curious

[tufntender]

Not a relationship/ dating question, I have been a silent member of this group since it was " Ask Men". Maybe this is not the same forum. Either way, I find it odd, how some members take over the topic themselves and amongst themselves without the OP participating. Is this a chat room or an advice forum? I just don't see the point of posting on and on between members if the OP isn't part of the conversation. Can someone enlighten me if and why this is somewhat a pattern of this community? I mean, I have seen pages and pages of members discussing a certain topic without the OP being involved. I will post this as a separate topic as well. I am looking forward to your answers. Merry Christmas to all 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, tufntender said:

 I find it odd, how some members take over the topic themselves and amongst themselves without the OP participating. 

A few threads have been shut down because of it.

[Seraphim]

This site has always been ENA since I have been here in 2006 and back to 2001 I believe . There may have been a thread called “ Ask Men” but the page it’s self was never that. 

[Batya33]

54 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

This site has always been ENA since I have been here in 2006 and back to 2001 I believe . There may have been a thread called “ Ask Men” but the page it’s self was never that. 

Same. Member since 2006 and the member who recommended it to me would never have done so if that was the case 

I am continuously impressed by the diverse and thoughtful and compassionate input here. I’ve met at least one former member in person. I’m sorry you don’t find it as helpful. Fortunately there are now so many options out there and if you determine this forum isn’t the right fit that would be unfortunate but understandable. 

[Seraphim]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Same. Member since 2006 and the member who recommended it to me would never have done so if that was the case 

I am continuously impressed by the diverse and thoughtful and compassionate input here. I’ve met at least one former member in person. I’m sorry you don’t find it as helpful. Fortunately there are now so many options out there and if you determine this forum isn’t the right fit that would be unfortunate but understandable. 

I have met a former member as well. 

[Kwothe28]

8 hours ago, tufntender said:

Can someone enlighten me if and why this is somewhat a pattern of this community?

Sometimes threads go offbase. In every community. That is why moderation is here.

I can answer this however

8 hours ago, tufntender said:

I just don't see the point of posting on and on between members if the OP isn't part of the conversation.

Thread as a thread is not only for OP. Many just dont come back after the original post. Thread is for all members of the Forum. For example, if a member shows up with the same problem, they will read the thread and find useful answers. So if the answers are about the issue, they may still be useful to someone. That is what I learned from the moderation of a different Forum. I dont agree with spam or something not related to thread like members writing to each other like they are sending personal DMs. But if the answer is related to thread, it may still be useful to somebody.

edit Also, think there was a frequent Forum member who deleted his answers and threads when he was not happy with them. Which is also not constructive as even something that people dont agree can sometimes spark a conversation. So its not inherently bad. But think he left because of that. 

[kamurj]

It would be nice for the OPs to be part of the discussion but because simply we don't see them posting in the topic never means that they don't read the replies. That also true even if you don't see them visiting the website because there are many ways they can be updated about the replies without even ever visiting the website. 

[Tinydance]

5 hours ago, kamurj said:

It would be nice for the OPs to be part of the discussion but because simply we don't see them posting in the topic never means that they don't read the replies. That also true even if you don't see them visiting the website because there are many ways they can be updated about the replies without even ever visiting the website. 

Yeah we actually have proof sometimes that they read the replies because after some days, weeks or months, they sometimes come back. Some people come back a lot later and comment again on their original post how it all went.

[Tinydance]

18 hours ago, tufntender said:

Not a relationship/ dating question, I have been a silent member of this group since it was " Ask Men". Maybe this is not the same forum. Either way, I find it odd, how some members take over the topic themselves and amongst themselves without the OP participating. Is this a chat room or an advice forum? I just don't see the point of posting on and on between members if the OP isn't part of the conversation. Can someone enlighten me if and why this is somewhat a pattern of this community? I mean, I have seen pages and pages of members discussing a certain topic without the OP being involved. I will post this as a separate topic as well. I am looking forward to your answers. Merry Christmas to all 

Well there are rules on this forum and as long as you follow them, you are allowed to continue posting. There are many people commenting so just like in real life if you're having a group conversation, everyone will be talking together. Do you have an issue with this or it was just a simple question out of curiosity?

