30 And Never Had A Girlfriend, Too Ugly?

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Ikr?! The first dude dishes out all his finance, career and relationship info. But as soon as Miranda says she's a lawyer, he has the audacity to give her that face 😂

What I meant initially was that someone could be attractive and successful like Miranda and yet find no one at the event. There are no guarantees.

I remember! Is this the one where Miranda pretends to be a flight attendant and her date pretends to be a doctor, then she cuts her finger and he nearly faints at the sight of blood LOL

[DarkCh0c0]

48 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I remember! Is this the one where Miranda pretends to be a flight attendant and her date pretends to be a doctor, then she cuts her finger and he nearly faints at the sight of blood LOL

Yup! Super hilarious.

[moodindigo91]

On 11/1/2022 at 9:18 AM, MysteriousTelephone said:

You're circling back to "must be your attitude", and totally ignoring the examples I give when I'm turned down just from a visual perspective, without even getting a chance for my attitude to get in my way.

I think you're still missing the point. When we (or at least I) talk about your attitude, I'm not just referring to your attitude on this here post. You say you are confidently asking women out, but I think that is very subjective. Maybe you think you're coming off as confident, but it translates as something else. Your attitude is displayed all over your face in every interaction, as well as in your body language. Your attitude is also on display in the written portions of your dating profiles. So it's not as simple as, "they turn me down based on my looks before my attitude surfaces." This is why I keep circling back to the issue being the way you carry yourself. How you're dressing, how you stand, your body language, your facial expressions, etc. 

If you're really interested in trying to find a partner, you gotta do some work. You can't just expect some advice here to be the magic key that will unlock a door to your first girlfriend. You also can't just sit here and disagree with what everyone is trying to say here. I mean, take all the time you spend responding to us and turn it inward and try to determine what small steps you can take THIS week to get you closer to what you desire. 

Personally, you should evaluate your general appearance including clothing style, haircut. This is probably the best place to start. I would also try to work on your approach to women both in person and online, your conversation style. I think it's really more about putting yourself out there, more than you think you are, trying new things, new approaches, new styles. 

20 hours ago, waffle said:

So you've been specifically told you're ugly, and are universally rejected both online and in person.

Assuming your appearance is the sole problem, what sort of responses or solutions can anyone here give?  We have no control over your facial features.

I agree here. If your conclusion is that you're ugly and universally rejected as a result of this ugliness, then what is the point in continuing this conversation?

But honestly, I'm super interested in seeing a photo of you to see whether or not you are, in fact, "ugly" subjectively. 

[MysteriousTelephone]

On 11/1/2022 at 4:20 PM, Batya33 said:

I think it could be as simple as you are better looking in person and don't photograph well. Have you ever had professional photos done? Asked for feedback from a professional?

I mean... isn't "doesn't photograph well" just code for "ugly but with a good personality"?

By definition, cameras don't capture what isn't there. We all think we're slightly better looking than we really are, and think it must be just a bad photo. I remember reading about a study done in Cambridge, where people were shown 11 versions of the same photo of themselves: 1 unedited, 5 edited to look 'slightly better' and 5 edited to look 'slightly worse', and asked them to pick the one they thought was real. The majority picked one that was slightly edited to flatter them; we literally can't pick ourselves out from a lineup.

21 hours ago, waffle said:

So you've been specifically told you're ugly, and are universally rejected both online and in person.

Assuming your appearance is the sole problem, what sort of responses or solutions can anyone here give?  We have no control over your facial features.

Honestly? I really have no idea, I guess I wasn't looking for an immediate solution from this, more to share my experience and hopefully speak to someone who'd been through the same. I've yet to talk to anyone who's gone this long without any romantic encounter, on here it's mostly been people who know someone else who went through something.

[Tinydance]

11 minutes ago, MysteriousTelephone said:

I mean... isn't "doesn't photograph well" just code for "ugly but with a good personality"?

