Sister That Seems to Not Care

[AngeD]

I have a sister, that is always about herself. She doesn't go out of her way to help you, but if she needs something for herself, she will ask you to stop everything and help her.

I've been trying to contact my sister for at least 3 weeks now. I have some news to share with her, important news that is time sensitive.  I wanted to share the news with immediate family first, I did, except my sister. I've sent her a text asking when she has some free time to meet up. She gave me a couple of options. I told her let's meet up on X day. 3 days before we planned to meet up, I sent a text to her to confirm the meeting. She didn't respond. I sent her another message the day off. She still didn't respond. I sent her a text 5 days later about something unrelated. She replied back saying sorry, that she has been busy. 

During that same text exchange, I sent her a text saying that I have some news for her, that's why I wanted to meet with her. I told her, I can either call you about it or send you a text. She said she will call me tomorrow to talk. She didn't call. I didn't bother reaching out to her. 

Then a week later, I asked what are her days off. This way, I can either call her schedule another meet up. I called her on the day she was off from work, she was busy, I could hear in the background a lot going on. She told me she would call me later that day. She didn't. 

I'm passed the point where I'm tired of being nice or a pushover in a way. 

My question is, Should I just shoot a text to my sister of my important news and leave it as that?

Besides her being my sister, I wanted to share this news with her because I want to let other family members know too. If I were to tell extended family before my sister, I wouldn't feel right about it. 

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, AngeD said:

My question is, Should I just shot a text to my sister of my important news and leave it as that?

Yes. It's better than phone tag or missing each other or her dodging you. She may be trying to distance herself from you. Many people dislike the suspense approach of "I have something I have to tell you", when in a few more words you could simply tell them. It can come across as drama to some people when a simple "[this] is what's happening" text would do.

[Cherylyn]

Absolutely NOT.  You've given her numerous chances to arrange and set up an appointment to tell her something very important yet she's an endless flake.  Three strikes and you're out. 

I don't spoil people nor reward them for their bad behaviors.  I would dismiss your sister as I have with my flaky sister.

Let your other family members know if they're cooperative with you.  If your sister hears through the grapevine or she is the last to know, then so be it. 

Don't buy into excuses galore. 

If your sister doesn't place importance on you by being considerate, then do likewise and repay the favor.  Be too busy and distracted for her as well.  It works both ways. 

If people - sister or no sister, treat you with apathy and indifference, treat them the same way.  What goes around comes around. 

Always follow other people's cues.  Treat them the same way they treat you! 

I'm no longer a nice pushover.  I'm no longer a doormat.  Those days are over.  Respect, kindness and consideration should be mutual or I'm out.  No deal.  People have to be respectfully fair otherwise the relationship continues to falter, disintegrate and fail.  If it wasn't meant to be, then don't be. 

[Cherylyn]

Keep in mind, texting isn't everything and often times can be emotionally charged to the point of ending up as abruptly ghosting, blocking and deleting you. 

Meeting in person or the next best thing would be a brief phone call is an exchange of facial expressions in person, dialogue and far more effective than text.  Or, if it's a phone call, there's more humanness behind it. 

If something is very important, it deserves the respect of telling this information in person especially since your sibling is local.

Since your sister treats you as if you don't matter much, then treat her the same way by bypassing her.  If your other relatives are kind and cooperative towards you, they deserve to hear your important news.  Should your sister be the last to know however way she finds out, that's on her and not you.

You have a very legitimate reason to say that you gave your sister many chances to no avail so you gave up on her.  That's the truth so say it.  You've done nothing wrong so say it.  This is what I would do.

Be tough.  I'm no longer soft on people if they don't treat me the way I would treat them.   

[Batya33]

If you have such a low opinion of her why do you care if or when you share this information with her?

[jul-els]

If it’s important to you to share the information with her, which based on what you’ve said, it is, then you should just shoot her a quick text and be done with it. She has clearly demonstrated that she doesn’t care and therefore neither should you. 

[Cherylyn]

If your sister doesn't think you're important enough to meet in person or have a phone chat with you, then she's not important enough to receive a text from you.  It works both ways.  Common courtesy is not a one way street.  She clearly demonstrated that she doesn't care about you so return the favor and do likewise.  Don't care to share your important information with her.  She doesn't deserve to know.

[catfeeder]

So you've been allowing your rude and careless sister to hold you up from sharing news with other family members?

Sounds like you might be trying too hard with sister--she's not in the headspace at this time to value you the way you value her. Doesn't mean she won't someday, but now it not it.

I'd share with other family and text her your news whenever it suits you.

Head high, and I hope it's good news!

[greendots]

Depends.

Should that time sensitive news be something that could impact your sister's life negatively then I'd exhaust all other viable options before texting her. Is there anyone in the family she connects with? Does she use e-mail?

