Predatory friend seduced my younger brother, I'm afraid she'll ruin his life

[Berenice]

Hi everyone!

It's quite a convoluted story, so I'll try to tell it clearly and briefly.

I have a friend (F 23, lets call her Mary for sake of this story), well, the sort of friend with whom you share hobbies (A LOT) and enjoy socializing, but your lifestyles and values are gradually, over years drifting in opposite directions (so friendship kinda doomed). She, to put it bluntly, has sex with older rich men for expensive gifts, travels, her outlook on life so far was very materialistic. Mary is very attractive (hot, as the men would say), active, charismatic. 

My younger brother (18, soon 19) is very kind, homely guy, who at this stage was mostly interested in computer and board games (like painting miniatures) and other things like this. He never had girlfriend I know of (and we are pretty close), if anything I observed he is rather timid with opposite gender. He is living with parents and obviously has no money to speak off. Lest you get the wrong impression - he's not a caricature nerd, maybe just a little in a good way. Just good guy, also quite good looking too, on slimmer side. 

Whole thing happened this august. 

It was hot day in our home city and all kind of other plans collapsed, so we rather opportunistically decided to visit local lake with group of friends. Mary joined us because I guess nostalgic mood over this lake (not like it was her class of fun anymore). I made my brother come with us so he could get some fresh air too. He resisted, but I literally forced him into the car.

We all had a great time fooling around on the air mattresses. Brother was mostly bored on beach tho, sitting in shade with his phone.

I don't know exactly what happened next, as most of our group (including me) went to the food store nearby for some food and drinks to continue the party.

In short, Mary was very far from the shore (making selfies for Instagram of all things) and fell into the water from air matt because some idiot on a jet ski created a wave near her. At first everyone laughed, but she panicked, swam after the mattress, but could not catch up with it, then to the shore, used up all her strength. She started to drown.

My brother, also far from a super athlete (nor like ever overly heroic guy), rushed to save her and at first he was successful, but then they started drowning together. Luckily a couple of strong men who were good swimmers came and rescued them both with minor damage. She got some water in, but not too badly.

Everyone was shocked and went home shaken, party ruined.

A little later I noticed that my brother and Mary were texting each other (but it seemed normal to me that she somehow wanted to thank him, they not knew each other before).

What had happened shook her badly, she confessed to me that she had prepared to die, her whole life had blinked before her eyes in instant (like in movies or books), and if it had been my brother, she would have been dead. The incident sent her into a depression, and she was on medication for a couple weeks. After therapy Mary seemed to cheer up and returned to her former life, went to study further at the university in a neighboring city. 

(for context - all what was discovered next - she kept secret from me, while we were texting each other almost every day).

But something suspicious began to happen to my brother. A strange blissful smile, vacant dreamy eyes and and a loss of interest in his usual amusements (and most worryingly - friends he had before).

I will not list all the long steps of my investigation, but, honestly it was even bit unnecessary with all writing already on the wall. At some point I betrayed my brother's trust and, when the opportunity arose and he was away from home for a long time, I broke into his computer. Shame. But what's done is done.

And of course I found the whole nauseating story of the she-wolf trying to eat the lamb.

They'd been texting for endless pages on messenger, likely quarter of million messages. I read as fast as I could until my eyes hurt, scrolling like crazy. 

At first she was really nice and touching thanking him for saving her.

Then she started flirting. Please, no...

He instantly completely melted at the attention of such an attractive girl (something he probably never experienced before even close). He starts charmingly naively telling her about his life, interests, hobbies, computer games he plays (what level he is, OMG), how he saved 20$ somewhere very smartly during sales to buy 2 such and such games instead of 1. 

(for context: before guys like him was mocking stock for her only)

She pretends (right?) to be very interested. She lies a lot, pretending to be this poor simple student girl too. LOL. Obviously, to fit into his picture, so to say.

They even play some computer games together! 

He's happy, jumping around her like little puppy, buys her more computer games. I see timestamps of the messages - he literally now can't sleep.

They started mixing text messages with calls, some of which lasted 2-3 hours, one 5 hours!

She starts sending him increasingly suggestive messages and then borderline erotic selfies.

At this point he was completely mesmerized by her. He loves her. He just had no chance to resist.

I felt nauseated by this point, like almost observing my brother was abused by her, his relative innocence. But worse to come.

She it seems gets ''hungrier'' - and escalates quickly and starts playing different sexy games with him, per example, now he picks out the panties she wears every day (with photo reports). She poses for him in different lingerie (now its obviously super erotic). He is charmingly ignorant, by the way, going over her expensive brand lingerie and other clothing, without understanding the budgets of our ''poor student girl''

He's naturally already under tremendous sexual tension. She knows it well too good.

