Girl acting all emotional, need advice urgently!!!!(UPDATED)

[DN]

Well, we shall have to agree to disagree - especially about your 'silly' observation; I don't find that sort of remark conducive to intelligent discussion.

 

I'm sorry. I didn't know that we had to be so serious. I could have used another word....but I thought I would be respectful.

 

OK, no problem. I think in the end we are both trying to help Eddie - poor fella is probably more confused that before he originally posted. Are you still there, Eddie?

[ShySoul]

Yeah Eddie, we need an update.

 

I don't want to turn this into another personal debate to the detraction of the original post, but DropToZero I think my advice would be a major help in addressing this issue.

 

I may be a virgin, but its not like I don't know anything about sex! And from what I gather, your not that experienced in that area either. Not trying to be mean, just pointing out that you have said that you haven't gone far with a girl either (remember what you said in the pm?). But that doesn't mean either of us can't comment on the situation. I know sex is emotional and causes an attachement because I've seen more then my share of relationships involving sex. I have seen the devasted feeling people get when they sleep with someone only to have them not call the next day or when they brake up soon after. Sex is more then physical, it is giving yourself to someone and leaves you vulnerable, everyone I've heard talk about this subject tells me that.

 

I agree, she could have called. You've read my posts, you know that I think women should make more moves themselves. But from the sound of things, she has done more then her share of intiating contact. It should be 50/50, and it appears as if he isn't holding up his share. And its just common sense: you have sex with someone, you should at least talk to them and call the next day.

 

I also agree that a week was way to quick. They aren't bf/gf. They should have waited longer. But what is done is done. Now they have to deal with the consequences of their actions. And one of those consequences seems to be that she is attached to him. He may not want a committed relationship, but if she does then he has to address that. That's just taking responsility for your actions, you sleep with someone you should be prepared to deal with the results, both physical and emotional. Eddie needs to talk with her about where they are and how they feel about each other. If he doesn't like her in the same way it is better that they talk about it and either hold off of or end the relationships, whatever kind of relationship it is right now. Maybe slow things done since they went so fast. Or if he doesn't think he will feel that way, its better to end things then to let them continue as they are and essentially string her along. That will only hurt her deeply and if he cares about her at all, he won't want to see her hurt.

 

We've always had two main differences. First, you think I can't post on things because I haven't experienced them personally. And yet, you can't accept the fact the everyone else I talk to about this outside the handful of you on this board disagreeing with me, always say that I have a tremendous handle on how these things work in real life. And that comes from men and women of all ages. Second, you insist on talking about control. Control is the last thing that should be talked about in terms of relationships, dating, etc.

[DN]

I think ShySoul gives great advice, I don't always agree but his opinion is always well thought out - and you don't have to necessarily experience something to be able to comment on it or have a valid opinion. Intelligent people can extrapolate from similar experiences and/or from observing the behaviour and reactions of others and come up with good advice. Sometimes, in fact, experience can limit your understanding of the greater picture.

[DropToZero]

Yea we definitely need an update man...what's goin on?

 

I think ShySoul gives great advice, I don't always agree but his opinion is always well thought out - and you don't have to necessarily experience something to be able to comment on it or have a valid opinion. Intelligent people can extrapolate from similar experiences and/or from observing the behaviour and reactions of others and come up with good advice. Sometimes, in fact, experience can limit your understanding of the greater picture.

 

Shy does have good advice, but I don't agree with you DN...you're right tho, people can have GREAT advice on something and have never experienced it. So let me think here...I'm going to go write a book on how to fly and airplane....yet I've NEVER done it.....DN are you goin to buy my book and trust me on how to fly? I didn't think so...and don't say its different...this same idea applies everywhere.

 

I may be a virgin, but its not like I don't know anything about sex! And from what I gather, your not that experienced in that area either. Not trying to be mean, just pointing out that you have said that you haven't gone far with a girl either (remember what you said in the pm?). But that doesn't mean either of us can't comment on the situation. I know sex is emotional and causes an attachement because I've seen more then my share of relationships involving sex. I have seen the devasted feeling people get when they sleep with someone only to have them not call the next day or when they brake up soon after. Sex is more then physical, it is giving yourself to someone and leaves you vulnerable, everyone I've heard talk about this subject tells me that.

