Boyfriend Ghosting Me

[WrittenInTheStars]

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for almost two years. I just got back from spending the entire summer with him, this Monday I asked him when he was going to come visit me because I had set up a surprise for him. He told me that date and I responded to him that he wouldn’t make it on time but that I would plan another surprise for when he got here. He told me to tell him what it was but I refused and said I wanted it to be a surprise. He then followed by telling me that I probably planned it to go with someone else, he said goodnight and since then we haven’t talked. I called him Tuesday and Wednesday, I texted him, told him to please response cause I felt a hole in my chest because he was ignoring me. He read it but didn’t respond. Yesterday, Thursday I wrote three long paragraph messages and told him that I was sorry if it seemed like I was going with someone else, that I didn’t want us to end and that I loved him and whatever is going on that I need to know I can’t be left in the dark. Afterwards I went to his IG and found that he had erased my comments on his pictures and realized he’s probably dating someone else that’s why he’s ghosting me. I don’t know what to do I want to get him to respond to me, not to get him back to find some kind of closure to understand what happened and try and close this chapter.

[Andrina]

The only closure you need is to comprehend he's a jerk. Why grill a jerk? I'm sure he must've been waving red flags far sooner than this that you likely ignored. When you get some distance from all this, perhaps you will find areas you can learn from. It's time to pamper yourself while you mourn this loss, and with proper self-love, you should heal in time, and then move on. For the future, local dating is more ideal, and you can date at a normal pace. With LDRs, there is too much time apart along with too much time together when you do visit one another. Take care.

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, WrittenInTheStars said:

. I called him Tuesday and Wednesday, I texted him. Yesterday, Thursday I wrote three long paragraph messages 

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately there has been a long history of visiting and him disappearing and accusing you of things. Try not to panic. Is this the same man?:

 

 

[WrittenInTheStars]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately there has been a long history of visiting and him disappearing and accusing you of things. Try not to panic. Is this the same man?:

 

 

Yes it’s the same person 😔

[Batya33]

Based on the past post I'd be done at this point.  Unhealthy to continue -please stop investing your time and emotions in this person.

[Cherylyn]

I'll chime in with others.  I'm sorry.  He dumped you.  Move on the best you can. 

[MissCanuck]

8 hours ago, WrittenInTheStars said:

Yes it’s the same person 😔

You need to understand that this was never going to be a healthy, happy relationship. It's time for you to move on. 

[Hollsmaur]

This guy is not worth it. Hard to accept I know - you like this guy, you want it to work out but unfortunately he’s not on the same wavelength. 

Usually people like him will come crawling back when you’ve moved on, been through the heartbreak and living happy and by then you won’t care about him but the only way for that to happen is for you to move on. 
 

Its gonna be hard but it gets easier with time. Transfer your energy from him onto yourself, keep busy, go out with friends! You will find someone one day that’s going to show you how you should be treated because someone who really loves you would never ghost you.

he’s probably found someone else and was too coward to tell you, and you know what? It’s his loss not yours!

[Kwothe28]

I remember your story. So much drama and so much arguing and you saw each other just 4 times. And it was clear it would never going to work. And that was in February from what I see. 6 months from that and you have a same situation. When somebody shows you who they are, believe them. 

So, all in all, him finding somebody else isnt that surprising. It was clear from the start how he is as a person. So, dont take it to heart. And dont take him back. Delete, block and finish with him for good.

[WrittenInTheStars]

I’m so close to texting him again. The last time I texted him was Thursday, he left me on read again. But I saw a meme he like on IG about being cheated on. Do you think he thinks I cheated on him. He’s always doubted my faithfulness to him and when I told him about the surprise he thought I was planning to go to with someone else. I just want us to go back to normal so I can stop feeling this heart ache, all I think about day and night is him.

[MissCanuck]

2 minutes ago, WrittenInTheStars said:

I just want us to go back to normal so I can stop feeling this heart ache

Your "normal" with this guy is completely dysfunctional, anyway. 

At some point, you're going to realize your heart-ache is really because you're with a toxic person and not only because he ignores you randomly. 

You won't feel healthy "normal" again until you leave this relationship behind you. 

[WrittenInTheStars]

On 8/20/2023 at 11:31 AM, MissCanuck said:

Your "normal" with this guy is completely dysfunctional, anyway. 

At some point, you're going to realize your heart-ache is really because you're with a toxic person and not only because he ignores you randomly. 

You won't feel healthy "normal" again until you leave this relationship behind you. 

You’re right, I didn’t wait for his texts any more at night and I was able to sleep without my usually anxiety. I guess time will help me heal.

I did however make the mistake of messaging him. I was angry and told him the surprise I had planned. He actually responded but he didn’t apologize. I’m not gonna be taking a man back for not apologizing for what he made me go through. 
It’s still unbelievable to me that he got mad over this small thing.

[Kwothe28]

On 8/20/2023 at 8:20 PM, WrittenInTheStars said:

He’s always doubted my faithfulness to him and when I told him about the surprise he thought I was planning to go to with someone else.

Its called "projection". He literally accuses you because he is the one who is unfaithful. So he thinks you are also unfaithful like him. Some just gaslight themselves to justify cheating(other side must be doing it to so its OK if I do it) but most just project. They think if they are like that other side must be too.

[WrittenInTheStars]

40 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Its called "projection". He literally accuses you because he is the one who is unfaithful. So he thinks you are also unfaithful like him. Some just gaslight themselves to justify cheating(other side must be doing it to so its OK if I do it) but most just project. They think if they are like that other side must be too.

I’ve thought about that a lot too. But he hasn’t given me any signs other than he doesn’t want to post me on IG and he deleted my comment on his picture this past week that he got mad. But it’s possible he recently started to see some one else. Who knows 😞

[Jaunty]

On 8/20/2023 at 11:20 AM, WrittenInTheStars said:

I’m so close to texting him again. The last time I texted him was Thursday, he left me on read again. But I saw a meme he like on IG about being cheated on. Do you think he thinks I cheated on him. 

No. He's gaslighting you so he can have you at his beck and call if he feels like it, while doing whatever he wants when you're not around - and also not having to deal with functioning in a long distance relationship.

Please stop putting yourself through this.

[WrittenInTheStars]

He has been texting and I sadly gave in. I told him about the comments and likes he’s removed from Instagram and he said that the solution to it was to not react anymore. I also told him I wanted us to define our relationship and he told me “does all this time not matter or that I’m planning to go see you?” I asked him again to answer me and he said “I love you” but again he didn’t answer me. I know he’s avoiding being in a committed relationship, so I told him I won’t go on if we don’t define our relationship. And now I feel like I’m hanging on a string because if he says no then we’re officially over and I don’t want that 😔

[Batya33]

It's much simpler than defining. Either he wants to be committed to you or not.  No big talk needed no fancy definitions.  People who truly want to be together keep it simple because when you both want to be together -it is.  I'd take his non-answer as nope.  I'm sorry!

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, WrittenInTheStars said:

I told him I won’t go on if we don’t define our relationship

You are now choosing this for yourself. 

It's sad, but keep that in mind if you want to complain about him (or to him) in the future. You're standing in your own way. 

[NUNA]

OH GIRL this gives me heart ache as well 

you need to move on cuz you are wasting an other man chance who will value u more than his himself to get u by chassing this child