Time alone. what to do and expect

[David501]

17 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Sounds like she might be going through a depressive episode.

That's what I think. For many reasons and the first is that she has broken with her previous BFs without any issue.Said it right in the face and when they started to as why and chatted het she blocked them.

And when I asked if she wanted to break up she avoided to give answer and only said she needed alone time.

Ofcourse I can be wrong, tine will tell I assume. And no I will not wait months.

That's why I would like to hear from people who had the same experience and what was the result.

It would be a pitty if we would not continue.

Extra question. Do women who are starting the menopauze could have depression like this? That they want to alone, feel without energy, can't follow my fast pace of life. As she told me when we started she thinks she is in the menopauze. She has warmth attacks during the summer. Anybdy of the woman can confirm this experience?

Thx all for supporting me

[David501]

18 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

I suggest you look at her track record.  Maybe she's not one to stick around long - commitment phobe.

In that case, I suggest you look at leaving her alone now and move on.  Nope, don't wait forever.

 

Commitment phobe.  interesting. Never thought about it. But suddenly? I mean she talked about future plans, where tive, meeting my daughter,.... and then suddenly such a thing? Shouldn't that then be more step by step going down? Or is it something that happens suddenly?

[SooSad33]

On 9/18/2023 at 1:01 PM, David501 said:

She says she doesn't like that feeling and needs to give 100% towards the relationship. So she wants to see why it's happening. She feels confused she says as she doesn't know why she feels that way.

Okay No. 1, She says she is confused and admits that it's her. Anyone, who is confused, that's not a good thing!

People like this, imo, you back away from.  From my experience it never ends well 😕 .

 

 I mean she talked about future plans, where tive, meeting my daughter,.... and then suddenly such a thing? 

- Yah, and this... way too much too fast.  Has only been 6 mos.. then boom, she backs off, totally?  No thnx.

[David501]

21 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Okay No. 1, She says she is confused and admits that it's her. Anyone, who is confused, that's not a good thing!

People like this, imo, you back away from.  From my experience it never ends well 😕 .

 

 I mean she talked about future plans, where tive, meeting my daughter,.... and then suddenly such a thing? 

- Yah, and this... way too much too fast.  Has only been 6 mos.. then boom, she backs off, totally?  No thnx.

What I wonder is how people can suddenly go from 100  towards 50%?

What can be influence for that? Because I was perfect she said. She said she can't find a bad thing about me .

Surely other stuff must influence such a behaviour not?

Work? Family?...

[SooSad33]

14 minutes ago, David501 said:

What I wonder is how people can suddenly go from 100  towards 50%?

What can be influence for that? Because I was perfect she said. She said she can't find a bad thing about me .

Surely other stuff must influence such a behaviour not?

Work? Family?...

Her instability?

Or YOU are a rebound.  When did her last relationship end?  Some people are still not over their ex or recent BU and just go looking for someone to be their emotional pillow or use them, as they have no idea how to live alone, etc.

When, in actuality, they NEED that alone time, to figure themselves out and recover & heal, accept etc from their last LTR.  Not go out jumping at the first interest.  yah, they can fake it pretty good, until they realize they can't do it.

 

[MissCanuck]

24 minutes ago, David501 said:

What I wonder is how people can suddenly go from 100  towards 50%?

What can be influence for that?

Another man in her life. 

[Sindy_0311]

26 minutes ago, David501 said:

What I wonder is how people can suddenly go from 100  towards 50%?

I’m sorry, this is a tough situation. But I think you are losing your time trying to find an explanation for her pulling away. She didn’t tell you what it was about, so I guess you will never really know… the only thing you can control is what YOU are going to do about it… do you really want to wait weeks, or even a months? Wouldn’t you feel some kind of relieve if you could just end it, and not having that little « hope » every time you phone pings? You deserve someone who is sure about you

What she is doing is not acceptable for me… either ou end it or you keep in touch through communication. Isn’t she actually ghosting you?? 

[justme80]

34 minutes ago, David501 said:

What I wonder is how people can suddenly go from 100  towards 50%?

What can be influence for that? Because I was perfect she said. She said she can't find a bad thing about me .

Surely other stuff must influence such a behaviour not?

Work? Family?...

sometimes they can got like this in fear of having their heart broken. They can fall for you so much then it scares them because they fear the worst.

[Wiseman2]

On 9/18/2023 at 4:06 PM, David501 said:

 I think it's normal to spend as much time possible with your partner.

Unfortunately she seems to feel suffocated and although she just asked for "space", it seems more like a stepping stone to a breakup. She seems to like you however that doesn't mean there's compatibility after mos. It's possible she's set in her ways and has her routines. 

[Sindy_0311]

13 minutes ago, justme80 said:

sometimes they can got like this in fear of having their heart broken. They can fall for you so much then it scares them because they fear the worst.

Even if they pull away by fear, it doesn’t change anything… they choose to do so. 
Also have to say that I went from 100% to 50% once during just one conversation. Those things happen, for stupid reasons sometimes. You can change your mind about someone in a glimpse of seconds. It’s sad, but it does happen. You just don’t feel it anymore. 

[David501]

1 hour ago, SooSad33 said:

Her instability?

Or YOU are a rebound.  When did her last relationship end?  Some people are still not over their ex or recent BU and just go looking for someone to be their emotional pillow or use them, as they have no idea how to live alone, etc.

When, in actuality, they NEED that alone time, to figure themselves out and recover & heal, accept etc from their last LTR.  Not go out jumping at the first interest.  yah, they can fake it pretty good, until they realize they can't do it.

