Story of Gabby Petito...

[Batya33]

Just now, rainbowsandroses said:

I am moving on Bat, thanks again for your input.

Good!

[DarkCh0c0]

8 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

So you don't believe people can change?  I mean truly change for the better? 

This is what I struggle with because deep down I do believe people can change. 

His relationship with his ex whom he abused was 4 years ago.

Since then, he's been in therapy, got a degree in mental health and has been counseling men who are or were also abuser

I just saw your message. I do believe they can change. The issue is that abuse is not something that changes overnight. Even 4 years can be not enough... And it's not to be taken lightly.

I have a parent who stopped physically abusing us. They did. They stopped. It's been years. But the emotional and mental abuse is still ongoing, and when that parent doesn't get their way, they are tempted to get back into physically abusing us. They sometimes even threaten us with it jokingly. And as usual, the parent that is abusive is a funny social person in public. People (who don't know them beyond acquaintance level) see them and tell me and my sibling "oh you're so lucky to have them. They're so nice". This is all because the bs goes on behind closed doors. The same applied with my ex... "Oh he's a nice guy. How could you leave him like this?". And my ex didn't reveal his abusive side until after we moved in together 1 year in.

When you saw your ex on that last date and you felt inadequate and as if you see him in a different light, those were your feelings of fear and they are valid. You sought to protect yourself. I'm glad you trusted yourself on this one and let him go. The risk is too high, and sweetie you are worth more. You are worth better. You are worth it.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

So you don't believe people can change?  I mean truly change for the better? This is what I struggle with because deep down I do believe people can change. 

People do evolve and change over time. However dating shouldn't be social work hoping to fix anyone.  

It's great if this guy is a social worker now and runs groups for anger management and abusive men.  Some drug addicts, ex cons etc become counselors and that's good because they've been there done that and clients can relate to this.

However that doesn't mean you have to date them. 

[rainbowsandroses]

47 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

People do evolve and change over time. However dating shouldn't be social work hoping to fix anyone.  

I agree!  I wasn't out to fix him Wise, he was already fixed when I met him.   He actually helped me in many ways!

Wise, surely you know me better than to think I would ever want to change a man or fix him or become his pseudo social worker?   Lord, no!  Not my style.  I would never become attracted to such a man in the first place.

That said, this is done.  I read a post this afternoon in the Relationships section from a woman ( @Nona123456) whose boyfriend was her "safe space" for 2-3 years.  During that time, she posted everything was great.

Then suddenly without warning he switched and began abusing her, verbally, aggressively grabbing her, giving her bruises etc.

So yeah THAT really solidified my decision to continue moving on......

I am thinking now that people don't really change, not deep down, their core, their character.

One's character is who they are, their nature, they can hide it or go through the motions even believing themselves they have changed but they don't, not really.

Not imo anyway. 

 

 

 

[DarkCh0c0]

33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

People do evolve and change over time. However dating shouldn't be social work hoping to fix anyone.  

It's great if this guy is a social worker now and runs groups for anger management and abusive men.  Some drug addicts, ex cons etc become counselors and that's good because they've been there done that and clients can relate to this.

However that doesn't mean you have to date them. 

Touché. Well said!

[rainbowsandroses]

54 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

When you saw your ex on that last date and you felt inadequate and as if you see him in a different light, those were your feelings of fear and they are valid. You sought to protect yourself. I'm glad you trusted yourself on this one and let him go. The risk is too high, and sweetie you are worth more. You are worth better. You are worth it.

Tysm!   I am remembering that night now and how I felt, I was shaking!!  And I began feeling that anxiety today after reading the responses, it woke me up from whatever fantasy/dream I was having about this and him.

Now in retrospect, I don't even know what I was thinking even considering getting back with him..   Blind faith and trust I suppose.

I need to watch myself!!   I can't always depend on others to show me the light, this was a huge wake up call - back to therapy for me!

 

[DarkCh0c0]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I need to watch myself!!   I can't always depend on others to show me the light, this was a huge wake up call - back to therapy for me!

I actually think you've done well on your own. You made the right call to end it and protect yourself. You may have wanted some validation or assurance from us considering it's a bit of an unusual situation. Totally okay. But you pulled it off like a champ.