 

First of all....PM's are meant for PM's...as in your eyes only, I will never bring out info from a PM and put it in the posts...so do me a favor, and don't do that Shy. Not to mention...did I ever comment on his having sex? No..I commented on him stayin in control b/c whatever he is doin now is definitely working...so why would he want to change? The rest of this statement again applies to the above comment...

 

First, you think I can't post on things because I haven't experienced them personally. And yet, you can't accept the fact the everyone else I talk to about this outside the handful of you on this board disagreeing with me, always say that I have a tremendous handle on how these things work in real life

 

Yes...b/c you're talking to friends...not girls that are interested in you romantically. You just still don't get it...and until you've tried what I do...say....whatever....you won't get it. There's still something that gets me....see, I've tried what you do, I was always completely nice to girls etc...and that never landed me more than one bad date in HS. Then..I try something new b/c I was willing to try and change a few things in order to better my dating life....and it was a complete success as far as I was concerned. You know more of the story, b/c in my first good success, I still did screw up something unintentionally, but that's just lesson #1 learned...and it won't happen again. But Shy, you have never tried what I am doing now...why's that? I'll get back to you in a PM after finals...I gotta get back to studying.

[imagi]

I'm really very torn. If I were you, her behaviour would have turned me off by now. There's a line between needing that reassurance and asking a lot of someone you want to be with.

 

I am turned off by that behavior, I do like this girl but I don't like this new behavior of hers. Yes we were only together less than a week.. and I think this is far too much.

 

I mean she is bascially giving me an ultimatum, and I'm too proud to really take any ultimatum's from a girl.

 

A WEEK? Wow. I didn't read through til the end of the replies because I'm shocked. I know we're the "more emotional" of the sexes, but that's a wee bit excessive.

[ShySoul]

A week may seem obssessive and I agree that it is too fast, but depending on the circumstances it wouldn't necessarily be a surprise. We don't know the details, our information is all second hand. Perhaps she had been hurt deeply in the past and was vulnerable and lonely. Then its understandable that she would grow attached to someone who seemed to be giving her what she needed. Surely we've all heard of being on the rebound? Surely, at least some of us has felt an instant connection to someone. Perhaps she was in an emotionally weak state and just gave in to those feelings. It wasn't the smartes thing to do, but its understandable.

 

I'm going to go write a book on how to fly and airplane....yet I've NEVER done it.....DN are you goin to buy my book and trust me on how to fly? I didn't think so...and don't say its different...this same idea applies everywhere.

 

It is different. I know that me trying to fly a plane is just asking for disaster, because I don't have the technical knowledge needed. But there is a difference between TECHNICAL skills and EMOTIONAL considerations. Something technical like flying a plane, fixing a car, writing up a company's balance sheet... they require a specific set of skills that need to be learned. Someone who hasn't had the proper training isn't going to do well. But when it comes to things that are based on emotions, anyone can understand and help because we all have the same emotions. We've all cared deeply for someone, we've all felt hurt and heartache. It's called empathy, being able to relate to others and understand how they are feeling and what they are going through. I've never had a girl cheat on me. But I did watch someone I care about go through that experience, and I was the one there comforting as he cryed for days after. I knew what he was feeling because I know how I would feel under those circumstances.

 

Maybe I haven't been on a date. But I've thought about it a good deal. I know what I would want it to be like. I've imagined more scenarios then a can think of off hand, envisioning how I would act if certain things came up. Thinking of what would be the best solution for all involved. Plus, I have always been one that empathises well with others. I place myself in their shoes, and usually I can come up with a solution that helps. And alot of times I'm just what the doctor ordered, a fresh voice that isn't tied down to the standard view of things... providing a different perspective that hasn't been tried before. People get stuck in habits, alot of what I advise breaks those habits and get them to try something new.

