Time alone. what to do and expect

[David501]

Hi all,

I would like to get your advice if you experienced the same situation. From point of view girl or boy.

 

I am dating since 6 months a perfect girl/woman.

2 weeks ago she said she is overwhelmed and need time to be alone. So I gave her time. Last week we talked 1 hour and she says I am perfect, the perfect boyfriend/man for her. That it is her. She said that when we are together she is Happy and everything is perfect. But when she is alone at her place she feels she needs to be alone. Not talking to nobody, just alone.sge.likebdp8ng meditation.

She says she doesn't like that feeling and needs to give 100% towards the relationship. So she wants to see why it's happening. She feels confused she says as she doesn't know why she feels that way.

She told there is no other man involved just in case I wonder.

She didn't blocked me on any social network or whatsapp.

So I respect her and give her the space and time which I believe it's the only thing I can do.

Her last relationship was 2,5 years ago. She lives with her small dog. She has had some bad relationships in the past even that she left the appartement and lived somewhere else until her ex left.

Could it be that because of having after so long ago a new relationship  you get to this?

I don't wanna leave her and wait if needed. Even if it's sometimes though for me also.

We had/have a great relationship.

So I would like to ask:

1) if you ever asked time for yourself did you get back together?

2) how long does this take?

3) how long should I wait?

4) what is the average of waiting? I think 30 days is a good time.

Anyhow, I would like to hear your experience, what happened. When did you contacted the person?

 

Thanks for your reply

[MissCanuck]

Before I answer your questions, I've got a couple important ones for you:

How much time did you spend together? 

And when you were apart, how much much contact did you have? 

[Wiseman2]

46 minutes ago, David501 said:

 She said that when we are together she is Happy and everything is perfect. She says she doesn't like that feeling and needs to give 100% towards the relationship. 

At 6 mos people start to reevaluate things.  How old is she? Do you both have your own place?

How often do you see each other? Do you go out or hang out at her place or your place?  Are you staying overnight at her place a lot? How often do you communicate and text? 

She seems to like you and doesn't want to break up but unfortunately it seems she feels smothered.  Just step back, stay in light contact and ask her to let you know when she would like to get together and what she would like to do. 

She may think it's too much too soon if you are texting and hanging out a great deal.

[David501]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Before I answer your questions, I've got a couple important ones for you:

How much time did you spend together? 

And when you were apart, how much much contact did you have? 

We normally spend the weekend as if Saturday afternoon together as she works in the afternoon/evening during the week and I work during the day.

She doesn't have children just a dog.

In the holidays we spend more time together as we had 2 weeks in July together and I had also 2 in august.So we saw eachother sometimes in the morning.

When we are apart on a daily  basis we chat in the morning before I go to work, then before she goes to work at 5 and then at 23 hours when she comes home we call for an hour.

During the morning if I am free (my job as a manager allows me to make calls easy) we chat or call.

Hopefully this is the info you need.

[David501]

58 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

At 6 mos people start to reevaluate things.  How old is she? Do you both have your own place?

How often do you see each other? Do you go out or hang out at her place or your place?  Are you staying overnight at her place a lot? How often do you communicate and text? 

She seems to like you and doesn't want to break up but unfortunately it seems she feels smothered.  Just step back, stay in light contact and ask her to let you know when she would like to get together and what she would like to do. 

She may think it's too much too soon if you are texting and hanging out a great deal.

We both have our own place. She is 51 and I am 52( don't laugh, hahaha. But we both look 6-8 years younger). She has no kids and mine are mostly with my ex. She knows my daughters

We hang out at my and her place. Sometimes we sleep over..but as her dog can't be alone for a long time she leaves at 3 a.m.

I have a cat. We managed to bring them together in August and we were so happy they liked eachother.

So we were happy we could sleep over more with our pets.

When we were together on a daily basis several times a day and a call after her work at 23 hours.

She did mentioned that calling each night broke her way of doing stuff after work. So we changed that by just chatting or every other day.