Sending you lots of love ❤️ you got this.

[Jaunty]

9 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

 

Before knowing him or his past or him having the opportunity to charm me, flatter me or any of the other things abusers typically do. 

R & R:  I read your thread about when you met this guy.  He came onto you in an aggressively seductive way in an elevator, and said something like "I will pick you up (or meet you, I forget) at 6:00."   You agreed and there was no confirmation or anything.   You were twitterpated.

He also - if I remember correctly - told you that he got a boner when he first got in the elevator with you, either while talking outside of that elevator, or on that first date you had. 

This is all very romantic and "sweep her off her feet" behavior.  I'm not suggesting that he wasn't sincerely feeling all of it, but it's also verbatim out of the playbook of someone VERY adept at flattering and charming a woman he found attractiuve - and it worked.   He knew it would work, because he knows how to charm and flatter.

This all happened in the first 2, maybe 3 times you met the guy.  

You have posted many many times about how you like the "push-pull," you get (or at least in those posts, at that time, did get) excited when a man was "a little" angry at you, etc.

You've gone into a lot of detail on your ideas about "masculine" and "feminine" energies There seems to me to be very stereotypical and "bodice ripping" kind of vibe.  Like Rhett throwing Scarlett over his shoulder and carrying her kicking and screaming up the stairs,  or an illustration featuring Fabio on the cover of a romance novel.  He's in a pirate outfit hauling off some kind of exotic, beautiful peasant girl after pillaging her village.  Of course.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying that kind of thing and you should be able to live it out in your own love & sex life.  But  you have been in abusive relationships and recently have been attracted to a man with an abusive past, who came on to you the way he did.  That's very high risk and poor self-care. 

I really think that you will need to find these thrills with a partner who is not and has never been physically or emotionally abusive to women. 

You can find a man with an edge who gives you the "weak in the knees" and ultra-feminine feelings; he might even have a brooding side or whatever - but without having beat the crap out of someone he loved in his life.

And I am surely not saying that this guy cannot have changed.  Very very possible that he has. But for YOU, it's not a safe risk to take. 

 

 

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

20 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

R & R:  I read your thread about when you met this guy.  He came onto you in an aggressively seductive way in an elevator, and said something like "I will pick you up (or meet you, I forget) at 6:00."   You agreed and there was no confirmation or anything.   You were twitterpated.

He also - if I remember correctly - told you that he got a boner when he first got in the elevator with you, either while talking outside of that elevator, or on that first date you had. 

This is all very romantic and "sweep her off her feet" behavior.  I'm not suggesting that he wasn't sincerely feeling all of it, but it's also verbatim out of the playbook of someone VERY adept at flattering and charming a woman he found attractiuve - and it worked.   He knew it would work, because he knows how to charm and flatter.

This all happened in the first 2, maybe 3 times you met the guy.  

You have posted many many times about how you like the "push-pull," you get (or at least in those posts, at that time, did get) excited when a man was "a little" angry at you, etc.

You've gone into a lot of detail on your ideas about "masculine" and "feminine" energies There seems to me to be very stereotypical and "bodice ripping" kind of vibe.  Like Rhett throwing Scarlett over his shoulder and carrying her kicking and screaming up the stairs,  or an illustration featuring Fabio on the cover of a romance novel.  He's in a pirate outfit hauling off some kind of exotic, beautiful peasant girl after pillaging her village.  Of course.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying that kind of thing and you should be able to live it out in your own love & sex life.  But  you have been in abusive relationships and recently have been attracted to a man with an abusive past, who came on to you the way he did.  That's very high risk and poor self-care. 

I really think that you will need to find these thrills with a partner who is not and has never been physically or emotionally abusive to women. 

You can find a man with an edge who gives you the "weak in the knees" and ultra-feminine feelings; he might even have a brooding side or whatever - but without having beat the crap out of someone he loved in his life.

And I am surely not saying that this guy cannot have changed.  Very very possible that he has. But for YOU, it's not a safe risk to take. 

Best post!   Thank you for telling me LIKE IT IS and not tip toeing around the topic.  Not that others were, but you really spelled it out and am actually surprised (and impressed) at how precise your memory is!   

And it's all 100% correct, every last word.

