Wife Hates My Mother

[Tony_Soprano]

Hello eNA,

My wife can't stand my mother and finds our relationship "weird" as she deems we communicate too often and that we baby each other. Here's a bit more context:

• She thinks we communicate "all day everyday" which is too much
• Thinks my mother guilts me into pitying her and I buy into it; also my mother babies me still at age 36
• Doesn't want to be married to a mama's boy
• She gets along with the rest of my family, even feeling sorry that my dad's stuck with her for life

Our marriage is amazing with this being the only issue, but it's looming large over me as I don't know when I've crossed a line. We live thousands of kilometers and two time zones away so we only see my parents 1-2 per year (and starting next visit we will stay in an Airbnb—not with my parents). We call every Sunday and it's literally for 5-10 minutes. Texting with my mother has dramatically decreased and I'm seeking therapy to better understand my relationship with her. We have a son and I would hate for this to turn into those horror stories where grandparents never see their grandkid!

How can I support my wife but also not neglect my mother? Any insight into something similar would be appreciated.

Cheers,

Tony Soprano

[mylolita]

Ay, Tony! (Said in my best Italian accent!)

 

You’re back! How is life with your lovely bambino!? Hoping all is well in other areas my dear!

 

How long is the texting and how often? 
 

Seeing your in laws once or twice a year is… very limited contact. On the surface of this, I don’t understand where her complaint lies so we might need to delve deeper here for further info if you don’t mind!

 

Do you refer to your mother a lot? Does she navigate, heavily influenced or decide your decisions? Do you talk about her most of the time?

 

What reasons has your wife given for not liking your mum? Does she clash with her values or personality? How often has your wife actually met your mother? Does she even known her mother in law well? 
 

Just trying to get a feel for the situation! 
 

My gut instinct is that your wife is over reacting but it’s hard to say. Could the phone call be chopped to every other night for compromise? Or maybe your wife could be excused from the phone call for the majority of the time?

 

Most partners are happy to hear of great, close and solid relationships with parents. 
 

Hmm Tony! Sorry to pry, but I need more!

 

Edit! Sorry! I thought you said you called every night! Only every Sunday? This does sound like an overreaction on your wife’s behalf. I would like to hear more - all the best! 

 

x

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Tony_Soprano said:

We call every Sunday and it's literally for 5-10 minutes. Texting with my mother has dramatically decreased and I'm seeking therapy to better understand my relationship with her.

It sounds like you're working cutting those apron strings the best you can.  Make sure in any dispute with your wife, your mother is not mentioned. Mom thinks..., mom said..., etc. are poisonous to marriages.

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, Tony_Soprano said:

Texting with my mother has dramatically decreased

What was the texting frequency before decreasing it?

For context, how often do you refer to your mom when making decisions that affect your marriage, kids, or personal choices?

[boltnrun]

My husband told me ONE time "my mom doesn't make it like that" when I made dinner. I told him if he's so in love with his mom's cooking he can move back to his family home. He never said it again (he learns quickly).

Do you refer to your mother frequently? As in, at least once every day? And is it in a comparative way?

[tattoobunnie]

I have seen or spoken to my MIL since 2010.  She's an abusive narcissist.

Can I ask did they get into a fight long ago, or what does your wife say why she hates your mom?  How often do you bring her up - do you ever compare them on how they are with kids, discipline, cooking, shopping, places traveled, how they dress, etc.  Treating your wife as second fiddle would cause any partner to hate the top person.

[Tony_Soprano]

Thank you all for your replies, I'll do a mass reply as there's a bit to unpack here.

• I no longer reference my mom as it's become a no-fly zone with my wife. So much so I even stopped saying "mamma mia!" when I'm surprised (yes, I know, very Italian haha)
• I have fibbed a couple times about mother interactions because of said no-fly zone which added to her suspicions about me and my relationship with my mother
• Even prior to the tension, I wouldn't dare say "my mother does this better..." as I'm cognizant enough to know you don't say that to your partner
• We used to text multiple times daily but it has decreased to maybe every other day now and it's mundane updates about weather and dinner; nothing personal!
• My parents have zero influence over us, our decision to move far away to the Arctic, how to raise our child, etc. They do not meddle!
• Full disclosure, I'm scared to raise issue with my wife as I know she's overreacting (even my therapist agrees) because I don't want marriage counselling or worse, to lose her and my child