I believe she doesn't wants to break up as she told me if she would she has told me already as she saus it's not fair to hold somebody on a string.

Do you think it would be ok to send a WhatsApp asking how she is doing after 2 or 3 weeks?

Or better waiting her to contact me? I don't wanna push as she is a very nice person and she even talked in the summer how great it would be getting old and living together. So you understand that I really wanna make sure she is ok. I can wait. I know if I go dating again I will have dates..but this time I want to wait if needed.

[smackie9]

When people get insecure about their situation, they crawl into a snail shell to collect their thoughts and emotions. Sometimes it is just a matter of adjustment, where they finally can relax and release themselves of those bad feelings. BUT this could be her personality, maybe be an on going thing with her, and that's why she's had some troubled relationships. 

This needs more honest discussion. You need to find out if she has always been like this, and if so, don't wait around. If not, talk it out and let her know how you feel about her pushing you away. Maybe she's not ready to get over it/cope, and you can't wait forever for her to get over it. 

[David501]

38 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

When people get insecure about their situation, they crawl into a snail shell to collect their thoughts and emotions. Sometimes it is just a matter of adjustment, where they finally can relax and release themselves of those bad feelings. BUT this could be her personality, maybe be an on going thing with her, and that's why she's had some troubled relationships. 

This needs more honest discussion. You need to find out if she has always been like this, and if so, don't wait around. If not, talk it out and let her know how you feel about her pushing you away. Maybe she's not ready to get over it/cope, and you can't wait forever for her to get over it. 

For what I know she didn't had this before..she told me that her longest relationship was 5 years. Her mother died Nd at work there was a lot of stress. Si she meet a guy without a job but he helped her in the house dog,... she worked long hours (Lawyer firm). Everything was ready when she came home, clean house,etc... she didn't loved the guy and he knew it.

Another relationship of 1 year was a guy who then psychology threatened her, so she rented a place, and waited until he left the house. Layer she heated he was arrested for beating up another girl.

Them she had done relationships of 2,3,6 months and she broke up with then as they didn't spend time with her as she would like.

So as I spend all my time I have free with her, it confuses me. As her previous boyfriends didn't want to make time while I think it's normal to spend as much time possible with your partner.

So two weeks ago she said she neede time to set her mind correct. And 8 days ago I called her and we talked 1 hour.

The next day she whatsapp me with the messag to thank me for being so comprehensive and I told her it's something normal to and hopefully she could find the balance so we can continue our project of life together.

She answered with a heart emoji.

 

No we are 8 days after that call and I have no news. I know she isn't on any social network (before she wasn't that much neither).

So I think she might really want to find the balance. Although I want to call I believe it's best to give her the space.

Shall I wait another week or 2 before sending a how are you doing text?

Or wait longer. I really don't want to push her, but neither wait as a stupid dog.

 

 

[justme80]

I am in a very similar situation with my GF of 7 months right now. From the start of our relationship and for appx 5 months of our relationship i spent every weekend at hers, and we both loved that. Then all of a sudden i felt like i was being pushed out without her actually telling me. I havent been at hers for appx 5 weekends now and in that time i have seen her 3 times for literally a few hours each time. She says she wants space because our relationship has moved very fast. She still messages me every day and we chit chat via whatsapp, mainly in the evenings due to work commitments. I try not to talk too deeply to her about our feelings and whats going etc because i know it will just push her away. The relationship is just not what it once was, infact, i just feel like im her friend now. I saw her yesterday for 3 hours and it was nice. We held hands as we walked togehter, and it felt good, i didnt chat to her about whats going on or feelings, or when will i see you again. I want to ask her so much but i feel it annoys her if I do.

I am trying my best to play it cool because i dont want to lose her. I have even jotted down notes in my flat that are visable to myself to remind me what to do. 1) Be patient 2) Dont text or talk too deeply to her 3) Keep things short and simple when communicating 4) Keep calm 5) Give her space/time 6) Think of yourself.

