Depressed SO, Feeling Overwhelmed...

[catfeeder]

On 7/12/2023 at 8:10 AM, Cynder said:

No because not being tagged on a post has never upset me before last night.  And also before last night I had never seen him post one of those. 

Sounds like he used the post to tap people on the shoulder but still keep his distance. He didn’t need to include you in that group, as he’d just had a great conversation with you and already knew that the two of you were okay.

You get the intimacy, they get a FB quiz. I’d much rather be you in this scenario.

(((Big HUG)))

[Cynder]

7 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Sounds like he used the post to tap people on the shoulder but still keep his distance. He didn’t need to include you in that group, as he’d just had a great conversation with you and already knew that the two of you were okay.

You get the intimacy, they get a FB quiz. I’d much rather be you in this scenario.

(((Big HUG)))

Right, that's another perspective. 

We have been talking a lot more than usual over the last week or so.  Today he posted this:  "I just wish I could go one day without saying/doing something wrong."  I know that wasn't about me.  Him and his husband have been arguing a lot. 

[Cynder]

He actually sent me some progress pics of a painting he started earlier tonight about 45 minutes ago.  This made me light up inside, because he hasn't painted anything in months.

He seems more optimistic and more like his actual self lately.  I want to say maybe the Ketamine helped.  But I also don't want to get my hopes up.  He has already told me he might not continue with it. 

I was going through some old pics that I transfered from my phone to my computer a few weeks ago.  And there were so many happy pics of him and I.  I sent him some.  All I said was, "I was going through old pics and found these."  It killed me, though.  Seeing us before he got like this.  I won't lie, I hope seeing those pics had an impact on him.  Not in a manipulative way.  It's not like, "Look at these pictures!  Why do you have to be this way now!"  It was more like, "Remember when you were happy?  I hope this helps motivate you to be happy again." 

[Batya33]

12 hours ago, Cynder said:

Right, that's another perspective. 

We have been talking a lot more than usual over the last week or so.  Today he posted this:  "I just wish I could go one day without saying/doing something wrong."  I know that wasn't about me.  Him and his husband have been arguing a lot. 

What are your feelings about how he chooses to share his feelings via social media?

[Cynder]

10 hours ago, Batya33 said:

What are your feelings about how he chooses to share his feelings via social media?

I understand where he is coming from and what is driving him to do that.  I've been really depressed and posted stuff I'm not proud of on FB just because I wanted someone I know to actually see it.  I don't understand the psychology behind that, though.  Like, I'm too shy to just message one of my friends and tell them how depressed I am.  But I'm not too shy to post about it and hope someone will see it and reach out to me.  I know that feeling of, "I just wish someone cared." 

He also posts a lot of positive things on there.  He posts funny stuff.  He posts inspirational stuff.  He posts his art and pics of his animals.  He posts a lot about the animal rescue, etc.  So it's not all doom and gloom all the time.  It's just the doom and gloom posts I remember the most. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Cynder said:

I understand where he is coming from and what is driving him to do that.  I've been really depressed and posted stuff I'm not proud of on FB just because I wanted someone I know to actually see it.  I don't understand the psychology behind that, though.  Like, I'm too shy to just message one of my friends and tell them how depressed I am.  But I'm not too shy to post about it and hope someone will see it and reach out to me.  I know that feeling of, "I just wish someone cared." 

He also posts a lot of positive things on there.  He posts funny stuff.  He posts inspirational stuff.  He posts his art and pics of his animals.  He posts a lot about the animal rescue, etc.  So it's not all doom and gloom all the time.  It's just the doom and gloom posts I remember the most. 

Oh ok -good that you two are on the same wavelength as far as social media practices. 

[Cynder]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Oh ok -good that you two are on the same wavelength as far as social media practices. 

It backfires, though.  Which is why I don't do it anymore.  When I was depressed and posted about how depressed I was, I always got replies like, "But you're such a good artist!"  My work was all anyone seemed to want to mention when I talked about being depressed and that just pissed me off. 

