Pet Sitting

[Tomthumb88]

I'm being deployed for the military for a year and have a few small tree frogs I've been keeping as pets the last few years.   I was hoping to find someone to care for them but I have been unable to and it's getting close.   I suppose I'm going to give them to a local pet store but I was really hoping to find someone to take care of them while i'm away so I could get them back when I return.  

But the refusal by everyone to do me this favor is really irritating me.   Am I being unreasonable?   The care is pretty easy, you just need to make sure they have water and give them some crickets every week or so but I can get why someone wouldn't want to deal with that, but on the other hand it's the things you don't want to do that you do for others that separates a real friend/family member from a Fairweather associate.  Further, one of my supposably closer friends, instead of just saying no replied with stupid jokes like he was going to feed them to his cat or I should leave them in a river.  A no would be fine but the denigrating pisses me off.   It's like telling him to put his cat or dog to sleep.  I could probably kinda force my parents to take them but they're old and i'm not sure I want to do that.  I'm not going to ask again because It's making me feel like I only have friends who are friends when it's convenient for them. 

I guess my questions are: 

Should I just give them to the pet store?

Am I wrong for being pissed off for everyone's refusal to help me out?  

[Seraphim]

I think was is it happening is they don’t see them as “ real pets” and the guys are busting your chops. I think maybe a pet store might be ok for them. We had to return our fish to the pet store we bought them from when we posted out from our previous location . Totally understand your predicament as another military family . Stay Safe. 

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, Tomthumb88 said:

.  I could probably kinda force my parents to take them but they're old.

Ask your parents. Even if they're elderly, these pets aren't high maintenance.  Maybe they might enjoy it as a hobby. All you can do is ask.

[Batya33]

How much were you offering to pay ?  My son pet sit for a hamster and a cat for 5 days and was paid $50 or $60 when he was 12. In the neighbor’s apartment. He changed the food and played with them.  Mostly with the cat as he didn’t want to take the hamster out of the cage. 

[Seraphim]

When I go on holidays in July I need to pay $25 a day to have my cats cared for. Mind you I know the person and I am not leaving for a year. I wouldn’t want people I don’t know tramping through my house . 

[Cherylyn]

@Tomthumb88.  Thank you for your service. 

Having owned many pets through the years,  I'm sorry for what you are experiencing.  When my sons were little,  they owned several lizards which they caught in front of one of our neighbor's house and another lizard from our backyard.  We had a terrarium,  heated rock,  overhead lamp,  fake grass and the whole set up for these lizards.  Food?  Well,  it was my job to drive to the pet store every week.  The pet shop would put a torn egg carton in a clear bag,  have the crickets crawl on them and seal the bag with oxygen.  I bought crickets for the lizards so my sons could sprinkle the crickets into the terrarium and fascinatingly observe their lizards eat crickets.  🦎 🪳  Lizards also ate meal worms which again, required weekly trips to the local pet store.  I had a separate smaller terrarium for the meal worms where they feasted on raw oatmeal all week.  Talk about the food chain! 🙄  If I didn't drive to the pet store every week on schedule,  the lizards would've died. 

If you owned a cat,  perhaps you would have more takers to pet sit because they're less apt to be high maintenance albeit scooping the litter box daily,  making sure the cat has food and water.  Cats don't require daily walks as dogs would.  Or, a kennel but kennels and paying for pet sitters can be expensive. 

Or, if you had a goldfish and provided a canister of goldfish food,  for example,  that would be an easy pet to pet sit.  Cleaning a goldfish bowl doesn't require much work. 

Total:  My husband,  sons and I've owned birds (parakeets, finches,  cockatiel),  rabbits,  lizards,  cats,  crawdads and dogs.  We're currently taking a long break from pet ownership and I must say, the freedom is a relief.  Non-pet ownership may very well be permanent status for us. 

Perhaps you can offer a barter arrangement such as requesting your friends or whomever you know to pet sit for you during your deployment with the promise to pet sit for them while they're on vacation or holiday when you come home from deployment.  Have some sort of fair trade and swap pet sitting duties. 

Some people want to know:  What's in it for me?  Perhaps you can sweeten the deal and tell them you'll treat them to dinner if they'll pet sit for you.  Something like that? 