What I am going to do is see how things go for a period of time, while still giving her space, but, if a time comes where i feel im not getting what i need out of this relationship then i will be forced to end it, as hard as that will be for me. I cant be in a relationship with someone who just wants to see me for a couple of hours every few weeks and just whatsapp me each day. 

Try and remain calm and dont shower her with anything to deep.

[David501]

23 minutes ago, justme80 said:

I am in a very similar situation with my GF of 7 months right now. From the start of our relationship and for appx 5 months of our relationship i spent every weekend at hers, and we both loved that. Then all of a sudden i felt like i was being pushed out without her actually telling me. I havent been at hers for appx 5 weekends now and in that time i have seen her 3 times for literally a few hours each time. She says she wants space because our relationship has moved very fast. She still messages me every day and we chit chat via whatsapp, mainly in the evenings due to work commitments. I try not to talk too deeply to her about our feelings and whats going etc because i know it will just push her away. The relationship is just not what it once was, infact, i just feel like im her friend now. I saw her yesterday for 3 hours and it was nice. We held hands as we walked togehter, and it felt good, i didnt chat to her about whats going on or feelings, or when will i see you again. I want to ask her so much but i feel it annoys her if I do.

I am trying my best to play it cool because i dont want to lose her. I have even jotted down notes in my flat that are visable to myself to remind me what to do. 1) Be patient 2) Dont text or talk too deeply to her 3) Keep things short and simple when communicating 4) Keep calm 5) Give her space/time 6) Think of yourself.

What I am going to do is see how things go for a period of time, while still giving her space, but, if a time comes where i feel im not getting what i need out of this relationship then i will be forced to end it, as hard as that will be for me. I cant be in a relationship with someone who just wants to see me for a couple of hours every few weeks and just whatsapp me each day. 

Try and remain calm and dont shower her with anything to deep.

Thx for telling your story.

When your GF said she wanted space, did you chatted after that on a daily basis?

Because that's the thing with mine. She said she needs to be alone, not calling, chatting, nothing. She wants to meditate as she says it helps her putting her minds at ease.

We had a similar moment in July, for just a couple of days. And she now days that she doesn't want to happen again as she wants to be 100% into the relationship.

So from my side I am afraid if I chat I will push her more away. But yes on the other hand I can't wait forever.

In your case, it's logical if you see no improvement will be there you will continue with your live also.

Thx for the tips. I am trying to be patient.. sometimes I just want to text her that I won't wait and will continue but then after thinking clearly I know I must be patient and give her space.

Maybe next weekend I might chat her and see what she will say or even call? I don't know for sure. Maybe wait another week?

Maybe 5-6 months is like a point if no return? I never had this with previous Gf,

It's the first who says she needs space. I just hope it means she doesn't want to break up and really wants to find her balance. Surely it's not a slow dumping or so.

When your GF asked for space did she continued chatting with you? Or did you started? And how long between she told she wanted the space and the first chat? And what was the chat? Something like "how are you?"

Thx for your story and helping me. I hope you will be with your GF soon again and it's just a phase

[justme80]

14 minutes ago, David501 said:

Thx for telling your story.

When your GF said she wanted space, did you chatted after that on a daily basis?

Because that's the thing with mine. She said she needs to be alone, not calling, chatting, nothing. She wants to meditate as she says it helps her putting her minds at ease.

We had a similar moment in July, for just a couple of days. And she now days that she doesn't want to happen again as she wants to be 100% into the relationship.

So from my side I am afraid if I chat I will push her more away. But yes on the other hand I can't wait forever.

In your case, it's logical if you see no improvement will be there you will continue with your live also.

Thx for the tips. I am trying to be patient.. sometimes I just want to text her that I won't wait and will continue but then after thinking clearly I know I must be patient and give her space.

Maybe next weekend I might chat her and see what she will say or even call? I don't know for sure. Maybe wait another week?