And my Uncle called my Mom once to ask if I was ok because I posted that I was going through a rough time. 

It never yields the result I wanted.  And it never will, because really all a depressed person wants is to not be depressed anymore.  And posting about it isn't going to make that happen. 

I think he just hasn't learned that lesson yet.  And most of his posts like that get ignored.  A few people might react with a frowning emoji.  But that's it. 

I've had people message me to ask about him, and that pisses me off.  Because, why the hell don't you go ask him?  What are you going through me for?

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, Cynder said:

It backfires, though.  Which is why I don't do it anymore.  When I was depressed and posted about how depressed I was, I always got replies like, "But you're such a good artist!"  My work was all anyone seemed to want to mention when I talked about being depressed and that just pissed me off. 

And my Uncle called my Mom once to ask if I was ok because I posted that I was going through a rough time. 

It never yields the result I wanted.  And it never will, because really all a depressed person wants is to not be depressed anymore.  And posting about it isn't going to make that happen. 

I think he just hasn't learned that lesson yet.  And most of his posts like that get ignored.  A few people might react with a frowning emoji.  But that's it. 

I've had people message me to ask about him, and that pisses me off.  Because, why the hell don't you go ask him?  What are you going through me for?

I think for people who choose to publicly post like that and in that context/mindset then perhaps those who see it see the no boundaries/the public sharing -and the typical communication etiquette stuff goes out the window too. 

This is so far out of my way of using social media that I'm speculating but I've seen as an outsider to this sort of practice that people comment in ways I bet they wouldn't if the person posting hadn't shared to that extent especially if the sharing is vague/cryptic/implied.  Perhaps the people messaging you are so befuddled by the post they are too nervous to message him.  For sure I don't think they should message you - I get it -just thinking of possible reasons.

[Cynder]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think for people who choose to publicly post like that and in that context/mindset then perhaps those who see it see the no boundaries/the public sharing -and the typical communication etiquette stuff goes out the window too. 

This is so far out of my way of using social media that I'm speculating but I've seen as an outsider to this sort of practice that people comment in ways I bet they wouldn't if the person posting hadn't shared to that extent especially if the sharing is vague/cryptic/implied.  Perhaps the people messaging you are so befuddled by the post they are too nervous to message him.  For sure I don't think they should message you - I get it -just thinking of possible reasons.

Our society has made it taboo to talk about mental health issues.  If someone breaks their arm it's fine to talk about it.  If someone is having a depressive episode that has to be whispered about and kept quiet.  I respect that people who post about mental health issues are breaking that taboo.  But is just never results in anything.  No one ever says, "Oh, you're depressed?  Want to hang out and talk about it?  Or want to hang out and do something fun to forget about it for a little while?"  Most people don't know how to handle talking about that stuff because it's seen as something you're not supposed to talk about in our culture. 

When I did it it was out of desperation because I just wanted to be seen/heard.  And the end result was just feeling more invisible. 

That could be the reason they message me instead of him.  When that happens I am just thinking, "He needs people to be concerned about him right now, not people talking behind his back to his girlfriend."

 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Cynder said:

Our society has made it taboo to talk about mental health issues.  If someone breaks their arm it's fine to talk about it.  If someone is having a depressive episode that has to be whispered about and kept quiet.  I respect that people who post about mental health issues are breaking that taboo.  But is just never results in anything.  No one ever says, "Oh, you're depressed?  Want to hang out and talk about it?  Or want to hang out and do something fun to forget about it for a little while?"  Most people don't know how to handle talking about that stuff because it's seen as something you're not supposed to talk about in our culture. 

When I did it it was out of desperation because I just wanted to be seen/heard.  And the end result was just feeling more invisible. 

That could be the reason they message me instead of him.  When that happens I am just thinking, "He needs people to be concerned about him right now, not people talking behind his back to his girlfriend."

