Guybrush Threepwood Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 Hi, I was wondering what people’s thoughts were on below:- I was seeing a girl for a couple of months, nothing serious and didn’t get to anything sexual. One day abruptly she said she wouldn’t be able to contact me anymore as her partner had found some messages between us. Firstly, I was taken aback as there was no inkling she was in a relationship. Her partner got my number and asked what had been going off. Having explained to him that I didn’t know she was in a relationship already otherwise I wouldn’t have started seeing her and that was wouldn’t contact her again now I know, he was alright about things and it was amicable at our last conversation. Heard nothing until today - 9 months later (no not that) when she messaged out of the blue asking if we could chat and put things right/explain the situation. She said she understood if I didn’t want to discuss, but also didn’t want me to tell her partner that she had messaged me (I wouldn’t go running to him). I said I wasn’t mad or one to hold a grudge and wanted to leave things in the past. I left it at this saying I was moving on. Just thought it was strange to get in touch so long after what had happened. Just wondered what people’s thoughts were as to why it has taken 9 months for her to want to explain things. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 20 minutes ago, Guybrush Threepwood said: I was seeing a girl for a couple of months, nothing serious and didn’t get to anything sexual. One day abruptly she said she wouldn’t be able to contact me anymore as her partner had found some messages between us. Sorry this happened. How do you know each other? Do you work together? How did it come about that you started chatting and seeing each other? How did her partner get your contact info? Why did she lie about being in a relationship? She seems like trouble. Please delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Permanently. 1 Link to comment
Coily Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 I dealt with a similar situation, and being blindsided with "oh hey I'm actually in a relationship, and YOU need to back off" is maddening. Then add insult to feeling kid of stupid about things by contacting you after 9 months is enough to tell her to take a hike. She is trying to clear her conscious more than anything else. She is trying to plead her case so that she doesn't feel like the villain in a situation that she created. You are taking the right course of action by letting her know you are not interested in dealing with her any longer. Otherwise you would have to rehash a lot a ground that you have put behind you. Honestly, after this amount of time, it sounds like she is wanting to start back up some emotional fulfillment using you; just as she did when things originally happened. Best be shod of her. 3 Link to comment
Guybrush Threepwood Posted March 4 Author Share Posted March 4 1 minute ago, Coily said: I dealt with a similar situation, and being blindsided with "oh hey I'm actually in a relationship, and YOU need to back off" is maddening. Then add insult to feeling kid of stupid about things by contacting you after 9 months is enough to tell her to take a hike. She is trying to clear her conscious more than anything else. She is trying to plead her case so that she doesn't feel like the villain in a situation that she created. You are taking the right course of action by letting her know you are not interested in dealing with her any longer. Otherwise you would have to rehash a lot a ground that you have put behind you. Honestly, after this amount of time, it sounds like she is wanting to start back up some emotional fulfillment using you; just as she did when things originally happened. Best be shod of her. Thank you for this, yeah I was quite taken aback with the out of the blue message, certainly seemed random. I’d certainly moved on and I’m with you best to be rid, don’t need to reopen old emotions. i agree, in the back of my mind im thinking is she trying to get back involved somehow? Are her and her partner struggling and she’s thinking of starting back the emotional fulfilment you alluded to? Or if they break up that id be there to pick up the pieces? (No chance). 1 Link to comment
Guybrush Threepwood Posted March 4 Author Share Posted March 4 10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. How do you know each other? Do you work together? How did it come about that you started chatting and seeing each other? How did her partner get your contact info? Why did she lie about being in a relationship? She seems like trouble. Please delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Permanently. Thank you. We used to be at school together then never spoke until bumping into each other in a pub. We swapped numbers and went from there. im assuming her partner got my number from her phone, he was alright to be fair about the situation given I didn’t know she was in a relationship and more annoyed with her. Never got to the point for her to explain why she never said she was in a relationship, and I’ll probably never know given I’ve told her that I want to draw a line under it. all SM blocked! Thanks for the advice 1 1 Link to comment
smackie9 Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 She wasn't really there to explain things...she was on a fishing expedition. Block/delete/ go no contact. 3 Link to comment
Guybrush Threepwood Posted March 4 Author Share Posted March 4 4 minutes ago, smackie9 said: She wasn't really there to explain things...she was on a fishing expedition. Block/delete/ go no contact. Thank you, definitely makes sense otherwise make an effort to get in contact to explain things near enough straight after the incident. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 Initially it sounded as if she wanted to explain that she had been on her way out of the relationship, but by asking that you not 'out her' to her partner, she just confirmed that she's still with him, and still disloyal. You were smart to encourage her to move on. There is really no explanation that would excuse involving you in her disloyalty without your knowledge. If she's going through another round of dissatisfaction with her partner, she may have hoped that if you would open your door after already knowing about him, she could either cheat on him or set you up to leapfrog over to you. That's got 'really?' written all over it. Head high, and good job. 2 Link to comment
Guybrush Threepwood Posted March 4 Author Share Posted March 4 16 minutes ago, catfeeder said: Initially it sounded as if she wanted to explain that she had been on her way out of the relationship, but by asking that you not 'out her' to her partner, she just confirmed that she's still with him, and still disloyal. You were smart to encourage her to move on. There is really no explanation that would excuse involving you in her disloyalty without your knowledge. If she's going through another round of dissatisfaction with her partner, she may have hoped that if you would open your door after already knowing about him, she could either cheat on him or set you up to leapfrog over to you. That's got 'really?' written all over it. Head high, and good job. Thank you Catfeeder. Definitely reassured me that I made the right decision in cutting ties rather than getting mixed up with deceit and chaos. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 Meh, she was looking for attention again. That's all. It's best that you cut her off for good. 1 Link to comment
Guybrush Threepwood Posted March 5 Author Share Posted March 5 7 minutes ago, MissCanuck said: Meh, she was looking for attention again. That's all. It's best that you cut her off for good. Thank you Link to comment
Kwothe28 Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 Xexe "Guybrush Threepwood" like in the game "Monkey Island". Nice. Anyway, in my experience people like that have no true remorse. She cheated on her boyfriend with you and didnt even tell you she has a boyfriend. Her only remorse was that she got caught. Which again she proves by literally saying you how you shouldnt tell her boyfriend that you talked. Trully a bad individual without a good moral compass who you shouldnt be associated at all if you want a real relationship. Just block and move on. Link to comment
Guybrush Threepwood Posted March 5 Author Share Posted March 5 5 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said: Xexe "Guybrush Threepwood" like in the game "Monkey Island". Nice. Anyway, in my experience people like that have no true remorse. She cheated on her boyfriend with you and didnt even tell you she has a boyfriend. Her only remorse was that she got caught. Which again she proves by literally saying you how you shouldnt tell her boyfriend that you talked. Trully a bad individual without a good moral compass who you shouldnt be associated at all if you want a real relationship. Just block and move on. “I really wish I knew how to talk to women.” 😉 thank you for this, you’re right and feel have done the right thing in distancing myself from it. 1 Link to comment
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