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Ive broke with my GF and still cant believe its really happens


mdetlef568
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Happy 1st Month to my GladysJane :)
Happy 1st Month to my GladysJane :)

We met on facebook, Ive typed to her. We were chatting for three months, then I decided to come to her to kenya for several weeks. (Im white btw) We were dating for 3 months, she took me to the city Voi to introduce me to her family. Ive met her parents, grandma, siblinngs, cousins, aunts and uncles. We agreed to go to one place (mombasa) by a train and stay there for 5 days... So... We entered to train, I joined her little later, like 1-2 minutes coz Ive had bags. There were 4 places as usual. When I came and sit, she already spoke with two guys who sitted on their places across us. They spoke all the time in suahili so IDK what was about. She usually spoke with other people in matatu(bus) so I saw it as normal, but there were always short conversations like maybe 5 minutes. That conversation took whole 75 minutes of our trip. She only once asked me "is everything fine?" Ive been such shocked by that situation and couldnt believe it really happens, that I only said silent "YES" and didnt say even one more word.Its not abt jealous, seriously. I felt like a trash. She ignored me totally like I was invisible. She didnt touched me even, those 2 guys could think I dont know her I let them enjoy. Is that normal? I felt totally ignored and it was just.. sad...
Am I paranoid and made a big deal from small thing? Ive broke with her after we left the train coz I didnt wanted argue in train and stopping their conversation. Ofc she cried, sorry me, explained thought Ive been busy by my phone, didnt wanted to hurt me, that I should correct her at the moment etc
If she would kiss me, hug me or take my hand, I wont be angry even. I swear.
How do you see that ladies and gentlemans?
Ps-She never did to me any bad action, we have been in great moods in our way to train. I really couldnt believe it really happens. Plus using swahili she blocked me to join their conversation and also I couldnt understand them. No, they didnt knew each others, they were two totally stranger guys. I told her we are over cause every random strangers guys are more important than me. And to dont touch me, coz she should touch me at train, and to dont calle me honey, coz she should call me honey at train. But she treated me like I was not there.

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2 hours ago, mdetlef568 said:

We agreed to go to one place (mombasa) by a train and stay there for 5 days. I told her we are over cause every random strangers guys are more important than me. And to dont touch me, coz she should touch me at train, and to dont calle me honey, coz she should call me honey at train. 

It's crazy to let petty jealousies ruin a great trip. Mombasa is great. You may want to only date people from your own culture/language/hometown. You don't seem to be able to understand and accept simple bus rides/conversation and totally freaked out and pouted like a child. Even after she asked Several times and apologized Several time. 

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I guess if someone were to do that to me, when they asked if I'm okay, I'd kindly say, "No, I'm a bit lonely."

If that didn't resolve the problem, I would recognize that I'm with the wrong person, and yes, I'd figure out the best way to get myself out of this as easily and as quietly as possible.

And I wouldn't care if such a person called me jealous. Or anything else. They're not worth the argument.

 

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She doesn't sound serious about you. You're right to feel bad.

I would have left too. Sometimes, you have to be put in certain situations to really get the character and intentions of another person. So while she introduced you to her family (the typical stuff), she's shown you that when she's given attention from other men she's still checking her options and treating you as some backup.

Good for sticking up to your worth.

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11 hours ago, mdetlef568 said:

. If I would be a jealously freak I would say after one minute "hey why you talk with them?!:>"

So you're in Kenya, you never met her before she introduces you to her family and friends, plans some wonderful things for you and because she was chitchatting in swahili which you don't understand, you had a hissy fit? She asked you several times if you were ok and you just pouted like a 2 year old.

Sorry but you created your own mess with your immaturity and ego. Kenya is a fascinating place and Mombasa is quite beautiful.  You're a fool to step off the train in a jealous huff because she spoke to some locals.

You could have had a wonderful drama free experience and not pursued things when you got back. But instead you caused a huge babyish scene.

 

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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry but you created your own mess with your immaturity and ego. Kenya is a fascinating place and Mombasa is quite beautiful.  You're a fool to step off the train in a jealous huff because she spoke to some locals.

I don't think it's the jealousy. She ignored him on the train for more than an hour to speak with strangers in a foreign language. Comon'. That's a tad disrespectful. She also won't touch him or call him her bf in front of others.