 

PM's are meant for PM's...as in your eyes only, I will never bring out info from a PM and put it in the posts...so do me a favor, and don't do that Shy.

 

I never mentioned any details, they have no idea what we are talking about. All I was doing was pointing out that you aren't as experienced as you like to come off. If you are going to say that I can't comment on things because I lack experience, I only think it is fair that people know you don't have that much more experience either.

 

I commented on him stayin in control b/c whatever he is doin now is definitely working...so why would he want to change?

 

How is what he is doing working? Yes, she may be attached to him, although there are a myrid of issues to consider there. But she is also angry with him. What he is doing has her upset, and if he continues as he is, there is a good chance she will get even more upset to the point where she ends things because she feels like she she isn't being appreciated.

 

I've tried what you do, I was always completely nice to girls etc...and that never landed me more than one bad date in HS. Then..I try something new b/c I was willing to try and change a few things in order to better my dating life....and it was a complete success as far as I was concerned

 

Success by YOUR DEFINITION. I have always said, if your definition of success is getting lots of dates, fine do things like that. But if your definition of success is a meaningful relationship, what I say works. When you see posts on here, do they usually say "I want a date?" Or do they usually say, "I want a girlfriend?" Most people want those dates to lead somewhere, and what I say will get them there. Being nice, listening to her, being honest... this is what makes a relationship work, and if you show them on dates then there is a better chance that you will get that relationship.

 

I'll mention something I did say in that PM. In the past couple of weeks I have had great conversations with 4 girls. Two of them told me they loved my confidence (and I never teased or played games) while the other two told me they like that I'm shy because they are to and I relate to them well. All of them have told me that they like how nice I am. One openly flirted with me. And, amazingly, another admitted to being interested in me. And you know what got her into me? The fact that I was so nice, complimented her, and cheered her up because she was down. As much of a connection as there felt between us, I actually had to tell her that things couldn't go anywhere between us because of certain circumstances. So, if I'm turning someone down who was interested in me, I think I can say that I've had some success. And I had it my way. No need to try any other way if what I'm doing is attracted girls, on more then a friends level.

[DN]

Shy does have good advice, but I don't agree with you DN...you're right tho, people can have GREAT advice on something and have never experienced it. So let me think here...I'm going to go write a book on how to fly and airplane....yet I've NEVER done it.....DN are you goin to buy my book and trust me on how to fly? I didn't think so...and don't say its different...this same idea applies everywhere.

 

Bad analogy - with the proper research you could write in theory on how to fly an airplane without having done it, just like the Wright brothers had to - in the same way that people can work out how the pyramids were built without ever having built one, or work out how fish can take in oxygen underwater without doing it themselves. Scientists worked out how to take men to the moon and wrote books and papers about it some months and years before it was actually done. And there are thousands of male gynecologists and obstetricians.

 

Would I trust your book on how to fly? Well, that would depend on whether I trusted your judgment and intelligence.

[ShySoul]

DN,

 

Your smart. Didn't think of working that angle. Your absolutely right.

[eddie500]

OK, well here is an update. Actually a big change in her attitute, which I am not sure why. And maybe a reason at the end of post.

 

OK, I wrote her this E-mail in response to that ultimatum she gave me, here is my response.

 

My response,

*************************************************************

I've been thinking about this.. especially that I had a little time to

sleep on it, with my long nap, and thats when I do my best thinking.

This really is a lot like an ultimatum, don't you think? You know I'm

very proud also. Personally I feel this was totally unnecessary.

*************************************************************

 

This is her ultimatum she gave me,

*************************************************************

I know this is probably going to piss you off, but I just want to make myself clear:

 

As I said this morning, if you want to see me again, you will have to put some effort into it (and with this I do NOT mean money). If you want to see me again, you will treat me nicely and accordingly. Because I have been hurt before and I have been treated badly before and I am not going to get hurt and treated badly again.

 

If that is asking too much of you, well fine then...

 

I havn't been rejecting you up to now. Nor playing it or anything the like. But from now on I will reject you if you keep on treating me like this.