 

I am talking only about using social media in the way he is - whether it's to share cryptically or actually about mental health, his emotions, the crappy day he had at work.  I didn't mean my comments to refer to anything about mental health. I don't think posting publicly about personal stuff- including mental health -on social media if it's broadcast to many people who are not your very closest friends or family members is a good idea.  JMHO.  And especially in a vague cryptic way or implicit etc.  Again just my humble opinion and it is not because I think personal stuff or mental health is taboo.  I am simply commenting on using social media in the way he is using it.  

I have had countless discussions about mental health with many many people all the time regularly -when my dad was ill in the 70s and 80s for sure it was more taboo and so hard on my mom.  I am not in the mental health field and I have regular open discussions about mental health via text/private email (not to large groups), on the phone - I don't think someone choosing not to share it publicly in the social media format should ever be accused of making that choice because it's "taboo" unless they say it's because of that.  That's not an assumption I'd ever make and nor would I ever post about anything that personal -including mental health -on my FB page (I don't have IG etc). 

I don't think the adorable things my son says or does are taboo either and I don't make posts about that either, or about how tired/overwhelmed/burnt out/over the moon excited I am about personal stuff in my life. Those are my boundaries and I feel entitled to them and they're not hurting anyone.  I respect that he feels differently about it and has different boundaries.  

[Cynder]

17 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I am talking only about using social media in the way he is - whether it's to share cryptically or actually about mental health, his emotions, the crappy day he had at work.  I didn't mean my comments to refer to anything about mental health. I don't think posting publicly about personal stuff- including mental health -on social media if it's broadcast to many people who are not your very closest friends or family members is a good idea.  JMHO.  And especially in a vague cryptic way or implicit etc.  Again just my humble opinion and it is not because I think personal stuff or mental health is taboo.  I am simply commenting on using social media in the way he is using it.  

I have had countless discussions about mental health with many many people all the time regularly -when my dad was ill in the 70s and 80s for sure it was more taboo and so hard on my mom.  I am not in the mental health field and I have regular open discussions about mental health via text/private email (not to large groups), on the phone - I don't think someone choosing not to share it publicly in the social media format should ever be accused of making that choice because it's "taboo" unless they say it's because of that.  That's not an assumption I'd ever make and nor would I ever post about anything that personal -including mental health -on my FB page (I don't have IG etc). 

I don't think the adorable things my son says or does are taboo either and I don't make posts about that either, or about how tired/overwhelmed/burnt out/over the moon excited I am about personal stuff in my life. Those are my boundaries and I feel entitled to them and they're not hurting anyone.  I respect that he feels differently about it and has different boundaries.  

I agree with you on that respect.  Posting cryptic stuff like he sometimes does can come off as immature and attention seeking.  I also think the post we are talking about now wasn't cryptic, though.  He said, "I just want to go one day without saying/doing something wrong."  To me that is pretty cut and dry.  He just feels like he can't do anything right. 

He has posted more cryptic things in the past, though.  Those posts are really upsetting and they usually get ignored. 

I post my art, memes, and pictures.  That's about it.  I rarely get too personal on there.  I've seen people posting about their menstrual cycle, I've seen couples argue on there.  Idk man...  And there's a theory that younger people are going to grow up lacking social skills and not knowing how to have an actual conversation because all they know is social media. 

[Batya33]

7 minutes ago, Cynder said:

I agree with you on that respect.  Posting cryptic stuff like he sometimes does can come off as immature and attention seeking.  I also think the post we are talking about now wasn't cryptic, though.  He said, "I just want to go one day without saying/doing something wrong."  To me that is pretty cut and dry.  He just feels like he can't do anything right. 

He has posted more cryptic things in the past, though.  Those posts are really upsetting and they usually get ignored. 

I post my art, memes, and pictures.  That's about it.  I rarely get too personal on there.  I've seen people posting about their menstrual cycle, I've seen couples argue on there.  Idk man...  And there's a theory that younger people are going to grow up lacking social skills and not knowing how to have an actual conversation because all they know is social media. 

