My stubborn boss

[Seraphim]

ALL. HER. PROBLEM. 
classified under those 3 items. 

[boltnrun]

You linked her business accounts to your personal social media?

Oy.

[catfeeder]

1 minute ago, Alex39 said:

If I give notice,  and she doesn't create her own social media. And doesn't atrempt to take ownership of the pages, I will give her a week after my departure,  then I will close her pages down and let her create her own. 

Okay, 'create her own social media' is vague and unhelpful. Is this the language you're using with her?

 

Just now, Alex39 said:

So, honestly, this is how I'd love to run the business and how I'd run any business and have in the past. Have a generic business account tied to everything. I don't want to use my personal email on anything.  But because she got hacked- her identity, the business identity, the business email, everything became compromised. We have since secured the email address but all the accounts we had with that email, vendors like Facebook won't let us use it anymore. They see it as a hacked email address.

Create another email address to use, then use it, and give it to her along with the PWs. Whether she 'likes' that or not is irrelevant--it gives her the key to see and control what she's paid you to do. That's all you need to know.

Do you see how you're getting lost in details that you could resolve, but instead, you're creating an unnecessary dependency on her to operate as you would like? 

Treat every. single. thing. as part of your exit strategy, and you won't create the kinds of dependencies that you later claim drive you nutz.

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

 Her business social media is attached to my personal social media accounts. 

What a mess. You need to sever things. 

[Starlight925]

Yeah, I had to read that several times:

You linked HER business pages to YOUR personal pages?

And don't say because she already has pages linked to her email.

Why didn't you just set up a new email address for her, SallySueFitness@ gm. com, password Fitness, and set them all up for her?

[Seraphim]

I don’t want ANYTHING linked to my personal pages but my own business. 
That is seriously not good. I would have created her own page for her and attached the business to that . 
 

That is almost like business appropriation to attach it to yours and now you have further issues. 

[boltnrun]

Did you think she might hand the business over to you? Maybe give you a part ownership or something?

[catfeeder]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

28 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

Her business social media is attached to my personal social media accounts. 

What a mess. You need to sever things. 

Yes, exactly. It's not 'professional' of you to create this kind of dependency and then blame HER for it.

This is not an attack on you, Alex. It's an example of you enmeshing yourself where you don't belong. You have no 'business' attaching your 'personal' anything to someone else's business.

View this as the larger metaphor for what you do, overall, with people, and why it lands you 'dissed' by them.

It may be unintentional, but it's also manipulative, and there's no need to defend it to us. Just examine the mixed message it sends to the person you believe you're 'helping.'

Consider why they might resent it. 

[LootieTootie]

Yikes! ....

Girl, why would you link your own social media accounts to her business medias? 

This is not professional and not safe. Essentially she has to rely on you and you created a codependency unhealthy relationship between employer and employee. Why didnt you have thought "ok I need to create a new business email account for her since her old one has been compromised?" 

I apologize if the questions sounds condescending because it's not. I just want to know what your thought process was when you did this. Maybe it will lead to insight in your issues with boundaries and self-regulations.

 

[Seraphim]

Okay AGAIN, ALL. HER. ISSUES. SEE AGAIN . 
What you did was unprofessional no matter the countless excuses you have . 

[Alex39]

Okay, I'll remove my personal everything and try to get her up on social media again. That way I can easily walk away. 

[Tinydance]

Honestly I think a lot (most) of the stress you always feel you are causing to yourself. For some reason you become extremely involved in things that most people wouldn't actually care about. You take things that have nothing to do with you or concern you and take them very personally. You always want to get involved in other people's business and think everything should be done differently. A lot of the things you write about a really a non issue at all. This is just you for some reason blowing it very out of proportion and also making it all about you.

You have come into this woman's business acting like you are the owner and boss. YOU ARE NOT. The way you're talking is that you are ENTITLED to get a raise and entitled to teach classes there. By the sounds of it you haven't been there very long. So you don't deserve a raise straight away. Every job I worked in did automatically give me a raise every year to match with inflation but it was only once per year and the raise was very small. So maybe like $1 - $2 dollars per year. Some jobs I was only there three months so I got no raise because I hadn't been there for a year. You applied for a job with a certain salary and this is what you accepted. It doesn't matter if you have a Masters. I have a university degree too but if I really need  a job and apply as a cleaner then this is my ACTUAL job. I'm not a manager or owner there but I'm simply cleaning the toilet because that's what I AGREED to.

