Looks like I have to lie :(

[midnightdeirdre]

53 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Was it your kind of autism on spectrum that takes everything literally?

Your "friend" just wants sex. Which is fine because you want that too. But he doesnt care about "tearjerkker" story about high school or anything. He just wants sex and does everything so that will happen. He likely doesnt care about you and thinks about you in a way you do about him.

Have you thought what would happen after? Would you still continue to have sex? Do you think he would still be friend? Did you even hang out in high school or was he just some "McDreamy" guy you fantasized?

I am sorry, I know you are on the spectrum. But that is just some stuff you would need to think about. Also yes, I would bring my own contraception and not relly on the other. Again you are way too trusty in this situation.

He and I have actually been talking since 2019. So he’s known for awhile about that personal thing I want to tell him, and he has said he wants to know. We’ve even done phone sex and FaceTimed. 
 

No we never dated/hung out in high school. We did know each other well, though. 
 

He has said if we wanted to keep being friends with benefits that would be fine. I think we’ve all done that.

[midnightdeirdre]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Mom didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday. She is going to know exactly what is going on if you mention a hotel room. 

Before you go through with this, ask yourself this: how will you feel if you have sex with this man, and then he doesn't talk to you anymore? 

Also, I realize you knew each other in high school, but does he know the extent of your autism? I am a bit concerned about why he is propositioning you this way. 

Why are you concerned? And yea I’d say he does know how autistic I am.

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

He and I have actually been talking since 2019. So he’s known for awhile about that personal thing I want to tell him, and he has said he wants to know. We’ve even done phone sex and FaceTimed. 
 

No we never dated/hung out in high school. We did know each other well, though. 
 

He has said if we wanted to keep being friends with benefits that would be fine. I think we’ve all done that.

No we haven't all gone to a hotel room for sex with a person who doesn't even want to spend time before hanging out in a public place, have a meal, get some coffee or go for a walk.  No we haven't all had phone sex with our friends, no we haven't all shared this sort of personal information in a hotel room you were invited to to have intercourse.  Those of us cautioning you are doing so with good reason.

[Seraphim]

I can guarantee he doesn’t care about your personal story. He wants a shag and go away. 

[Batya33]

16 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No we haven't all gone to a hotel room for sex with a person who doesn't even want to spend time before hanging out in a public place, have a meal, get some coffee or go for a walk.  No we haven't all had phone sex with our friends, no we haven't all shared this sort of personal information in a hotel room you were invited to to have intercourse.  Those of us cautioning you are doing so with good reason.

I'll try to get through to you. When I was about 16 - 40 years ago but it's a clear sharp memory - I was at a party in the neighborhood.  In an apartment. Two of my girlfriends were there. One had sort of off and on dated a guy I had a crush on.  He was so handsome! Our age too. 

Well he got a bit drunk and we somehow were in the bedroom near the living room -where I think guests maybe put their coats/things? We started kissing which was fine with me - and all of a sudden he tugged at my jeans and mumbled "um is it ok?" I honestly for a split second didn't understand the question -I mean the door wasn't closed all the way and it was right near where people were dancing/eating.

It dawned on me -before it was too late -he absolutely meant did I want to have sex.  I was a virgin.  I immediately -and calmly- said no.  Just one word.  He moved away from me and then didn't want to kiss anymore (big surprise) -and we went back to the party where he proceeded to dance with my friend who he'd dated in the past and pursued her heavily, ignoring me. He took her on a proper date the next day in fact.

I feel so lucky that I didn't get myself into a situation too late where it would have been really hard to say no -as opposed to -clothes all on, no harm done -he did ask he did take no for an answer. 

I feel so lucky that I didn't have sex with him as my first time because I know for sure he'd have finished his business then walked away and danced with my friend -the girl he really liked.  I'd have felt - awful! Even though I had a crush on him, even though he was so handsome even though. 

Please back off from this notion of how cool and fun it will be to spill your guts about a long ago memory of idealizing this man when you were going through hard times and then having sex in a hotel room.  It's not cool and it won't be fun.  The fun part will be overcome by the gross, nauseating feeling of just having been used as a vagina.  The shower you take after -if he doesn't want get his pants back on and leave ASAP won't feel more than temporarily soothing. 

You will regret it and then you will worry what if the birth control did not work.  What if you contracted an STD? BEcasue if this is how he rolls he rolls in many beds.  You're not special to him. 

[midnightdeirdre]

8 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

 He wants a shag and go away. 

Thing is, a part of me wants that too. I will admit.