I agree that a lot of people in one's life are indeed "Good Time Charlies" or fair weather friends.  This is a given.  People love a good time,  love to dine together,  be treated or paid for,  entertainment,  outings,  share laughs  😁 and socialize.  Then the minute you ask them for a favor,  they pump the brakes. 🤨  However,  I wouldn't be too harsh on them regarding impositions of pet care,  childcare,  picking a friend up from the airport at 2AM,  emergencies,  loans,  assistance of any sort and the like because this is where they expect boundaries which is human nature.  Most people don't want to be inconvenienced so if it falls under the realm of fair weather friends,  then so be it.  It's the way it is so there is no shock factor there.  Save hero type friends for the movies,  TV,  storybooks, magazines and fantasy land. 

Yes,  I would either donate your tree frogs to a pet store or if you know a neighbor, parents,  child or children amongst any in your locale,  perhaps you can donate your tree frog pets to them along with pet supplies.  They could very well be delighted to inherit your pets.  Provide thorough written instructions for parents and for the children if they're so inclined to accept new pets from you. 

Like you,  there were times when I felt bitter and resentful given that I've done so much for others in my life whether they were friends,  relatives,  in-laws and neighbors yet whenever I needed them to step up and do something,  anything for me or my family,  they were nowhere to be seen nor heard.  Therefore,  yes,  I concur,  many people are indeed fair weather friends and "Good Time Charlies" indeed.  I've delivered home cooked meals to other people during times of tumult (birth / death / financial hardship / surgeries / emergencies / moving in / moving out),  helped others move from residence to residence,  hosted events in their honor for all occasions,  obliged to their endless favors and requests.  My husband, sons and I gave up our weekends and after work hours to help others above and beyond yet when it was our turn needing them,  they all scattered to the four winds.  ☹️  Go figure.  There were only a few occasions when my best friends,  some relatives and in-laws helped us but it was few and far between.  We've expended more of ourselves for them which is terribly unfair and screams their apathy and indifference towards us.  A lot of people have no qualms doing all the taking while there is no shame whatsoever to ignore giving back which disgusts me beyond measure. 

I feel for you.  In your case,  do a role reversal.  If you had the lives of some of your friends with their jobs and hectic households,  you may very well would've declined doing favors for them.  Then again,  you're not them and they're not you.  We all have different personalities and characters.  Some people are more giving of themselves to others.  Some people are more or less selfish.  This is human nature.  Even though you would pet sit,  not everyone is willing to pet sit.  Try not to take it personally.  Even though most people won't admit it,  they don't want their lives inconvenienced nor disrupted.  They don't want even a little extra responsibility nor willing to give their time for you regarding pet sitting and taking care of your pets.  Or, any other inconvenience or disruption.  Their answer is NO.  Also,  if they're charitable enough to think this,  they don't want your tree frogs to get sick or die under their watch.  Most of all,  they don't want the hassle of taking care of another life.  It's the hard truth.  If it were a small object?  Yes.  A life?  NO. 

You don't have to like it but you have to grudgingly accept people as is.  Once you accept people as is,  your disappointment level in them becomes less.  Lower your expectations in others.  Lower your standards in people because whatever they do or not do for you will no longer faze you and you'll become numb which is good.  🙂

 

[spinstermanquee]

53 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

they don't want your tree frogs to get sick or die under their watch.  Most of all,  they don't want the hassle of taking care of another life. 

^^ this.  Tree frogs are not a widely known, common pet.  If my best friend asked me to take care of her frogs, I might hesitate unless I first had a full blown education about them, knew all the pitfalls and gotchas, and spent quite a bit of time ("test runs") prior to her departure to gain confidence that I could handle anything that comes up.  It's a large responsibility to take care of someone's pets, especially an uncommon type - and more than one.  Size doesn't matter.    I would want to know several sources of food for them (in case one pet store was out I'd want backup choices, hopefully close by my residence).  I would want to know all about their health and have backup plans A, B, and C in case of issues. 

I would feel SO horrible if anything happened and I wasn't able to address the situation.  Imagine me telling my best friend her frogs died while she was gone.  I don't know if I could handle it, and the fact that it could possibly destroy our friendship just adds to the list of cons.  But that's just me.  Good luck my dear, hope you find a solution that works for everyone, most especially your pets 🙂

[Cherylyn]

Having to feed crickets requires extra time for weekly trips to buy crickets 🪳  from the pet store.  I know.  Been there,  done that. 