I am not at all judging his decisions or yours simply wanted to clarify -100%!! - that I don't think declining to post about mental health on social media is because I would think mental health is a taboo topic nor would I presume that someone else declined because of the "taboo" thing. 

I am glad you two are on the same wavelength generally about social media.  I've seen it all too on social media lol and unfortunately once in a blue moon someone will post something I find too personal about me on social media -something I have shared privately in a text, a phone call.  Or post a photo of my child.  For example -

so I'm not on the same wavelength as he is by far but not because I think mental health is taboo. I don't and I do think having lived with my father with mental illness from the time I could remember in the 70s until he died some years ago - gosh -thank goodness- we've come a long way on that taboo thing.

[Cynder]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I am not at all judging his decisions or yours simply wanted to clarify -100%!! - that I don't think declining to post about mental health on social media is because I would think mental health is a taboo topic nor would I presume that someone else declined because of the "taboo" thing. 

I am glad you two are on the same wavelength generally about social media.  I've seen it all too on social media lol and unfortunately once in a blue moon someone will post something I find too personal about me on social media -something I have shared privately in a text, a phone call.  Or post a photo of my child.  For example -

so I'm not on the same wavelength as he is by far but not because I think mental health is taboo. I don't and I do think having lived with my father with mental illness from the time I could remember in the 70s until he died some years ago - gosh -thank goodness- we've come a long way on that taboo thing.

I hate being tagged in photos that I didn't even know were being taken.  It happens, though.  Especially working at festivals.  There are pics of me spinning poi, dancing, etc that I wouldn't have posted.  Nothing super embarrassing or anything.  But still, maybe I don't want the whole world seeing me when I was just trying to relax and enjoy myself while not in front of a camera. 

I know you don't think mental health talk is taboo.  I was just saying people who post about their issues are making it less taboo.  But then there are also all the people who spread misinformation that way.  TikTok is really bad in this way.  There are people on there who pretend to have DID, Tourette's, etc.  I've seen people post things about OCD that are really inaccurate, too.  Those are the ones who get me, since I have OCD and it has basically ruined my life on some levels.  And there are people who don't have it who brag about having it.  Like... why the hell would you want it?  I just want to be like, "You want mine?  I would give it to you if I could."   

[catfeeder]

53 minutes ago, Cynder said:

Our society has made it taboo to talk about mental health issues.  If someone breaks their arm it's fine to talk about it. …I respect that people who post about mental health issues are breaking that taboo.  

That could be the reason they message me instead of him.  When that happens I am just thinking, "He needs people to be concerned about him right now, not people talking behind his back to his girlfriend."

For my own head, I’d be careful about assigning a lack of direct response to a mental health issue, especially to a post that wishes for death, as a punitive societal backlash against breaking a taboo.

I agree we have a societal problem, but it’s less about judging and more about a fear of compounding the problem with the wrong response.

I can’t speak for you, but even with nursing school and 3/4ths a degree in alcohol and drug counseling under my belt, I have never been trained in how to talk a potential suicide from a ledge.

I’ve been beaten up by people in my attempts to physically restrain them from self harm or harming others, but I don’t trust my voice to NOT be the one that might push them down into the abyss.

So can I imagine that people who are even far less experienced than me would freeze and not know WTH to say to a person billboarding death?

For my own private psyche, I’d have to give a pass on that, Cynder. Even with a cynical view of society, I can grasp that when it comes to red-flag emergencies, most people are clumsy or ignorant or both. And that’s not out of hostility, it’s out of fear.

 I’m on your side, and I think you know this. And it’s exactly why I don’t believe it’s in your best interests or D’s to decide that people ‘must’ be hostile or intentionally offensive or dismissive when they don’t behave in ideal ways toward what they perceive as an emergency that’s beyond their comprehension, much less beyond their capabilities.

Head high, I can appreciate your upbringing and your experiences, and I can only try to encourage you to make room for the idea that most people are trying to be better than what you believe about them.