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Thing is, a part of me wants that too. I will admit.

Find a person who wants to have intercourse with you and spend time with you getting to know you as a person in public, during a walk, a hike, a dance class, lunch, a concert where you hold hands and you're still humming after, etc.  Who wants to get to know you and wants to spend time with you on dates.  A part of you isn't enough.  A part of you can watch a sexy movie or read a sexy book and pleasure yourself -think of him if you like.  Because you have this fantasy of him and how it's gonna be. Do the fantasy part of it on your own hold out for reality.

[Seraphim]

24 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Thing is, a part of me wants that too. I will admit.

Ok , don’t expect him to listen to a nostalgic story and talk later . 

[Tinydance]

Well I obviously don't know you so I'm not sure how your autism affects your life and your relationships with people. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions to just get a better idea of the situation? Obviously autism is on a spectrum and how it affects the person can really vary. It can range from someone being non verbal and more intellectually impaired where they are not able to live independently or work and things like that. To the high functioning where people can actually live independently, study, work, get married, have kids, and things like that. So I guess I'm just trying to understand where you think you are in terms of those things. The reason why I'm trying to understand that is to see whether you can actually make sound decisions and you aren't just going to be taken advantage of by certain people.

I know you said you work as a cashier. So that tells me you are actually more high functioning and you're capable of having a job. If you actually have to serve people face-to-face then you obviously have acceptable social skills as well to work in customer service. 

From the way you're writing here I actually didn't get the impression that you're completely naive and you have no idea what's going on. You don't seem to be under the impression that you're dating this guy or he's romantically into you or anything. You said he's just a friend and you want to hook up for sex. So you know what's what.

So my advice is if you're intelligent and you're aware of what situations are, you can make your own decision about that situation. If you want to have sex with your friend, then do it. Just as everyone said, use protection, bring your own just in case. I personally think you should tell your parents which hotel you're going to just for safety purposes. Or at least tell some friends where you're going. 

I do also want to add that as the others have said, it doesn't really sound like this guy is your friend. If he's your friend then what is the big deal to go get dinner first before going to the hotel? I mean, even from the perspective that people need to eat lol If he's supposed to be a friend then it just feels cold to just go to the hotel, have sex, then leave. But again, it doesn't really sound like he's a close friend or anything because you weren't really friends at school and you've only been back in touch casually again for three years. So maybe he's more of an acquaintance and like an FWB rather than actual friend.

I think if you're actually fine with that then I have no judgement about you hooking up with him, as that's your choice. I guess just make sure that he treats you well and everything is consensual and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I think that goes for anybody, whether they have autism or not.

[Tinydance]

4 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Well because it’s not really a date. He says he wants to meet up in a hotel room, have me tell him that personal thing, and then have sex. He said we will kiss and do whatever positions I want.

That personal thing I want to tell him is this: when I was a senior in high school, I went through a really tough time with my grandmother dying, and my dad in the hospital. (My dad is still alive and doing fine.) The guy friend I want to meet up with tonight is named Tom. He is a handsome boy, Especially in high school. Thinking about him during my senior year when I was going through those tough things made me feel better. I want to tell and thank him for that. I even warned him I might get teary-eyed when I tell him. 
 

should I let it go at this point?

Well keep in mind also that it's been 20 + years since high school. You also hadn't seen him for that long. So he's probably a pretty different person now and looks different. Obviously he's a lot older. If you want sex then no problem with that but just try to be more realistic about it. I don't think he's been thinking about you so sentimentally all these years so this is more justa fun hookup thing. 

[boltnrun]

I have done that before. Met a friend at a hotel or he'd come to my place or I'd go to his, do the deed and that was it. More than once. He usually had his clothes on and was out the door before I even had time to sit up.  But we were actually friends. We'd hung out many times. We had drinks together at a bar, we'd picked up lunch together, I had been to his business a few times and we'd been to the same sports events and hung out with a group after many, many times. I'd even traveled with him and his sports team. We were in person friends for several years before we ever had sex. Recent friends, not from back in high school. No, it was not a romantic relationship at all but I considered him an actual friend. Not someone I solely had sexual interactions with.

I do strongly encourage you to tell someone where you'll be. In case something goes sideways. And absolutely being condoms and insist he use them. 

[Batya33]

I don't think the OP has a realistic perspective.  As she said part of her wants to have intercourse with him in the situation he's set up.  But part of her wants to share this deep personal secret with him that might bring her to tears.  Part of her expects a reaction that she's imagining -when two people care about each other and one shares a secret as shared by the OP then very often the recipient reacts with genuine thoughtfulness and often joyousness at being honored to hear such a secret.  Or even if the recipient falls short -it's not for lack of caring - for lack of a good heart.  