Since he's a stranger in Kenya, she could have showed him nice sights while on the train ride and help him get to know the country/culture. Instead, he got zero efforts.

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Im not a jealous type. She asked about and told me she got many male friends and I have to accept it. Ive said there is no problem with that. I never been jealous, everyday some guy was calling to her, she speaks for few minutes and thats all. Its really not about jealous, its abt disrespect and total ignoring me. Once again-if she at least kiss me, hug me or took my hand I wouldnt be angry even... Also she good knew when she use swahili she blocking me-I cant join conversation and cant understand anything. So no fun for me, no my GF for me... It was really awesome 😕

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2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

So you're in Kenya, you never met her before she introduces you to her family and friends, plans some wonderful things for you and because she was chitchatting in swahili which you don't understand, you had a hissy fit? She asked you several times if you were ok and you just pouted like a 2 year old.

Sorry but you created your own mess with your immaturity and ego. Kenya is a fascinating place and Mombasa is quite beautiful.  You're a fool to step off the train in a jealous huff because she spoke to some locals.

You could have had a wonderful drama free experience and not pursued things when you got back. But instead you caused a huge babyish scene.

 

She asked ONCE after over 40 minutes, not SEVERAL, mr Wise. Seems you was there and know better. Do me a favour and dont comment in this topic.

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2 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

call him her bf in front of others. Instead, he got zero efforts.

She is not his GF, they just met in person. He also had hid face in his phone the whole time. and grunted one word answers when she inquired. Read below. She made a huge huge effort to make him feel at home and arranged plenty of things to do. I disagree that hosting him, introducing him to family and planning trips is "zero effort", particularly for someone who just hopped off the plane and sat back to be entertained by a complete stranger.

 

18 hours ago, mdetlef568 said:

she took me to the city Voi to introduce me to her family. Ive met her parents, grandma, siblinngs, cousins, aunts and uncles. We agreed to go to one place (mombasa) by a train and stay there for 5 days... 

 

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I've been in Kenya many times. I don't speak Swahili either. However I would not expect someone to bend over backwards hosting me while I park my face in my phone and pout.

There's a way to travel and enjoy all sorts of different cultures. But walking off in a huff off the train because he is not mature enough to speak up or keep himself  occupied is not the way to be a guest in anyone's country.

You and the OP see it the same way. I do not . I see it as bilateral rudeness because of a culture clash. Talking to fellow passengers may be rude to him and parking his face in his phone may be rude to her.

 Keep in mind Kenya is not a rich country where everyone has smartphones, so conversation with others is a way to pass the time.

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18 hours ago, mdetlef568 said:

We met on facebook, Ive typed to her. We were chatting for three months, then I decided to come to her to kenya for several weeks. (Im white btw) We were dating for 3 months, she took me to the city Voi to introduce me to her family. Ive met her parents, grandma, siblinngs, cousins, aunts and uncles. We agreed to go to one place (mombasa) by a train and stay there for 5 days... So... We entered to train, I joined her little later, like 1-2 minutes coz Ive had bags. There were 4 places as usual. When I came and sit, she already spoke with two guys who sitted on their places across us. They spoke all the time in suahili so IDK what was about. She usually spoke with other people in matatu(bus) so I saw it as normal, but there were always short conversations like maybe 5 minutes. That conversation took whole 75 minutes of our trip. She only once asked me "is everything fine?" Ive been such shocked by that situation and couldnt believe it really happens, that I only said silent "YES" and didnt say even one more word.Its not abt jealous, seriously. I felt like a trash. She ignored me totally like I was invisible. She didnt touched me even, those 2 guys could think I dont know her I let them enjoy. Is that normal? I felt totally ignored and it was just.. sad...
Am I paranoid and made a big deal from small thing? Ive broke with her after we left the train coz I didnt wanted argue in train and stopping their conversation. Ofc she cried, sorry me, explained thought Ive been busy by my phone, didnt wanted to hurt me, that I should correct her at the moment etc
If she would kiss me, hug me or take my hand, I wont be angry even. I swear.
How do you see that ladies and gentlemans?
Ps-She never did to me any bad action, we have been in great moods in our way to train. I really couldnt believe it really happens. Plus using swahili she blocked me to join their conversation and also I couldnt understand them. No, they didnt knew each others, they were two totally stranger guys. I told her we are over cause every random strangers guys are more important than me. And to dont touch me, coz she should touch me at train, and to dont calle me honey, coz she should call me honey at train. But she treated me like I was not there.