[Cynder]

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

For my own head, I’d be careful about assigning a lack of direct response to a mental health issue, especially to a post that wishes for death, as a punitive societal backlash against breaking a taboo.

I agree we have a societal problem, but it’s less about judging and more about a fear of compounding the problem with the wrong response.

I can’t speak for you, but even with nursing school and 3/4ths a degree in alcohol and drug counseling under my belt, I have never been trained in how to talk a potential suicide from a ledge.

I’ve been beaten up by people in my attempts to physically restrain them from self harm or harming others, but I don’t trust my voice to NOT be the one that might push them down into the abyss.

So can I imagine that people who are even far less experienced than me would freeze and not know WTH to say to a person billboarding death?

For my own private psyche, I’d have to give a pass on that, Cynder. Even with a cynical view of society, I can grasp that when it comes to red-flag emergencies, most people are clumsy or ignorant or both. And that’s not out of hostility, it’s out of fear.

 I’m on your side, and I think you know this. And it’s exactly why I don’t believe it’s in your best interests or D’s to decide that people ‘must’ be hostile or intentionally offensive or dismissive when they don’t behave in ideal ways toward what they perceive as an emergency that’s beyond their comprehension, much less beyond their capabilities.

Head high, I can appreciate your upbringing and your experiences, and I can only try to encourage you to make room for the idea that most people are trying to be better than what you believe about them.

It's just hard for me not to wonder why people come to me when it's him they are supposedly so concerned about.  Like... is it really him they're concerned about or do they just want to be nosy and have something gossip about?  Personally when I am really worried about someone my immediate thought isn't, "Let me ask their SO." 

But, maybe it is just that I've been trained not to trust anyone.   I was talking to my Mom earlier about the author who is currently mentoring me, and instead of saying, "Wow, it's so cool that a professional author is willing to help you like that.  Her reaction was, "How do you know he won't steal your book and publish it as his?"  Well, I don't know.  I just trust that he won't.  And this is what I grew up with.  Not an excuse, but a reason. 

I was one of the last people my ex husband talked to before he killed himself.  And because of that so many people blame me for his suicide.  It was a phonecall, not a text conversation so his family couldn't go into his phone and see what was said, just that he called me.  And he didn't call me and say "Hey, I"m gonna go kill myself now."  He sounded perfectly normal on the phone and it was a pretty mundane conversation. 

I have no idea what to say to posts like that, either. 

[Cynder]

So, tonight we had such a good conversation...  I feel like it was more productive and beneficial for me than for him.  But, there's nothing wrong with that.  My feelings are just as valid even if I'm not the depressed one. 

A good friend of mine that I've known since high school called me earlier to tell me her Mom found some of her old paintings while decluttering the house.  And she said looking at them really made her want to start painting again.  So that's basically what she called about.  But then the conversation went to talking about people we know (not crap talking, just "Hey guess who I ran into the other day...  You know she just had a baby?" Etc.  And like we usually do when we talk on the phone, around three times we do the whole, "Well I'm gonna get off here..." and then get into a whole other thing.  I am not a phone person at all but she is one of the few I actually like talking to on the phone. 

But toward the end of this call, D started messaging me.  And I was reading and replying to his messages while talking to her.  But then the conversation with him started getting more serious, and I told her I have to go.  She knows what's going on with him.  I basically told her he is messaging me, and this is a conversation that needs my full attention. 

And we talked for the next hour about everything.  I mean, I told him exactly the way things have been from my end, watching all this stuff happen to him, etc.  This is all stuff I've kept quiet about because I didn't want to make waves.  He is already going through so much.  I didn't want to add to it.  But tonight it was just time to let it out and it happened organically. 

We were both at complete duds of festivals all day.  I think we both were just feeling really defeated.  I can only hold things in for so long.  And it's not like I blew up at him.  It was not an argument and neither of us were mad.  It was basically, "Ok, I feel x, y and z because of this situation.  And I just want you to know that because I feel like I can't just keep my mouth shut anymore."