Maybe 5-6 months is like a point if no return? I never had this with previous Gf,

It's the first who says she needs space. I just hope it means she doesn't want to break up and really wants to find her balance. Surely it's not a slow dumping or so.

When your GF asked for space did she continued chatting with you? Or did you started? And how long between she told she wanted the space and the first chat? And what was the chat? Something like "how are you?"

Thx for your story and helping me. I hope you will be with your GF soon again and it's just a phase

what you need to keep in mind is each relationship and each person is different. So time frames etc mean nothing as each person is different. If she wants time/space, no contact, respect that. Im sure she hasn't forgotten about you and im sure she is thinking of you. I know its frustrating, trust me!!!

When my GF asked for space she meant from me coming to hers at weekends. When we first met she had literally just moved into her new home, so if you think about it she moves into a nice new home then she meets me and then im there each weekend. I do understand things from her side and I respect that. The things that play on my mind are when we chat on whatsapp her messages arent what they used to be. Like she never says she misses me anymore, nor even says anything nice towards me anymore. The chats we have are more about how her day has been, or just general stuff. I have said nice things to her and she just ignores them. But then out of nowhere she will say "it would be nice to see you this weekend". We had a good chat on whatsapp on Saturday and she did say if she didnt care about me she would of walked away from the relationship by now. So somtimes i feel like im just her mate, then sometimes she throws me these lines like everything is going to be ok. I just dont know, im in the dark with everything. Theres no structure. I have no idea when im going to see her again but im not pushing anything. She knows how I feel becasue ive told her, she just gives nothing back. 

I dont enter into relationships lightly. Before her i was single for 12 years. I short term dated a few girls since then but i never fully invested in them because i didn't feel they were the right girls for me. So here I am with my GF 7 months in and im fully committed to her because i adore her. But then she gives me all this anxiety because I dont know where i stand anymore. I really wish i could be ruthless and just walk away, but I cant, and that's because of the great times we have had for 5/6 months of our relationship. 

She has a time consuming passion for her horses which i totally understand and I will never stand in the way of someones hobby/passion. During our time together she didnt really do any horse shows like she used to and i think she has really missed that. She hasnt blamed me for that and I have always encouraged her and supported her to do it. Now im not at hers on weekends she is doing more horse shows, which is great, but i have always said to her I am willing to help and come because i do love her horses, but in the same breath i do understand that its her thing. 

Like ive said, im going to give it a period of time to see what evolves. If nothing changes then i have to walk away. I can not be in a relationship long term like it is now, because lets face it, this isnt really a relationship. Im not asking her to see me every weekend, but some sort of relationship and time would be nice.

Im sorry i feel like im making this post all about me! 

 

 

[Andrina]

A 51 year old whose longest relationship only lasted 5 years, and she claims to never have loved the man. And now she wants space from you when it sounds like she normally only sees you once a week. How you can think this is actually going to work is beyond me.

It is helpful to look at a person's relationship past to get clues if he/she knows how to be a good partner. I only see red flags. 

Don't take the fact she didn't flat out break up with you as a good sign. Take it as how she likely believes if space if formed first, when the final blow is dealt, there will be less drama from you. I wouldn't wait around any more. It's time wasted where you could start the steps of mourning, healing, and then moving on to date better risks to your heart.

[Kwothe28]

6 hours ago, David501 said:

She told there is no other man involved just in case I wonder.

 

Famous words of somebody who does indeed has another man involved. Seriously, every time Ive heard that, there was indeed another person involved.

Though yours more sounds like "commitmentphobe". Very late in age, not very serious relationships in past, her only family is her dogo etc. So, its not really a surprise that, after a while, she would feel "suffocated" in a relationship and ask for a time out. Because she doesnt feel comfortable in one and would rather be alone. In other words, its indeed not you, its her. And if you want this to be more then just a passing relationship, you shouldnt stick there. Sorry.

[MissCanuck]

This is unlikely work out, OP. 