Even the part where you wrote I like when a man "gets a little angry with me," reading that wow!  I can't believe you remembered that!  That is so toxic (and dangerous thinking) but I won't deny and own it.

I need to figure out where that comes from!  

Wait, I KNOW where it comes from. It comes from my mom who while I was growing up was always getting angry at me for something.

I was actually a "good little girl" growing up, but nevertheless she was always MAD at me, my life growing up was liking walking on eggshells every single day. 

She also abused me by cutting off my hair (long and blonde when she did it), locked me in a small locker at our beach club for reading a book she disapproved of "Rosemary's Baby" (great book!), tried to choke me once, I could go on but you get the gist.

I always loved it when my dad came home because of course she was on her best behavior when he was around, but he was gone so much working....

So that's where it comes from.  One of my therapists said I am attempting to heal my relationship with mom (who has passed) through my relationships with men, but at this point I think it's a bunch of hooey.

Anyway, thank you @Jaunty.  I have a lot to think about.

 

[boltnrun]

I also found it disturbing that you said you think he was abusive because the woman he was involved with was "toxic" and that you believe he wouldn't behave that way with you. That is a very concerning thought process. I doubt you believe you deserved your abusive exes to be abusive towards you. So why would his abuse toward his ex be justifiable? 

Abuse is never justified. If someone upsets you to the point of anger you walk away and cool off. Or if it's continual, you leave the relationship. You don't abuse physically or mentally or emotionally. 

Anyway, enough piling on. I am really glad you realize considering going back to him was a terrible idea and that it may have been borne from loneliness or frustration with your recent dating experiences. 

And yeah, therapy is a great idea. I really believe in the benefits of therapy. 

[DarkCh0c0]

18 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

One of my therapists said I am attempting to heal my relationship with mom (who has passed) through my relationships with men, but at this point I think it's a bunch of hooey

I do think he's got a point though.

You keep going to back to men who give you something familiar. That familiar is the same type of love you've experienced growing up. It's the abusive love-ish. You are attracted to it and seek it because that's just what you know. You don't know what healthy love is, so it's unfamiliar. We as humans like to steer towards the familiar, rather than unfamiliar. But by doing so, we limit ourselves. It's only natural that you find yourself with such trend of men with a repeating pattern.

Anyways, you're doing very well in spotting this trend in your life. The only way forward is better. Therapy is great. I also recommend looking up hypnotherapy/RTT on YouTube. There's some good stuff there too.

[rainbowsandroses]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I also found it disturbing that you said you think he was abusive because the woman he was involved with was "toxic" and that you believe he wouldn't behave that way with you. That is a very concerning thought process.

My entire thought process was concerning Bolt, things I never shared here, but you would be shocked (as I am myself right now) at many of the things I thought were "okay" but were not.

Anyway, no need to dig further into my dysfunction I am fully aware of it and going to take steps to resolve it, on my own and with the help of a really good qualified therapist who doesn't believe my attraction to abusive men is because I am trying to "heal" my relationship with my mom.

Thanks again to everyone who chimed in. 

Nite... 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

14 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

You keep going to back to men who give you something familiar. That familiar is the same type of love you've experienced growing up. It's the abusive love-ish. You are attracted to it and seek it because that's just what you know. You don't know what healthy love is, so it's unfamiliar. We as humans like to steer towards the familiar, rather than unfamiliar.

This^ is true but I am unclear how knowing this will actually "heal" anything, specifically my relationship with my late mom? 

It's valuable information for sure, knowing where it stems from and why, but I have been in and out of therapy for years but I am still attracted to the same type of man!

What's interesting is that my DAD was kind, understanding, never laid a hand on me (I am the only daughter, with five brothers - one recently passed from Cancer) spent time with me and my brothers, took us to the beach (the ocean) taught me how to ride the waves, helped me with my homework, listened to me when I spoke, comforted me when I cried.  As an adult we had many MANY great conversations - my dad was the nurturer!  Not my mom.

So my pattern is this.  I am attracted to abusive men like my mom but ultimately reject them for NOT being like my dad!  Every single man I have done this with.

It's an interesting dichotomy and unless and until I figure this out, I am doomed to repeat this pattern and end up alone, by myself.