Why I think/know my wife can't stand her:

• My mother is a whiner who complains often, she's lazy and likely depressed as her hygiene is lacking lately. It makes me sad she lives an unfulfilling life but my wife said "she chose this life/you have your family to look after now"
• She talked poorly about nurses once in front of my nurse mother-in-law and nurse practitioner wife
• She scoffed at the name we gave our child when we announced his birth
• She can be rude to my father (who my wife respects) which is uncomfortable, especially in public settings
• She's into spirituality (e.g. this oil can cure COVID) and the like whereas my wife is science-based (e.g. get vaccinated!)
• My sister-in-law and wife have bonded over their mutual dislike for their shared mother-in-law

[Cherylyn]

I straddle both sides of the fence as a very devoted mother of sons and I'm a DIL (daughter-in-law).

My husband was and will always be my MIL (mother-in-law)'s favorite son out of her 3 adult children.  My husband helped his mother during her terrible migraine headache years when she was often bedridden.  As a young boy,  he did everything especially while his father traveled extensively for  frequent business trips.  My husband cleaned the house, took care of all errands, cooked,  tended to his younger siblings, maintained the house inside and out and his mother depended on him a lot.  My husband is the very responsible,  helpful,  selfless type.  They've always been very close.  My late FIL did a lot for MIL, too and always treated her like a queen.  He always deferred to her as well.  My husband and his brother (my nice BIL - brother-in-law) followed in their late father's footsteps.  👣 

My MIL trained her son well to become an amazing, very helpful husband!  In this regard,  to this day,  I'm very grateful to her. 

During my early years of marriage, I remember MIL would call my husband quite frequently for lengthy phone chats.  Often times, it was very inconvenient due to the frequency and length of each phone call.  I wasn't happy about this and let it be known.  🤔

I once asked my MIL if she missed her son when he left for college.  Her reply:  "No, I didn't miss my son when he left for college.  I missed my son when he married YOU."  Wow.  Ouch!  There were other zingers thrown my way throughout the years as well.  And, she wonders why I maintain a frosty distance from her to this day?  Hmmm.  Get a clue,  woman. 🙄 Watch your mouth!  Advice for future mothers-in-law out there:  Be kind to your son's girlfriends,  fiancees or wife otherwise you won't get to have much time (phone or in person) with your son anymore and you'll alienate your DIL permanently.  Beware.

Fortunately,  we're busier nowadays so my husband doesn't have much time and energy to call his mother often.  If I need to get permission for Thanksgiving at her house and invite my husband's cousins and their families, I have to remind my husband to call his mother so we can plan and organize gatherings.  (We've all been vaccinated,  double boosted and tested negative unlike my sister's household, guests, my mother and gatherings. 🙁)  At that point,  my husband will chat with his mother and catch up. 

I feel sorry for my MIL though.  FIL passed away this year and yesterday was their wedding anniversary.  She visited her late husband's grave site at the cemetery which was extremely painful.  She placed flowers on his grave and there's nothing anyone can say nor do to make her feel better.  😪

If you communicate (text / messages / emails / voice mails / phone chats) daily or frequently,  I agree with your wife,  it is indeed excessive,  weird and you need to cut the umbilical cord.  Don't be perceived as a 'Mama's Boy' nor act like one.  Gravitate towards your wife instead and your own immediate family life because they deserve top priority with your mind, time and energy.

Does your mother guilt you and do you buy into it?  Then back off and institute healthy boundaries.  You're an adult now,  a husband and father.  Focus on setting your priorities straight.  Your mother still babies you at age 36?  This is abnormal for both of you.  Learn normal distance between mother and grown adult son.   Respect your wife and immediate family by giving more of yourself to them instead of doting and coddling your mother so much.  If your mother won't change for you,  then you'll have to learn to distance yourself from your mother in a healthy way.  Practice enforcing boundaries.  Make yourself unavailable to your mother's phone calls, voicemails and texts.  Reply more reasonably on your timeline.  Contact should be reasonable and fairly brief instead of incessant, frequent and lengthy.  If she refuses to cooperate, then you'll have to force and control communication in your favor. 

Your wife pities her FIL (father-in-law) for being stuck with a wife like that.  She's entitled to her opinion.  I've often said the same comment to my husband about his mother and father and he actually agreed!