Try not to measure your friendships based upon who would be willing to pet sit and those who've refused and declined to do you a favor.  Believe me,  there are far worse reasons why friendships are not worth retaining.  Again,  I could tell you indignant stories regarding transgressions which would curl your toes.

What was uncalled for was your friend's boorish,  crass and cruel jokes as he described feeding your  pet frogs 🐸 🐸 to his cat  🐱 or abandon them at the river.   I would focus more on your friend's mean remarks than no one wiling to pet sit your frogs.  🐸 🐸 His mean "jokes" are akin to you telling him that you will put his cat 🐱 and dog 🐶🐕 in a bag and drown them in deep pond,  lake or river.  A lot of people killed animals this way and it was common to murder pregnant animals,  puppies or kittens this way.  😡 It was their version of animal population control. 

If anything,  instead of focusing on no available pet sitters,  focus on your so-called friend who has the audacity and nerve to joke about cruelty to a life.  There is something wrong with his character which you should pay attention to.  A friend like that is not a friend worth admiring. 

I agree,  your elderly parents should be spared from pet sitting. 

Try not to be angry.  I could give you a taste of my anger.  How much time have you got?  🥴

 

[catfeeder]

Thank you for your service, and I hope you can work this out. Maybe the frogs would prefer a life beyond captivity?

You may want to speak to some animal rescue teams who might help to find a foster family, and also ask a pet store whether bringing them there would even be an option.

You say you've had them a few years, and you likely know that their lifespan is only 5 to 9 years. So people my be afraid of them dying on their watch, and weekly trips to a pet store for live food is not a small ask. Add that people would need to be responsible for finding others to care for them when they want to vacation or take work trips.

I'm not saying it's impossible to find help, but I am raising that it makes no sense for your own head and heart to hold resentment toward people you otherwise care about because you are underestimating the degree of responsibility behind your request.

[MissCanuck]

12 hours ago, Tomthumb88 said:

Am I wrong for being pissed off for everyone's refusal to help me out?  

I think you're being unreasonable to get pissed off, yes. 

Not everyone wants the responsibility of a pet, especially one as unusual as a tree frog. Even if they are low-maintenance, it still means a commitment to their care. I would personally not be comfortable caring for an animal I know nothing about, lest something bad happen. 

Speak to a local pet shop or animal rescue centre. See what they can recommend. And don't hold this over your friends' and family's head. That's not fair. 

[Cherylyn]

If I were your friend,  I'd politely decline taking care of your pets for my reasons mentioned previously.  (Unusual pets,  high maintenance weekly trips to the pet store for crickets,  possible loss because they leap,  sickness and death due to inexperience with frogs)  I would hope you wouldn't consider me a fair weather friend because friendships shouldn't be based upon helping each other.    I would even go so far as to say friendships shouldn't have expectations,  indebtedness nor obligations in order to maintain friendships.  

My cousin believed that her friendships and associations were based upon need and how each friend could benefit her.  Not that you are a sociopath but she was and my previous admiration eventually fizzled once I caught onto her insincere intentions for people.  It's sneaky to befriend others based upon:  "How can this person benefit my life?  How can I set them up so they owe me favors in the future?"  I find this type of mindset to be disdainful and very worldly.  I don't know who she is anymore because before her current strife filled life,  she had integrity.   It is no wonder we're currently estranged.  I can read right through people like a transparent newspaper. 

Friendships should be unconditional,  without impositions and include enforced healthy boundaries.  Be kind to one another but exercise discretion and limits. 

Try not to feel bitter and resentful regarding your friends not stepping up to help you.  Everyone is responsible for their own lives including pets.  This is why we defer to professional hired help and pay for services whether it's moving from residence to residence,  pet sitters,  kennels,   banks for loans,  hire contractors for your home,  mechanics for your car,  hire house sitters and pay with your wallet for anything you need.  We take care of our own. 

Long ago,  my father said this to me:  "Owe nobody nothing."  (Ironic, considering how much monetary debt he amassed and left to my poor mother.)  Perhaps it was his way of teaching me to be independent and responsible for my own life. 