 

[boltnrun]

Maybe you thought the recent guy was your mom who had transformed himself into your dad. Or maybe that's too "woo woo". 

Anyway, enjoy the last day or so of dry weather before the rain moves in over the weekend. And don't forget to be your own best friend. 

[catfeeder]

I'm so relieved to hear of your wise choice, RR. While I do believe that some people can change to varying degrees, when clarifying what is on the line, and it's your life, your person, the visions you hold for your future, and possibly those visions of your future child or children, I'm happy to know that you view all of this as far, far too valuable to gamble.

While I've done some grant writing work for domestic violence agencies, my main area of focus was a drug and alcohol counselor training agency. I worked with many counselors who were, themselves, in recovery. One impressed me by commenting that she didn't view any biases about her past as societal punishment, but rather, she viewed her past behavior as having natural and lasting consequences.

Regardless of the good works or reparations or length of time in recovery that any good person may perform or serve today, none of this erases the building blocks of one's past as though they were inconsequential. Some of those consequences are that they will clearly not make a good romantic partner for certain people. This can be for any number of reasons, but others do NOT bear a responsibility to pretend that this is not true.

Head high, and I'm sorry the dating has been frustrating lately. A rest may do you wonders, and ya never know who you might meet. 🙂

[catfeeder]

19 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

This^ is true but I am unclear how knowing this will actually "heal" anything, specifically my relationship with my late mom? 

It's a continuation of what you played out during your developmental years, including your earliest and preverbal ones. It's the dance you learned to do, and it's your imprint for 'love'. It's ingrained, and certain unconscious vibes will resonate with you as your opportunity to continue the dance and have it play out better this time. It's looking for the win and confusing that with healing.

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

What's interesting is that my DAD was kind, understanding, never laid a hand on me (I am the only daughter, with five brothers - one recently passed from Cancer) spent time with me and my brothers, took us to the beach (the ocean) taught me how to ride the waves, helped me with my homework, listened to me when I spoke, comforted me when I cried.  As an adult we had many MANY great conversations - my dad was the nurturer!  Not my mom.

But how present in your life was he on a daily basis? If I understood correctly, your mom was the main parent and he was away at work most of the time? So even though he was good, he wasn't around much. He was absent.

And even though your dad was nicer than your mom, remember that by staying with her knowing her abusive behaviour, he enabled her and showed YOU that it's okay to stay with someone like your mom. It's okay to be a good person and stay with an abuser. It's okay to turn a blind eye to terrible behaviour or even enable it.

That could be the key part of your dynamic. And if you liked your father, then you're acting like him in seeking and staying with a partner similar to your mom, only (falsely) hoping that it turns out better or different for you and your inner child.

That's some food for thought.

Now the way forward is understanding your inner process a bit with a therapist, but also learning how to break some old patterns/create new ones. Maybe you'll realise that you've rejected potential men that didn't fit your regular profile, and you'd give them a chance. And having the increasing self worth to walk away early from men similar to that ex will come a long way in helping you find a great partner.

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

It's a continuation of what you played out during your developmental years, including your earliest and preverbal ones. It's the dance you learned to do, and it's your imprint for 'love'. It's ingrained, and certain unconscious vibes will resonate with you as your opportunity to continue the dance and have it play out better this time. It's looking for the win and confusing that with healing.

Brilliant analysis!

[mylolita]

The response on this has been stellar! 
 

I’m just sat here liking all these posts. Such food for thought.

 

Also @Jaunty I too found the way he came on with the overt sexuality actually a big warning sign. I am sure men can do this in a very genuine, playful, and deep way when they really like a gal, but this came across as very shallow in my opinion. 
 

My gut feeling actually @rainbowsandroses is that he might not have even been in love. The actions and ways you have mentioned indicate actually, he might not have felt that way and it was something he was saying to keep you. I realise I may be totally wrong on this - but if you think about it, if he was secretly thinking this way, and it was actually more lustful than anything deep, you also dodged a bullet, because that made him a liar as well.

 

Because someone is seemingly open about one thing (his abuse of his ex girlfriend) doesn’t mean he isn’t lying about many other things in the present. In fact, when people are really great liars, they use the “I’m so open so honest” thing to blind sight you into a mantra of well, if they’re so honest about THAT, they must be honest about EVERYTHING! 
 