*************************************************************

 

OK, oddly enough she never gave me a response back to my reponse.

I went to see her friday night, and she was completely different. Very much back to normal and nice. She cooked me dinner (I was even a hour and a half late,whoops), I slept over again, We had sex, which I must say was the best sex of my life.

She never brought up this stuff that she was complaining about before. I stayed the morning, and she made me breakfast. She was acting like a woman should act 8) .

 

For whatever reason she decided to be really nice. LIke in this E-mail she wrote me when she wanted to see me again after all the complaining she gave me that day.

 

her E-mail

*************************************************************

if you want to, you can come over, and we have a nice evening (for a change). I took a nice long nap, so I am totally relaxed, not tired, not aggressive, not bit*hy...

************************************************************

 

So she must of relized she was being rediculous. Hopefully, it will stay like this.. but time will really only tell.

 

Even after I spent night and morning yesterday, and we both said we would meet later next week.. she writes me this.

 

Part Her E-mail,

************************************************************

hi, how ya doin? i decided not to leave until tomorrow noon time. and even though i shouldnt admit this, id like to see you. im not sure if you have plans yet for tonight, or if you even get to read this before midnight...

************************************************************

 

So, it seems that she is really into me, and maybe she realized that acting like how she acted, will get her no-where.

 

 

OK, but maybe you guys again can give me some advice on something she said.. and maybe the reason why she has made this big change of attitude.

 

I forgot why this came up exactly and in what context, but she said that she decided that she wasn't going to let herself get too close to anyone anymore. Bascially it has to do with getting hurt in the past, so it seems that she thinks she can mentally have a relationship but not get to involved and get too close, so that if it ends she doesn't get hurt.

Now, personally I don't like hearing this.. But I also think that nobody can really do this. When you fall in love you really can't help it.

So maybe she is acting all different and nice again becuase she told herself that she won't get so committed.

 

Well I must say that if she is not going to get so emotional, and act like she has been acting, then in a sense I don't mind her having this attitude.

Its like having a woman without all the emotional problems, LOL. And what guy wouldn't want that.

Her behaviour seems otherwise, she really seems to be in love with me, and wants to always spend time with me etc. Just read her last E-mail to me I posted an excerpt of.. she wanted to see me after we agreed to meet later next week.

 

So whats going on here? Is she really trying to put a mental block on getting too close and too committed in relationships? Is this possible?

Have any of you girls ever done this?

Does this strategy work for woman? How long does this strategy last?

 

And the biggest question, why would she decide to use this strategy with me?

 

Would you say that this girl seems to be really in love with me?

[DN]

Too soon to say if she is in love with you, I think she is certainly very attracted to you but she probably realised that she had over-reacted based on her previous experience. The 'not getting too close' thing is a defence mechanism - I don't think it will last - if she is an emotional person it is unlikely that she can just shut them off like that.

 

I think that both of you would be well advised to take it slow emotionally, it is a very new relationship. Just 'go with the flow' and see what happens without either of you getting too intense too early.

[ShySoul]

DN's right, she is trying to put up walls to defend herself from getting to close. Like I was thinking earlier, whatever happened in her past has left her confused and scared. She clearly does like you but is afraid that you will hurt her like the other guy did. This explains why she got attached to you so quickly, she was feeling hurt and lonely and you made her feel special and not alone anymore. But then she felt bad about moving so quickly and wanted to pull away, afraid that she gave her heart so fast and that you were only in it for the sex to being with. This explains why she got so upset because she didn't feel like you were paying her enough attention, that she was getting close to you and that you don't feel the same way.

 

She is still unsure of things. Her letter said "even though i shouldn't admit this, i'd like to see you." If things were really ok then she wouldn't have a problem saying that, but she does. She is still unsure, scared and your actions need to give her reasons not to be.

