Did he (41m) reject me (21f) with this letter?

[lisa_pw]

I visited a foreign country last month and got into a bit of trouble where I basically ran out of money and had no way to get home. I met a 41m who was nice enough to rent a place for me to stay while I got my stuff sorted, which ended up taking two weeks. I'm sure he liked me, and I developed a bit of a crush on him too.

On the day I left, he gave me this letter. What does it mean? Is he rejecting me? Should I reach out to him?

Forgive me for doing it the old-fashioned way, but I find I am better at expressing myself through writing rather than talking in person.

I wanted to let you know how grateful I am to have met you. It’s unfortunate that we met in such a demoralising and depressing place, but that night through all the sounds, lights and distractions, you caught my attention and stood out from everybody else. I mustered up my courage to speak to you, and after your cold (but cute) response, I didn’t know what to do – I just knew I wanted to see you again.

When we had our first proper conversation, I was struck by your accent. I remember leaving you there that night because I was tired and wanted to go home. However, I regretted that a lot and wished I had asked for your number or stayed longer.

I didn’t see you again even though I visited every day before flying out. You had told me you would be gone in a few days so I had given up. You were a distant, but special memory in my mind. So could you imagine how I felt when I went one day and saw you sitting alone?

But, as circumstances would have it, I was in a rush to meet my friend and I had to leave you again. I did ask for your number but you told me you didn’t have a phone. You said it with a smirk on your face so I knew you were lying. So I was left to wonder if I would ever see you again. I thought I wouldn’t because you told me your visa was expiring, but I always held out hope, even if it was unrealistic.

We somehow managed to meet on another night. Maybe due to my persistence? Or maybe due to luck? Or perhaps, cruel fate?

I know you don’t like or want sympathy, but it hurt me to hear that you didn’t have a place to stay. It pained me even more when you told me you spent a night sleeping in the park. And I know you won’t like reading this, but I felt a strong desire and urge to protect you, to keep you safe. So as you know, I did my best and provided accommodation for you.

I wasn’t sure what my end goal was, but I told myself I would just take it one day at a time. I wanted to see you fly home safely, but I also wanted to keep seeing you every day, so that was the dilemma I had to deal with.

Adding more to the dilemma were the differences in our situations. I’m older and separated, and you’re younger and single. I’ve lived a good part of my life, whereas for you, your life is just beginning.

Despite our differences, I always felt a magnetic connection to you. I just knew I wanted to keep seeing you and that I never wanted to leave you. I’ve seen your cold demeanour. I’ve seen your ***-face. I’ve seen your half-asleep face. And I like all of them. I especially liked it every time when you would get excited talking about something and your eyes would light up with enthusiasm. I also liked the joy I saw on your face every time you ate something you liked.

One perpetual memory I will always have is the day we went running. It felt so good to get some fresh air and clear our heads together. I wanted to take the day off work and run with you all day next to the water.

At the time of writing this letter, I’m not sure how things will end? Will you be reading this on the plane? Or will you still be here?

All I know is that you’ve left some incredible memories in my mind, so I am grateful for that. Thank you for being someone I could share my secrets with, even if it was for a fleeting amount of time. Thank you for sharing your music, culture and knowledge with me. I still remember the night where you showed me all the different music videos. Listening to you sing felt so soothing and peaceful. I wish I could listen to your voice forever.

I don’t think I will go back to the bar again. I have too many memories of seeing you there, and being there would just be an excruciating reminder for me that you’re no longer here in my life. Maybe one day I will look back and think about how I met this young, stubborn girl, who got herself into a bit of trouble. She was exceptionally intelligent, confident and attractive.

I think you’re a special and unique person who will do well in life, no matter where you go. I want you to have a full and wholesome life. Be a good person and listen to your parents. Throw this letter away after reading it, and never think about me again.

Maybe in the next life we can meet in a better place, with better timing.

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, lisa_pw said:

  Throw this letter away after reading it, and never think about me again.

It seems like you both had a nice time and adventure, but he doesn't want further communication because he's married.