Calling your mother for a 5 - 10 minute Sunday conversation once a week seems reasonable.  However,  don't text often and should you text, make it very brief.  Limit brief texts to once or twice a week at the most. 

With your parents seeing their grandchild,  do what you can such as the Airbnb (not with your parents) and visit once or twice a year. 

Have mutual maturity and compromise regarding contact with your mother out of respect and consideration for your wife and family because they come first and foremost.  Your mother (and parents) are finished raising you and your mother needs to realize her boundaries with you, too.  It is you who is in charge of steering this rapport with your mother in a reasonable, right direction.  Your mother could very well resist change but you are the one who has to enforce it with your actions or non-actions.

It's not neglecting your mother as you curtail contact.  You're merely enforcing new, healthier boundaries which will benefit you, your wife, marriage, child and family life.  

I've been married for a long time so I have a lot of experience in this arena. 

 

 

 

[mylolita]

Tony,

 

To me, you hardly see your own mother - I imagine she is elderly? This seems selfish on behalf of your wife. 
 

You sound like you have cut all mention of her! Again, this is beyond bending over from yourself!
 

When you marry someone, you have to accept you are taking on a whole lot more than just them. You don’t get to hide your husband or wife away and discount the rest - black sheeps of their family, family issues and problems, family health problems - all that rest. It’s part of the parcel.

 

I get on fine with my mother in law. It’s a polite relationship. I keep it friendly but we don’t see them every week, probably twice a month max. But this isn’t my call, it’s theirs, but suits me fine. My husband has the reverse - as he’s become a parent himself, he has realised how bad they were as parents to him. They can be rude, spiteful, full of negativity. Not the best. But, at the end of the day, am I going to cut them out of our lives? All three of our bambino’s see their grandparents, even if it is supervised by me! And, when I have them over and cook big family dinners, I really enjoy it, I do, and, I almost forgot my father in law asked my husband in front of me when he announced our engagement “why?” Ha! 
 

You seem to adore your mother - she won’t be around forever. It seems selfish your wife won’t let you have the relationship you want with her. Does it really affect her so much when you live thousands of miles apart?! 
 

Maybe I’m more laid back here but a comparison or comment about my husbands mother doing something better or different to me means absolutely nothing to me! I take no offence at that at all! My husband has a favourite chilli dish his mum always made him. It’s a comfort dish. I do it exactly the way she told me too - it takes nothing from me at all. He loves it and I’m happy to make it the way he likes.

 

I agree with your therapist! 
 

Also, the most stand back thing you said is that you fear for your marriage should you speak up about this?! Tony, that is the real issue here! You should be able to discuss anything, air any problem with your wife, without fearing threat of divorce or some kind of huge terrible argument? 
 

x

[boltnrun]

Has your wife demanded you make a choice between your mom and her?

[Seraphim]

As much as I dislike my in-laws I never denied my husband contact with them or my son contact with them. My husband was never overly in contact but did bow to his parents every demand. Now his dad is passed on now and his mom is 88 and can’t do much to us. 

[Cherylyn]

To my MIL's credit,  I've asked her for her family's tried 'n true favorite recipes and to this day, I still cook these dinner meals.  I've since tweaked her recipes along the way.  I cook a lot of my own meals my way.  She even enjoys my cooking and my late FIL always enjoyed it as well.  My desserts are appreciated and not sickeningly too sweet either. 

MIL has also given me very helpful hints and tips regarding a lot of tasks; not just cooking.  MIL gave me a lot of wonderful gifts, too.  I still treasure them to this day. 

Nonetheless, despite her good sides to her character,  it still doesn't give her free reign to have unlimited access to her son,  my husband.  Fortunately,  she has since toned it down and considerate enough to no longer phone call frequently.  She doesn't text but if she did text excessively,  obviously it's unreasonable.  I fully support contact between mother and son as long as it's reasonable and sensible! 

It all boils down to respect.  People family or no family need to respect each other's lives including time,  energy,  attention and not burdening others by demanding and commanding too much of them.  Being reasonable is called being respectful towards others.  It's common sense. 