This isn't that.  OP you have some intense focus on wanting to spill your guts about something you thought about decades ago that helped you during a hard time.  I'm sorry. He doesn't care about your grandmother. He doesn't care that your dad was sick anymore than he'd care if he heard about a stranger who went through it.  You'll feel used that way too -you open your heart by sharing a secret and you receive at most fake enthusiasm -he might as he then wants to get naked and put his penis inside of you and ejaculate inside of you.  

I di think the autism affects things here.  I think it is affecting your analysis and expectations.  And he may be taking advantage of that.

[midnightdeirdre]

7 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well I obviously don't know you so I'm not sure how your autism affects your life and your relationships with people. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions to just get a better idea of the situation? Obviously autism is on a spectrum and how it affects the person can really vary. It can range from someone being non verbal and more intellectually impaired where they are not able to live independently or work and things like that. To the high functioning where people can actually live independently, study, work, get married, have kids, and things like that. So I guess I'm just trying to understand where you think you are in terms of those things. The reason why I'm trying to understand that is to see whether you can actually make sound decisions and you aren't just going to be taken advantage of by certain people.

I know you said you work as a cashier. So that tells me you are actually more high functioning and you're capable of having a job. If you actually have to serve people face-to-face then you obviously have acceptable social skills as well to work in customer service.

Before I was diagnosed with autism, none of the “real” full-time jobs I had after college lasted. I was always let go after the 90-day trial period. Being a cashier is one of the easiest jobs there is: I scan items, wish them a good day. That’s it. And it’s the only job I’ve ever had that has lasted.

This is how autistic I am: I dated a guy named Jason. He moved into his friend Mike’s apartment, agreeing to nanny Mike’s daughter M-F and maybe the weekends. I got an idea to email Mike and politely ask him to give Jason the weekends off so Jason and I could have the weekends free together. 
Good news is I never sent the email. Everyone here told me not to. 

I also began stuttering when I was 9. I started stuttering on S-words. When I turned 12 it switched to D-G words. When I was hypnotized and asked why I began stuttering at such a late age, I replied “I’m different!”

[Tinydance]

34 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I don't think the OP has a realistic perspective.  As she said part of her wants to have intercourse with him in the situation he's set up.  But part of her wants to share this deep personal secret with him that might bring her to tears.  Part of her expects a reaction that she's imagining -when two people care about each other and one shares a secret as shared by the OP then very often the recipient reacts with genuine thoughtfulness and often joyousness at being honored to hear such a secret.  Or even if the recipient falls short -it's not for lack of caring - for lack of a good heart.  

This isn't that.  OP you have some intense focus on wanting to spill your guts about something you thought about decades ago that helped you during a hard time.  I'm sorry. He doesn't care about your grandmother. He doesn't care that your dad was sick anymore than he'd care if he heard about a stranger who went through it.  You'll feel used that way too -you open your heart by sharing a secret and you receive at most fake enthusiasm -he might as he then wants to get naked and put his penis inside of you and ejaculate inside of you.  

I di think the autism affects things here.  I think it is affecting your analysis and expectations.  And he may be taking advantage of that.

Actually I've probably also sometimes wanted to say or was thinking something inappropriate or fantasy - like in my mind. The difference is because I'm not autistic, I wasn't actually going to say it lol Just because someone is autistic doesn't mean they're not intelligent and are completely clueless about what's going on. If they seem to act inappropriately it's because they don't understand social conventions.

For example, her memory of him is related to the time her grandmother died, her father was sick, etc. She hasn't seen him or spoken to him properly for a long time. So I actually think what she was thinking in relation to him makes sense. Yes telling him those things would be inappropriate because it's just a hookup. So maybe that's the autism talking because she doesn't have a "filter". That doesn't mean she doesn't actually understand that this is just sex.

She's been answering everyone's questions and said things like: "It's not actually a date" and" Yes I want that too". She said she will use protection. Looks like her parents coddle her because she's autistic and everyone on this forum is kind of doing the same.

[midnightdeirdre]

8 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Actually I've probably also sometimes wanted to say or was thinking something inappropriate or fantasy - like in my mind. The difference is because I'm not autistic, I wasn't actually going to say it lol Just because someone is autistic doesn't mean they're not intelligent and are completely clueless about what's going on. If they seem to act inappropriately it's because they don't understand social conventions.