I would apply fair weather friends and 'Good Time Charlies' to more intimate (non-physical) relationships.  For example,  all the help my husband,  sons and I've given to neighbors,  relatives and  in-laws during times of tumult (births,  deaths,  post-surgeries,  expensive homemade gifts,  gift cards,  brought home cooked meals to their houses,  home entertained,  helped others home entertain,  etc.).  Whenever our lives were in tumult for the same reasons,  all they would say was this:  "Well,  I'll pray for you" at best yet they didn't do anything reciprocal regarding food,  gifts and chauffeuring as we've done for them countless times whenever they were in dire straits.   They had no qualms when we treated them to restaurant dining (same with my brother / mother) yet they never reciprocated consistently which is taking advantage of our generosity and coming along for the free ride all the time.  In this case,  I've since learned to do less to nil through the years so the relationship is equitable,  fair and balanced.  I no longer knock myself out for others by going above and beyond in order to make other people's lives relieved,  easier and happier.  In other words,  I've since pumped the brakes on being nice because what do I get out of it?  It doesn't feel rewarding whenever people do all the taking and never give back.   I'm kind but I don't over think how to be helpful,  thoughtful,  generous and nice because they don't devote the same energy,  labor and resources for my husband,  sons and me.  What goes around comes around. 😒

I have a fairly close relationship with my local brother.  He helped us move from house to house numerous times.  He helped my husband landscape our front and back yards.  I fed him homemade meals during his work and to this day,  I'll still occasionally drop off home cooked dinners and household supplies to his house because he's very selfless.  I've been to his house to help him declutter and clean and some projects were big.  We're close in that way.  However,  for the majority of every year,  we don't bother each other as we're very busy with employment and maintaining our own lives.  He has pets yet he has never asked me to pet sit.  I generally volunteer to bring home cooked dinners to his house or help him with whatever in his household.  His house needs work and despite my extremely busy husband who knows how to do handyman type jobs,  my brother has never been an imposition,  never asked my husband for time consuming help with electrical,  plumbing,  construction,  yard work,  house / car repairs / maintenance, etc.  He hires contractors.  We don't take advantage of each other.  There is no fair weather friend nor 'Good Time Charlie' mentality between siblings,  mother and me.

Same with my close friend.  She has 3 dogs yet never asks me to pet sit despite her numerous trips out of town throughout the year.  She hires a pet sitter and house sitter.  She hires contractors for anything.  She takes responsibility for her own life's needs and pets because it's her problem to figure out.  Not ours. 

 

 

 

[Batya33]

Also I might be wrong but aren't there strict protocols to avoid illness from handling frogs?

[Tinydance]

Well I think there are some types of favours from friends that not doing them doesn't actually make them bad friends. I mean, it's true that friends should be there for us. But for example if you ask friends to give/lend you money, I don't think they actually have to do that. You can't get annoyed that friends didn't give you money because they don't HAVE to give you money. They might not be in a position to give it or just don't want the awkwardness of having to deal with lending money.

I think it's the same with pets where they don't technically HAVE to watch your pets. I think if someone already has pets and goes to the pet store and things like that, maybe they might be OK with it since they're a "pet person". But people who don't have pets themselves probably don't really care for pets and don't want the responsibility of taking care of them.

Also did you offer to send your friends money to buy the crickets and so on? Usually people pay for the upkeep of their pet and they even give the person a gift or money to thank them for their trouble. For example, my parents left their dog with professional dog sitters from a pet sitting agency and they charged a lot of money for it. But my parents still gave them some mochi desserts from their trip to Japan as well because the people did a really good job taking care of their dog.

Also I'm not sure about where you live, but here in Australia you can buy just general pet products in any supermarket. But for things like crickets I think you would need to go to an actual pet store. There isn't a pet store everywhere here so you'd need to drive to another suburb usually and things like that.

So while it seems like the frogs are low maintaince pets but they probably do require extra effort. Also it might be different if you asked people to take them for a weekend but it's actually for a whole year.

Also I'm not trying to be rude but usually when people have a job where they're required to travel, they don't keep pets. I don't think you can keep pets with the expectation that someone will take care of them. As you've realised, that might actually not happen.

