Am I too slow not to kiss by 3rd dates?

[USDC]

Hello

I need your advice. Over the last several months, I met nice guys and had some fun dates, but then they stopped calling me.  Those guys wanted to move forward more quickly than I did. I typically need more than a few days before I get physically close to someone new. I feel that has been my problem. Do you think it's a deal breaker,  for example, if we don't kiss by 3rd dates? That doesn't men I didn't like them at all, but I needed more time to feel comfortable.

Thanks

[juliaallans93]

3 minutes ago, USDC said:

Hello

I need your advice. Over the last several months, I met nice guys and had some fun dates, but then they stopped calling me.  Those guys wanted to move forward more quickly than I did. I typically need more than a few days before I get physically close to someone new. I feel that has been my problem. Do you think it's a deal breaker,  for example, if we don't kiss by 3rd dates? That doesn't men I didn't like them at all, but I needed more time to feel comfortable.

Thanks

do not feel pressured at all! society has so much pressure on being intimate even just kissing way too early. Meeting 3 times is essentially still a stranger. My i only kissed my current partner after 6 months of knowing him. The right guy will come along and wait do not lower your standards. If guys stop calling you because you didnt kiss them they were only after your body

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, USDC said:

. Over the last several months, I met nice guys and had some fun dates, but then they stopped calling me.  Those  That doesn't men I didn't like them at all, but I needed more time to feel comfortable.

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately there are a lot of one and done dates, whether it was a flop or was a great time or kissed or had sex or whatever. Unfortunately things fizzle.

It's fine to go on a few dates and not jump into anything you're not comfortable with.  Also keep in mind in the early stages you're both still talking to and meeting others, so anything can happen.

Are you attracted to them?  Just curious if you are actively participating and reciprocating by inviting them out as well or just passively waiting for calls and dates. 

[USDC]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately there are a lot of one and done dates, whether it was a flop or was a great time or kissed or had sex or whatever. Unfortunately things fizzle.

It's fine to go on a few dates and not jump into anything you're not comfortable with.  Also keep in mind in the early stages you're both still talking to and meeting others, so anything can happen.

Are you attracted to them?  Just curious if you are actively participating and reciprocating by inviting them out as well or just passively waiting for calls and dates. 

I was attached to them and was trying to get to know them better. I did actively engaged by texting, calling, and suggesting what we could do next. During the first several dates, I kept a physical distance. 

[Batya33]

Just now, USDC said:

I was attached to them and was trying to get to know them better. I did actively engaged by texting, calling, and suggesting what we could do next. During the first several dates, I kept a physical distance. 

Why are you keeping a physical distance? Are you ok with hugging goodbye or holding hands? Do you desire to kiss this person? My mom used to say if a guy didn't try to kiss me by the 4th date there was something amiss (she dated one person seriously -my dad! -married 62 years).  I'm concerned about how aloof you are being -are you afraid?

[kim42]

I think you shouldn't do anything that you're not comfortable. However, I have to admit that if I go on 3 dates with a guy and he doesn't kiss by then, I might lose interest and put him in the friendzone box.

[USDC]

30 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Why are you keeping a physical distance? Are you ok with hugging goodbye or holding hands? Do you desire to kiss this person? My mom used to say if a guy didn't try to kiss me by the 4th date there was something amiss (she dated one person seriously -my dad! -married 62 years).  I'm concerned about how aloof you are being -are you afraid?

I did goodnight hugs but nothing more. I wanted to make sure to know them well before we became intimate. I din't want to send wrong messages.

[Kwothe28]

It depends. Lots of those men are chasing physical so you denying them would dether them from pursuing further. Which is not a bad thing "per se" if they are just chasing that.

On the other hand, are you giving all those men enough signs that you are into them? Kisses are not the only thing that expresses intimacy. For example do they try to hug you, put their hand around you in movies, touch you not in appropriate way? Heck, do you even at least compliment them? Rarely who would chase you without any signs that you are at least into them. 

[ShySoul]

Never go faster than you are comfortable with. Yes, some guys won't like it, but that's a sign that these guys were not right for you. Any guy who is worth it and deserves you, will have the patience to wait until both of you are ready. He'll realize that holding off for that kiss until you are ready to really put your heart into it, will only make it that much sweeter when it does happen. And above all else, he'll want to make sure you enjoy it.

I'm a guy and I didn't have my first kiss until I was 22. Even then it was only after knowing the person for seven months, through an up and down situation, that we were both comfortable enough for it. So there are guys out there who need time to be physically close as well. And there is no time limit. It takes however long it takes. What counts is getting to know each other and letting each other know you are interested. It doesn't have to be a kiss or physical touch. It can be in the way you look at each other, the way you smile at them, the sound of your voice when talking to them. It can be as simple as telling them directly. Whatever you are comfortable with, go for it. 

[catfeeder]

Have any of these guys tried to kiss you? If so, how did each of those experiences play out?

If not, then I wouldn't make this about kissing, because that didn't enter the picture.

The guys found you attractive, or they wouldn't have dated you in the first place. Your vibe may have been friendly and nice, but a shared chemistry that actually inspires continued dating is rare. (It's really not as common as we see in the movies.)

Either someone becomes invested in getting to know you to an intimate degree, or not. If not, think of it like trying to push two pieces of a puzzle that don't fit together. Neither are 'wrong' and both are of equal value--they just don't align well enough to make a match.

Head high, and keep to your personal standards without fear of harming a good match for you. Trust that when someone owns any potential to be your match, he will remain interested in getting to know you.

 

[Coily]

A few thoughts.

While I agree never push your boundaries too far beyond what you are comfortable with. However how do you handle when they go for a kiss is crucial. If you go "No, not going to happen." then a lot of men will be put off thinking there is something amiss in the budding relationship. On the other hand if you right out of the box early in the date tell them that you prefer not to kiss or have other intimacy until you get to know them better, then they will either stick around and follow your lead or bail.

It's very crucial to have good communication about this early, otherwise it will get very nebulous as to where things are progressing. For example an ex of mine (great lady) told me right away when we met that she didn't kiss on the first date, I was fine with it. We had such a great time she did give me a peck on the cheek, but I never asked or pushed.

[smackie9]

An interested guy will be interested and tie you down/keep seeing you because you mean that much to them, don't want another guy to scoop you up. These guy...zero. They just wanted to sleep with you...that's why.

[greendots]

Depends. If you're fun, engaging, flirty... all the vibes of potential romance... then not kissing them early on would generally not deter a genuinely interested guy. But if your vibe comes across as friends-like then not kissing your date would evidence lack of interest.

[Wiseman2]

On 1/21/2024 at 12:47 PM, USDC said:

. I did actively engaged by texting, calling, and suggesting what we could do next. I kept a physical distance.

Please reflect if you are actually attracted to him. Not that you have to hop into something physical you're not feeling, but if you feel this standoffish try to reflect why. Have you actually invited him for a date?  A good night hug is fine but what do you mean by  "kept a physical distance"?