Anyone who needs days of total silence from their partner is not someone who really wants the relationship. 

[David501]

8 hours ago, justme80 said:

what you need to keep in mind is each relationship and each person is different. So time frames etc mean nothing as each person is different. If she wants time/space, no contact, respect that. Im sure she hasn't forgotten about you and im sure she is thinking of you. I know its frustrating, trust me!!!

When my GF asked for space she meant from me coming to hers at weekends. When we first met she had literally just moved into her new home, so if you think about it she moves into a nice new home then she meets me and then im there each weekend. I do understand things from her side and I respect that. The things that play on my mind are when we chat on whatsapp her messages arent what they used to be. Like she never says she misses me anymore, nor even says anything nice towards me anymore. The chats we have are more about how her day has been, or just general stuff. I have said nice things to her and she just ignores them. But then out of nowhere she will say "it would be nice to see you this weekend". We had a good chat on whatsapp on Saturday and she did say if she didnt care about me she would of walked away from the relationship by now. So somtimes i feel like im just her mate, then sometimes she throws me these lines like everything is going to be ok. I just dont know, im in the dark with everything. Theres no structure. I have no idea when im going to see her again but im not pushing anything. She knows how I feel becasue ive told her, she just gives nothing back. 

I dont enter into relationships lightly. Before her i was single for 12 years. I short term dated a few girls since then but i never fully invested in them because i didn't feel they were the right girls for me. So here I am with my GF 7 months in and im fully committed to her because i adore her. But then she gives me all this anxiety because I dont know where i stand anymore. I really wish i could be ruthless and just walk away, but I cant, and that's because of the great times we have had for 5/6 months of our relationship. 

She has a time consuming passion for her horses which i totally understand and I will never stand in the way of someones hobby/passion. During our time together she didnt really do any horse shows like she used to and i think she has really missed that. She hasnt blamed me for that and I have always encouraged her and supported her to do it. Now im not at hers on weekends she is doing more horse shows, which is great, but i have always said to her I am willing to help and come because i do love her horses, but in the same breath i do understand that its her thing. 

Like ive said, im going to give it a period of time to see what evolves. If nothing changes then i have to walk away. I can not be in a relationship long term like it is now, because lets face it, this isnt really a relationship. Im not asking her to see me every weekend, but some sort of relationship and time would be nice.

Im sorry i feel like im making this post all about me! 

 

 

You are right. Each person is different and it's difficult to put a global rule to it.

What I read was 30 days is a good time to wait.

What you tell me indeed it's frustrating as she seems to wants you but on a distance. At least she keeps contact.

I know I am still in the beginning as we haven't chatted or spoken for 9 days. What confuses me is that my GF said in our last call if she didn't like me or wanted to leave our relationship she would have told me. Not asking space/time. She also always blocked her ex BF as she find it useless to have contact with them. Also some really were harassing her by calling her day/night. She hasn't blocked me.

The next day she chatted me that she appreciated a lot my comprehension for the situation. I said it can happen in each relationship and I hope she would find the balance so we can continue together our journey she reacted with a ❤️ on that. Seeing this I believe/hope it's a moment thing and that she wants to find the balance. She has been single for 2,5 years and now suddenly a person in her life.

Her reason is that she wants to commit 100% to the relationship and she feels she isn't doing that and wants to know why.

She does a lot of meditation and relaxing stuff and now she is sometimes missing that, that I know. So I see something the same as you with your GF, she has the horses, mine meditation and relaxing.

I also like this girl as she gives me something I need, relaxing and enjoying life. She gives me that balance. And as I am a person who is a busy Bee it's the perfect balance. During my marriage I did everything from cleaning, cooking,... taking care of the kids. So I am used to do everything and she gives me the relaxing moments.

And I don't like the idea loosing that neither.

As you said in the last part, yes it's not a kind relationship you want.