Then in one day there is no panties at all, she gone full nudes. Obviously she done this before many times, all posing so well trained, precise, legs spread just right way too look great. She so professional at this.

Again, he had no chances. He sends her hundreds of love-smiles and struggles to praise her how beautiful she is, its painful to read.

Then she motivates him to masturbate for her on webcam. Which he apparently did to her endless delight.

At this point I read with my open mouth and pain in chest. I'm furious. It maybe not appropriate word, considering he is technically adult man, but feels like sexual abuse. Its just feels not right.

Then I see something changed in their dynamic yet again, flirt is different. I already barely can read it, because shock and guess some internal shame for myself too, my face red and burning. So I start to skip (and they texting less and less, mostly doing long calls), but generally it seems they already secretly met (like week ago) and had sex in real life too - in a hotel. She still flooding him with compliments about how good he was, he is endlessly happy, he repeats again and again how he loves her, that she is the best in the world. I start to cry reading/watching this.

It ends with them planning to make their relations official and I notice, that she is quite hesitant about my future reaction. And tries to win some time before it happens. She knows what I know about real her to just say ''ok!''.

Fundamentally, I have gut-wrenching fear, that she is just playing with him (for whatever reason), he is probably her 30th partner at best, maybe, even worse than that. I'm not even sure of her STD situation at this point, to be absolutely brutally honest, with all her soft-core prostitution. Its scary. And she is his first magic love no doubt. Love-dream come true.

Why she is doing this?

I'm afraid, that when this all will fall apart and him realizing that he was a mere plaything, whole lie unravel and this will deeply traumatize my brother (probably for life in terms of relations with women), something he is not deserves. Especially considering he saved her life, or at least took deadly risk to try to do so.

I honestly already hate her as some sort of cursed traitor, who paid for good with evil backstabbing. Worse - I feel responsible.

So what is my options? How can I navigate this situation best (for my brother first of all)? At this point I don't care about saving our friendship. Just saving my brother from whatever trauma I feel may happen very soon.

Technically I have a ''dirt'', ''blackmail'' material on her: before she quite often and openly discussed (on the messengers) with me her adventures with different older men, saying all kind of degraded things, showing her gifts, mocking losers without money etc, generally: showing her true colors in worst way possible. But showing all this to my brother will be no better thing to do I feel. He will be still heartbroken, just other way around. Also I prefer to keep my computer spying-invasion in a secret. 

Other then this I do not know what to do. But I feel I need to do something.

Thanks for reading!

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, Berenice said:

  I found the whole nauseating story of the she-wolf trying to eat the lamb. I prefer to keep my computer spying-invasion in a secret. 

They seem like consenting adults. Your brother is old enough to make his own choices.

There's nothing to do except stay in your own lane. Your brother's sex life and private communication are none of your business.

You seem jealous of this friend, is that part of the issue? Your brother is a grown man not a "lamb" and wants sex with an attractive woman, so? That doesn't make her a "she wolf". 

[Capricorn3]

31 minutes ago, Berenice said:

 I will not list all the long steps of my investigation,  At some point I betrayed my brother's trust and, when the opportunity arose and he was away from home for a long time, I broke into his computer. Shame.

And of course I found the whole nauseating story of the she-wolf trying to eat the lamb.

I have only one question:  How would you feel if your brother betrayed your trust, "broke into your computer" and "investigated" you, to the extent you did to him?  Serious question.

That said, I second Wiseman's post above in its entirety.

[smackie9]

Mind your own business. It's just sex and he's having fun. If she dumps him, he will learn a lesson and carry on with his life. Silver lining: he got with a hot chick, taught him a few things in the bedroom and it opened his eyes that there's more to life than sitting in his room playing video games. Let him be.

[catfeeder]

If you're concerned about your brother being traumatized, then don't cause him trauma.

Your brother is 18, not 12. Learning that his own sister betrayed his trust and privacy, even against your mother's advisement, would likely be quite traumatic for him. You might even lose him forever. What would we worth that, and what, exactly, would you be 'saving' him from?

I'd spare him the self-righteous imposition, instead.

[Jaunty]

The only bad thing in this story besides the writing is you breaking into your adult brother's computer.  

[MissCanuck]

Good lord, sis. You are way over-involved and over-dramatic. 

This is not sexual abuse. At all. It is two consenting adults having some fun, and a nosy and seemingly jealous busybody of a big sister with apparently too much time on her hands. 

Leave them alone and learn to respect othes' privacy. Their relationship and sex life is not your business and if anyone is being creepy, it's you. 