I'm sorry about your frogs though. When I was a teenager I had fish and mice and I was still attached to them, even though you can't bond quite as closely as with a cat or dog.

I think you should try asking your parents because they might actually say yes. Good luck!

[Cherylyn]

I agree with @Tinydance.  Just because friends won't do favors doesn't make them bad friends.   I agree,  friends should be there for you and I refer to moral support when it comes to being there for you. 

When it comes to lending money,  it is crossing bounds.  Suddenly,  the friendship transforms from friendship to a business arrangement which is doubly awkward and worse yet,  can ruin many a friendship.  The friendship will no longer revert to more innocent times and the friendship won't feel  the same anymore. 

At least with banking institutions,  you're interacting with strangers regarding loans.  With friends,  it's personal mixed with a business deal which can lead to personal anger between two people and unfortunately,  often times end in estrangement.  ☹️

As an aside @Tomthumb88,  I agree with you.  I fail to see the humor regarding your friend's boorishly crass "joke" about feeding your pet frogs to his cat or abandoning them at the river.   Your friend sounds like an  __________.

Regarding pets whether frogs,  cats,  dogs,  etc.,  don't take it personally.  It's not that they don't like you.  Most people,  friends or not,  do not want the hassle of added time consuming inconveniences and responsibilities to their already frenetically paced lives.  As if they don't have enough to deal with as it is on a daily basis?  Now,  you're asking them to take care of your pets, too?   Often times,  they'll never hesitate to immediately decline your request.  However, they don't classify as fair weather friends or 'Good Time Charlies.'

In my case,  I apply descriptions of fair weather friends or 'Good Time Charlies' to those who've received so much from me such as home cooked meals,  gifts of money for occasions,  home made gifts,  gift cards,  chauffeuring help and the like but when it comes to my turn needing the same,  I only hear crickets.  🪳  Where are they?  They're not giving me anything whenever my life was in tumult.  ☹️  They took advantage of my generosity yet never gave back.  <==  Those types of people are fair weather friends and 'Good Time Charlies.'  They enjoyed good times with me yet never reciprocated after I had done so much for them for many years. 

Long ago,  my next door neighbor and I took turns watching each others houses while either one of us were on vacation.  Duties included the following:  picked up various accumulated advertisements tossed on their driveway,  fed their outdoor cat (making sure it had food and water),  watered backyard vegetable gardens,  watered front yard roses and plants.   In turn,  they watched over our house, too.  Upon arriving home,  I always gave them a generous gift card to their favorite nearby restaurant,  high end bakery pies accompanied with a handwritten thank you note.  Our neighbor gave us tourist-souvenir gift shop key chain trinkets and an abundance of fruit from their backyard fruit trees throughout the year.  We did the same for our other next door neighbor except this neighbor had a backyard outdoor tortoise.   These types of pets were easy to pet sit.  We simply left food out for them and we were done.  They gave us a homemade loaf of banana bread and a handwritten thank you note.  It was low level maintenance and a fair trade.  We did not house sit indoors for them, however.  The banana bread neighbor was helpful in other ways.  The banana bread neighbor guy observed my husband struggling to corral our trash bins during a torrential downpour so the banana bread neighbor ran out to help my husband roll our trash bins upright in the pouring rain.  🌨️ 😯  Therefore,  in this regard,  they're good neighbors in other ways such as reasonable emergencies. 

My local mother-in-law (MIL) and father-in-law (FIL) pet sat our dog years ago.  We drove our dog 🐶 🐕 along with food and pet supplies to their house.  They took care of our furry friend while we were on vacation for a week.  We gave them a generous gift card to their favorite nearby restaurant and a handwritten thank you note.   We've also paid for a kennel to tend to our dog for several days as well.  Nothing was given to the professional kennel except money.  💰

I agree with @catfeeder.  Asking friends to take care of your frogs during your deployment is a long stretch (a year+ ?),  quite unreasonable and unrealistic whereas asking for a weekend or a few days,  might be doable if you're prepared for anything to go awry such as escapes,  sickness or death. 

Hopefully,  your parents can frog sit but the crickets? 🪳 Would they be willing to go to the pet store every week to purchase crickets for your frogs?  🐸 🐸

 

 

 

 

 

[Tinydance]

19 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I agree with @Tinydance.  Just because friends won't do favors doesn't make them bad friends.   I agree,  friends should be there for you and I refer to moral support when it comes to being there for you. 