[MissCanuck]

What would he be rejecting, exactly?

You had fun together but there's no relationship. He's also correct that you're in wildly different places in life and thus are not actually compatible. 

 

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

What would he be rejecting, exactly?

You had fun together but there's no relationship. He's also correct that you're in wildly different places in life and thus are not actually compatible. 

 

He didn't reject you -he's kindly telling you he enjoyed the time you spent, he prefers to leave it in the past for various reasons and he wishes you well.  I hope you feel gratitude for his kindness to you -he went the extra mile and then some - rather than focusing on "rejected."

And separated is still married. Married people cannot date.

[eastcoastgal]

If there is no chance of a relationship, because he's married or whatever, then he's just saying goodbye and wishing you well, not rejecting you. I agree with MissCanuck, rejecting what?? You didn't seem to have been interested in him.

[smackie9]

I don't see a rejection anywhere. He's a bit passive/aggressive. He puts you up on a pedestal, while he talks like you are out of reach for him/it's not right, etc. In that whole letter he was fishing to see if you felt the same way. I bet money on it, he would be hoping you contact him if possible.

[SherrySher]

12 hours ago, lisa_pw said:

I visited a foreign country last month and got into a bit of trouble where I basically ran out of money and had no way to get home. I met a 41m who was nice enough to rent a place for me to stay while I got my stuff sorted, which ended up taking two weeks. I'm sure he liked me, and I developed a bit of a crush on him too.

On the day I left, he gave me this letter. What does it mean? Is he rejecting me? Should I reach out to him?

 

Forgive me for doing it the old-fashioned way, but I find I am better at expressing myself through writing rather than talking in person.

I wanted to let you know how grateful I am to have met you. It’s unfortunate that we met in such a demoralising and depressing place, but that night through all the sounds, lights and distractions, you caught my attention and stood out from everybody else. I mustered up my courage to speak to you, and after your cold (but cute) response, I didn’t know what to do – I just knew I wanted to see you again.

When we had our first proper conversation, I was struck by your accent. I remember leaving you there that night because I was tired and wanted to go home. However, I regretted that a lot and wished I had asked for your number or stayed longer.

I didn’t see you again even though I visited every day before flying out. You had told me you would be gone in a few days so I had given up. You were a distant, but special memory in my mind. So could you imagine how I felt when I went one day and saw you sitting alone?

But, as circumstances would have it, I was in a rush to meet my friend and I had to leave you again. I did ask for your number but you told me you didn’t have a phone. You said it with a smirk on your face so I knew you were lying. So I was left to wonder if I would ever see you again. I thought I wouldn’t because you told me your visa was expiring, but I always held out hope, even if it was unrealistic.

We somehow managed to meet on another night. Maybe due to my persistence? Or maybe due to luck? Or perhaps, cruel fate?

I know you don’t like or want sympathy, but it hurt me to hear that you didn’t have a place to stay. It pained me even more when you told me you spent a night sleeping in the park. And I know you won’t like reading this, but I felt a strong desire and urge to protect you, to keep you safe. So as you know, I did my best and provided accommodation for you.

I wasn’t sure what my end goal was, but I told myself I would just take it one day at a time. I wanted to see you fly home safely, but I also wanted to keep seeing you every day, so that was the dilemma I had to deal with.

Adding more to the dilemma were the differences in our situations. I’m older and separated, and you’re younger and single. I’ve lived a good part of my life, whereas for you, your life is just beginning.

Despite our differences, I always felt a magnetic connection to you. I just knew I wanted to keep seeing you and that I never wanted to leave you. I’ve seen your cold demeanour. I’ve seen your ***-face. I’ve seen your half-asleep face. And I like all of them. I especially liked it every time when you would get excited talking about something and your eyes would light up with enthusiasm. I also liked the joy I saw on your face every time you ate something you liked.

One perpetual memory I will always have is the day we went running. It felt so good to get some fresh air and clear our heads together. I wanted to take the day off work and run with you all day next to the water.

At the time of writing this letter, I’m not sure how things will end? Will you be reading this on the plane? Or will you still be here?