By definition, cameras don't capture what isn't there. We all think we're slightly better looking than we really are, and think it must be just a bad photo. I remember reading about a study done in Cambridge, where people were shown 11 versions of the same photo of themselves: 1 unedited, 5 edited to look 'slightly better' and 5 edited to look 'slightly worse', and asked them to pick the one they thought was real. The majority picked one that was slightly edited to flatter them; we literally can't pick ourselves out from a lineup.

Honestly? I really have no idea, I guess I wasn't looking for an immediate solution from this, more to share my experience and hopefully speak to someone who'd been through the same. I've yet to talk to anyone who's gone this long without any romantic encounter, on here it's mostly been people who know someone else who went through something.

I think not that many people had been through the same who aren't genuinely disfigured, disabled or sick in some way.

I don't think your attitude is good. It really comes through this post. You just keep saying you're ugly and you argue against anything nice or positive anyone has said. And you keep saying: "Why don't you believe me!"

I think everyone here has tried to be supportive. Everyone is taking the time to respond in a nice way. If you preferred everyone just said: "Yeah you're ugly and just give up on life", please state your preference upfront so people don't spend a lot of time actually writing nice and constructive replies to you.

[Carnatic]

I've had similar experiences in dating to @MysteriousTelephone

Ugliness is a thing, and I think deep down we know that physical attraction is a necessary thing for most people to be attracted to someone, and that not everyone is as likely to be seen as physical attractive. It sounds like a lot of people don't like to admit it, and I understand why, it can lead to defeatism, people don't like hearing 'woe is me' and they don't like it when someone isn't taking any responsibility for their own success, or lack of, in dating (or any field for that matter).

At the same time, if you are generally considered unattractive, then you do have experiences that your more average looking friends don't... and things are harder, and there are times it does feel like better looking people want to try and tell you that you are every bit as likely as they are to meet someone for dating.

One thing that does happen, is that people will come up to you and tell you that you are ugly, just strangers... to your face. Not the kind of people that are here of course, and the sort of extremely mainstream people that you can avoid, but still might run across from time to time, because they're everywhere. They seem to think it's OK, I don't think they're genuinely trying to be horrible, they just have this assumption that if you're ugly (assuming it's not related to a disfigurement or similar) then you've developed enough of sense of humour about it that they can come and tell you and you'll laugh and say 'nice one'. I know you're not supposed to let other people's opinions (especially those of people you don't know or respect) affect you, but it's not always easy to just let the fact that people keep telling you you're ugly just brush off.

That's not a reason to give up, but it explains I think at least why people who might not be all that attractive can develop a bit of a complex about it.

[Denise0203]

When I was in high school, my brother had friends who were identical twins.  They were over at the house quite a bit. I developed a crush on one of them, because I got to know him (I don't remember why that was).  When I looked at him I found him very attractive.  His brother was not at all attractive.  But they were identical.  So maybe find a friend first, without giving off the air that you are looking for a girlfriend.  When a girl gets to know you, you sound like a fun good guy, she will find you attractive. 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, MysteriousTelephone said:

I mean... isn't "doesn't photograph well" just code for "ugly but with a good personality"?

Google "Mike Tyson".  He's been married 3 times. Besides looking battered from his profession, that face tattoo just doesn't help, as far as looks go.

[mylolita]

41 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Google "Mike Tyson".  He's been married 3 times. Besides looking battered from his profession, that face tattoo just doesn't help, as far as looks go.

He was rich and famous and a prize boxer, about a masculine and bold as you can go as a man - boxing is fighting to an art form, the thinking gentleman’s dirty sport! I think he got that tattoo after he spent all his money and his mental issues came to a head. When you’re a multimillionaire heavy weight boxing champion of the world, I don’t think it matters much about your face or what is on it! 
 