For example, her memory of him is related to the time her grandmother died, her father was sick, etc. She hasn't seen him or spoken to him properly for a long time. So I actually think what she was thinking in relation to him makes sense. Yes telling him those things would be inappropriate because it's just a hookup. So maybe that's the autism talking because she doesn't have a "filter". That doesn't mean she doesn't actually understand that this is just sex.

She's been answering everyone's questions and said things like: "It's not actually a date" and" Yes I want that too". She said she will use protection. Looks like her parents coddle her because she's autistic and everyone on this forum is kind of doing the same.

I own a wallet card that explains I’m autistic. I should put this on a flier and start handing this out, lol.

[Tinydance]

44 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Before I was diagnosed with autism, none of the “real” full-time jobs I had after college lasted. I was always let go after the 90-day trial period. Being a cashier is one of the easiest jobs there is: I scan items, wish them a good day. That’s it. And it’s the only job I’ve ever had that has lasted.

This is how autistic I am: I dated a guy named Jason. He moved into his friend Mike’s apartment, agreeing to nanny Mike’s daughter M-F and maybe the weekends. I got an idea to email Mike and politely ask him to give Jason the weekends off so Jason and I could have the weekends free together. 
Good news is I never sent the email. Everyone here told me not to. 

I also began stuttering when I was 9. I started stuttering on S-words. When I turned 12 it switched to D-G words. When I was hypnotized and asked why I began stuttering at such a late age, I replied “I’m different!”

Did you finish college? I'm not minimising your struggles with autism but I think you need to give yourself credit too. You went to college, you work, you've dated. I think you're doing well. Have you thought about living independently and maybe have a welfare worker or your parents coming to support you regularly?

[midnightdeirdre]

21 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Did you finish college? I'm not minimising your struggles with autism but I think you need to give yourself credit too. You went to college, you work, you've dated. I think you're doing well. Have you thought about living independently and maybe have a welfare worker or your parents coming to support you regularly?

Yes I got a B.A. in January 2008. (Any classes that required writing I excelled at. Classes that required tests and quizzes I either failed OR the professor passed me with a C+ because they didn’t have the heart to fail me.)

It would cost money to have me live in some kind of housing. I can’t afford it.

[midnightdeirdre]

46 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

 the autism talking because she doesn't have a "filter".

Omg…after I was diagnosed autistic, I’ve told people to say “autism talking” if I say something inappropriate/unusual. (Particularly when I’m texting.)

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Why are you concerned? And yea I’d say he does know how autistic I am.

Because a good man would not take advantage of you and your vulnerabilities this way. 

That's why. 

[Jibralta]

9 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Omg…after I was diagnosed autistic, I’ve told people to say “autism talking” if I say something inappropriate/unusual. (Particularly when I’m texting.)

I like that. I'm sure your good friends are happy to oblige. 

The concern here is that this handsome guy has an agenda. He may pretend to care while he's pursuing his actual goal. The "autism talking" that you and your true friends value may be ground into the dust under his heel.

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Omg…after I was diagnosed autistic, I’ve told people to say “autism talking” if I say something inappropriate/unusual. (Particularly when I’m texting.)

And then he should say if he was being honest "sorry. penis talking." Also please do not let this person record/take photos if indeed you decide to meet him.

[Seraphim]

My son prefers for no one to know he is Autistic. It puts a big target on his back for jerks and predatory people . 

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

Yes I got a B.A. in January 2008. (Any classes that required writing I excelled at. Classes that required tests and quizzes I either failed OR the professor passed me with a C+ because they didn’t have the heart to fail me.)

It would cost money to have me live in some kind of housing. I can’t afford it.

Aren't you entitled to housing related services?

[Seraphim]

One does not have to be severely Autistic to be severely impacted. Functioning labels are kind of useless because it denies disabilities and denies abilities. Level of accommodations is better way of saying it. 
 

Also the level of ability and disability can change, depending upon the situation or day. For instance my son is not considered “ severe” however, he has a 1st percentile processing and 1st percentile working memory , meaning pretty much nil. BUT he has a long term memory which is 78th percentile, which means it works better than 78% of other people. But because his working memory and processing speed in which 99% of other people’s works better doesn’t allow him to learn new things fast enough or be able to work and support himself. He did however graduate high school with honours and go to college for 2 years, but he definitely can’t work or live alone . It is complicated. 

[boltnrun]

I would imagine autism is highly individual. 

All I'm saying is please be cautious and don't do anything that could potentially put you in harm's way or be put out to the public such as photos or video.