[Kwothe28]

9 hours ago, Berenice said:

Why she is doing this?

 

From your story I would say she is just mesmerized by his heroic act. He did "saved her life" per se. So she might look at him as her hero. While I doubt your friend has changed, dont think she has so much alterior motives there. There is nothing to take from your brother, he is poor. 

That being said, yes, you are completely over the line. I understand that you are concerned about your brother. But he has to learn some stuff on his own even if he burns himself at the end. You "C- blocking" him wont get him far. Aside of you not agreeing with their relationship, your friend didnt do anything to him that warrants such answer from you. Also, keep in mind that you not agreeing to their relationship, would just incentivized both of them to be together. And that both her and your brother would hate you for it.

[Berenice]

Thanks for your answers.

I agree with most of your criticism - I'm well aware what I did was wrong and feel a very deep shame. My brother's an adult and its not my business. It's not something I normally do (like creep on people like this), I've never done it before and I don't intend to. It was a moment of anxiety and weakness, you might say temptation, when too many pain points converged into one and pushed me into (wrong) action.

Your answers made me think long and hard and I will try to clarify my side of the issue a bit.

There's a lot going on here.

Am I jealous of her? Yes. My parents, because of the nature of their work, were almost never home. In my childhood I spent a lot of time with him, like a second mother or something like that, I cooked him food, took him everywhere, sorted out his problems at school, we were best friends. So I feel very involved in everything that happens to him. And I'll be honest, deep down, I think I'm entitled to it. I know it's wrong, but just explaining it to you as it is.

Do I envy her at the same time? Yes. The anonymity here allows me to be as honest as possible.

She is x10 prettier and more charming to me. I've always been this ''second uglier sidekick friend''. Guys were always hitting on her and I was a boring addition.

She could shake big money out of her old folks or go through as many ''normal'' guys as she wanted. She's so pretty, all she has to do is wink and they're all drooling, ready to drink her bathwater or something. I've been watching all this for years, must be slowly dying inside, going sour from my own secret toxicity.

Yeah, I guess I did envy her hard, I realize that now with total clarity.

But that's why it hurts so much. 

It's hard for me to articulate. But in short, I'm tormented by some kind of deep resentment that she had it so easy in life, just because she was lucky enough to have the great looks and the nerve to use them cynically, and I had none of it. I only had a couple of boyfriends who treated me like crap. This is going to sound crazy: but I read their correspondence and was wildly jealous of how my brother compliments her, what a beautiful body she has, how much he enjoys spending time with her. He's so adorable. I imagined myself on her place in dreams. If he wasn't my brother I would dream of a boyfriend like that. I never got that kind of romantic attention, being cursed to only suffer and feel envy. The little attention I got from men was just to use me in bed until they got bored with me. Nothing like she has now ''for free''. Its feels so not fair.

And not only did she have everything, she stole my brother with incredible ease. Poof. And done. And he's absolutely bewitched by her. It's like a spit in the face. And while I sound like a selfish, insecure, stupid in this situation (and that's partly true, I suspect), I do love him very much and I worry that she might hurt him. Because it kind of doubly resonates with me.

Stupid comparison, but I feel like a beggar who had one single thing of value and a billionaire stole it to make fun of him.

I've written so much and so much nonsense. But I'd like to ask you not to scold me (even if I deserve it). I realize what I am and I'm not proud of it. You don't have to add kicks to me, I'm on the ground as it is. I'm just afraid I won't be able to stand it and attack my friend, and I'm afraid I'll say something to my brother and ruin everything. My nerves are pretty frayed.
 

[Jaunty]

If you don't want to hear opinions or comments from other posters, there is a journaling / blog section where you can just hold forth to your heart's content without being bothered by what other people think of it.

Since you're still here, I will say one thing:  your brother is a human being, not a possession.  Nobody owned him, and no one has "stolen" him.   

[Capricorn3]

I can only say that when one is consumed by such intense envy and jealousy and "tormented by some kind of deep resentment that she had it easy in life" , betraying a brother's trust and privacy and breaking into his computer etc,  then it's time to look into professional therapy to help you figure out where all these issues come from and how to deal with them in a better way. 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Capricorn3 said:

it's time to look into professional therapy

I agree. 

This isn't normal behaviour for an adult, OP. It's the sign you need help. There's no shame in that. Start making better choices today and look into getting some professional counselling. 

[catfeeder]

19 hours ago, Berenice said:

I've been watching all this for years,

There's no law that ever obligated you to remain involved with this woman, or to pretend to be her friend--for a single day, much less years. Had you been true to yourself, you would have parted ways with her a long time ago in favor of forming other friendships that were sincere. Had you done that, your brother would not have been positioned to engage with her in the way that went down.