I had once one that after 3,5 years it broke because her kid wasn't nice to mine and she didn't wanted to do anything. After 2 months discussion I asked if the relationship was over. She said yes. So I moved on. I found s new partner..she came crying to me telling me she still loved me, saw me in a dating site. I said no.. I am always that once it's over its over. So with this GF I want to be sure before doing that.

What would you recommend me? Shall I try to contact her or better wait 1 more week? And then just send a small whatsapp? And if she doesn't answer we know it's not worth it, not?

We could take to eachother interchanging experience, we are going through the same situation.

[David501]

8 hours ago, Andrina said:

A 51 year old whose longest relationship only lasted 5 years, and she claims to never have loved the man. And now she wants space from you when it sounds like she normally only sees you once a week. How you can think this is actually going to work is beyond me.

It is helpful to look at a person's relationship past to get clues if he/she knows how to be a good partner. I only see red flags. 

Don't take the fact she didn't flat out break up with you as a good sign. Take it as how she likely believes if space if formed first, when the final blow is dealt, there will be less drama from you. I wouldn't wait around any more. It's time wasted where you could start the steps of mourning, healing, and then moving on to date better risks to your heart.

Yes you are right. It doesn't mean the way she said it it will go well.

Still anybody needs sometimes space/time into a relationship especially in the beginning as for some people it's overwhelming.

But how long would I wait before contacting her? And if she doesn't answer I know how late it is.

[MissCanuck]

23 minutes ago, David501 said:

we haven't chatted or spoken for 9 days

Oh, dear. 

David, this is a woman who is just not into you. Nobody who is actually interested would disappear this long. 

I am really starting to wonder if she's actually spending time with someone else right now. Her strict instruction that she wants no contact at all makes me a little suspicious, I am sorry to say. 

 

[David501]

2 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Oh, dear. 

David, this is a woman who is just not into you. Nobody who is actually interested would disappear this long. 

I am really starting to wonder if she's actually spending time with someone else right now. Her strict instruction that she wants no contact at all makes me a little suspicious, I am sorry to say. 

 

Yes. You have a point with that. I expected at least some news after a couple of days.

Maybe I will send a WhatsApp and see if she reacts today. If not then it's clear

[Sindy_0311]

16 hours ago, David501 said:

Maybe next weekend I might chat her and see what she will say or even call? I don't know for sure. Maybe wait another week?

Did you tell her that you wouldn't text or call her to give her space? Or did she asked for no contact? Because even if someone needs space, what's the harm in checking in from time to times? this situation for me sounds more like a breakup. 

Almost tow years ago, I had a 4 month relationship with a guy. I was very into him. But after 3 month or so together, I started to feel overwhelmed too. this relationship happened a few month after my divorce and I was not ready to handle it. I told my guy that I needed space to reflect on all that. And he gave me a few weeks. We were still exchanging through text somedays. 

After two or three weeks I realized I wasn't that attached to him, I wasn't missing him anymore and liked my alone time more than seeing him so and I broke up with him. You have been together for 6 month right? do you love each other? Did she developed feelings towards you? Because personally, I wouldn't be able to go no contact during 10 days with a man I have feelings for. 

I doubt that this distance will make her come back closer to you. In fact, she might already have distanced herself. Do you really think she needs time alone? I mean she lives alone, with a dog, no kids, what a bunch of time alone she has yet!! So she needs to find a balance? but she doesn't want you around, so my advice is: Let her go... You deserve someone 100% sure about you... 

[smackie9]

Well, she just sounds too flaky. She's sitting on the fence. IMO when they pull away it's time to depart anyways. If it happens now, it's gonna happen again. New relationships shouldn't be a struggle/shaky.

[David501]

On 9/19/2023 at 4:20 PM, Sindy_0311 said:

Did you tell her that you wouldn't text or call her to give her space? Or did she asked for no contact? Because even if someone needs space, what's the harm in checking in from time to times? this situation for me sounds more like a breakup. 

