I've become extremely irritable in my relationship

[MerryDawn]

I (21) have been dating my boyfriend (28) for 6 months. He is generally quite awkward and honest which I found endearing at the beginning of our relationship. He has no prior relationship experience and behaves younger than his age. I was originally fine with this since it acted as a bridge for our age gap. However as of late, his behaviour is increasingly childish. He is originally from Singapore and does not work but he is in his final year studying the same course as me. He considers his national service to be the most monumental moment of his life and brings it up at any opportunity he can, believing that the lessons taught by national service is the reason he was able to find a girlfriend. We frequently play video games together and watch movies on most nights of the week. However when our university holiday started, he asked me to play multiple times 3-4 sessions each being about 2 hours long. I think this is excessive, as much as I love to play with him, I need my much vested alone time. But he continues to text me everyday to ask if I can play. He makes childish and insensitive jokes about women and race, which I foolishly shrugged off at the time, completely my fault. He takes pride in being able to cuss and slur in multiple languages due to his multicultural background. Lately I am so irritated. I get incredibly angry just seeing his text notification. I find him so insufferable and lacking in maturity, but I ultimately brought this relationship upon myself, and now I desperately want out. I haven't communicated these feelings with him but I have no intention of fixing anything because I don't want to continue this relationship. I find it difficult to be kind and friendly towards him and can only respond dismissively as of late but he doesn't seem to catch on to the change in atmosphere. I just feel burnout and like I am dealing with a child all the time despite his age. Am I being unreasonable to want to end the relationship without warning?

[catfeeder]

No, you’re not unreasonable. Young people tend to believe that they must build a case against another in order to get out, but that’s not true. There are no judges or juries in your love life. You don’t need permission from society or even the guy himself to exit. You can simply say that this isn’t working for me, and I’m walking away while we both still think highly of one another. You don’t ‘owe’ a second chance to correct anything—you owe nothing. Just go.

People break up every day. There are no rules that you must obtain an agreement about this. If the guy stalks you afterward, contact your local domestic violence prevention organization for a plan to ensure your safety, but don’t allow bullying to force you where you don’t want to be.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, MerryDawn said:

  I don't want to continue this relationship. I just feel burnout and like I am dealing with a child all the time despite his age. 

It's time to cut your losses and set yourself free. You're completely incompatible and it's tying you down to a waste of your time. 

[DariaM239]

You're in no wrong! And it's a good thing you realize that his behavior is arrogant and unhealthy. I say cut him off and tell him it's not working for you. If he tries to be persistent then go off on him! Also aint nothing wrong with being a b.***h to him cause hes an a**h*** anyways! Best of luck!

[catfeeder]

53 minutes ago, DariaM239 said:

You're in no wrong! And it's a good thing you realize that his behavior is arrogant and unhealthy. I say cut him off and tell him it's not working for you. If he tries to be persistent then go off on him! Also aint nothing wrong with being a b.***h to him cause hes an a**h*** anyways! Best of luck!

While I appreciate the sentiment, and breakups are natural and often necessary, they are also a statistically dangerous time for women. I was once held against my will during a breakup. Many are harmed. If you feel at all unsure of your safety, you do NOT need to break up in person, and there is no valid reason to ‘go off’ on the guy.

If he won’t accept the break up, there are safety measures you can take. Contact your local women’s shelter, or local hospital’s human services department for a case worker who can refer you to the kind of counselor who is trained in breaking from someone safely, and there are resources available to help protect you that are not generally known to the public.

Head high, be safe.

[DariaM239]

Idk if our definition of "going off" is the same? When I say go off, I mean be a little mean if you have to as in stand your ground. Not all breakups end toxic. And if he's toxic anyways, it doesn't matter in what way you break up with him. He'll show you that toxic side of him regardless. Nevertheless, best of luck!

[smackie9]

6 months and that's when the honeymoon stage ends. What you see is what you get....someone you realize is not for you. Obviously he needs more time to grow up. This is why we date....to see what they are like and if they would make your feel complete, fulfill your expectations and are worthy for the long haul. I don't think it would be fair to tell him all the things you dislike about him and expect him to completely change. It is what it is...time to move on. 

[lostandhurt]

This is a great learning experience for you.  Things start off great and those quirky things or mannerisms are cute until they aren't anymore.

 Think of it like a puppy.  All puppies are cute and adorable but then they grow up.  Sometimes they are cute dogs you fall in love with and other times once the cute wears off it is just a dog.

 Be kind but be direct so he doesn't think he can fix it or somehow win you back. 

Lost

[Capricorn3]

All this in only 6 months.  Count your blessings that you have now seen his true colours.  He won't change for the better - in fact it will only get worse.  The sooner you end it, the better. Don't waste anymore time on this jerk.  Life's too short and you can do way way better.   Move on.

[MissCanuck]

Break up with him. 

You don't need to warm him or seek his endorsement. Simply tell him it's not working for you anymore and you are ending the relationship. 

[Kwothe28]

13 hours ago, MerryDawn said:

Am I being unreasonable to want to end the relationship without warning?

You dont need a warning to end relationship. You are clearly irritated by him to the point you hate when he messages you. That is a sign that you should get out of there.

[Batya33]

15 hours ago, DariaM239 said:

Idk if our definition of "going off" is the same? When I say go off, I mean be a little mean if you have to as in stand your ground. Not all breakups end toxic. And if he's toxic anyways, it doesn't matter in what way you break up with him. He'll show you that toxic side of him regardless. Nevertheless, best of luck!

No. There are ways to balance the risks if the woman perceives the man might retaliate.

[Jaunty]

You are 100% allowed to just break up.