You're a grown woman. Your resentments are not your brother's fault. Demonstrate respect for him and your relationship with him.. He has as much risk of getting hurt as anyone else at his age, and while that's likely, it's also survivable, and he'll need his sister to keep her head. 

[boltnrun]

Seems like your brother was a source of unconditional love and now you feel this friend, who allegedly has everything, "stole" him from you. Your attachment to him has to evolve now that he's an adult.

You are a valuable person in your own right but you don't seem to believe that. Do you have a regular doctor? Perhaps ask for a referral to a therapist who can help you feel better about yourself. That way you can feel happy for your brother when he finds love instead of feeling resentful and betrayed.

[smackie9]

I get it she took the one things you cared about away from you. You know you have a choice here...in fact you had a choice the whole time you knew her. If she made you feel insecure, have low self worth, you could have walked away and made a different friend. Yet you road her coat tails, living through her, a life you wish you had...to be pretty, popular and have guys mackin on you at the drop of a hat. 

My advice: drop her as a friend.... like completely take her out of your life. She is toxic to you. She is flippant, shallow, and full of herself. This thing with your brother won't last, and she will be gone out of his life too. You will get him back, but if you intervene you will lose him forever. So sit tight, this all will be over soon. When it does, you venture out, make new friends, enjoy who you are put this behind you. 

[Deejmonster]

On 11/4/2023 at 7:05 PM, Berenice said:

Hi everyone!

It's quite a convoluted story, so I'll try to tell it clearly and briefly.

I have a friend (F 23, lets call her Mary for sake of this story), well, the sort of friend with whom you share hobbies (A LOT) and enjoy socializing, but your lifestyles and values are gradually, over years drifting in opposite directions (so friendship kinda doomed). She, to put it bluntly, has sex with older rich men for expensive gifts, travels, her outlook on life so far was very materialistic. Mary is very attractive (hot, as the men would say), active, charismatic. 

My younger brother (18, soon 19) is very kind, homely guy, who at this stage was mostly interested in computer and board games (like painting miniatures) and other things like this. He never had girlfriend I know of (and we are pretty close), if anything I observed he is rather timid with opposite gender. He is living with parents and obviously has no money to speak off. Lest you get the wrong impression - he's not a caricature nerd, maybe just a little in a good way. Just good guy, also quite good looking too, on slimmer side. 

Whole thing happened this august. 

It was hot day in our home city and all kind of other plans collapsed, so we rather opportunistically decided to visit local lake with group of friends. Mary joined us because I guess nostalgic mood over this lake (not like it was her class of fun anymore). I made my brother come with us so he could get some fresh air too. He resisted, but I literally forced him into the car.

We all had a great time fooling around on the air mattresses. Brother was mostly bored on beach tho, sitting in shade with his phone.

I don't know exactly what happened next, as most of our group (including me) went to the food store nearby for some food and drinks to continue the party.

In short, Mary was very far from the shore (making selfies for Instagram of all things) and fell into the water from air matt because some idiot on a jet ski created a wave near her. At first everyone laughed, but she panicked, swam after the mattress, but could not catch up with it, then to the shore, used up all her strength. She started to drown.

My brother, also far from a super athlete (nor like ever overly heroic guy), rushed to save her and at first he was successful, but then they started drowning together. Luckily a couple of strong men who were good swimmers came and rescued them both with minor damage. She got some water in, but not too badly.

Everyone was shocked and went home shaken, party ruined.

A little later I noticed that my brother and Mary were texting each other (but it seemed normal to me that she somehow wanted to thank him, they not knew each other before).

What had happened shook her badly, she confessed to me that she had prepared to die, her whole life had blinked before her eyes in instant (like in movies or books), and if it had been my brother, she would have been dead. The incident sent her into a depression, and she was on medication for a couple weeks. After therapy Mary seemed to cheer up and returned to her former life, went to study further at the university in a neighboring city. 

(for context - all what was discovered next - she kept secret from me, while we were texting each other almost every day).

But something suspicious began to happen to my brother. A strange blissful smile, vacant dreamy eyes and and a loss of interest in his usual amusements (and most worryingly - friends he had before).

I will not list all the long steps of my investigation, but, honestly it was even bit unnecessary with all writing already on the wall. At some point I betrayed my brother's trust and, when the opportunity arose and he was away from home for a long time, I broke into his computer. Shame. But what's done is done.

And of course I found the whole nauseating story of the she-wolf trying to eat the lamb.

They'd been texting for endless pages on messenger, likely quarter of million messages. I read as fast as I could until my eyes hurt, scrolling like crazy. 