Almost tow years ago, I had a 4 month relationship with a guy. I was very into him. But after 3 month or so together, I started to feel overwhelmed too. this relationship happened a few month after my divorce and I was not ready to handle it. I told my guy that I needed space to reflect on all that. And he gave me a few weeks. We were still exchanging through text somedays. 

After two or three weeks I realized I wasn't that attached to him, I wasn't missing him anymore and liked my alone time more than seeing him so and I broke up with him. You have been together for 6 month right? do you love each other? Did she developed feelings towards you? Because personally, I wouldn't be able to go no contact during 10 days with a man I have feelings for. 

I doubt that this distance will make her come back closer to you. In fact, she might already have distanced herself. Do you really think she needs time alone? I mean she lives alone, with a dog, no kids, what a bunch of time alone she has yet!! So she needs to find a balance? but she doesn't want you around, so my advice is: Let her go... You deserve someone 100% sure about you... 

Yes I understand.

I did contacted her two days ago..she replied that she is doing fine but needs to see if she is prepared and will contact me and ask to respect that she doesn't want to have contact.

I didn't replied to that. I will just leave it like that and concentrate on myself for a while .

I can Imagine she needs time maybe after so much time alone. Maybe I am very good in sympathy, don't know.

But ofcourse I will not wait for ever, that's clear. I would expect she would chat sometimes but maybe she really wants to be alone.

I assume we were totally in love as we talked about the future, we managed to get her dog and .y cat living together already....

But maybe as it happened with you she might realize it's better off alone.

I will know it in short time.

Thx for sharing your experience

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, David501 said:

I did contacted her two days ago..she replied that she is doing fine but needs to see if she is prepared and will contact me and ask to respect that she doesn't want to have contact.

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately it seems like a breakup, but she doesn't want to say that. Try to prepare to move forward and please don't contact her again unless she reaches out. 

[Sindy_0311]

3 hours ago, David501 said:

Yes I understand.

I did contacted her two days ago..she replied that she is doing fine but needs to see if she is prepared and will contact me and ask to respect that she doesn't want to have contact.

I didn't replied to that. I will just leave it like that and concentrate on myself for a while .

I can Imagine she needs time maybe after so much time alone. Maybe I am very good in sympathy, don't know.

But ofcourse I will not wait for ever, that's clear. I would expect she would chat sometimes but maybe she really wants to be alone.

I assume we were totally in love as we talked about the future, we managed to get her dog and .y cat living together already....

But maybe as it happened with you she might realize it's better off alone.

I will know it in short time.

Thx for sharing your experience

In short time? 
Are you ok with that? Don’t feel like you are being rejected? 
See, you don’t have to accept this situation… if someone tells me they are not sure about me or the relationship, I decide to leave because it’s not the way I build trust and connection with someone. Not my culture. In your case I would have replied something like: “I understand you might need some time alone for whatever reason, but this is not the way I want to build a relationship, so I’m going to leave you, wishing you the best etc… “ 

That being said, we are all different, and only you know what’s best for you… 

 

[catfeeder]

Sounds like she might be going through a depressive episode.

[MissCanuck]

12 hours ago, David501 said:

I did contacted her two days ago..she replied that she is doing fine but needs to see if she is prepared and will contact me and ask to respect that she doesn't want to have contact.

OP, I think you need to consider yourself single. 

This woman doesn't appear to have the courage to tell you directly that it's over. 

[SooSad33]

On 9/18/2023 at 4:06 PM, David501 said:

she worked long hours (Lawyer firm). Everything was ready when she came home, clean house,etc... she didn't loved the guy and he knew it.

Another relationship of 1 year was a guy who then psychology threatened her, so she rented a place, and waited until he left the house. Layer she heated he was arrested for beating up another girl.

Them she had done relationships of 2,3,6 months and she broke up with then as they didn't spend time with her as she would like.

I suggest you look at her track record.  Maybe she's not one to stick around long - commitment phobe.

In that case, I suggest you look at leaving her alone now and move on.  Nope, don't wait forever.