Otherwise, I'd just shoot her a text. No need to work yourself up over it, especially when she doesn't seem to care.

[Cherylyn]

If your sister doesn't care, then she's unimportant in your life.  Tell your other relatives your important news and let your sister eventually find out through them and not you. 

Treat your sister the way she treats you so it's fair.  If she doesn't care to give you the time of day, return the favor and do likewise.  This is how I treat my sister.  She's very indifferent and apathetic towards me so I am the exact same towards her.  It works both ways.   What goes around comes around.

In the past, I was the 'soft' sister and would bend over backwards to constantly cater to her every whim.  I grew sick 'n tired of always being the doormat.  Those days are over.  

Your sister is reminiscent of my sister.  They're both very selfish and spoiled rotten.  Who do they think they are?  Give your sister a taste of her own medicine by treating her the way she treats you with disrespect.  Ignore your sister and give your cooperative relatives your important news.  Leave it at that.

You've already given your sister numerous chances to see each other in person yet each time she flaked on you with her endless excuses.  My sister is the same.  I gave up on people like that because what your sister is telling you is this:  "I don't care!"  Well, don't care back.  It's the principle of the matter.  Stand your ground.   Don't allow other people your sister included get away with acting like a spoiled, entitled brat.  Your sister is acting like a jerk.   

Have a backbone and get tough. 

[SooSad33]

On 9/25/2022 at 4:02 PM, AngeD said:

My question is, Should I just shoot a text to my sister of my important news and leave it as that?

Besides her being my sister, I wanted to share this news with her because I want to let other family members know too. If I were to tell extended family before my sister, I wouldn't feel right about it. 

Yup, I would have done it a week or so after she kept pushing me off. Send it to her & explain that you've been trying to meet in person but she's not working with you to do so.  Then be done!  If she goes nasty on you - ignore.

 

 

[Cherylyn]

Let your sister be the last to know via your relatives.  Your sister doesn't bother giving you the time of day so why should you reward her for her dismissive behavior towards you?  It wouldn't make sense.

It would feel right to treat her the same exact way she treats you which is with apathy. 

Don't let your sister get away with her flippant behavior.  Return the favor by treating her the same which is with indifference. 

Don't give people your respectful gesture if they hadn't earned it.  What goes around comes around.  If you give people respect when they don't deserve it, they'll continue to permanently act flaky towards you because you allow them to disrespect you.  You give them permission to treat you lousy.

Your sister doesn't care about you so why should you care about your sister?  Just because you're siblings it doesn't mean you have to give her preferential treatment.  My sister doesn't care to give me the time of day either so I'm the same way towards her.  It makes the relationship balanced, fair and EQUAL. 

Don't do what I did.  I went soft on her countless times and when you do that, you're selling your soul which is unkind and disrespectful to yourself.  Be good to yourself.  Either you are treated with respect or it's a real deal breaker.  Be firm, steadfast and unwavering.  Never cave.  This does several things:  It teaches your sister and others to treat you with respect or there will be harsh consequences.  If they don't learn how to treat you with respect, then you didn't expend wasted time and energy on them anymore.  Pay attention to the principle of the matter. 

 

[tattoobunnie]

On 9/25/2022 at 4:02 PM, AngeD said:

My question is, Should I just shoot a text to my sister of my important news and leave it as that?

Congrats are in order (is your eggo prego?)?!  If you are normally loving...she may just be busy, and just give her a call directly...if she's always like this, wait to tell her when you see her, or she calls.  

[Cherylyn]

Congratulations! 

Your sister can wait for however long it takes and if she is the last to know or hears your news from a relative, then so be it. 

Your sister is too busy for you.  Be too busy back. 

I have a sister who doesn't care about me so I don't care about her. 

Treat people exactly how they treat you.  If they're generous with their time and attention towards you, then reciprocate.  If they're stingy with their time and energy towards you, then you too should repay the favor by doing likewise.   Stop spoiling your sister.  Give her a taste of her own medicine.  There are always consequences in this life. 

Remember, relationships, friendships and sibling-ships are a two way street.  Give yourself deserved respect. 

Back in the day, I was always accommodating others to a fault.  This is exactly how to spoil people.  They act however way they wish, get away with it and repeat because you allow it.  You give them permission to demonstrate their typical, habitual, chronic, disrespectful behavior and what do you do?  You reward them for it by repeatedly going soft on them.  Don't do it!  Granted, they won't always admit to anything, never apologize, will always be in denial mode yet the best thing you can do for yourself is treat yourself with dignity and self-respect.  Yes, it's the principle of the matter which should be important to you.  Never ignore treating yourself the way you deserve.