At first she was really nice and touching thanking him for saving her.

Then she started flirting. Please, no...

He instantly completely melted at the attention of such an attractive girl (something he probably never experienced before even close). He starts charmingly naively telling her about his life, interests, hobbies, computer games he plays (what level he is, OMG), how he saved 20$ somewhere very smartly during sales to buy 2 such and such games instead of 1. 

(for context: before guys like him was mocking stock for her only)

She pretends (right?) to be very interested. She lies a lot, pretending to be this poor simple student girl too. LOL. Obviously, to fit into his picture, so to say.

They even play some computer games together! 

He's happy, jumping around her like little puppy, buys her more computer games. I see timestamps of the messages - he literally now can't sleep.

They started mixing text messages with calls, some of which lasted 2-3 hours, one 5 hours!

She starts sending him increasingly suggestive messages and then borderline erotic selfies.

At this point he was completely mesmerized by her. He loves her. He just had no chance to resist.

I felt nauseated by this point, like almost observing my brother was abused by her, his relative innocence. But worse to come.

She it seems gets ''hungrier'' - and escalates quickly and starts playing different sexy games with him, per example, now he picks out the panties she wears every day (with photo reports). She poses for him in different lingerie (now its obviously super erotic). He is charmingly ignorant, by the way, going over her expensive brand lingerie and other clothing, without understanding the budgets of our ''poor student girl''

He's naturally already under tremendous sexual tension. She knows it well too good.

Then in one day there is no panties at all, she gone full nudes. Obviously she done this before many times, all posing so well trained, precise, legs spread just right way too look great. She so professional at this.

Again, he had no chances. He sends her hundreds of love-smiles and struggles to praise her how beautiful she is, its painful to read.

Then she motivates him to masturbate for her on webcam. Which he apparently did to her endless delight.

At this point I read with my open mouth and pain in chest. I'm furious. It maybe not appropriate word, considering he is technically adult man, but feels like sexual abuse. Its just feels not right.

Then I see something changed in their dynamic yet again, flirt is different. I already barely can read it, because shock and guess some internal shame for myself too, my face red and burning. So I start to skip (and they texting less and less, mostly doing long calls), but generally it seems they already secretly met (like week ago) and had sex in real life too - in a hotel. She still flooding him with compliments about how good he was, he is endlessly happy, he repeats again and again how he loves her, that she is the best in the world. I start to cry reading/watching this.

It ends with them planning to make their relations official and I notice, that she is quite hesitant about my future reaction. And tries to win some time before it happens. She knows what I know about real her to just say ''ok!''.

Fundamentally, I have gut-wrenching fear, that she is just playing with him (for whatever reason), he is probably her 30th partner at best, maybe, even worse than that. I'm not even sure of her STD situation at this point, to be absolutely brutally honest, with all her soft-core prostitution. Its scary. And she is his first magic love no doubt. Love-dream come true.

Why she is doing this?

I'm afraid, that when this all will fall apart and him realizing that he was a mere plaything, whole lie unravel and this will deeply traumatize my brother (probably for life in terms of relations with women), something he is not deserves. Especially considering he saved her life, or at least took deadly risk to try to do so.

I honestly already hate her as some sort of cursed traitor, who paid for good with evil backstabbing. Worse - I feel responsible.

So what is my options? How can I navigate this situation best (for my brother first of all)? At this point I don't care about saving our friendship. Just saving my brother from whatever trauma I feel may happen very soon.

Technically I have a ''dirt'', ''blackmail'' material on her: before she quite often and openly discussed (on the messengers) with me her adventures with different older men, saying all kind of degraded things, showing her gifts, mocking losers without money etc, generally: showing her true colors in worst way possible. But showing all this to my brother will be no better thing to do I feel. He will be still heartbroken, just other way around. Also I prefer to keep my computer spying-invasion in a secret. 

Other then this I do not know what to do. But I feel I need to do something.

Thanks for reading!

This honestly feels like a huge violation of privacy to me and somewhat controlling behavior IMO. They both are consenting adults and free to make their own personal decisions. I do not see how she has taken advantage of him in any way, and the amount of effort that was put in by her shows me that she may have genuine feelings for him. A lot of what you say about her is from your own opinion of who you think she is, and maybe you are right. However, maybe she isn't who you think she is and your brother was able to really get to know the true person that she is and they connected well because of it. Regardless, your brothers' relationship history is for himself. If he gets hurt or hurts "Mary" it is up to them to figure out and address. Sounds to me like he is coming out of his shell a little bit and is having fun exploring his feelings and desires. There is nothing wrong with that.  

[boltnrun]

Also, has it occurred to you she might legitimately like him?