How to handle this word situation.

[Silly Metal Latina]

About five months ago I started dating a guy friend of mine. For a while we kept it not exactly secret but kind of on the down low. We weren’t really trying to hide our relationship but we were taking it slow and only a couple friends and his sister knew we had become more than friends.

Last month I changed my relationship status on Facebook to reflect that we were in a relationship. He knew I was going to do it and didn’t really care as he has Facebook but rarely ever logs onto it. So after that most of our friends, family members and acquaintances became aware that we were a couple now.

Well earlier this week a guy that is a part of our friend group, he’s been friends with my boyfriend since they were in high school, showed up at a place I sometimes work on the weekends. I will occasionally help my aunt and uncle out at their bar when they are short handed and tend bar for them. It’s something I did the whole time I was in college and enjoy interacting with their regulars and helping my aunt and uncle out.

This guy showed up which isn’t too unusual because friends of ours will come there sometimes if I’m tending bar. He’d been there a couple times with other friends but this time showed up alone. He acted weird the whole night like he was nervous or something.

Then he out of the blue asks me what I see in my boyfriend. How did I decide to pick him over all my other guy friends, and didn’t I ever know he always wanted to date me. I was pretty taken aback by this because to be honest I never really talked with him much.

Well I just said that when it comes to my boyfriend I always looked at him differently from other guys. No offense to them but I always liked him. But he persisted and started talking about how my boyfriend doesn’t even have a college degree like I do. I’m really confused at this point because I’ve never even thought about that.

Then he basically started to tell me that he’d be a better choice for me because he’s got a degree and therefore a better future!?!? I was getting pretty annoyed because he’s supposed to me my boyfriend’s friend and he was kind of talking down about him.

So I told him that and asked what my boyfriend would think if he knew he was one talking kind of badly about him and two trying to talk his girlfriend into going out with him instead?

I really have never looked down on my boyfriend over this. He went into the military after high school, tried college and didn’t like it, and now he has a job he seems to really like (he’s a mail carrier) and he seems like he’s doing fine and has I think a bright future. He works hard and he has a good head on his shoulders. 

So I told this guy I thought it was terrible what he was trying to do and that he was being a bad friend. So he left all upset. Like I just crushed him or something. 

Anyway I’m left really confused about this weird situation. I really don’t know if I should say something to my boyfriend. The whole thing was odd to say the least. I really don’t want to make drama between them. Should I just forget it ever happened?

 

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, Silly Metal Latina said:

 I really don’t know if I should say something to my boyfriend. I really don’t want to make drama between them. 

Sorry this is happening. He seems like a snake. Please delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.  Does your BF need to know his friend is being a creep? 

[ShySoul]

If it was at a bar, was there alcohol involved? Not that it's an excuse, but sometimes alcohol encourages people to be a bit more loose with what they let out.

If this was a one time thing, I'd say let it go. Keep your guard up around him and don't trust him. Don't communicate with him if he made you uncomfortable. But if otherwise he's a good friend to your boyfriend, then try not to get in the way of that friendship. If he really is a creep, it will show eventually and your boyfriend will find out for himself. However, if he keeps trying something with you, then let the boyfriend know. That's not being a true friend and it would be better if he knew what his "friend" was really like.

[Kwothe28]

I remember you. You were the girl that escaped friendzone lol

Anyway, there is this silly little notion of people identifying "value" with being unavailable. Meaning that lots of times, you get offers like that while being in a relationship because other people view you as something of value because somebody else chose you. In this case "friend" didnt think you would go for your boyfriend so he feels less values as you didnt go for him. I agree he is a crappy friend. Though I would maybe avoid telling boyfriend. It creates too much drama especially if you are a part of the same crowd. 

[catfeeder]

20 hours ago, Silly Metal Latina said:

How did I decide to pick him over all my other guy friends, and didn’t I ever know he always wanted to date me.

I would have been pretty blunt. "BF asked me out. He didn't get cranky with me because I'm not a psychic."