When it comes to lending money,  it is crossing bounds.  Suddenly,  the friendship transforms from friendship to a business arrangement which is doubly awkward and worse yet,  can ruin many a friendship.  The friendship will no longer revert to more innocent times and the friendship won't feel  the same anymore. 

At least with banking institutions,  you're interacting with strangers regarding loans.  With friends,  it's personal mixed with a business deal which can lead to personal anger between two people and unfortunately,  often times end in estrangement.  ☹️

As an aside @Tomthumb88,  I agree with you.  I fail to see the humor regarding your friend's boorishly crass "joke" about feeding your pet frogs to his cat or abandoning them at the river.   Your friend sounds like an  __________.

Regarding pets whether frogs,  cats,  dogs,  etc.,  don't take it personally.  It's not that they don't like you.  Most people,  friends or not,  do not want the hassle of added time consuming inconveniences and responsibilities to their already frenetically paced lives.  As if they don't have enough to deal with as it is on a daily basis?  Now,  you're asking them to take care of your pets, too?   Often times,  they'll never hesitate to immediately decline your request.  However, they don't classify as fair weather friends or 'Good Time Charlies.'

In my case,  I apply descriptions of fair weather friends or 'Good Time Charlies' to those who've received so much from me such as home cooked meals,  gifts of money for occasions,  home made gifts,  gift cards,  chauffeuring help and the like but when it comes to my turn needing the same,  I only hear crickets.  🪳  Where are they?  They're not giving me anything whenever my life was in tumult.  ☹️  They took advantage of my generosity yet never gave back.  <==  Those types of people are fair weather friends and 'Good Time Charlies.'  They enjoyed good times with me yet never reciprocated after I had done so much for them for many years. 

Long ago,  my next door neighbor and I took turns watching each others houses while either one of us were on vacation.  Duties included the following:  picked up various accumulated advertisements tossed on their driveway,  fed their outdoor cat (making sure it had food and water),  watered backyard vegetable gardens,  watered front yard roses and plants.   In turn,  they watched over our house, too.  Upon arriving home,  I always gave them a generous gift card to their favorite nearby restaurant,  high end bakery pies accompanied with a handwritten thank you note.  Our neighbor gave us tourist-souvenir gift shop key chain trinkets and an abundance of fruit from their backyard fruit trees throughout the year.  We did the same for our other next door neighbor except this neighbor had a backyard outdoor tortoise.   These types of pets were easy to pet sit.  We simply left food out for them and we were done.  They gave us a homemade loaf of banana bread and a handwritten thank you note.  It was low level maintenance and a fair trade.  We did not house sit indoors for them, however.  The banana bread neighbor was helpful in other ways.  The banana bread neighbor guy observed my husband struggling to corral our trash bins during a torrential downpour so the banana bread neighbor ran out to help my husband roll our trash bins upright in the pouring rain.  🌨️ 😯  Therefore,  in this regard,  they're good neighbors in other ways such as reasonable emergencies. 

My local mother-in-law (MIL) and father-in-law (FIL) pet sat our dog years ago.  We drove our dog 🐶 🐕 along with food and pet supplies to their house.  They took care of our furry friend while we were on vacation for a week.  We gave them a generous gift card to their favorite nearby restaurant and a handwritten thank you note.   We've also paid for a kennel to tend to our dog for several days as well.  Nothing was given to the professional kennel except money.  💰

I agree with @catfeeder.  Asking friends to take care of your frogs during your deployment is a long stretch (a year+ ?),  quite unreasonable and unrealistic whereas asking for a weekend or a few days,  might be doable if you're prepared for anything to go awry such as escapes,  sickness or death. 

Hopefully,  your parents can frog sit but the crickets? 🪳 Would they be willing to go to the pet store every week to purchase crickets for your frogs?  🐸 🐸

 

 

 

 

 

I was actually going to write that most support we should expect from our friends is moral and emotional. Like, for example, if you tell your friend you're going through something bad and they take long to reply or don't reply at all, yes they're a bad  friend. But if you ask them things like mind your pets, lend money, drive them around, fix things, these aren't really things they HAVE to do. They can do them in particular situations and if they're in a position to do so.