I’m speculating of course but from the few things I read about how he came onto you, I suspect it.

 

In my opinion with guys, when they are really into you, kind of, struck by you in a deep and meaningful, serious way, the sexual stuff is actually not present for along time. They will ask you questions and be tender and the flirting almost has an endearing quality to it. Like, my husband saying “I like your hair”. So simple and innocent that could have come across as low effort but it was his tone and warm cheeky smile when he said it, the look in his eyes. I knew there was an iceberg of emotions behind that simple compliment. I’m a redhead with big curls so I’ve heard that comment a lot, but it was different from him.

 

There was no overt sexuality for weeks, he never tried to bed me. And knowing how sexual he is, it really is a testament to how men act when they are in love.

 

x

[yogacat]

14 minutes ago, mylolita said:

The response on this has been stellar! 
 

I’m just sat here liking all these posts. Such food for thought.

 

Also @Jaunty I too found the way he came on with the overt sexuality actually a big warning sign. I am sure men can do this in a very genuine, playful, and deep way when they really like a gal, but this came across as very shallow in my opinion. 
 

My gut feeling actually @rainbowsandroses is that he might not have even been in love. The actions and ways you have mentioned indicate actually, he might not have felt that way and it was something he was saying to keep you. I realise I may be totally wrong on this - but if you think about it, if he was secretly thinking this way, and it was actually more lustful than anything deep, you also dodged a bullet, because that made him a liar as well.

 

Because someone is seemingly open about one thing (his abuse of his ex girlfriend) doesn’t mean he isn’t lying about many other things in the present. In fact, when people are really great liars, they use the “I’m so open so honest” thing to blind sight you into a mantra of well, if they’re so honest about THAT, they must be honest about EVERYTHING! 
 

I’m speculating of course but from the few things I read about how he came into you, I suspect it.

 

In my opinion with guys, when they are really into you, kind of, struck by you in a deep and meaningful, serious way, the sexual stuff is actually not present for along time. They will ask you questions and be tender and the flirting almost has an endearing quality to it. Like, my husband saying “I like your hair”. So simple and innocent that could have come across as low effort but it was his tone and warm cheeky smile when he said it, the look in his eyes. I knew there was an iceberg of emotions behind that simple compliment. I’m a redhead with big curls so I’ve heard that comment a lot, but it was different from him.

 

There was no overt sexuality for weeks, he never tried to bed me. And knowing how sexual he is, it really is a testament to how men act when they are in love.

Agree.

I feel there is a part of you that craves the intensity and the drama of someone being real loud, very open with their approach. But you’ve done an amazing job reaching out for feedback and thoughts from us.

Just please keep hanging in there, keep reaching out here and invest a lot of time in yourself. Just think about it, how many hours have you already spent reading into this rather unpleasant cycle? You could start addressing this and position yourself out of the drama and into a real cultivated sense of inner emotional peace.

Continually look for advice, support, reach out, but if you have the strength to consider the effort and calm you can create within yourself, that will equal safety and peace. 

The real key to any lasting growth is time. No magic, no secret, no fancy advice except, just time. x

[mylolita]

I actually never really read any of the responses here on this thread when you first posted it @rainbowsandroses! I’ve just been quickly going back and reading. I think you got basically the best answers and insight I’ve ever seen from a thread in along time! 
 

I hope it’s helped and I hope also you haven’t felt everyone was simply wailing on you all at once. It’s easy to do.

 

Some mistakes in life I guess we can just chalk ‘em up and no harm done. Things like this though as you know, in their worst examples, can be life threatening mistakes, so I think this is why you’ve had the response you’ve had. 
 

The philandering threads and the finance threads and the does he like me? Does she like me? threads are all fine and well but, sometimes you get something that can be put into the serious/abuse category, and it makes everyone perk up and have a moral urge to say something. 
 

x

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Wise, surely you know me better than to think I would ever want to change a man or fix him or become his pseudo social worker?   Lord, no!  Not my style.  I would never become attracted to such a man in the first place.

I read what he said to mean you don't have to date him out of some sort of obligatory "well he as changed and contributes so much to society so it's wrong of me to judge him" - he meant and I meant - you can be his friend even volunteer alongside him, etc but you don't have to date him to prove you're not "judgey". 