[smackie9]

Ya we put in our own personal time to answer, and to discuss, but a lot of the time the OP responds maybe once, then never to be seen again....kinda like this thread. 

[tufntender]

I wasn't aware of breaking the rules. I was merely curious about the decorum of this site, it was a question since I have been on other forums with different guidelines As I said way back then I was a member of a forum called Ask Men. They kept redirecting users to other sites and this is where I ended up. I understand now thatthis  is more of a discussion or a debate forum, Thank y'all, and Merry Christmas!

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, tufntender said:

I wasn't aware of breaking the rules. I was merely curious about the decorum of this site, it was a question since I have been on other forums with different guidelines As I said way back then I was a member of a forum called Ask Men. They kept redirecting users to other sites and this is where I ended up. I understand now thatthis  is more of a discussion or a debate forum, Thank y'all, and Merry Christmas!

I don’t see it that way. I see it as an advice forum that has expert moderators and mostly well intentioned helpful people. 

[rainbowsandroses]

55 minutes ago, tufntender said:

I wasn't aware of breaking the rules. I was merely curious about the decorum of this site, it was a question since I have been on other forums with different guidelines As I said way back then I was a member of a forum called Ask Men. They kept redirecting users to other sites and this is where I ended up. I understand now thatthis  is more of a discussion or a debate forum, Thank y'all, and Merry Christmas!

I was a member of Askmen.com and omg it was 100x worse than any other forum as far as arguing, debating and disrespect goes.  That forum was one of the most permissive forums in existence at that time.  

No rules whatsoever, I don't even think they had moderators!  I believe it was one of the reasons it was shut down.

This forum is an interactive forum wherein members can of course support and give advice to the original poster but also share ideas and opinions with each other, respectfully. 

I agree many other forums don't allow for that, members are only allowed to respond to the OP.

I find that stifling and oppressive which is one reason I no longer post on those forums.

[boltnrun]

I used to post on a forum that devolved to the point where the ONLY response that was allowed was "Hugs to you! I'm so sorry you're hurting." If you offered any advice at all you got an infraction even if the OP asked for advice. After I got my third infraction I left the site. It was ridiculous.

I have seen threads on this forum that devolved into two people debating back and forth over who's right. And some people absolutely CANNOT TOLERATE being disagreed with. They will write ten paragraphs restating their opinion when it was already clear what they thought. But someone expressing a different opinion sends them into a tailspin lol. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

I used to post on a forum that devolved to the point where the ONLY response that was allowed was "Hugs to you! I'm so sorry you're hurting." If you offered any advice at all you got an infraction even if the OP asked for advice. After I got my third infraction I left the site. It was ridiculous.

I have seen threads on this forum that devolved into two people debating back and forth over who's right. And some people absolutely CANNOT TOLERATE being disagreed with. They will write ten paragraphs restating their opinion when it was already clear what they thought. But someone expressing a different opinion sends them into a tailspin lol. 

Somewhat analogously a friend who hosts a dating podcast had a thread related to the dangers to women from online dating. She uses her regular FB account for it and we know each other in real life. I posed a different perspective on safety and she PMd me that it was victim shaming and I didn’t get it. It was so out of bounds of any shaming. It was then obvious to me that if my comments weren’t heavily pro female and heavily “men suck” I wasn’t welcome to share. So I stopped sharing after being effectively silenced. 

[spinstermanquee]

15 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I don’t see it that way. I see it as an advice forum that has expert moderators and mostly well intentioned helpful people. 

It's been 18 years since I joined this forum - originally for parenting advice.  I've gotten so much out of it, not just from posting, but also from reading about other people's lives.  There are certain "pillars" of the forum that I admire, trust, and follow - and the folks whose advice doesn't resonate with me, I feel free to ignore (like a few pillars mention above).  Tufntender, this is a great place to solicit advice and supplement any support system you may already have in place!  Now... here are some hugs ((((   ))))  LOL