singles club, it was a local country bar where everyone was mingling and chatting with each other both at the bar and at tables.

When they approached us, neither my girlfriend nor I interpreted it to mean they were "chatting us up" hoping to date either one of us.  Nor was he his friend's wingman, it was not that sort of place, I posted that.

Try to imagine a different scenario from what you are imagining.  After he left, we all went to the bar and again we and everyone were talking and interacting with each other.

Unlike the men I have encountered at the single's clubs downtown, none of the men were pawing at me, making suggestive comments, trying to pick me up and get my number. 

I mean I did receive a few compliments but they were given respectfully and politely.  And I thanked them.  

It was NOT that type of place and I found it so refreshing, it was amazing to me how the men could be so different but live in the same county.

 

I'm not interested in responding further given the tone and turn this has taken but if you want to reread my prior posts some of which addressed the topic generally totally up to you.  Again I'm glad you had a fun night with your friends! As you pointed out I wasn't there so there is no point in my responding further to your descriptions.  And I've written enough on the subject.

[yogacat]

Alright. A bit off topic, but who here has ridden a mechanical bull? That's where the real fun is...

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, yogacat said:

Alright. A bit off topic, but who here has ridden a mechanical bull? That's where the real fun is...

I was about to when someone shouted "wait his girlfriend will kill him if you ride him!!!"

[yogacat]

13 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I was about to when someone shouted "wait his girlfriend will kill him if you ride him!!!"

Wait. I actually meant a mechanical bull. lol

 

[Batya33]

46 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Wait. I actually meant a mechanical bull. lol

 

Yes. I know.  I was joking.

[Coily]

On 3/11/2024 at 9:37 PM, yogacat said:

Alright. A bit off topic, but who here has ridden a mechanical bull? That's where the real fun is...

Not a mechanical one, but I have ridden a bull. Well technically an ox.

[Coily]

"You have to admit that him rubbing bear grease all over his naked torso, and only wear a stetson and chaps was a little forward of him. Sure he had that 'I'm a wingman' placard, but still that gyrating like Elvis was scandalous."