Like if I knew about his past and you were dating him I most likely wouldn't let him near my son especially one on one but I might take my son with me to volunteer at one of his causes etc.  Certainly in dating it's ok without being superficial/judgey to simply choose not to date the person.  I ended things with a recovering drug addict -sober for some years, active in AA or NA or both - because after 4 dates I realized I wasn't comfortable and he was honest that of course relapse can happen.  Lovely person, intelligent, artistic, thoughtful.  Not a good match for a relationship.  I do think he relapsed actually.  Very very sad.

[Batya33]

11 minutes ago, mylolita said:

have a moral urge to say something. 

I mostly had a practical urge. Morally - I believe people can change or at least get to a place where they have the motivation and self discipline not to abuse (or abuse drugs etc) maybe with medication help/therapy.  On a practical level dating him is too risky for Rainbowroses IMO.

[mylolita]

This is a bit off topic potentially but it comes under the umbrella of “partner selection/warning signs/good signs” and from my experience I have noticed something that seems to be quite universal, for men and women but mostly men, when they really, genuinely meet someone they fall in love with!

 

They can’t keep it to themselves, for one thing, and most importantly, they seem to instantly tell the people they admire and love the most. For example; I went straight to my parents and couldn’t stop talking about him. And my sister. 
 

About a year after being with my husband, we were at his local pub and all the guys were talking about girlfriends and they were laughing and teasing him saying, a few days after meeting you, he was telling the whole pub about you, showing us your picture, and he was talking about you to his Dad and wouldn’t shut up! 
 

He also introduced me to his parents after about 3 weeks, and me the same, and all our friends had met each other very fast too; around the same time. 
 

It seems to be a sign of very serious intention. 
 

If it’s casual you’re after, obviously this type of behaviour would make you run for the hills! And I’m not saying everyone has this time line of doing things but; I notice they want to “show you off” but; not in a simply superficial way. They kind of want to announce you to their world! 
 

I may be off now with this, it may be outdated and old fashioned. I’ve been out of this for along time but I actually suspect my lil’ theory might still hold true! 🥲🤣

 

x

[mylolita]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I mostly had a practical urge. Morally - I believe people can change or at least get to a place where they have the motivation and self discipline not to abuse (or abuse drugs etc) maybe with medication help/therapy.  On a practical level dating him is too risky for Rainbowroses IMO.

I agree.

 

The way I see it is, I’ve actually had this happen but only once - for example - if a friend starts dating a guy and they become serious but then they divulge something about them you feel is just too bad to ignore. I have felt morally obliged to say something. For example; they are an ex sex offender. I would feel, morally obliged to say my piece there to my friend and tell her she’s making a big mistake. But! If my friend and, this has happened plenty, give little grievances like ohhh, he doesn’t seem to make much eye contact or oh; he only took me to a cheap diner or; oh, he is still kind of involved with his ex - I used to keep my mouth shut unless they asked. Because to me, that’s just trivial personal preference stuff, and not likely potentially life or death or criminal type situations. 
 

It’s the same way I have spoken up and reported things to do with children at school. I felt morally obliged as another human, a mother, to do that. I didn’t have to of course, it has rocked the boat - but I’m glad I did. It’s kind of like giving fair warning. At least then; no one can turn back and say, “But no one helped me! No one said anything! No one did anything!”

 

I remember way back commenting on a thread where there was a woman who genuinely was fearing for her life. Does anyone remember that thread? It spooked me because she never replied back to anything and eluded that if he found her internet history she’d be in big trouble. I felt absolutely morally obliged to in no fewer words say; get the hell out of there! 
 

Another thread where I felt morally obliged was, years back, a mother asked help because she didn’t know whether a certain situation towards her child was abusive. Her partner had a history of just taking sex from her without asking/no consent. She’d wake up to him doing it and he always tried to take photos of her child. Again; I was absolutely horrified and felt huge impulse to say, again, report him and get the hell out of there with your child.

 

Not many threads strike me like that, but some do and stick in my mind. I don’t read anything by half on here but if I do come across something, example people have claimed to be suicidal - I have felt the need and obligation to respond as best as I can. 
 

x