You have already broken up with her. What you’re coming across is extremely insecure unfortunately. She may be in shock but also realize she is better off not having you around to criticize her or the way she converses with others.

If you do feel she disrespects you date someone else and let this go. She’s no longer in your life and do not drag someone along if you’re not compatible. It’s only 3 months and you’re both arguing about how to conduct yourselves on a train. Do you see what a waste of life it is continuing on believing that either one of you are right or wrong? 

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@mdetlef568 Wiseman was sharing a point of view, and I can see where he's coming from. As you post here, you can expect different answers and povs, so please be kind even if something doesn't resonate with you.

You broke up with her as there are some incompatibilities. As @Rose Mosse suggested, don't drag this out. You were looking for your best interest and it's done.

What advice are you looking for? Or are you just ranting?

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You were impulsive to breakup abruptly.  You should give people a chance to correct themselves AFTER you've engaged in a calm, mature unemotional verbal discussion with them.  

Speaking in foreign languages in front of me has happened frequently to me in the past.  For example, I was with an acquaintance having a conversation and suddenly another person interrupted and deliberately spoke in my acquaintance's and their foreign language in front of me obviously monopolizing the conversation by blocking me out entirely.  This occurred many times with random people in public.  I agree,  it is incredibly inconsiderate and rude.

Having said that, you should've had a conversation with her instead of suddenly resorting to breaking up.  Try resolving issues instead of breaking up like a bomb.  If people are mature and moral human beings, they'll change for the better and everything can resume normally.  If they don't agree with you within reason, then breakup in that order. 

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Breaking up with her-there were more emotions than brain. Now I would talk about and give her a chance to explain. I dont understand what happened. Maybe she just asked about something, they started to talk and thigns moved.. and she just forgot abt me, but not like that to hurt me.
I can quote her explains she texted to me:
"there are issues we can just solve bu talking babe"
"U were busy on your phone reading that why Ive said let me leave you to read"
"I dont do thing to hurt you intentionally"
For me those are bul**** coz she knew I dont have an internet, also I took phone from pocket after 15 minutes. Im sad coz I really cared about her.
At past there was incident she dissapear for few days when we chatted only. She met a guy and spend his holidays with him.... We were talked daily and she just gone, then told me true. You can laugh that Im a fool... But Ive decided lets try. When she did it, we were only ONLINE friends..

So I told her I agree to try, but I dont want any other guys in our relationships. Male friends are okay. I just dont want anyone stranger cross our border.
 

 

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Its not like that. Im very impulsive and I told her that at start. We agree I have to work on myself.
I dont want to be with her. I wanted to know if it was a big deal like I see, or I made big deal from small thing?
Also would like to know why she did it? Any ideas? I think that women could help me to understand her

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14 minutes ago, mdetlef568 said:

Also would like to know why she did it? Any ideas? I think that women could help me to understand her

Women are not a difference species, we know nothing about this but your post. Have you tried asking HER? She's the only one who knows her own mind and intentions.

Also, why weren't you proactive at the time? I would have introduced myself to the men and asked whether they speak my language or whether we can use a common language, or whether GF would mind interpreting for all of you.

From there, all concerned would have been properly introduced to your presence and alerted to your desire to be included. The whole outcome could have by changed by taking such action.

This was the more subtle point of my post above--I would have responded to the situation DURING the situation. If my efforts to be friendly and included were met with a stonewall from my host, then yes, THAT would have been a problem. But a failure to attempt making the situation better did not serve you well.

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39 minutes ago, mdetlef568 said:

 

 

40 minutes ago, mdetlef568 said:

I dont want to be with her

Then you're done. Time to move on.

You're all upset over a woman you met online and didn't jibe with in real life. You don't respect her. You don't want to be with her.

I don't see a problem here. You can move on to preferably local women whom you can actively date in person and get a better feel of.

Thank you, next!

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3 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

 

Then you're done. Time to move on.

You're all upset over a woman you met online and didn't jibe with in real life. You don't respect her. You don't want to be with her.

I don't see a problem here. You can move on to preferably local women whom you can actively date in person and get a better feel of.

Thank you, next!

Thank you, next! You can go from my topic 😉

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