Am I being gaslit by my bf (37M) or did he sacrifice it all to be w/ me (27F)?

[catfeeder]

Just now, Pumpkins said:

I keep questioning if I’m doing the right thing and he is saying a lot of things to make me feel guilty and I sure do feel guilty. I hope it’s the right decision in the end. 

When someone won't honor your wishes and turns up the heat on the gaslighting, there's no question you don't belong together.

Don't get strong-armed or manipulated. Forcing you to keep him there should tell you everything you need to know about this man's ethics.

You say he's on the lease, but is he listed as a resident, or is he an equal co-leasee? Meet with an attorney, learn your rights and the best steps to take to handle this.

[Pumpkins]

1 minute ago, catfeeder said:

When someone won't honor your wishes and turns up the heat on the gaslighting, there's no question you don't belong together.

Don't get strong-armed or manipulated. Forcing you to keep him there should tell you everything you need to know about this man's ethics.

You say he's on the lease, but is he listed as a resident, or is he an equal co-leasee? Meet with an attorney, learn your rights and the best steps to take to handle this.

Thank you. He is co leasee. I have sent my bf away for a week to stay with his parents so I can have some time alone to think clearly without him here. Because when he’s here he’s saying a lot of things trying to convince me to change my mind and he’s crying and freaking out. When he comes back I will re-iterate my desire to have him leave. I thought some time apart would do me some good to get my thoughts in order. 

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, Pumpkins said:

  If he doesn’t go then I’m going to stay at a friends house who gave me their key as a back up in case he doesn’t leave willingly

As long as you are on the lease you are obligated to pay the rent, no matter where you stay so it's unclear what that would accomplish.

May is just a couple months away Why not use your time energy and money looking for your own place in your own name and please don't drag him along. 

[Pumpkins]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

As long as you are on the lease you are obligated to pay the rent, no matter where you stay so it's unclear what that would accomplish. May is just a couple months away

 Why not use your time energy and money looking for your own place in your own name and please don't drag him along. 

I was hoping he would leave so I could find a roommate for this place to resign in may.  It’s just painful to be around him because I’m sad. If I left to stay with a friend at least I wouldn’t have to be guilt tripped when I get home and feel trapped. 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Pumpkins said:

I was hoping he would leave so I could find a roommate for this place to resign in may.  

You could really use some appropriate legal advice.  Start looking for your own place. You already complained it's too expensive and you got it "just for him"  because of the dog and unnecessary home office.  

[catfeeder]

56 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

May is just a couple months away Why not use your time energy and money looking for your own place in your own name and please don't drag him along. 

Yes, I'd also use this time to see an attorney. Even if you tried to keep your place, you don't know whether this guy could just co-sign the lease again. Plus taking on a strange roommate just to avoid moving? That could end up equally as stressful as what you've got now.

Legal advice can give you concrete options along with the best steps to take for each option, as opposed to operating on emotions alone. Apartment or condo hunting can inspire you to enjoy the liberation of a space of your own. Or, maybe you can find a month-to-month arrangement with a housemate in someone else's home, where you could stay while you adjust and make longer range plans that will make you happy.

[Andrina]

There's usually a waiting list for people wanting rental space. Why not speak to the landlord and ask to be let out of the lease if they can find someone willing to rent before May? I can't see that a landlord will care as long as they receive rent from somebody.

[boltnrun]

Most places have laws that regulate how much a landlord or rental agency can charge for breaking a lease. Where I used to live they could only charge two month's rent. Yes, that's a lot. But how much money have you been spending supporting this boyfriend who refuses to work?

[catfeeder]

27 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Most places have laws that regulate how much a landlord or rental agency can charge for breaking a lease. Where I used to live they could only charge two month's rent. Yes, that's a lot. But how much money have you been spending supporting this boyfriend who refuses to work?

I agree. Even if he suddenly grabs a job now, he’s shown you the parts of himself that have no holdback on mooching off you, blaming you and holding you hostage in your own home. I would flee that coup!