Am I remaining professional?

[Tinydance]

12 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

Do you really think this will all blow over?

Yes 🙂

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, Alex39 said:

Do you really think this will all blow over?

Did you read the story I told about reporting my future manager?

[Alex39]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Did you read the story I told about reporting my future manager?

Yes and I appreciate you sharing that. I feel like my situation is different but I think that's just in my head maybe. 

Your situation was that you went and reported a small issue. A silly love note. And the bosses laughed about it. Then the guy became a good guy and you liked him. 

My situation was that I was in an office and after two years my boss hires this cute young girl, starts favoring her immensely and they seemed like they were in a relationship. I witnessed and saw inapropriate encounters between them.  He was double her age and married. She wanted my job so they proceeded to target me and treat me terribly for two years until I was finally so uncomfortable,  stressed,and upset, that I left. I had no respect for him. He made me and two others uncomfortable and feel ostracized in the office. He promoted this unqualified woman and gave her my job. This woman was allowed to treat me and others extremely rudely and he did nothing. 

He allowed and promoted others to treat me horribly. He gave fake criticism, embarrassed me, and mentally I was destroyed. When I left I was scared, traumatized, paranoid, and anxious,with no self esteem or confidence. 

[Alex39]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Did you read the story I told about reporting my future manager?

Also, you reported this man, but you didn't then go and put out a statement about him saying he shouldn't get the job above you. You didn't interfere with him getting the bigger job. You didn't accuse him of inapropriateness with woman. The love note wasn't a big deal to higher managers and the report wasn't addressed. I never reported my situation. Me and the others were too afraid. So I feel this is just, some random woman who may seem scorned with no report or evidence but my experience and the experience of others, only. 

[greendots]

5 hours ago, Alex39 said:

1. I feel like I made a mistake and am beating myself up for being naive. 

2. I am afraid I'll face trouble at work or with this man

3. I feel like my reputation at work is ruined

4. I'm embarrassed if others don't like me or trust me

5. I'm afraid of this man getting the job or having to face him

6. I'm anxious and depressed

So yeah I'm freaking out a hit. 

I noticed you tend to second guess yourself quite often.

Again–your friends are right. You shared a genuine and legitimate concern you have, in a professional manner, about a man this company is considering hiring. Think about Weinstein, for example. He was getting off scot-free until people dared to speak up.

If the company you're working for ends up hiring a man who treated employees badly, then do you really want to keep working there? And if someone doesn't like you because you voiced a genuine and legitimate concern about a potential hire–then it certainly paints them in a negative light.

By all means seek labor law advice just to make sure you know what to do in the future. But please take comfort in the fact that you had to make a tough decision and rather than remain silent you chose to speak up. You were courageous.

[boltnrun]

So let's say they asked you about him and you kept quiet. They hire him and he proceeds to sexually harass multiple female employees. Would you have felt good about that?

[Alex39]

10 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So let's say they asked you about him and you kept quiet. They hire him and he proceeds to sexually harass multiple female employees. Would you have felt good about that?

No and he'd probably try to run me out the door again. 

[Tinydance]

I don't necessarily think that your previous boss or anyone else will find out that you wrote that letter. But don't tell anyone else at work that you did it. 

I think it was really wrong that your boss and that girl treated you badly. However, this is just my opinion but if it looked like that girl was actually in a relationship with him then it was her own choice. You said she's young but obviously she wasn't a minor. She most likely also knew your boss was married. That's different if he just hit on and/or sexually harassed a woman who didn't want that and never reciprocated. Maybe this girl actually wanted to "sleep her way to the top". 

I think that's really good that you left that job and you did really well for yourself at this current job. I know it's really unfair but sometimes in life you do get a really horrible boss and sadly sometimes in the end all you can do is leave.

In my first welfare job my boss was awful and misogynistic. Also I actually worked for a not-for-profit community mental health service and it was meant to be an accepting place. But one time there was a conversation about gay people and my boss made a face and said: "I'm not going to comment what I think about gay people". I mean, when someone says that, it's clear what they think, right?

Also then the service was closing down and we had many people who enjoyed doing the art group there. My boss said there might be a new art group starting in the area for people with mental health struggles. I called some of the participants and asked their consent if they were interested to join the new art group to pass on their details. My boss overheard my phone calls and began to yell at me profusely because apparently I was promising something I didn't know was going to go ahead. When in fact he was the one who told me about the art group himself. And I simply asked IF the new art group goes ahead can we pass on their details if they want to join.

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Alex39 said:

No and he'd probably try to run me out the door again. 

What were the conditions under which you left that employment? Were you downsized? Did you resign? Is he currently still working there?

How did you come about the information that he was a potential candidate for the company you're currently with?

Who wrote the email? You or another employee? Who was it sent to and from whose email address?

All you can do is discontinue talking to anyone at work or your former co-workers about it.

Let things blow over. You stated your case, now let it go. Keep in mind that the workplace is not a therapy group. Save your private feelings about all this for a confidential setting like therapy.

[Alex39]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What were the conditions under which you left that employment? Were you downsized? Did you resign? Is he currently still working there?

How did you come about the information that he was a potential candidate for the company you're currently with?

Who wrote the email? You or another employee? Who was it sent to and from whose email address?

All you can do is discontinue talking to anyone at work or your former co-workers about it.

Let things blow over. You stated your case, now let it go. Keep in mind that the workplace is not a therapy group. Save your private feelings about all this for a confidential setting like therapy.