 

Being in control was mentioned. This is a case where you having control is going to do more harm then good. She gave up control to someone in her past, she got burned because of that. Now she feels like she is giving up control to you, and it scares her. She needs to know that you don't care about that, that you aren't interested in having the power in the relationship. She needs to feel that she has some control to, that it is 50/50. You we're an hour and a half late and she had dinner fixed, let you stay the night, and had sex. That's going beyond the call of duty for you. You need to return the favor. Maybe the next morning you should have gotten up early and gave her breakfast in bed? Something like that would make her feel more secure about the relationship, make her see that she shouldn't be afraid or ashamed to let you through those walls.

 

And please tell me that line about how I women should act was a joke. If it wasn't, she has every right to be worried.

 

Well I must say that if she is not going to get so emotional, and act like she has been acting, then in a sense I don't mind her having this attitude. Its like having a woman without all the emotional problems, LOL. And what guy wouldn't want that.

 

We all have emotional problems, because we all have had bad experiences in our lives. Sometimes those experiences leave us scared and affect us in ways we don't know how to deal with. But its those people who need love the most. It isn't right to expect someone to not have problems or to be upset with them because they do. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want someone who would be willing to listen to you when you got emotional? Someone who would accept you as you are and try to help you through them? I don't think she was being unreasonable, she felt like you weren't showing her love and she told you. If anything, I applaud her for doing that. It shows that she has the courage to stand up and say when she feels she is being taken for granted. She's given you another chance, do yourself a favor and don't take it for granted.

[imagi]

I agree with everyone else. Put simply in my own words though:

 

She may have realized that she's acting insane. I know I personally don't always see when I'm over reacting at first, but I usually pick up on it eventually. She might have calmed down because she realized that the way she was acting was a wee bit over the top. Take things as they come with her, and don't be afraid to reassure her when you can because even if she's decided to pull back the behaviour, the potential is there if she feels threatened or that you don't care for her the way she cares for you.

[Iceman26]

Here is what I think her issues could be.

 

1) She uses sex as a weapon. She had sex with you and continues to sleep with you in order to have some sort of control over you.........i.e, you better treat me the way I want to be treated or no sex for you, etc.

 

2) Her want of physical contact (sex) overrode her rational, and thus she did something she doesnt normally do.......by sleeping with you right away. She is saying the things she is saying to get some measure of control back. The fact that she slept with you so soon has her feeling very vulnerable, and the fact that she slept with you so soon makes her think you will look at her as a sl*t and not for the person she really is.

 

I myself think that option #2 is more likely what she is thinking, thats just my opinion.

 

I think if you like this girl, then treat her nicely and continue to date her. I wouldnt initiate sex that often in the beginning, let her make the moves as I believe she is feeling vulnerable to you.

 

If you dont like her, well, I would urge caution with her. It sounds like she may have a kind of crazy side to her.

 

I also dont buy that bull about her not wanting to get serious. If she was simply casually dating you, she wouldnt tell you how much she wants to see you, bring you breakfast in bed, or any of those emails. She just doesnt want you to get the wrong impression of her by having sex so early on and wants to get a measure of control of the situation back.

[eddie500]

2) Her want of physical contact (sex) overrode her rational, and thus she did something she doesnt normally do.......by sleeping with you right away. She is saying the things she is saying to get some measure of control back. The fact that she slept with you so soon has her feeling very vulnerable, and the fact that she slept with you so soon makes her think you will look at her as a sl*t and not for the person she really is.

 

Very interesting... this makes a bit of sense. I have to admit I personally overlooked the importance of sex. For me sex is just sex.. but maybe with a woman it could be more serious and have much more emotional ramifications.

 

A coulple things she said that I can think of off hand that kind of proves your point is.. I rejected her for having sex the night she did all the complaining. After she calmed down and we were back to normal.. I just still didn't want to have sex. (She wanted to have sex) I just said "no we are not having sex, not after all that complaining you did". She was very angry that I didn't want to..

 

Just recently (a week after that rejection) she brought up that no one ever in her life has rejected her for sex. She sounded bascially that she respected me more for having done that.. even though when I did it she was very angry and upset. Interesting huh.

 

She also mentioned that she liked one night when we just slept together but didn't have sex..

 

So this is kind of sounding like she worries about people only using her for sex.