You are not entitled to teach classes there because you didn't apply as a fitness instructor there. She doesn't owe you literally anything beyond the advertised role and pay which you AGREED to. If you don't like all this which you AGREED to then simply leave. If you're so amazing and important then go work somewhere else which you consider to be worthy of how superior you are.

Your boss isn't treating you badly because she told you what the role was going to be and what your job was at the start. She didn't say you were getting higher pay or you would be a fitness instructor. So she hasn't deceived you. She was looking for someone for this role and it was you who applied for it. She has no obligation to treat you in some special way or give you anything outside of what your agreement with her was.

 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

If I give notice,  and she doesn't create her own social media. And doesn't atrempt to take ownership of the pages, I will give her a week after my departure,  then I will close her pages down and let her create her own. 

But she paid you to create these pages for her - you chose to attach them to your own account so it's not ok for you to close what she paid you for.  For example let's say she paid you to buy fitness equipment - and you kept it at your house let's say because she wasn't ready to have it at her place -perhap there were renovations or the like. Let's say she forgot you had stored it at your house. So .... if you quit it would be ok for you to keep the equipment because it's at your house - unless she remembered that her property was at your house and arranged to pick it up? No.... you'd remind her that it was being stored in your home and ask her when she wanted to get it.  You wouldn't wait X time for her to recall it then sell it and keep the $.  Right??? 

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

Okay, I'll remove my personal everything and try to get her up on social media again. That way I can easily walk away. 

Good idea. It's hard to believe someone who supposedly has an MBA has no clue how to set up a small business website or social media presence. Why on earth are you doing things so amateurishly?  Now it makes sense that she asked you to restore everything back to where it was. 

[boltnrun]

It's easy to creat a new Facebook account. Simply create a new email address first.

I have three different personal email accounts. Only one of them is linked to Facebook. I have had two different Twitter accounts because I used a different email address for each one. 

I find it baffling that you didn't think to just create a new email account for this business. 

The only thing I can think of is that you wanted to be personally connected to her business because you felt you were going to be asked to buy into the business as a part owner or she would bring you in as a partner. I can't see any other reason why you would link her business to your personal accounts.

I never even list my personal cell phone number on my work email signature. I don't own the business. I'm not even an officer of the corporation. So there's no need to attach my personal info to the business. 

[Morello]

I am trying to understand what the point of many experienced users here is. It seems you're all just pilling on the OP for whatever mistakes she has made. At this point, Alex has become the punching bag for people who, honestly, seem to have nothing better to do in life rather than try to destroy someone's self-esteem like that. So much hate and bile disguised as "advice".

OP has already described in detail their struggles and recognised their shortcomings. But now, all she is doing here is defending herself from the pile-on. I can't see how any of this is helpful in any way.

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

It's easy to creat a new Facebook account. Simply create a new email address first.

I have three different personal email accounts. Only one of them is linked to Facebook. I have had two different Twitter accounts because I used a different email address for each one. 

I find it baffling that you didn't think to just create a new email account for this business. 

The only thing I can think of is that you wanted to be personally connected to her business because you felt you were going to be asked to buy into the business as a part owner or she would bring you in as a partner. I can't see any other reason why you would link her business to your personal accounts.

I never even list my personal cell phone number on my work email signature. I don't own the business. I'm not even an officer of the corporation. So there's no need to attach my personal info to the business. 

I think this may have been because Alex wanted to act like the actual owner of the business.

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, Morello said:

I am trying to understand what the point of many experienced users here is. It seems you're all just pilling on the OP for whatever mistakes she has made. At this point, Alex has become the punching bag for people who, honestly, seem to have nothing better to do in life rather than try to destroy someone's self-esteem like that. So much hate and bile disguised as "advice".

OP has already described in detail their struggles and recognised their shortcomings. But now, all she is doing here is defending herself from the pile-on. I can't see how any of this is helpful in any way.

Did you read any of her other posts? Please read all her previous posts and all comments first and then try to make an opinion based on all information you read.

[Morello]

I did read everything. My opinion remains the same.

[Seraphim]

3 minutes ago, Morello said:

I am trying to understand what the point of many experienced users here is. It seems you're all just pilling on the OP for whatever mistakes she has made. At this point, Alex has become the punching bag for people who, honestly, seem to have nothing better to do in life rather than try to destroy someone's self-esteem like that. So much hate and bile disguised as "advice".