 

Her last relationship was end 2020. 2,5 years ago

[David501]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I’m sorry, this is a tough situation. But I think you are losing your time trying to find an explanation for her pulling away. She didn’t tell you what it was about, so I guess you will never really know… the only thing you can control is what YOU are going to do about it… do you really want to wait weeks, or even a months? Wouldn’t you feel some kind of relieve if you could just end it, and not having that little « hope » every time you phone pings? You deserve someone who is sure about you

What she is doing is not acceptable for me… either ou end it or you keep in touch through communication. Isn’t she actually ghosting you?? 

Yes she told me. She said that when we ste together she is 100% happy. She says I am just perfect. Not like her ex BFs where they didn't pay attention as she would like.

She says she is overwhelmed and when she is alone she doesn't feel like she can commit a 100% and it makes her crazy/sad.... she wants to find out why it's happening to her as she finds it not fair against me.

She does meditation like yoga and stuf like that.

But today I thought it might she is stressed as her sister, who lives above her will have a stomach reduction and the sister comes a lot to her complaining about her husband..and she is now in high period of work.

So maybe all that and then me in her life in the few spare time is overwhelming her. Could that be? That all that creates a stress and you need time off from everybody? I hope it's that.

[David501]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Another man in her life. 

Not in this case. That I am 100% sure, trust me

[David501]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately she seems to feel suffocated and although she just asked for "space", it seems more like a stepping stone to a breakup. She seems to like you however that doesn't mean there's compatibility after mos. It's possible she's set in her ways and has her routines. 

Yes I also believe she likes me and yes could be afteronths she saw that web are not compatible. But knowing her, she would have said it..so that makes it just strange for me.

[MissCanuck]

10 hours ago, David501 said:

Not in this case. That I am 100% sure, trust me

Unless you’re with her 24/7, you can’t be sure. Nobody ever can. 

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, David501 said:

Yes I also believe she likes me and yes could be afteronths she saw that web are not compatible. But knowing her, she would have said it..so that makes it just strange for me.

Unfortunately, after 6 mos, that's the problem. You don't really know her every thought and motive. Unfortunately the main thing is she wants no contact.

It really doesn't matter if it's menopause, mental health issues, someone else, family issues, dog problems, whatever.

The bottom line is accepting that this is a huge step backwards in preparation for ending it. Try not to live on false hope. Work on building up your life and moving forward. 

[David501]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately, after 6 mos, that's the problem. You don't really know her every thought and motive. Unfortunately the main thing is she wants no contact.

It really doesn't matter if it's menopause, mental health issues, someone else, family issues, dog problems, whatever.

The bottom line is accepting that this is a huge step backwards in preparation for ending it. Try not to live on false hope. Work on building up your life and moving forward. 

Yes..good points. Any termination is always a sad moment.. I am preparing me for the worse. Not that I sit sad at home or so. I keep busy by working out, doing DIY stuff in the house. PlayStation again, movies, see friends. If it will finish it's a part of life. Still we always have some kind of hope, which is normal I guess.

[Sindy_0311]

3 hours ago, David501 said:

 Still we always have some kind of hope,

This is exactly why most people keep hanging on a situations that is going nowhere… what if, maybe what OP says is true and they will come back even better. I highly suggest you consider this a closed case… don’t let her string you along, because in my opinion thats what she is doing… my take on it is that she is not ready for commitment or any kind of engagement. This often happens once the honey moon phase is over. They just realize they actually don’t want a relationship. Please tell her you will move on and wish her the best. If really she wants you back, she will contact you again in a few month, and then you can decide whether you want to give it another try. But in the meanwhile, leave her alone. 

[Tiddytok5]

On 9/18/2023 at 1:01 PM, David501 said:

Hi all,

I would like to get your advice if you experienced the same situation. From point of view girl or boy.

 

I am dating since 6 months a perfect girl/woman.

2 weeks ago she said she is overwhelmed and need time to be alone. So I gave her time. Last week we talked 1 hour and she says I am perfect, the perfect boyfriend/man for her. That it is her. She said that when we are together she is Happy and everything is perfect. But when she is alone at her place she feels she needs to be alone. Not talking to nobody, just alone.sge.likebdp8ng meditation.

She says she doesn't like that feeling and needs to give 100% towards the relationship. So she wants to see why it's happening. She feels confused she says as she doesn't know why she feels that way.

She told there is no other man involved just in case I wonder.

She didn't blocked me on any social network or whatsapp.

So I respect her and give her the space and time which I believe it's the only thing I can do.

Her last relationship was 2,5 years ago. She lives with her small dog. She has had some bad relationships in the past even that she left the appartement and lived somewhere else until her ex left.

Could it be that because of having after so long ago a new relationship  you get to this?

I don't wanna leave her and wait if needed. Even if it's sometimes though for me also.

We had/have a great relationship.

So I would like to ask:

1) if you ever asked time for yourself did you get back together?

2) how long does this take?

3) how long should I wait?

4) what is the average of waiting? I think 30 days is a good time.

Anyhow, I would like to hear your experience, what happened. When did you contacted the person?

 

Thanks for your reply

Respect her wishes and work towards moving  on.

 

 

If she's being honest with you, 

She sounds introverted and she is overwhelmed, drained,  mentally unwell due to allowing someone to infringe on her personal space. 

 

 

She's decided that she can't handle any relationship.  It's too much for her.

 

She wants to be at peace..and her peace is found when she's alone. When she is alone, she is her best self.

 

Respect her wishes. Leave her alone.

 

There's billions of other women out there...pick one that's suitable and that you're compatible with...

 

Once or if you ever enter the dating world again.

 

Whatever her true reasoning is,

Respect her wishes. Don't hold on

I am sorry.