 

But what do girls really want? is this a common worry of girls that guys are only using them for sex?

[eddie500]

Just funny joke I played on my girlfriend here.. As you know she sent me this letter a week ago which I didn't like. SO I thought I'd make fun of it today.. serves her right..

 

Her annoying, complaining, and ultimatum letter

************************************************************

I know this is probably going to piss you off, but I just want to make myself clear:

 

As I said this morning, if you want to see me again, you will have to put some effort into it (and with this I do NOT mean money). If you want to see me again, you will treat me nicely and accordingly. Because I have been hurt before and I have been treated badly before and I am not going to get hurt and treated badly again.

 

If that is asking too much of you, well fine then...

 

The thing is, I havn't been rejecting you up to now. Nor playing it or anything the like. But from now on I will reject you if you keep on treating me like this.

*************************************************************

 

 

 

My joke letter

************************************************************

 

I know this is probably going to piss you off, but I just want to make myself clear:

 

As I decided this morning, if you want to see me again, you will have to put effort into it

(and I mean sex). If you want to see me again, you will treat me with sex nicely and accordingly. Because I had blue balls before and I have been denied sex before and I am not going to get blue balls and be denied sex again.

 

If this is asking too much of you, I'll have to use the shower.

 

The thing is, although you think it's a joke, I do get blue balls. I'm not playing it or anything like that. But from now on I will use the shower if you keep on treating me like this.

 

************************************************************

[Rainz]

But what do girls really want? is this a common worry of girls that guys are only using them for sex?

 

Women like to feel valued and special and know that a guy she really likes is truly into her and not just after sex.

The way to show her this is to do nice things, nice gestures, so she can see that you want more than just sex.

Make the effort to call her, show interest in her, compliment her, do things with her, talk to her and try not to make your time with her only about sex.

You said for yourself sex is just sex. For me, sex has never been just sex and as you said women do tend to be far more emotional over having sex and can't just detach from it the way men do, I know I can't and I'm not naive to relationships and dating either. I remember a guy saying that he can sleep with a woman and then 10-15 mins after he'd be thinking about football!

I don't know about other women out there but I don't work that way, if I'm into the guy and we've had sex 10-15 mins later I'd be thinking fo him and be feeling so loved up and on cloud 3million!

 

I know when it's the early stages of the relationship I wonder if the guys intentions are just sex or not.

 

I've had experiences and seen experiences around me where guys will go to all kinds of lengths and efforts just for sex. Girlfriends of mine I have expressed the same thing.

[Flora]

Spending the night together without having sex is a pretty good indicator that you aren't only in it for sex...

 

I'm no expert or anything, but I think what women need to understand is that everything a guy does doesn't necessarily mean anything...

 

I think women read too much into things...once again EMOTIONS...having your own life and something else to keep your mind occupied helps. I've had my share or emotional outbursts and naive patterns of thinking...I've learned from them. A man that truly understand women (not that they ever will fully) will take the necessary "action" to see that the relationship develops healthily.

[ShySoul]

Listen to Flora and Rainz, they say what I've been trying to say and from a women's perspective. To women especially, sex is not just sex. It is emotional, it is a sign that you care about her and she about you. It's suppose to be an act that brings two people closer then anything else, not just something pleasurable to pass the time.

 

I've talked to two girls recently about relationships. Both said they would prefer to cuddle and sleep next to a person instead of having sex. It's the closness and tenderness of knowing someone you truly care for is right beside you. Its about feeling safe and secure with someone you love. Its a small gesture like not expecting her to have sex with you (though do it in a way that still says I love you, just that the night doesn't need sex to still be perfect) that will really impress and touch her heart.

 

eddie, this is just my opinion but I think you are having problems because you are only looking at things from your point of view. You think sex is just sex and expect her to give it to you. You think its funny to be cold and distant at times, its just a joke afterall. She is upset about something, enough to write a letter to you about it and you label it an "annoying, complaining, and ultimatum." You like her making you dinner, "acting like a women should." Start thinking of things from her perspective. You just know begin to see that she worries about people using her for sex, even though she told you that several times herself. But you weren't listening to her when she said it, you automatically assumed she was being whiny. It shouldn't take a bunch of people on a message board telling you this stuff, you need to listen to what she is saying. If you did, you would know that she is telling you exactly what she wants... she wants the closness and knowing that you really do like her for more then sex or what she does for you. Girls do worry about guys using them, and its probably more the case with her since it sounds like she was used in the past.