Plenty of regular, not great looking guys find women! I think we all agree with that one in this thread OP! Famous and extremely wealthy or talented people kind of, break the mould there. Exception to the rule. I think no one is too naive to realise a man can be very unfortunate looking but, if he so happens to be a millionaire, or famous, or exceptionally talented in some way, or exceptionally charismatic, the rules don’t apply to him! Those types of men have no trouble attracting women. 
 

x 

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, Carnatic said:

Ugliness is a thing, and I think deep down we know that physical attraction is a necessary thing for most people to be attracted to someone, and that not everyone is as likely to be seen as physical attractive.

Yes but it's subjective and sometimes based on physical features and sometimes not.  Arm candy is different- if the attraction is to upping your "value" by having a hot guy or gal on your arm then physical features matter a lot.  I'm reminded of my homely looking grad school classmate who married a homely looking guy.  Both lovely people.  I have shared the anecdote here before because I love it.  When she got pregnant she told me her husband said she was the most beautiful pregnant woman he'd ever seen.  They've been married since the early 90s and from all I can tell still seem very happy and have a lovely life together.  

My friend dated a handsome looking guy for many years. I'd declined to date him when he contacted me through a dating site(how she met him, later on) because he was handsome, intelligent, successful, AND lied about his age.  Dealbreaker for me. Not for her.

They got engaged and unengaged a couple of times and the final straw was he lied about his porn addiction apparently.  Now she is over the moon happy with an overweight, bald, bespectacled guy who adores her and their cat -they have wedding plans.  I described him that way because of our conversation on this topic -otherwise I would not have.  He seems like a lovely and trustworthy person from all she describes.  

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, Carnatic said:

One thing that does happen, is that people will come up to you and tell you that you are ugly, just strangers... to your face. Not the kind of people that are here of course, and the sort of extremely mainstream people that you can avoid, but still might run across from time to time, because they're everywhere. They seem to think it's OK, I don't think they're genuinely trying to be horrible, they just have this assumption that if you're ugly (assuming it's not related to a disfigurement or similar) then you've developed enough of sense of humour about it that they can come and tell you and you'll laugh and say 'nice one'.

Same thing has happened to my son and husband about their height.  Including a dental hygenist who thought it was appropriate to make a comment about my son's height when he was 5 and she was about to x-ray him.  A year or so ago I was called "bye skinny!!" loudly as I left a dental office filled with people after my visit -by the dental hygienist (weird coincidence- different person) -my mom is called as a total joke "skinny witch" (but with a b) and she is in her 80s.  It's assumed this is some sort of compliment to draw attention to a woman being skinny. It's assumed it's not becasue of a medical condition, or cancer.   Why comment on someone's appearance if you're a stranger other than maybe "love your hairstyle" or "that's a great tie" or -sure -"you look great!".  There are people who have no filters.  That's life.  

[Tinydance]

1 hour ago, mylolita said:

He was rich and famous and a prize boxer, about a masculine and bold as you can go as a man - boxing is fighting to an art form, the thinking gentleman’s dirty sport! I think he got that tattoo after he spent all his money and his mental issues came to a head. When you’re a multimillionaire heavy weight boxing champion of the world, I don’t think it matters much about your face or what is on it! 
 

Plenty of regular, not great looking guys find women! I think we all agree with that one in this thread OP! Famous and extremely wealthy or talented people kind of, break the mould there. Exception to the rule. I think no one is too naive to realise a man can be very unfortunate looking but, if he so happens to be a millionaire, or famous, or exceptionally talented in some way, or exceptionally charismatic, the rules don’t apply to him! Those types of men have no trouble attracting women. 
 

x 

He also had a pet tiger! Well he did in the movie The Hangover anyway lol

[mylolita]

36 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

He also had a pet tiger! Well he did in the movie The Hangover anyway lol

HA! I think he had delusions he was a 1920s Pimp or something 🤣 One way to get attention - woah! 
 

x

[Carnatic]

34 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes but it's subjective and sometimes based on physical features and sometimes not.  Arm candy is different- if the attraction is to upping your "value" by having a hot guy or gal on your arm then physical features matter a lot.  I'm reminded of my homely looking grad school classmate who married a homely looking guy.  Both lovely people.  I have shared the anecdote here before because I love it.  When she got pregnant she told me her husband said she was the most beautiful pregnant woman he'd ever seen.  They've been married since the early 90s and from all I can tell still seem very happy and have a lovely life together. 