For example, if my friend asked me to drive them because they just had surgery and they need to be picked up, I'd do it if I was able to. But if they asked me to just drive them to work because their car is getting serviced or something, I think that's asking a bit much.

I guess if you don't ask these kinds of favours often then it's OK to ask when you really need it. There is no harm in asking and that person can say yes or no. But I don't think they're necessarily a bad friend if they said no.

[1a1a]

Thought on one more place you might be able to get them frog Sat, can you connect with your local frog keeping community? In my city there’s a Facebook group for people who keep rats and if I hadn’t been able to leave mine with my parents when I went travelling for work that’s the next place I’d have asked. 

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, Tinydance said:

I was actually going to write that most support we should expect from our friends is moral and emotional. Like, for example, if you tell your friend you're going through something bad and they take long to reply or don't reply at all, yes they're a bad  friend. But if you ask them things like mind your pets, lend money, drive them around, fix things, these aren't really things they HAVE to do. They can do them in particular situations and if they're in a position to do so.

I like this standard and even with moral and emotional support it's fine to have boundaries.  I turn my phone off at night and go to bed early.  If it was an emergency I'd talk to a friend late at night and if not an emergency, no. 

I had an online friend (lived in the area -we know many people in common including in person) who was very needy and begged to come over my house to hang out for a day because she was so lonely - she was vaccinated and we were too and covid was raging in our area. In our 2 bedroom apartment my husband and I were teleworking and our son doing virtual school among lots of clutter.  I said no. 

I'd offered several  times and offered again to meet her for a walk in the park in my area (I couldn't travel to her given my childcare/virtual school situation) and she declined.  She in particular wanted to hang out in our home for a full day for "emotional support". 

To me even a friend who is needy doesn't necessarily get to choose her form of what support is.  Unless it's an emergency.  Then there's often no choice -then I'm going to the person's home, going to a hospital, getting on the phone to make phone calls my friend cannot make to get her help.

I had a friend who asked to sleep over one night before her trip with her church began the next day in our city.  I said no and offered to reserve a hotel room for her and even chip in if needed.  She was surprised I said no.  Again we didn't have the space for overnight guests especially on a school night. 

So OP if you asked me to pet sit your frogs for that long I'd say no for some of the same reasons others wrote and I'd also offer to help you find a sitter -like by posting on one of my parent facebook groups, etc.  I agree you're being unreasonable in your expectations.  

[Cherylyn]

19 hours ago, Tinydance said:

I was actually going to write that most support we should expect from our friends is moral and emotional. Like, for example, if you tell your friend you're going through something bad and they take long to reply or don't reply at all, yes they're a bad  friend. But if you ask them things like mind your pets, lend money, drive them around, fix things, these aren't really things they HAVE to do. They can do them in particular situations and if they're in a position to do so.

For example, if my friend asked me to drive them because they just had surgery and they need to be picked up, I'd do it if I was able to. But if they asked me to just drive them to work because their car is getting serviced or something, I think that's asking a bit much.

I guess if you don't ask these kinds of favours often then it's OK to ask when you really need it. There is no harm in asking and that person can say yes or no. But I don't think they're necessarily a bad friend if they said no.

I agree regarding moral support from friends.  However,  even moral support requires boundaries.  For example,  those who are very clingy and needy shouldn't be texting,  leaving voicemails,  emailing,  messaging nor calling incessantly. 

Tending to pets,  lending money (or never seeing your money ever again if repayment doesn't always happen),  chauffeuring them around,  repairs,  expectations to help during 2AM airport pickup emergencies and the like are unreasonable requests and expectations.  If you acquiesce to this extent for friends,  then these types of friends are an imposition,   taking advantage of your goodwill,  kindness,  generosity and your reluctance to decline. 

I too can see myself chauffeuring a friend post-surgery but I will not chauffeur them regularly.  I have a life, too.  I refuse to be their Uber / Lyft or taxi to chauffeur them to work everyday.  It's not my job.  It's their responsibility to take care of themselves including hiring professionals to do their bidding. 

I agree,  they're not a bad friend if they decline favors.  To the contrary,  a  "bad friend" doesn't practice discernment nor exercise discretion.