And we really aired a lot of things to each other.  He was talking about how scared he is of never being the same after this.  I told him he was one of the people who kept me going back in August of 2021 when my whole life fell apart.  And I feel like I'm not doing him the same courtesy.  I told him I feel like an afterthought sometimes. 

I don't know if it will change anything at the moment...  But I feel better after letting all that out. 

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Even with a cynical view of society, I can grasp that when it comes to red-flag emergencies, most people are clumsy or ignorant or both. And that’s not out of hostility, it’s out of fear.

Sorry if off topic but I left the house to go to college class -1980s -my dad was depressed and my mom was at work.  I heard my dad getting sick in the bathroom before I left and it worried me - he didn't often do this as a reaction to depression but I was so worried about him being alone in the house. I didn't know what to do (my mom couldn't be reached easily by phone during work hours).  

So from a payphone before my second bus to school I called my dad and made up the dumbest excuse like "oh can you check if I forgot my lunch??" He was puzzled and my dad was not the most astute at cues but he said "ok - so are you worried that I was getting sick??? well [cat's name] [pooped] on the floor again and it made me gag."  I'm fine!!!  He even chuckled a bit. No I couldn't ask my own father if he was "ok".  Didn't know how.  And yes scared!

[Cynder]

9 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Sorry if off topic but I left the house to go to college class -1980s -my dad was depressed and my mom was at work.  I heard my dad getting sick in the bathroom before I left and it worried me - he didn't often do this as a reaction to depression but I was so worried about him being alone in the house. I didn't know what to do (my mom couldn't be reached easily by phone during work hours).  

So from a payphone before my second bus to school I called my dad and made up the dumbest excuse like "oh can you check if I forgot my lunch??" He was puzzled and my dad was not the most astute at cues but he said "ok - so are you worried that I was getting sick??? well [cat's name] [pooped] on the floor again and it made me gag."  I'm fine!!!  He even chuckled a bit. No I couldn't ask my own father if he was "ok".  Didn't know how.  And yes scared!

I am someone who has puked from depression but I am also someone who has puked cleaning up cat poop.  So I feel for him, lol. 

I slept better today than I have in weeks.  And there was no being afraid to go to sleep either. 

 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Cynder said:

I am someone who has puked from depression but I am also someone who has puked cleaning up cat poop.  So I feel for him, lol. 

I slept better today than I have in weeks.  And there was no being afraid to go to sleep either. 

 

That is wonderful !! The sleep not the puke lol. This is weird. You writing that brings up a distant memory of him maybe puking when  he was depressed. Obviously at that time I connected the two in some way and was really scared. I’m so glad you slept. Often that breaks the cycle. 

[Cynder]

33 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

That is wonderful !! The sleep not the puke lol. This is weird. You writing that brings up a distant memory of him maybe puking when  he was depressed. Obviously at that time I connected the two in some way and was really scared. I’m so glad you slept. Often that breaks the cycle. 

Vomiting has a different significance to me than it does for most people.  I know this is a gross topic, but because I've always done it during psychedelic experiences I associate it with emotional release.  So the times when I've been completely sober and so upset I puked, I felt better afterwords, oddly enough. 

Yea, I feel so much better after a good deep uninterrupted sleep.  But I am still a little shaky about things.  Like, I better enjoy this now before the next bomb gets dropped.  My phone went off earlier and I felt afraid for a second, like "Oh Gods... is that a message I'm not going to like?  It wasn't.  It wasn't even him.  It was a customer of mine asking how their commission is coming. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Cynder said:

Vomiting has a different significance to me than it does for most people.  I know this is a gross topic, but because I've always done it during psychedelic experiences I associate it with emotional release.  So the times when I've been completely sober and so upset I puked, I felt better afterwords, oddly enough. 

