Boyfriend and his female best friend

[Roxy Swish]

My boyfriend has a female best friend who he has slept with multiple times before we were together, even when we were getting to know each other. How should I feel about them being so close?

[gamon]

Feelings generally aren't planned or voluntary, they just happen.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Roxy Swish said:

My boyfriend has a female best friend who he has slept with multiple times before we were together, even when we were getting to know each other. How should I feel about them being so close?

 How old is he? How long have you been dating?

Why are they still "best friends"?

If she is his "best friend" what are you?

Step way back from this and reflect in why he needs a collection of conquests as "best friends".

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, Roxy Swish said:

How should I feel about them being so close?

I dunno. How do you feel about his "sex buddy"? 

Because I can assure you that they are still having sex as he keeps her close.

[Andrina]

It's better to date someone who doesn't stay in touch with people they slept with. Plenty of guys who don't. You'll feel more at ease dating one of them.

[Lambert]

I probably would not get involved with this guy... major red flag. I know myself well enough to know that I can't have another woman claiming to be my guy's best friend, slept with him etc. 

obviously if they are best friends AND they are attracted enough to have sex, why aren't they a couple? It's only a matter of time until they are.  

So long story short, I would feel like the guy is just killing time with me.  I would feel insecure and I generally don't allow myself to be tortured that way. I like me and I only get with other people that like me.  I don't allow myself to tolerate crap.

What's going on with you, that you don't know how YOU feel? If you don't know, that says to me, you know but you don't like it. 

You know this is BS but your ego wants the guy to choose you over her or something like that. A big old mind eff.

Dump this guy. Find someone more into you.  save your sanity.

[Rose Mosse]

11 hours ago, Roxy Swish said:

My boyfriend has a female best friend who he has slept with multiple times before we were together, even when we were getting to know each other. How should I feel about them being so close?

That’s up to you. If you have to ask or wonder, this man probably isn’t for you.

[smackie9]

I wouldn't touch a guy like that with a 10 foot pole. 3's a crowd hun. 

[jul-els]

Uninterested in him. That’s how you should feel if you’re asking my opinion, which you are. Walk away from him and don’t look back. 

[Cherylyn]

I wouldn't trust his integrity.   He slept with his female friend multiple times while getting to know you.  He would be my ex-boyfriend if I were you.

[Wiseman2]

18 hours ago, Roxy Swish said:

How should I feel about them being so close?

Like putting on your running shoes and...👟👟

heading for someone who's not playing games.

[Batya33]

The issue isn't that he slept with her in the past, the issue is he was still having sex with her while dating you -which isn't cheating but shows she is absolutely not in the past -and she's not just a friend -she's a very recent sex partner who he is still hanging out with and doing so in an inappropriate way -does he make plans to double date with you and her and her date or at least make group plans where she is invited but so are you?  This sounds way too recent to be a truly platonic friendship.

[catfeeder]

There are no 'shoulds' with emotions, you feel how you feel.

I can only speak for myself. There's no way that I'd involve myself with anyone who's still involved with an ex lover.

That's not about him, it's about me.

In your shoes I'd tell him that I've stayed to figure out how I feel about this, and I've decided that I'm walking away while we both still think highly of one another. If he's ever free and clear of involvement with any ex, he can let me know. If I'm still available then, maybe we can meet to catch up. Until then, I wish him the best.

Even while this keeps my door open to future potential, it would probably occur to me that I'd never want to be with someone who would play this as he has.

I hope for your sake you'll reach the same conclusion.

Head high, and respect yourself.

[Debbiere]

There is a good rule: if something seems to you, then it does not seem to you. Perhaps now they do not have an intimate relationship, but your partner's behavior still gives you a reason to doubt him - listen to your feelings. Try to understand why you decided so? Maybe you actually noticed something, but could not understand it. I urge you to analyze your feelings and be able to be honest with yourself. If you spend a lot of negative emotions on a guy, is it worth it?

Good luck!