Final update - Old coworker crush, spills her guts out about boyfriend, my GF is now upset

[temporarycontrol]

If you haven't seen my prior posts that's totally fine! Here's the TLDR on that:

Crush on coworker, also flirts with me and tells me she has feelings for me

She has a boyfriend

She leaves my workplace, comes back a year later, starts messaging me, I find out she still has the same boyfriend

 

So we've started working together and it's been okay. I see her here and there, and we occasionally do some superficial chat in the lunchroom or just in passing. She still sends me texts but they're very short and to the point (hey do you know where I can park? Hey has the meeting been moved to 5:00? stuff like that). 

We've occasionally grabbed lunch but just talked about sports and whatnot. One day she asks me to get lunch with her and if we can talk. I say "....Okay?" and we meet up around noon while having some coffee and she tells me the following:

"Are all men immature? I'm so frustrated! my bf doesn't cook, doesn't clean, has no ambitions to do anything, doesn't even try to find a better job but complains about his current work all the time. I can't even remember the last time we went on a date or had sex. The first six months were great, we would go out all the time and we couldn't even leave the bedroom, and now I feel like that part of my relationship is dead. I'm getting old, and I want kids soon, I only have a few years left to actually have them but I don't want to be a single mom doing everything. I do love him, and he's so good with kids and to his family, but he doesn't even know how to drive a car, but we've been talking about getting engaged and I don't see him fixing any of this"

I just kind of sat there in shock and told her I was sorry to hear that and that maybe she needs to go to counselling with her boyfriend. I can see she's visually upset and I just tell her that relationships are hard and no ones perfect. We walk back to work and continue with the rest of our day.

I tell my girlfriend all about this and she got upset with me. She tells me that the only reason she's complaining to me is because she's using me as a backup for when she dumps her boyfriend, and that I'm blind for not seeing this (considering our past where we were both attracted to each other), and how she's overlapping me and trying to see if I'll go back to her before she dumps her bf (she knows I have a gf). I tell her I'm sorry and I block her on my phone and tell her I'll no longer grab coffee or even chat with her at work.

Am I in the wrong? I do feel bad now but I have been 100% open about all of this to my GF and she always seemed supportive until now.  I just wanted to offer some support to someone that knows no one at work and who apparently has a crappy home life. I am in NO WAY trying to get back with this girl and I've even told her how me and my gf "can work out any problem and I'm so lucky I found her". I do feel bad, but I also feel like my gf is just getting jealous for.....no reason?

In the end it doesn't matter, as I've blocked her number and I will avoid contact with her now. But truly I feel like my GF is wrong about the situation (her feelings are valid and she's allowed to feel this way, but I just think she may be wrong about the situation).

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Andrina]

5 minutes ago, temporarycontrol said:

Am I in the wrong? I do feel bad now but I have been 100% open about all of this to my GF and she always seemed supportive until now.  I just wanted to offer some support to someone that knows no one at work and who apparently has a crappy home life. I am in NO WAY trying to get back with this girl and I've even told her how me and my gf "can work out any problem and I'm so lucky I found her". I do feel bad, but I also feel like my gf is just getting jealous for.....no reason?

 

Your gf is absolutely correct and you have done the right thing by no longer doing lunch and losing this co-workers number.

Chemistry normally doesn't go away between 2 people, even if they've never been intimate. And when you work with a person you share chemistry with, it is crossing boundaries to have an ounce more of involvement than you would with any other co-worker. Because people can be drawn into emotional affairs with a co-worker and sometimes don't realize it until it's too late.

Under these circumstances, the co-worker is wrong for confiding in you about her bf. That's something she should be confiding to a female relative or friend. And yes, she knows you have a gf so this could be her way of placing a worm in your brain, informing you she's easy for the taking if you wanted to dump your gf to be with her, without saying as much.

This woman is an adult and she can figure out her own situation without your help. 

Your gf's feelings are more important, and they are valid. 

[Kwothe28]

25 minutes ago, temporarycontrol said:

I tell my girlfriend all about this and she got upset with me. She tells me that the only reason she's complaining to me is because she's using me as a backup for when she dumps her boyfriend, and that I'm blind for not seeing this (considering our past where we were both attracted to each other), and how she's overlapping me and trying to see if I'll go back to her before she dumps her bf (she knows I have a gf). I tell her I'm sorry and I block her on my phone and tell her I'll no longer grab coffee or even chat with her at work.

 

I think your girlfriend is spot on. There is absolutely no reason to keep contact with somebody who complains you in that way. Either you are:

a) complete into friendzone to the point of her ranting to you about her boyfriend

b) she is telling you that so you could know how her situation with the boyfriend is so you could make a move

Seeing that you have a girlfriend, would you want to risk option b? Its good that you have been honest with her and blocked the coworker.

[Batya33]

I agree this woman is crossing boundaries. I remember once I gave a woman my husband’s number as she was thinking of getting into his industry. He spoke with her and told me she went on and on about emotional stuff having to do with the transition. Like TMI. I wasn’t concerned she was hitting on him and was glad he saw it as inappropriate.  

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, temporarycontrol said:

I also feel like my gf is just getting jealous for.....no reason?

You are wrong.

Your girlfriend is right to be concerned about this woman. You did the right thing by blocking her and cutting this off. Try to exercise better boundaries with in the future, OP. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, temporarycontrol said:

 

In the end it doesn't matter, as I've blocked her number and I will avoid contact with her now. But truly I feel like my GF is wrong about the situation .

Your GF has a point. Not that this coworker is interested in you, but rather it's inappropriate. This coworker treats you like a male-girlfriend and shoulder to cry on. You're actually just wasting your time on this coworker. 

[catfeeder]

If you’re referring to this woman with the word ‘crush,’ then GF is picking up a valid reason to be annoyed. Whether you’ve consciously expressed it or not.

Don’t insult her by playing dense. It’s not a good look.

[Lambert]

Well, I think it comes down to common sense. Why would you tell all this to your gf? Like this was any other coworker?

Of course it was to make your girlfriend jealous or at least to pump up your ego.  

You should be more conscious of the things you say to someone you claim to be so glad you have. 

Sounds like manufactured drama created by you and now your girlfriend is in the wrong for getting her feathers up? 

Gosh talk about blaming the victim. 

[smackie9]

No one can really say what her motive is in saying those things to you, but it does make your GF uncomfortable. Anyone in her situation wouldn't like it. Try putting yourself in your GF's shoes, and have a think.

Even tho you have no interest in your coworker, going out for lunch together and communicating through means that is not provided by your employer is inappropriate. Things got way too personal way too fast and that can really effect your job/work environment, and disrupt your relationship with your GF. 

You did the right thing by blocking her. Set the record straight with her that going forward it's best to keep things on a professional level.