Yea, I feel so much better after a good deep uninterrupted sleep.  But I am still a little shaky about things.  Like, I better enjoy this now before the next bomb gets dropped.  My phone went off earlier and I felt afraid for a second, like "Oh Gods... is that a message I'm not going to like?  It wasn't.  It wasn't even him.  It was a customer of mine asking how their commission is coming. 

Oh I can relate - the constant need to check the phone etc.  I hope you can sleep well tonight, too.

[catfeeder]

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Oh I can relate - the constant need to check the phone etc.  I hope you can sleep well tonight, too.

I was awakened by a tornado alert. It was for the next half hour, so I turned down my fan to hear it and opened my blinds to see if, and I promptly fell back asleep. Hah!

When I’m fearful of bad news about a loved one I tell myself that I’m of more use to them if I can relax into sleep where I can reach them with love than by squelching that energy with my anxiety while awake.

My grandmother taught my sister and me to do this, and she believed it’s natural and anyone can do it. I decided to humor myself with it but never gave it much thought beyond a way to prompt sleep.

Then one day a friend at work who I’d casually thought about before sleep came to my desk and said I was in her dream that night and we time-traveled through some years in her life and she showed me where she’d lived and gone to school and worked. She said we leaped together into other scenes, and she believed I was showing her how to take leaps. She saw it as a metaphor for encouraging her at work.

 While this could have been coincidental, a key thing she mentioned was the face of a tiger on a sign or billboard. Well, that was fascinating because I had just been playing a new Tiger slot game before bed. 

So I’ve since decided that this works, and I give it more intention at bedtime. Maybe it can help you to get some sleep when you need it. My sister said she still does it all the time. She said it’s like going calm when you want a baby to sleep, only you’re doing it with your mind instead of holding the baby in your arms. 

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, catfeeder said:

I was awakened by a tornado alert. It was for the next half hour, so I turned down my fan to hear it and opened my blinds to see if, and I promptly fell back asleep. Hah!

When I’m fearful of bad news about a loved one I tell myself that I’m of more use to them if I can relax into sleep where I can reach them with love than by squelching that energy with my anxiety while awake.

My grandmother taught my sister and me to do this, and she believed it’s natural and anyone can do it. I decided to humor myself with it but never gave it much thought beyond a way to prompt sleep.

Then one day a friend at work who I’d casually thought about before sleep came to my desk and said I was in her dream that night and we time-traveled through some years in her life and she showed me where she’d lived and gone to school and worked. She said we leaped together into other scenes, and she believed I was showing her how to take leaps. She saw it as a metaphor for encouraging her at work.

 While this could have been coincidental, a key thing she mentioned was the face of a tiger on a sign or billboard. Well, that was fascinating because I had just been playing a new Tiger slot game before bed. 

So I’ve since decided that this works, and I give it more intention at bedtime. Maybe it can help you to get some sleep when you need it. My sister said she still does it all the time. She said it’s like going calm when you want a baby to sleep, only you’re doing it with your mind instead of holding the baby in your arms. 

Yes -I do 4-7-8 breathing at those times and I also pick a really mundane task - that requires a lot of steps and I make myself -in my head go through alll the steps -mine is related to beds/linens/sheets like that so obviously it's also sleep related -been doing this over 10 years now.  It's like a real placebo effect.  Long ago I'd sometimes to like Tylenol PM but I am not a fan of sleep aids plus with a baby/young child I didn't want to be "under the influence".

[Cynder]

33 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes -I do 4-7-8 breathing at those times and I also pick a really mundane task - that requires a lot of steps and I make myself -in my head go through alll the steps -mine is related to beds/linens/sheets like that so obviously it's also sleep related -been doing this over 10 years now.  It's like a real placebo effect.  Long ago I'd sometimes to like Tylenol PM but I am not a fan of sleep aids plus with a baby/young child I didn't want to be "under the influence".

I count backwards from 100 in my head sometimes.  It works about 50% of the time. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Cynder said:

I count backwards from 100 in my head sometimes.  It works about 50% of the time. 

Try backwards from 1000 but by 3s