It is subjective and I know to some people it's barely even a factor... you may be one of these people. It's still a thing for most though; taste in food is very subjective, but there are still more people who enjoy pizza than there are who enjoy tripe, and even fewer who don't care about the taste at all and just want the most nutritionally complete meal.

While nobody is so ugly that they can never find love, for some of us it takes meeting a lot more people or requires us to have an almost flawless personality to make up for it. I'm from a small city myself and was brought up in an even smaller town. I don't know if the OP is similar but I wonder if that's a factor in those of us that start to develop a defeatist attitude to dating, in a small enough town you can actually exhaust the supply of single people of the appropriate age-range and gender.

If the percentage of women I swipe right on in dating apps is anything to go by then I'm pretty open about what I consider to be attractive, but I wouldn't say that I have 'low standards' (a gross thing to say about people you're supposedly attracted to anyway), or am valuing them based on their personality rather than looks. I'm swiping right because I find them attractive, so I don't consider myself any less shallow than anyone else. I'm probably even towards the more shallow end of the spectrum because I do find looks important and feel the need to be physically attracted to anyone I might want to date.

Back when I had worse friends (my current friends wouldn't be like this), I would find that my male friends would often comment on women I found attractive, like I might mention a celebrity I had a bit of a crush on or a woman we knew who I thought was hot. They would list reasons why she wasn't attractive: arms too fat, mouth the wrong shape, red hair and so on. These are the sort of guys (and I know it's not just guys) who have a type and for whom attraction seems to be a tick-box exercise. I think for them attraction was more like the 'arm-candy' thing, less 'am I attracted to this woman' and more 'would going out with this women raise my social status'... even so I don't consider them to be more shallow than I am.

29 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Same thing has happened to my son and husband about their height.  Including a dental hygenist who thought it was appropriate to make a comment about my son's height when he was 5 and she was about to x-ray him.  A year or so ago I was called "bye skinny!!" loudly as I left a dental office filled with people after my visit -by the dental hygienist (weird coincidence- different person) -my mom is called as a total joke "skinny witch" (but with a b) and she is in her 80s.  It's assumed this is some sort of compliment to draw attention to a woman being skinny. It's assumed it's not becasue of a medical condition, or cancer.   Why comment on someone's appearance if you're a stranger other than maybe "love your hairstyle" or "that's a great tie" or -sure -"you look great!".  There are people who have no filters.  That's life.  

Yeah it is, and I know... I'm told enough times... I shouldn't care what people say, they're people I don't know whose approval I'm not seeking, sticks and stones and all that. It's difficult though, to not let hurtful comments affect you, especially when it seems to be the first thing multiple random people notice about you.

I have a friend, she has alopecia and chooses to shave her head. It's a positive decision she's made, that she can choose a hairstyle which isn't affected by her condition. The look really suits her and she projects confidence but also I know she has to work had at being confident about it. People can and do still make hurtful comments or just pay far too much attention to a style which, as much as she wears it confidently, also wouldn't have chosen in an ideal world. This can really upset her, she just wants acceptance for what she looks like and joking about her appearance or obsessing over it isn't acceptance. No matter how much you try and own who you are and what you look like, nobody is invulnerable to feeling bad about the things that deep down we wish we different, especially when people keep pointing it out.

[mylolita]

We’ve all had something said negatively about our appearance, and I am sure we have all been on the receiving end of a genuine compliment, whatever it is regarding. No one is a hopeless case! 
 