OP has already described in detail their struggles and recognised their shortcomings. But now, all she is doing here is defending herself from the pile-on. I can't see how any of this is helpful in any way.

She may say she knows her short comings but does zero about them and one of them is constantly involving herself in things that aren’t her business. 

[Tinydance]

Just now, Morello said:

I did read everything. My opinion remains the same.

Well I can speak for myself where I'm coming from. I'm happy to listen and give advice if the person is genuinely going through difficult times. The point I'm trying to make is that Alex causes a huge amount of stress to herself by her own thought patterns and behaviours. She doesn't actually seem to see this at all really. You say she realises it but honestly I don't think she actually does. There are so many examples in her posts that show that she takes everything onto herself which is actually not about her at all. She takes everything really personally and as an offence to her. And she very often doesn't even see every situation for what it really is. I'm sorry but I'm not actually going to lie and not give my real opinions when someone writes pages upon page of what is basically always the same thing.

[Morello]

Sure, she asked for advice, and advice was given. That was probably in the first couple of pages. 

The rest of this thread is just a huge pile-on where people are scrutinising every action, asking a million pointless questions and dispelling negativity in the responses. If you think that's helping OP, sure continue. Whatever gives people here something to do with their free time, which seems to be quite a lot.

 

 

[Seraphim]

6 minutes ago, Morello said:

Sure, she asked for advice, and advice was given. That was probably in the first couple of pages. 

The rest of this thread is just a huge pile-on where people are scrutinising every action, asking a million pointless questions and dispelling negativity in the responses. If you think that's helping OP, sure continue. Whatever gives people here something to do with their free time, which seems to be quite a lot.

 

 

How would you help? Honest question. 

[boltnrun]

Alex, I happen to think you have so much potential to have most of what you want. But you get in your own way, primarily by over investing in situations that clearly don't serve you well or by expressing so much vitriol toward people who seem to have what you want for yourself. It doesn't have to be that way.

You're young, educated, own your own home and have the ability to create a lovely home. You have talents. But you honestly waste so much of what's positive about yourself. 

I strongly recommend that instead of tripling down in situations which you can clearly see are not the best for you, you learn to let go. Either stop over investing or choose to completely remove yourself. See things for how they are, not for how you think you can force them to be. As for your envy (yes!) toward your married or coupled friends, think about what you can do to have those things for yourself. Whether it's going places and doing things where you'll meet quality single men or maybe asking friends to introduce you to people. 

And the reason why people repeat themselves in your threads? It's probably because YOU keep repeating yourself by pointing out the flaws of this business owner or of your friends. Over and over. And people are trying to get across that she (or your friends) are not the issue. 

[Tinydance]

4 minutes ago, Morello said:

Sure, she asked for advice, and advice was given. That was probably in the first couple of pages. 

The rest of this thread is just a huge pile-on where people are scrutinising every action, asking a million pointless questions and dispelling negativity in the responses. If you think that's helping OP, sure continue. Whatever gives people here something to do with their free time, which seems to be quite a lot.

 

 

Well you're actually here too in your free time! Just sayin' lol I think if someone keeps asking for advice but not willing to put in any work to improve then it just becomes frustrating. Also I'm sorry but many of these posts aren't necessarily about actual problems. You might think I sound harsh but that's the way I see it.

For example one time Alex wrote a long post that she went on a trip with her friend, friend's son and son's girlfriend. And Alex was quite outraged that the girlfriend wasn't eating much of her meals when her friend paid for some of her meals or her son paid. She was wondering if the girlfriend had an eating disorder. This was a very long post with Alex writing many comments as well. Complete non issue and not an actual problem in my opinion. It wasn't Alex's money spent on the meals, she didn't know the girlfriend, she had no idea why she didn't finish the meals. Her friend and son were happy to pay and had no problem. I'm sorry but why am I supposed to sympathise when this is just Alex making it all about her but it actually has nothing at all to do with her?

Same thing here. Alex applied for a job with a specific salary and specific role. Instead she doesn't want to do this role. She wants to act like the actual manager/owner and run the whole place and also teach fitness classes and that wasn't her job. This situation isn't actually a problem of itself because if Alex was just performing the role she applied for she wouldn't be upset. All her posts are  like this. Saying she's upset about things that aren't even related to her. It's fine not to like a job but in this case it is not the boss's fault she doesn't like it or doesn't agree with it.