[Tony_Soprano]

Cherlyyn — Thank you very much! I needed to hear from a DIL perspective. I rarely considered how it would feel to be married to someone who is babied. Yes, I am the favourite and youngest hence why I was in constant contact. It was also to lessen my own guilt about moving far away and not being around to take care of them. I am working on healthy boundaries and this is all my wife has asked. Less communicating and long-distance caring and more focus on my young family. She is NOT cutting me out of their lives and vice versa, to be clear

mylolita — My hope is she sees all the bending I'm doing and realizes she truly is my top priority. So it'll get to a point where I can openly and honestly tell her how I feel about this situation. After just a couple therapy sessions I have already been more honest with you and she thanked me for it so we're making headway there.

boltnrun — No. Heck no. I hope my writing didn't come off that way because she has absolutely not given me an ultimatum like that.

Seraphim — It is not her intention to cut me from my parent's life or vice versa. Remember, she adores my dad but dislikes my mom. She's still on the Sunday phone calls and is open to visits (if we don't stay at their place) whenever we visit our hometown.

[mylolita]

I wonder, what kind of contact does your wife find acceptable?

 

You only seeing your mother once a year, and a phone call only twice a month maybe, and a few texts a week?
 

I’m sure she probably texts friends all day every day, like most people! Your mother sounds like she is also your friend? 
 

Despite having a bit of a rocky relationship, I think my husband texts his Dad nearly every week, calls him up a couple of times a month. We have them over at least once a month, I do all the big Christmas and host the Birthdays or organise them. Sometimes my husband will drive out to see his parents once a month, go back to his old local pub where he grew up. I think it’s great, I encourage it! He encourages me to see my family and friends, do things for myself too. I don’t know exactly how many texts or how many calls because I’m not bothered and I don’t monitor him. He spends the rest of his free time with me and our small kids and that’s everything I asked for.

 

I have never really got the daughter in law mother in law issues at war thing, let your son go he is mine now either. I mean, it’s her son. I would hate to think when my son got married he would see me once a year and that was it? I think it would near break my heart! 

 

I remember watching a video once by Jordan Peterson. He worked out with his parents age and him seeing them twice a year, realistically he was only going to be able to meet up with them 10 more times before they died. 
 

My last two grandparents just passed away this year and I know both my parents are regretting not spending extra time with them before they left. 
 

I feel I am against the grain here 🤪 but, is it really so unreasonable? For a mother to want to see her son and vice versa? I wish I were close to my own parents, I really do. I admire and envy anyone who has that lovely relationship. In my opinion it is precious and to be cherished and celebrated. It doesn’t mean the wife doesn’t come first!

 

x

[Cherylyn]

Yes, I understand Tony_Soprano.  I too am not cutting MIL out of our lives.  Enforcing respectful, healthy boundaries and being reasonable will always reign supreme.  Don't feel guilty for moving far away because it's the natural course of life.  Not everyone remains in the same town they were born and raised in.  Baby birds eventually fly away from the nest. 

I'm a mother and DIL.  I will have to acquiesce and yield someday when my sons have a girlfriend,  fiancee or wife.   I know I'll always be their mother and will always remain near and dear in their hearts no matter where they reside. ❤️  This status is very honorable and high.  However,  I need to respect their wife and know what it feels like to be a wife needing her husband and as a father, my husband's priorities with his mind, time and energy shifting away from his mother to his new family. 

[Cherylyn]

There's nothing wrong with visiting your mother (and parents) whenever time and resources permit which in your case is 1 - 2 times a year.  You do what you have to do.  Airbnb sounds good. 

Even though my relatives and in-laws reside locally,  we don't engage in frequent phone chats, however, we do chat.  We don't text each other often.  If there are texts, it's not lengthy nor frequent either.  We don't ping each other frequently with messages, voice mails nor emails either.  Same with social media.  We all exercise discretion.  Despite everyone residing locally,  we don't see each other often.  There are random restaurant rendezvous,  holiday gatherings, some birthday celebrations (not a lot) and the like.  However,  we give each other time and space which is very much a form of respect.  This is called being sensible and reasonable and we would still remain reasonable had we resided hundreds or thousands of miles apart.

There are family members who don't mind engaging in frequent contact and / or seeing each other frequently but it's not everyone's cup of tea.  Excessive contact whether it's phone chats, in person or electronic correspondence feels as if a person is smothered and suffocated to the point of feeling burdened,  bothered and disrespected. 