Supermodels normally and strangely tell very similar stories - that they were picked on and bullied in school, called “stalks” or “weird looking”. I have never had a problem with my appearance and made money off my physicality and face in life modelling, modelling for artists and people who sculpt; stripping, pole dancing etc, but even I have never been immune to the odd off beat or rude comment. No one is perfect. We all have flaws. Even the most handsome man or gorgeous woman is not everyone’s cup of tea entirely. You can’t win them all! 
 

If it is your appearance only, which, I must admit I highly doubt(!) then, you just have to improve and work with what you’ve got, and keep going with the numbers game. Tedious and soul destroying at times, but which other way is there? Buying a woman? I guarantee someone out there will adore you exactly how you are.
 

People hack away trying to make millions of pounds for decades - some people do it at 20, some people 40, some finally do it in their 60s. I know they feel defeated so many times in that process. When will all this work pay off? Why do we think looking for love or a partner is any different? What does the universe care if you have turned 30? Not one jot! Just because you have tried for a set time that is longer than the average doesn’t mean something is automatically wrong and doesn’t mean everything is hopeless. Do these business people say well, I’m a set age now so it should have happened? Maybe and most likely, but that is not the winning attitude is it! Definitely not giving up! 
 

You have to push on! Life is hard, unfair - everyone is born with a different hand. You have to play with what you’ve got, create better luck where you can. What else can we say?

 

x
 

 

[DarkCh0c0]

@Carnatic I was about to post about something in the line of what you said.

So maybe OP needs to work harder when it comes to attracting women. Instead of relying on looks, maybe rely on being smooth and taking interest in the lady he's approaching. Be interested, curious, listen well, and give nice compliments. Don't ask for a number up front, but rather get to know this person and make her feel comfortable. Before she leaves or earlier, mention you enjoyed the conversation and you'd like to take her out to grab some coffee sometime and ask for her contact number of she's okay with it.

Like, he has to work past the initial unsaid no and rely more on being smooth/ classy/ and ask questions ect.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, Carnatic said:

If the percentage of women I swipe right on in dating apps is anything to go by then I'm pretty open about what I consider to be attractive, but I wouldn't say that I have 'low standards' (a gross thing to say about people you're supposedly attracted to anyway), or am valuing them based on their personality rather than looks. I'm swiping right because I find them attractive, so I don't consider myself any less shallow than anyone else.

To me this is completely separate from physical attraction and chemistry in person.  If someone asked me to do that as an experiment -who I found physically attractive from a photo - it would have almost no relation to who I might find attractive -click with - in person.

How I did online dating -I looked at the photo.  If I was completely repulsed -no go.  If he was not clean cut, no go.  If he was obese same.  Also really really tall and skinny likely was a pass since I am petite and never liked that towering feeling and in general super skinny wasn't really my thing either.

I never tried to be attracted to a photo -to me that's nonsensical unless you're talking about celebrity crushes, etc.

If I thought he was decent/pleasant looking and we chatted by phone and had enough in common to make meeting worthwhile I tried to meet ASAP in person in a public place.  If in person I felt attracted or saw potential for attraction I agreed to a first real date.  Attraction was partly based on physical appearance but also body language/vibes/energy/posture/how he carried himself eye contact, etc.  I said no to many objectively handsome guys and yes to many objectively unattractive looking guys.

Just for context I mostly hate when people post photos of their kids on Facebook especially if it's not pertaining to a specific event -like a creative halloween costume or they are performing in a concert or at a sport or the family traveled to a city with interesting architecture or natural settings and the kids are in the photo. 

I hate when kids are objectified  that way.  Sure some of them are completely adorable but if I don't know them in person -their personalities, how they interact - then I'm not sure why I'm supposed to click like on a cute photo - as opposed to interacting with the child and complimenting him "that was really funny!" or "I love how fast you can run!" your smile is so big -that's great ice cream I know!" Sure sometimes it's nice to compliment a child's looks but I feel that there's already inordinate focus on a child's physical feathres.  