 

Honestly, I don't know if this relationship is worth it. The two of you apparently want different things from each other and are struggling to see that. I just worry that she is going to end up hurt again because she put her faith in someone who wasn't ready to give her what she needed.

[eddie500]

DO I really come accross that I'm only in it for sex?

[Rainz]

DO I really come accross that I'm only in it for sex?

 

I think only she can answer that Eddie. Have you attempted to talk with her about things? Ask her how she feels?

 

If she is questioning in her mind what your intentions are then it could be that you are coming accross that way.

Perhaps from her perspective your actions have not given her enough assurance that you aren't only in it for sex..?

 

If she has been used that way in the past, it means that it's going to take alot more work and investment on your part or which ever guys part to make her feels otherwise.

[Flora]

DO I really come accross that I'm only in it for sex?

 

I think only she can answer that Eddie. Have you attempted to talk with her about things? Ask her how she feels?

 

If she is questioning in her mind what your intentions are then it could be that you are coming accross that way.

Perhaps from her perspective your actions have not given her enough assurance that you aren't only in it for sex..?

 

If she has been used that way in the past, it means that it's going to take alot more work and investment on your part or which ever guys part to make her feels otherwise.

 

Yeah, but...

 

if she intiates sex, and then feels rejected when you don't want to have sex, she may be using sex as a form of validation, and then also so you will give her more of what she wants (openess)...girls do this all the time...

 

I've done it before...when I was younger, insecure, and fearful.

[Iceman26]

Honestly, I don't know if this relationship is worth it. The two of you apparently want different things from each other and are struggling to see that.

 

This I agree with.

 

I also think that if she doesnt want to get used and hurt, it may help if she takes the time out to get to know a little bit more of the character of the people she is sleeping with before she puts out and then "demands" to be treated a certain way.

[DN]

I also think that if she doesnt want to get used and hurt, it may help if she takes the time out to get to know a little bit more of the character of the people she is sleeping with before she puts out and then "demands" to be treated a certain way.

 

Exactly - it's as if she is saying 'I gave you sex and now you owe me'.

[ShySoul]

I believe that you are a good person who cares for her and isn't just in it for sex, but your actions and words come off like that even if its unintentional. And given her past, she is especially sensitive to this stuff. So even if you don't mean to hurt her or feel like you are, thats not what she is thinking.

 

I also think that if she doesnt want to get used and hurt, it may help if she takes the time out to get to know a little bit more of the character of the people she is sleeping with before she puts out and then "demands" to be treated a certain way.

 

It's not that she is rushing into it or making "demands" and using sex as a weapon, I think its more that she is emotionally vulnerable. She wants to feel loved and appreciated unlike her past experience, so when she finds someone she may get that feeling from she tries to hold onto it. Perhaps she even thinks she has to sleep with the guy in order to keep him. But after she does that she feels guilty and mad at herself for failing into that trap again. So she makes these so called "demands," actually wishes to be treated well and respected like she wanted in the first place. It's a tough spot for her and for the guy she is with. What I think she needs is someone who is going to do those little things and show her affection, but not have sex right away. Show her that they can have a relationship, be close but not need to take things that far to be happy together.

[Iceman26]

 

Perhaps she even thinks she has to sleep with the guy in order to keep him. But after she does that she feels guilty and mad at herself for failing into that trap again. So she makes these so called "demands," actually wishes to be treated well and respected like she wanted in the first place.

 

I agree with this. I would also agree she probably feels guilty, and she should be taking accountability for her own actions instead of taking her own self guilt out on other people. Oh well, nothing much that can be done about that though.

 

Its simply up to you Eddie, if this is the kind of woman you want to be with.