I fully support communication or seeing each other as long as there are healthy boundaries in place, mutual respectful behavior and consideration in mind.

 

 

[bluecastle]

Putting your wife's thoughts and feelings to the side for a moment, however possible that is, what do you think, in your heart of hearts, about your relationship with your mother? Did it, or has it ever, verged on too close or unhealthy? Do you feel the steps you've been taking, from therapy to limiting texting, have improved your relationship with her? 

I ask because it's important that you have a clear idea, in the privacy of your own head and heart, about what kind of relationship you want to have with your mother—what "working" looks like for you. 

That's what your focus needs to be, rather than finding a shape and size that will please your wife. She (your wife) has built up a personal habit around all this, one where she's on the lookout for any and all symptoms of Mama's Boy Syndrome, and so forth. That means that for the foreseeable future—or, depending on her personality, forever—she is more likely to jump to negative assumptions than positive ones, when it comes to you and your mom. The more you can accept that—let it come, let it pass, trust your course of actions, no need to react—the less this will interfere with or infect your marriage. 

I'm curious: What kind of relationship does your wife have with her parents? Are they close? Distant? I ask just trying to understand if there's any chance that she's coming at all this from a place of envying your family dynamic—and, since it is yours and not hers, demonizing it to find some comfort and control. 

[Seraphim]

23 minutes ago, Tony_Soprano said:

Cherlyyn — Thank you very much! I needed to hear from a DIL perspective. I rarely considered how it would feel to be married to someone who is babied. Yes, I am the favourite and youngest hence why I was in constant contact. It was also to lessen my own guilt about moving far away and not being around to take care of them. I am working on healthy boundaries and this is all my wife has asked. Less communicating and long-distance caring and more focus on my young family. She is NOT cutting me out of their lives and vice versa, to be clear

mylolita — My hope is she sees all the bending I'm doing and realizes she truly is my top priority. So it'll get to a point where I can openly and honestly tell her how I feel about this situation. After just a couple therapy sessions I have already been more honest with you and she thanked me for it so we're making headway there.

boltnrun — No. Heck no. I hope my writing didn't come off that way because she has absolutely not given me an ultimatum like that.

Seraphim — It is not her intention to cut me from my parent's life or vice versa. Remember, she adores my dad but dislikes my mom. She's still on the Sunday phone calls and is open to visits (if we don't stay at their place) whenever we visit our hometown.

Ah, well, my husband was never the favourite and a second class citizen in his family and I never rated in the family at all ever. My son is their only grandchild and even he never rated. 
 

That is our perspective. 

[boltnrun]

I'm lucky. Even though I divorced her son my MIL and I have a great relationship. We exchange gifts on holidays and birthdays and once she feels comfortable we will get together for lunch like we used to.

So, I took a quick look at your previous threads. This issue between your wife and your mother has been going on for at least a year and predates your marriage (in your thread a year ago you refer to her as your fiancee). You also said your mom is suffering from health issues and doesn't get great support at home (including from your dad) or from your siblings. So I can understand why you feel protective of her.

Does your wife have any empathy toward your mom regarding her health issues?

Also, have you and your wife resolved the sex and possible PPD issues?

[moodindigo91]

This is definitely a difficult situation to navigate and it sounds like you really are doing your best. You mentioned how you attend therapy to better understand your relationship with your mother. I'm interested in what you think about your relationship with her and why you need therapy to understand it?

I also think it might be helpful for you and your wife to attend counseling sessions together to really dig deeper and understand what the issue is here. I can understand your wife's point of view, but it also seems to be like she's being pretty unfair and controlling. Without more context about your relationship with your mother, it's hard to say, though. It seems to me like your wife needs to be more open to compromise on this matter. 

I'm also curious how much your mother knows about your wife's disdain toward her, if anything? 