When I did online dating the photo was essential to me -I posted 4 of them - but not because I was trying to figure out from a photo whether I felt physical attraction. Pre-online dating and even after I went on many blind dates with no photos.

[Carnatic]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

To me this is completely separate from physical attraction and chemistry in person.  If someone asked me to do that as an experiment -who I found physically attractive from a photo - it would have almost no relation to who I might find attractive -click with - in person.

How I did online dating -I looked at the photo.  If I was completely repulsed -no go.  If he was not clean cut, no go.  If he was obese same.  Also really really tall and skinny likely was a pass since I am petite and never liked that towering feeling and in general super skinny wasn't really my thing either.

I never tried to be attracted to a photo -to me that's nonsensical unless you're talking about celebrity crushes, etc.

If I thought he was decent/pleasant looking and we chatted by phone and had enough in common to make meeting worthwhile I tried to meet ASAP in person in a public place.  If in person I felt attracted or saw potential for attraction I agreed to a first real date.  Attraction was partly based on physical appearance but also body language/vibes/energy/posture/how he carried himself eye contact, etc.  I said no to many objectively handsome guys and yes to many objectively unattractive looking guys.

Just for context I mostly hate when people post photos of their kids on Facebook especially if it's not pertaining to a specific event -like a creative halloween costume or they are performing in a concert or at a sport or the family traveled to a city with interesting architecture or natural settings and the kids are in the photo. 

I hate when kids are objectified  that way.  Sure some of them are completely adorable but if I don't know them in person -their personalities, how they interact - then I'm not sure why I'm supposed to click like on a cute photo - as opposed to interacting with the child and complimenting him "that was really funny!" or "I love how fast you can run!" your smile is so big -that's great ice cream I know!" Sure sometimes it's nice to compliment a child's looks but I feel that there's already inordinate focus on a child's physical feathres.  

When I did online dating the photo was essential to me -I posted 4 of them - but not because I was trying to figure out from a photo whether I felt physical attraction. Pre-online dating and even after I went on many blind dates with no photos.

In a world of Batyas then people would only have somewhat objective physical requirements of partners, after which it would be entirely down to personality. However your approach to attraction is uncommon, and even then you manage to use terms like 'objectively unattractive' which suggests you do accept that for some people, unless they meet someone who thinks like you, their appearance will make it less likely for them to get into a relationship.

I do think that people are being a bit harsh on the OP, suggesting that he has an attitude problem and that his appearance has nothing to do with his difficulties in romance. It's a Catch-22: Confidence is attractive > If you want to date someone who considers you physically unattractive then you need to be extra-confident to compensate > confidence comes from believing that you are good enough > believing that you are good enough is partially innate but also partially based on how other people react to you > If they consider you unattractive and you lack confidence then people are more likely to react negatively to you.

To break out of that cycle you need to be able to decide that you are good enough in spite of other people's negative reactions to you.

[boltnrun]

22 minutes ago, Carnatic said:

you need to be able to decide that you are good enough in spite of other people's negative reactions to you.

And to that I respond "good enough" for who?

I'm not beauty queen but I've had men who were attracted to me because I show enthusiasm for my interests. I love cars, I am a football fan who actually understands the game and I like to watch auto racing. Men have seen me cheering loudly for my favorite team or driver and that makes them want to approach me and start a conversation. One time I couldn't find anyone to go with me to the Barrett-Jackson car auction so I went by myself. And men approached me because apparently it's a rare thing for a woman to choose to go to an event like that by herself. And I was able to carry on conversations about which cars I liked and why (American muscle cars from the late 1960s and early 1970s, anyone?) No one approached me because they thought I was pretty lol.

BTW, I have dated a few men who are considered extremely physically attractive by the general female population. One of them strongly resembles a very popular actor. These men get "hit on" constantly by women. And these three men were some of the worst humans I've ever encountered. No compassion for anyone, no consideration for anyone but themselves. Just awful, awful people. I would much rather date a so-called unattractive man any day if they're better humans. 

