Batya33 Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 4 hours ago, mdetlef568 said: ts not like that. Im very impulsive and I told her that at start. We agree I have to work on myself. It's fine to know you are a person who acts impulsively. It's not ok to subject other people to your impulsive actions if they hurt another person. It's not ok to expect a new person in your life to accept that you will treat her badly and excuse it as "well I told you I was impulsive." How specifically are you "working on yourself" so that you don't make the choice to react impulsively in a way that hurts other people? What specific things have you done in the past 3 days to do this 'work" you mention? What are your plans in the next 3 days to "work" on your impulsivity? 1 Link to comment
mdetlef568 Posted September 23, 2022 Author Share Posted September 23, 2022 1 hour ago, Batya33 said: It's fine to know you are a person who acts impulsively. It's not ok to subject other people to your impulsive actions if they hurt another person. It's not ok to expect a new person in your life to accept that you will treat her badly and excuse it as "well I told you I was impulsive." How specifically are you "working on yourself" so that you don't make the choice to react impulsively in a way that hurts other people? What specific things have you done in the past 3 days to do this 'work" you mention? What are your plans in the next 3 days to "work" on your impulsivity? I think that topic is about something else. Thank you for taking care, if Im gonna need help I let you know Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 24, 2022 Share Posted September 24, 2022 33 minutes ago, mdetlef568 said: I think that topic is about something else. Thank you for taking care, if Im gonna need help I let you know Well no I was responding to what you yourself posted - I quoted it. I don't think you're ready for that sort of input that requires more than the vague "going to work on myself." Good luck and hope you feel better soon. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 24, 2022 Share Posted September 24, 2022 On 9/22/2022 at 3:08 PM, mdetlef568 said: . We agreed to go to one place (mombasa) by a train and stay there for 5 days... So you left her stranded in Mombasa knowing the exceptionally high crime rate because you didn't have internet on the train and got bored and had a tantrum? Surely you realize Kenya doesn't have cell towers every few miles, right? Are you back in your home country now? Date local women. You don't seem that prepared to date internationally. BTW review the forum rules about being nasty to people and using appropriate language. Link to comment
Kbtoys Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 You don’t seem like a very receptive person when you’re on a public forum asking for opinions on your matter. I’m in an age gap relationship with someone from another country and we constantly have arguments on various differences between our cultures. You had one expectation and she had another. If you don’t comment on the matter when you’re with her, then why should she expect you to be uncomfortable with conversation on the train trip. She took the time to introduce you to her family which I think is more serious than some stranger on a train. She invested her time to take a trip with you and not take a trip with the strangers. Maybe you could have asked her during the conversation what they are talking about and try to include yourself in the conversation where she translates or just stay on your phone and look disinterested in being with her. Did you attempt to hold her hand or kiss her? She might have either felt you were either totally fine with her communicating with strangers or also felt distance from you based on your body language. We were not on the train with you. The best advice moving forward is to tell your partner what you expect or want in a relationship and if they don’t respect it or too different in values, then it is time to reconsider who you are investing your time with. Life is short and relationships take work, mostly communication, and it isn’t always going to be butterflies and rainbows everyday. It could result in some of the lowest days you’ve ever experienced, but also heaven on earth. Find someone who you are willing to suffer for and tolerate. She might have not been aware you felt disrespected, but I know I’ve done the same and would stonewall my gf and not communicate or even interact with her in hopes she felt the same as I did with the hurt I felt. If I told her what I felt instead of stonewalling, which is a bad habit I have, but I’ve realized it just pushes people away. Hopefully you can salvage the relationship over something so small. People you are in relationships and in love with are guaranteed to hurt you, but it wouldn’t hurt if you didn’t care for them. 2 Link to comment
Tinydance Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 OK question, what country do you live in? If you wanted to be with your girlfriend, what was your plan? To move to Africa or she would move to you? I'm just wondering because yes it's good you met her in real life but I think you needed to have a real and realistic plan of what was going to happen after you visited her. Were you going to move to her country? I'm guessing no because the fact that you didn't speak the language and couldn't be in the conversation bothered you a lot. If you wanted her to move to you, did she have money to pay to move? If not, were you going to pay? If you hadn't really thought about any of those things then what was actually going to happen after you left Africa. A relationship needs to be in person. Also I think yes what she did was rude but in different cultures sometimes people behave in different ways. That's why there is the term "culture clash". It's when people are from a different culture and they don't understand and don't agree what the other person is doing. I think you should have asked why she talked to those guys and see what she actually says. Also she said to you she was sorry but you said no and broke up with her. I mean, what can she do after that? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 2 minutes ago, Tinydance said: Also she said to you she was sorry but you said no and broke up with her. I mean, what can she do after that? After the free hosting and tour guide he picked a reason to have a tantrum and dump her leaving her stranded somewhere. That is my interpretation of as rude as it gets, not chitchatting in the local language with fellow passengers in a country where internet, cell service and smartphones are not as prevent as wherever the spoiled OP hails from. But then again in all my travels I sort of took the "when in Rome...." type of approach rather than bring some arrogant attitude along. Link to comment
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