[Tony_Soprano]

bluecastle — I'm hurting. I hate that my wife doesn't get along with my mother and I hate that I can't send a quick check-in text without fear of looking like a mama's boy. I do think it was co-dependent at times, so there is cause for concern from my partner's perspective, but not therapy-requiring. My wife is definitely seeking negatives in any and all interactions and that's hard for me to navigate. Meanwhile, she has a loving and open communication with her parents. Often FaceTiming multiple times weekly and texting somewhat regularly in family chats and privately, I'm sure. So there is no envy on her part.

boltnrun — Good researching skills! I'd say it started December 2020 but escalated around our wedding in July 2022. My wife has minimal empathy for my mom because she whines about vague issues. She does have empathy for her hearing loss, which is evident and worked on via hearing aids. 

moodindigo91 — I really am trying to keep harmony in my household, thanks for asking. As I mentioned to bluecastle above, I really don't think it necessitated therapy, but here I am spending $400/month to talk about how my feelings are valid and next session we'll explore my wife's triggers (unbeknownst to her, of course). My mom knows nothing of the disdain, but may have a clue due to lack of communication.

I should mention my wife's trigger is likely her grandmother's relationship with her mother. Her father's mother was apparently a b*itch to her mother which caused strain in their marriage. She would call her names to her face and cried when they moved 5 km further away, complained about vague symptoms too. My mother is not this controlling but my wife sees similarities in my role in the family as her father's role in his family (youngest, caretaker, drop everything for them, etc.)

[moodindigo91]

16 minutes ago, Tony_Soprano said:

My mother is not this controlling but my wife sees similarities in my role in the family as her father's role in his family (youngest, caretaker, drop everything for them, etc.)

Honestly it sounds like your wife should be the one in therapy 

[Tony_Soprano]

5 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

Honestly it sounds like your wife should be the one in therapy 

I feel the same way but it's a tough sell. I'd have to tell her "you know how I was supposed to be exploring my relationship with my mother? Yeah, well, it's actually you that needs to." I fear for the fallout so I'm going to stick with my one-on-one sessions until there's a breakthrough. Hopefully this happens at Friday's session.

[mylolita]

I’m just trying to wrap my head around the idea of her seeing you leave for therapy to talk about your mother and “cutting the cord” whilst she happily interacts with her own parents no problem.

 

Boggled! 
 

Unfair is not the word in my opinion! But I don’t want to stir the pot! If you need to keep your wife happy then I guess, if this is it? Just be prepared for potentially more demands.

 

There is a lot said about her boundaries and her feelings - what about your boundaries, your feelings? Respect isn’t just doing whatever your wife wants of you. If someone respects you, and in return, receives respect, this doesn’t seem to be the environment genuine respect is fostered. It seems one sided. That’s not how respect and love works! That’s how resentment is grown.

 

x

[Batya33]

You've gotten so much valuable input. I was a little surprised no one yet has followed up on why your mother scoffed at the name you gave your child.  Why? And in front of your wife, the mom? My husband was inordinately close to his parents. 

When we married my MIL was 79 and FIL 82.  MIL was unwell/disabled and FIL was ok but legally blind by then.  We had our son about 3 months after marriage.

We relocated 800 miles away when son was 5 months old.  Husband is their one child so he was the caretaker and -yes -I believe he tried to speak to one of them daily because he wanted to check in on them. 

I called my MIL/FIL a couple of times a week -I was a SAHM and called when my husband was at work.  MIL died almost 10 years ago (how I miss her) and FIL about 6 years ago (he was difficult to get along with the last few years of his life).  

But yes I also call my mom now almost every day - and my sister too -we love talking to her but she's 87, lives on her own and -yes we want to make sure she's ok!  My dad passed away 6 years ago.  My husband and mom get along wonderfully but he'll only get on the phone occasionally but in person they chat and laugh and have real discussions. 

He doesn't think I call too much -I call while I'm folding laundry in our bedroom so it doesn't disturb anyone and I multitask.  Maybe we talk 20 minutes 4 times a week? No texting, no emailing. Sister and I talk maybe once every ten days and text some.  Before covid we saw my mom around once a year or so and this summer we saw her twice as it had been over 2 years. 

Anyway - I didn't love how close my husband was to his parents and I didn't like some of the babying stuff I experienced.  A couple of times I felt he prioritized his parent's wants over what I needed at that time - needed him to be present for our baby and help and/or take over after I'd been parenting 10 hours straight and/or tell his parents about our boundaries and enforce them. But overall I loved them so very much and in particular I miss my MIL so very much.  My parents loved them too.  

Had they made a disparaging comment about what we named our son (they loved his names) I mean -wow -I would have been brought to tears.   

I guess we're lucky as how our families connected so well and beautifully.  But yes I can relate to the frustrations of a "too close" relationship.  

All the best to you and your family.