As for telling BF, I probably would. His friend is creepy and has a screw loose. I'd leave it up to BF whether he'll want to continue trusting him or not, but I'd clarify that I don't intend to have anything more to do with the guy, and I'll be watching my back.

[smackie9]

This guy has been so secretly obsessed with you...he's one of those who claims he's the "nice guy" which are so entitled because they think that way. This guy is still going to be around and cause trouble. If your BF was in your position and one of your Gfs did this with him...wouldn't you want to know what kind of person they are to stoop that low? That guy is an a$$hat, he doesn't deserve a friendship with your BF. He's creepy. 

[Andrina]

If the roles were reversed, and a "friend" of mine did this to my SO, I would want to know. In your position, I would tell my SO what happened. 

Definitely something mentally off with that guy. If he tries to engage with you while you are at work again, excuse yourself to get back to work. 

[Silly Metal Latina]

Hi all. Thank you for the advice. I’m going to tell my boyfriend. Not because I want there to be drama but I don’t like the thought of hiding something from him. And if some girl he knew did this to him I would definitely want to know about it!

[Silly Metal Latina]

3 hours ago, Andrina said:

If the roles were reversed, and a "friend" of mine did this to my SO, I would want to know. In your position, I would tell my SO what happened. 

Definitely something mentally off with that guy. If he tries to engage with you while you are at work again, excuse yourself to get back to work. 

I’m going to tell him. And I’m hoping he won’t do it again. I only occasionally work at this place when my aunt and uncle need help. I hope to god he’d never show up at my real job!

[lostandhurt]

Good to hear you guys are going strong.  First off the level of education of anyone you date is your business and theirs, not some D Bag so called friend and that is what he is a so called friend because a true friend would NEVER pull a stunt like this.

 To tell or not to tell.  Which would be worse: Telling your bf so he knows whats up or explaining to him why you didn't tell him when he eventually finds out?  He will find out some how some way so why not simply tell him.  Now how you tell him is very important. 

  When you tell him keep it brief and factual but don't elaborate if you can help it. No need to bring up he was putting your bf down and all that.  "__________ came into the bar the other night and was acting a little weird and then he asked me straight out why I chose to date you instead of him"  He will ask what you replied or if this guy had ever asked you out so just be honest.  You didn't do anything wrong and your bf should know so he can choose who he wants to be friends with or who he hangs out with.  I know guys like his friend and I bet good money he was trolling for a chance with you like you would step out on your bf with  him.  They are not to be trusted.

 Lost

[Cherylyn]

After you tell your boyfriend,  your boyfriend may very well become estranged from his friend which is no surprise there. 

I agree,  your boyfriend's friend is deceitful and betrayed his friend by talking behind his back to you.  He's shady and sneaky. 

His friend was making his move on you.  What a creep.  😤  He needs to be ousted.

[smackie9]

Who knows what this guy is capable of. His next plan could be to try and break you two up by spreading rumors about seeing you with someone else etc. It's best to get to your BF asap and explain the situation. 

[tattoobunnie]

There is a running joke between me and my husband.  When my hubs and I were teens, we had a very good mutual friend.  After two years, a spark between me and my hubs grew, and we asked about each other through our mutual friend.  He then admits he wants to date me.  Of course, me and hubs still get together.  We break up, and 14 years later, we rekindle.  We want to invite this buddy to our wedding, so he reaches out for his current address. To which he thinks is a joke because I'm "too good for him."  We are still friends with this guy.  I think you should just tell your BF that he tried, but failed.

[Coily]

On 2/4/2024 at 9:32 PM, Silly Metal Latina said:

So I told this guy I thought it was terrible what he was trying to do and that he was being a bad friend. So he left all upset. Like I just crushed him or something.

I mean... You kind of did crush him. More specifically he crushed himself.

Good that you are telling/told your BF, he needs to know.  Outside of this guy trying to make a move on you, which I doubt he will, this was the guy just being upset with where he is in life. Not the best way to handle it on his part, but he was probably wanting to figure out why he never got a chance. Clearly he never took the risk to let you know about his interest, so it comes out in a ball of nerves.