All I know is that you’ve left some incredible memories in my mind, so I am grateful for that. Thank you for being someone I could share my secrets with, even if it was for a fleeting amount of time. Thank you for sharing your music, culture and knowledge with me. I still remember the night where you showed me all the different music videos. Listening to you sing felt so soothing and peaceful. I wish I could listen to your voice forever.

I don’t think I will go back to the bar again. I have too many memories of seeing you there, and being there would just be an excruciating reminder for me that you’re no longer here in my life. Maybe one day I will look back and think about how I met this young, stubborn girl, who got herself into a bit of trouble. She was exceptionally intelligent, confident and attractive.

I think you’re a special and unique person who will do well in life, no matter where you go. I want you to have a full and wholesome life. Be a good person and listen to your parents. Throw this letter away after reading it, and never think about me again.

Maybe in the next life we can meet in a better place, with better timing.

The one thing you definitely need to focus on, is the fact that separated, still means married.

He has a wife somewhere. She and him are still working on things.

But if you looked at the bigger picture, how would this man fit into your life?

How would your parents and friends accept him?

Are you willing to move permanently to his country and live with him forever?

The age difference is also a huge factor.

I know it may not seem like it, but you have such different life experiences, and that does make a massive difference.

You are just starting out looking for adventure. He has already done adventure, girlfriends, marriage, a wife, possibly children.

There are so many reasons why it's far too complicated and makes no sense.

By the sounds of the letter, he is wishing you well, thanking you for the nice memories and is saying goodbye.

[boltnrun]

What does he mean by saying you were "cold" to him?

[lisa_pw]

14 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

What would he be rejecting, exactly?

You had fun together but there's no relationship. He's also correct that you're in wildly different places in life and thus are not actually compatible. 

 

He never made a move to kiss me, so it feels like he rejected me and thought I wasn't attractive enough.

4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

I don't see a rejection anywhere. He's a bit passive/aggressive. He puts you up on a pedestal, while he talks like you are out of reach for him/it's not right, etc. In that whole letter he was fishing to see if you felt the same way. I bet money on it, he would be hoping you contact him if possible.

Why do you say he's passive/aggressive?

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

What does he mean by saying you were "cold" to him?

When he first approached me, it was in the casino part of the bar. He said "it looks like you want to play" and I said "I am going to play" and walked off.

Update: he sent me messages saying he misses me

[lisa_pw]

Also forgot to mention that he paid for half my ticket to fly back home

[itsallgrand]

He's torn between his willy and doing the right thing.

Did you have interest in him before he bailed you out? Sounds like you weren't giving him the time of day until you were in trouble. 

[rainbowsandroses]

47 minutes ago, lisa_pw said:

He never made a move to kiss me, so it feels like he rejected me and thought I wasn't attractive enough.

I'm sorry wha?  Where did this assumption come from? 

I read his entire message and that was about as far from a "rejection" as one could get. 

In fact, it actually sounded to me closer to a love letter than rejection!

But the age difference, his marital status and the distance make it not a viable situation. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, lisa_pw said:

He never made a move to kiss me, so it feels like he rejected me and thought I wasn't attractive enough.

Why do you say he's passive/aggressive?

When he first approached me, it was in the casino part of the bar. He said "it looks like you want to play" and I said "I am going to play" and walked off.

Update: he sent me messages saying he misses me

Seems to me you’re playing games with someone who was really thoughtful and generous. Why ??

[SooSad33]

On 7/31/2023 at 10:10 PM, lisa_pw said:

Maybe one day I will look back and think about how I met this young, stubborn girl, who got herself into a bit of trouble. She was exceptionally intelligent, confident and attractive.

First of all, that's a huge age difference yes!  Plus, you were there on holiday? ( which was just that, a holiday and now you are back to reality) 😉 .

It sounds like he thought you were a decent young lady & he was able to help you out of your troubles & back home. It's fine, he found you interesting & pretty, but that's it, imo.

I suggest you see nothing of this, but an experience. Be done and move on.