From knowing each other for years to ghosting

[E.S]

A guy and my self have known each other and our families for years. Literally since I was in dipers (he's a few years older than me). But a few years ago (both over 20years old) we started speaking to each other more and more and not just the basic "how's the family" thing, real deep conversations. When this all started we where living in different countries on different sides of the world. This back and forth messaging wasn't a day to day thing as time zones can be hard but it was pretty frequent. As the conversation grew so did the understanding that we found each other attractive so the flirty and some times (quite sexual) messages started aswell. (Which we both enjoyed and took part in)

So after a few years of doing this we are both now living in the same country again and not too far away from each other. So one day I'm around seeing some members of his family and I message him saying I'm around and we should hang out and he agrees at first but things keep coming up and he cancels plans.

A couple months go by and we are still messaging (including sexual stuff). When I decided one day to messge him and say I still want and love those conversations we've been having for literal years but I don't want to do the flirty/sexual stuff anymore as I dont want to confuse anything if nothing going to come from it . And his response was to just send me the thumbs up emoji.

It has been a 6 months now and we haven't spoken since. And honestly I don't know how to feel about it. His family keeps asking if things are okay between us because they knew we were messaging each other (but not to what extreme) and now can see we are not. What should I do? Tell his family what went down or just try and ignore it?

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, E.S said:

 I message him saying I'm around and we should hang out and he agrees at first but things keep coming up and he cancels plans. I still want and love those conversations we've been having for literal years but I don't want to do the flirty/sexual stuff anymore as I dont want to confuse anything if nothing going to come from it . 

Sorry this is happening. Is there a reason he kept refusing to meet up? Such as being in another relationship? 

Your message was a good idea. He was just sexting going nowhere refusing even to meet in person. Unfortunately it seems that all he wanted if he disappeared after your message. 

Trust your instincts, you made the right decision shutting down the sexting. 

[E.S]

As I said in my post I've known him and his family for basically my whole life. So I know he wasn't and hadn't been dating anyone during the years we where messaging. He kept on saying he was busy with work which I know can be true as he owns and runs a bar/restaurant but there was not even an apology for cancelling plans or an effort to make new ones.

I guess I would understand  if the messages where just purely sexaul but there was more too them than that. 

I just don't know what to do now with his family asking questions? 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, E.S said:

I just don't know what to do now with his family asking questions? 

It doesn't really matter what his family thinks. Just be straight forward. "I haven't heard from him". You have no reason to answer to them about their own son, he can talk to his family himself. Please consider this a ticket to freedom.

Being in a nebulous cyber sexting situationship is holding you back from dating men who respect you and are ready, willing and able to have a real in-person respectful relationship with you. 

[E.S]

Thank you taking the time not only to read but respond to my post and reply, with kind and respectful words. They are greatly appreciated and will definitely help me with moving forward.

[Andrina]

What I'd learn from this is if you're interested in someone and can't go on a physical date with them within a few weeks time, don't enter into a cyber relationship.

During these past few years, you might have let golden opportunities go by to date a great, available guy. Instead, you poured time and emotional energy into someone you falsely might've envisioned a future with.

I'd go as far as blocking him, because when you do meet a nice guy, you won't want your phone all of a sudden pinging and it's this guy from your past. His interruption of whatever you have going on in your life will never be welcome. He's not a nice person to have played with your heart like this.

[E.S]

In those years I've gone on a couple of dates with a few people and hooked up with some aswell. As there was no "committed relationship," But if I could see myself wanting to go further with any of the others through out the years I would of cut things off with him straight away and long ago. As I don't like cheating and getting into a relationship with someone when I've got even a little something going on with someone else. 

But I understand where you are coming from and appreciate your advise and opinion on the situation.

[Kwothe28]

Please dont tell his family you were sexting and now you arent. They dont need to know that.

Also, I think you did OK. If you are not too far from each other and he cant see you, then you should move away from the whole situation alltogether.

[shouldhavelearned]

Maybe he met someone 

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Maybe he met someone 

I'm thinking the same thing. And OP, don't assume his family knows everything about his love life, either. Like most of us, he probably keeps certain things to himself.  Assume that he was mainly only interested in sexting with you and when you (rightly) shut that down, he probably found someone else to entertain him. 

8 hours ago, E.S said:

Tell his family what went down or just try and ignore it?

Well, no, that would be awkward. Don't do that. How do they even know you're not messaging anymore? Did you tell them that, and if so, why? 

[Cherylyn]

Ghost him back.  Move on as did he.

[NighttimeNightmare]

On 9/11/2023 at 2:02 PM, E.S said:

So I know he wasn't and hadn't been dating anyone during the years we where messaging.

Naw, you don’t do this. Hell, his family didn’t even know the extent you two were involved 

 

people can hide a lot when they want to 

[smackie9]

You can just tell his family that he stopped communication and don't understand why. That will put the wheels in motion for them to ask him.