Another side note, my younger brother married a woman who weighs in the neighborhood of 275 pounds. And of course some terrible people thought they needed to point out her weight and ask him why he was marrying such a heifer. Well, she's amazingly talented and a wonderful person with a big heart. So what if she's a bigger woman? He loves her and she loves him.

[Carnatic]

14 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

And to that I respond "good enough" for who?

For at least someone, in this context a person you're attracted to.

[mylolita]

15 minutes ago, Carnatic said:

For at least someone, in this context a person you're attracted to.

I ask this completely genuinely Carnatic, as someone who I get the impression might know where the OP is coming from emotionally - what your advice for solving his problem would be? 
 

Have any different approaches worked better for you? How do you level with all this? 
 

Sometimes on these threads, I feel like the OP is actually being given a boost by those that perceive it as negative feedback. We are saying, maybe tweak that, try this? You got this! We are saying, waiting it out, you are likely to find someone at some point! Y’know? It sucks big time, we can understand the frustration and pain - but from the outside looking in, we don’t see too much wrong! 
 

Strangely, it seems to get put into “oh you all in relationships are attractive and have it easy so we can disregard your experiences because you just have it easy” and then the “everything sucks nothing works I’m just ugly there is nothing else for it you wouldn’t understand the struggle” responses. 

I am trying to be realistic - life isn’t fair, the game is loaded. We know this. Beautiful people have it easy in many different areas. Everything is a trade off though. They have it harder in others. Beautiful people have just as many terrible, failed marriages as unattractive people. They are no more happy, in the long run, in my opinion. 
 

There are lovely, great, nice, fantastic catches of women out there who aren’t all about appearance or who’s got abs or a massive bank roll. They do exist and they can be got! It’s not impossible!

 

x 

[boltnrun]

My husband and I picked each other despite neither of us having two dimes to rub together. And neither of us are beauty queens (or kings lol). We just liked each other a lot and wanted to be together. He had never had a girlfriend. I had had a couple of dating situations but no actual boyfriend. We met because I asked him for a ride to the local burger joint as he had a car and I didn't. He barely spoke but somehow he felt comfortable talking to me. It grew from there.

I do not subscribe to the belief that only pretty people have relationships because I have eyes and I can see the variety of people who fall in love. I don't believe physically unattractive equals no love relationship because it's just not true. 

I also know there are some people who never meet their special someone. And that's a shame. My brother's best friend has been completely single for about 20 years. I don't know why. But it does happen.

[MysteriousTelephone]

13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Google "Mike Tyson".  He's been married 3 times. Besides looking battered from his profession, that face tattoo just doesn't help, as far as looks go.

Counter-point: google a photo of Mike Tyson at 17.

He's just a different breed of human being. My whole class generally just looked like tall children at that age, dude is something else. Same goes for Dwayne Johnson at 17, Mark Wahlberg, or Arnie. Some people are just built different.

It's like if you had to explain all the animals on Earth to an alien, and you pointed out a chihuahua and a wolf and said to the alien "Yo, they're the same species." the alien wouldn't believe you. 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Carnatic said:

In a world of Batyas then people would only have somewhat objective physical requirements of partners, after which it would be entirely down to personality. However your approach to attraction is uncommon, and even then you manage to use terms like 'objectively unattractive' which suggests you do accept that for some people, unless they meet someone who thinks like you, their appearance will make it less likely for them to get into a relationship.

No -not what I wrote or meant and I think my approach is highly typical - meaning how attraction and chemistry are related (and not related) to physical features.. My approach as I wrote about it not as you interpreted it.  

I agree with Lolita -in many ways people who look beautiful have it easier in life.  Easier most likely when it comes to casual hookups and casual dating.  I do not think it makes it easier in any respect for people who look like that to find true love, true connections, to click with someone, to develop and maintain a lasting relationship.  

[MikalJoyner]

It isn’t your time yet