My girlfriend of 5 years, monkey branched and has left me cut off completely

[Jr14]

Its going to be a week since my breakup. Long story short, Me and my girlfriend met in university, .We were about to complete 5 years of relationship ,when she completely cut me off and blocked me on the day of our anniversary. Upon trying to contact her through all other apps , she later that evening texted me, that she met someone else and she loves him and wants to be with him, and she cant be texting me any longer & she know this will hurt me but that's the truth !

These words still haunt me and break me. We planned our whole life together, we had a strong bond, and we wanted to getting married soon. We both were in a long distance relationship for the past 3 years, and everything seemed to go good, until she started her residency, and slowly last 2 months her replies started to fade and she blamed it on the work load. i sensed something was off, i tried to put in more efforts , but there wasn't much response from her side.

I don't blame her entirely for the situation i too had become getting overly concerned about how we were going to get through another 4 years of LDR, and getting angry over late texts and used to repeatedly text her ,when she didn't reply back , but it never occurred to my mind she'd just leave all hopes and move on. When she kept me in the loop. I texted her via viber, only app where she didn't block me, i was foolish to repeatedly ask her to get back , and she deleted that app too. 2 days later i texted through a different number on my closure, and asked her to just stay as friends. I don't even know if she read the whole text ,never got a reply. 

When we started our relationship she was going through a rough time in her life, she was all broken due to previous relationships and family issues ,i helped her with all the support i could and treated her with outmost respect, which built our relationship stronger and build our trust stringer

Now I'm here , with no way to reach out to her, stone walled with just the memories of her ,and the future we planned together. Everything we worked on for those 5 years , those memories we shared and built , the love and trust we shared , all lie shattered , all hopes gone. I'm siting here and crying , while i know she's getting the love and attention from her new love. it breaks me 

I know i might sound desperate , or even spinless after all this ,i still want her back. Deep down will all my heart i know she's the one for me, we both shared a bond like no one else , we had a strong friendship and strong connect.

I know she moved on way before she broke up with me , and she doesn't share any feeling for me anymore. And I'm probably just a stranger or even worse in her life now. I don't even know if I'll be even a distant memory. But i'd so anything to get her back , do anything to get her give us a second chance, she was my whole life and trust 😕

I don't know if i can ever get her back , and i don't know if I'm too deep in love to accept and let go . Wish i had a chance to amend things and make it work 😕

[Capricorn3]

I'm sorry this happened to you, especially when so unexpected.  It seems she checked out several months ago and finally had the guts to tell you. Please note that when people monkey branch, without giving themselves time to get over a current and long term relationship, it very rarely works out in the end.  Totally rebounding without even coming up for air.

The question you have to ask yourself is:  When/if her new "relationship" breaks down, and she comes crawling back to you, are you going to welcome her back with open arms?  I know you're hurting right now, but think about that carefully, about the betrayal, about trusting her again, about the pain and hurt she caused you.   Take time out to process and be kind to yourself.

[Jr14]

From my understanding of her , She'd do anything to make this new relationship of her's work , unless it becomes a hinderance to her priorities and career. I know the chance of getting her back is very minimal. The only hope i have is that despite she loosing feelings for me, i may have had a little impact in her life to the least.

Yes i might sound too wanting .

I do kind of think that, she stayed loyal until she was assured and felt safe in our relationship, and when she started doubting the outcome of this relationship, she let her insecurities get to her. And when i missed out on addressing that , it might have left everything go astray, i don't know i might be wrong.

But the fact that she dint want to address it and try to workout things, says a lot how dead this relationship was to her.

I've come to acceptance that it was a combination of physical distance for 3 year , with the circumstance of uncertainty when we'd meet next and our lack of communication and self doubt on getting through , led to this unfortunate situation.

If this was the reason for downfall , I'd accept her and try to work on both of our wrong doings. Yes i do realize this might come back in case of a future  argument and try to break us. But if we both confront the past and move on , and if we get back to the same understanding we had in the start of our relationship , we can make it work

I know i have to accept the loss and move on , but i stay optimistic , even though i know its a false hope 🙂  

 

[MissCanuck]

You need time to process this break-up.

The way she went about this was pretty awful, but the end was coming either way. It's obvious that she had been losing interest for quite a while and didn't feel right about the relationship any longer. 

2 hours ago, Jr14 said:

Deep down will all my heart i know she's the one for me

She is not. This is your grief speaking, and it's normal, but the one for you would not have done what she did and left you for someone else. 

[Jr14]

Yup ! Had she still had the same feelings she would have addressed and fought for.

My fate , things had to end this way , now being a stranger to the one who once loved me , and couldn't live without me.

Now i have move on with the fear of facing the unplanned future and an unwilling heart to accept another one.

 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Jr14 said:

 i too had become getting overly concerned about how we were going to get through another 4 years of LDR, and getting angry over late texts and used to repeatedly text her ,when she didn't reply back .. I texted her via viber, only app where she didn't block me, 

Sorry this happened. LDRs are extremely frustrating lonely and difficult.  Sadly it seems she's been checking out for a while now but wasn't straight forward about it until pushed.

Please try to let go and focus on your local life, friends family and university and future. Please set yourself free.  While this relationship may have served as a security blanket, it wasn't really working for quite some time. 

Please don't waste your time on "get your ex back" scams that simply prey on broken hearts. Perhaps a bit of therapy could help you unpack and sort some of this out and help you with dependency and moving forward with your own life. 

[Batya33]

I'm so sorry. LDRS are hard- I made one work because of specific circumstances.  When my HS sweetheart went off to college first (one year older) we ended things the following year and the truth was it should have ended earlier.  He met his wife in college.  And she lived in that town.  My parents were LD for 4 years while engaged in the 1950s and they made it work.  Depends on a lot of factors and again I'm sorry! 

What you wrote was so odd -she does anything to make a relationship work -unless it's a hindrance to her career and priorities? If you mean that of course she ended things - long distance is so hard! And often can make doing your job or "priorities" like local social life etc very difficult! And I've always been incredibly into my career as is my husband -even into mine LOL.  My marriage hindered my career because of relocating because of LD.  My parenting hinders my career!

Find someone who makes a relationship one of the top 2-3 priorities I mean let's say career (or academics) /family (meaning parents/sibs if that's important to the person).  Whether local or not.  Casual dating is different of course.  

[catfeeder]

On 1/24/2024 at 10:05 PM, Jr14 said:

...i too had become getting overly concerned about how we were going to get through another 4 years of LDR

Most LDRs don't last unless there is a plan to resolve the distance within a reasonable amount of time. Most people wouldn't be willing to commit to a LDR beyond a year without such a plan, and expecting a woman after three years to remain committed to a LDR for an additional four of her best fertility years isn't realistic.

I'm so sorry you're hurting. I hope that you will adopt a goal of resilience as a valuable life skill and build a future where you thrive and find love that's local to you.

[boltnrun]

There's no hard and fast rule that monkey branch or rebound relationships will always fail. My ex dumped me for the young woman he was cheating on me with. That was in 2009 and they're still together.

But that will have no bearing on your future. Of course you are hurt and disappointed but that feeling won't last forever. It's OK to feel sad. But sooner or later you'll get tired of feeling sad and you'll start to move forward. And one fine day you'll wake up and realize you haven't felt sad for a while. And that will feel great.