I resigned and left professionally. Gave notice. Did it the right way.  This man still works there in his high position.

We were emailed with the names of the candidate finalists and I saw his name. We were invited to join in as they were coming to the company for second round interviews. He would be our new boss, so that's why we were included. 

I did not go to his interview purposely and it was optional. I did go to other candidate ones, but not all. So I didnt just skip his.

The email was sent typed from me to my colleague. Then my colleague took it and erased my information, tweaked it a bit,  and sent it from her email to the hiring committee, so the email was from her, but they knew the information was from someone else. My colleague promised me it was anonymous. The hiring commitee isn't necessarily HR at all. They put together random people from the company to be a hiring committee. She was on the committee and felt they should know this information so in the end they don't recommend him. 

[Batya33]

24 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I resigned and left professionally. Gave notice. Did it the right way.  This man still works there in his high position.

We were emailed with the names of the candidate finalists and I saw his name. We were invited to join in as they were coming to the company for second round interviews. He would be our new boss, so that's why we were included. 

I did not go to his interview purposely and it was optional. I did go to other candidate ones, but not all. So I didnt just skip his.

The email was sent typed from me to my colleague. Then my colleague took it and erased my information, tweaked it a bit,  and sent it from her email to the hiring committee, so the email was from her, but they knew the information was from someone else. My colleague promised me it was anonymous. The hiring commitee isn't necessarily HR at all. They put together random people from the company to be a hiring committee. She was on the committee and felt they should know this information so in the end they don't recommend him. 

From all you describe I believe it will remain anonymous and it sounds like they have specific procedures in place because they are motivated to get information including information like yours.

[jul-els]

Bottom line is you need to put your own self preservation first. You made your grievance with your higher ups and did so in a professional manner. Nothing wrong with that.  Now start implementing your exit plan should he get hired. Focus on your priorities and options and don’t worry about hypothetical scenarios. It’s irrelevant and keeps you stuck in a state of negative rumination. Hold your ground. Maintain your professionalism and do what’s necessary to take care of yourself. 

[boltnrun]

Alex, how did it go at work today? Business as usual would be my guess.

[Alex39]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Alex, how did it go at work today? Business as usual would be my guess.

I went in for a one hour meeting then left. Trying to keep a low profile now. 

[moodindigo91]

4 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I went in for a one hour meeting then left. Trying to keep a low profile now. 

Hm I would opt for just "acting naturally" over keeping "a low profile". 

[boltnrun]

20 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I went in for a one hour meeting then left. Trying to keep a low profile now. 

Acting like you have something to hide makes it look like you have something to hide.

Just conduct yourself like you always do, is my advice.

[Seraphim]

57 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

I went in for a one hour meeting then left. Trying to keep a low profile now. 

Don’t act guilty . Hold your head up . 

[Alex39]

I don't necessarily feel like I'm acting guilty or weird. I acted fine today and have been responding and answering emails professionally. I just have been making myself scarce. Maybe I'm just busy. I feel like if I'm scarce for a week or two, it'll be easier to forget me and the email, so I won't act as a reminder of it. And hopefully it'll just blow over. Luckily my work is really flexible so I can work at home when I want mostly. 

[MissCanuck]

13 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I feel like if I'm scarce for a week or two, it'll be easier to forget me and the email, so I won't act as a reminder of it.

Your email won't be forgotten. 

It sounds like HR is taking it seriously and considering your views on the matter. That was the whole point. You can't undo that now, but you also don't need to assume it will somehow come back to bite you. 

 

[boltnrun]

15 hours ago, Alex39 said:

I feel like if I'm scarce for a week or two, it'll be easier to forget me and the email, so I won't act as a reminder of it.

Wait, I thought you said it was anonymous. So how could you "act as a reminder of it"? Unless you don't trust the person who said they would keep your name out of it. And if you don't trust that person why would you agree to participate?

Act normally. Spend as much time present in the office as you always have. Don't change your routine.

Do you know when they'll be making a hiring decision?

[Alex39]

3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Wait, I thought you said it was anonymous. So how could you "act as a reminder of it"? Unless you don't trust the person who said they would keep your name out of it. And if you don't trust that person why would you agree to participate?

Act normally. Spend as much time present in the office as you always have. Don't change your routine.

Do you know when they'll be making a hiring decision?

It was anonymous, but I think a couple people know that I worked for him, so they may assume it was me. I don't know. I'm assuming within a week we'll know who got the job. 

[Alex39]

So it's been 8 days and they haven't hired anyone for the job yet. Getting a bit nervous. 

[boltnrun]

43 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

So it's been 8 days and they haven't hired anyone for the job yet. Getting a bit nervous. 

Isn't that a good thing? They didn't hire your former coworker.

[Alex39]

6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Isn't that a good thing? They didn't hire your former coworker.

Yes, but the fact that it's taking so long. Thinking it could be because maybe I interfered and could be in trouble. 

[boltnrun]

14 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

Yes, but the fact that it's taking so long. Thinking it could be because maybe I interfered and could be in trouble. 

Alex, please take this as being well intended...but you find more creative ways to look for things to worry about than almost everyone I know.

WHY on earth would they wait EIGHT DAYS to do something if you're "in trouble"?

Wait, don't answer that, because I'm sure you'll come up with some convoluted scenario where you're five minutes from getting fired 

Alex, please, find some way to calm down and stop the anxious illogical thought loops.

Did you ever talk to your therapist? Or did you make that one phone call ten days ago and just let it go after that?