ONS - Pregnancy

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, RKO said:

Totally get this but it would be a starting point until then, eg if they say “ miss your baby is at the 16 weeks not 12 mark” then that would be SOME hope to cling on to in the meantime 

Not in my opinion. There is so much room for error.  Yes, if it was months - meaning she was 2 months along and you'd had sex with her 5 months earlier - and you had proof she was only in her 8th week -but anything less than that it's anybody's guess.  Even due dates -you're told it could be two weeks on either side.  And clinging onto hope is fine -whatever floats your boat - but still get your finances in order, the paternity test set up, etc.  

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Periods are not necessarily an indicator of the timing of the pregnancy.  One of my friends had two periods while she was already pregnant.  Someone else I know had the misfortune of having periods the entire time she was pregnant (how awful!!).  I happened to know exactly when I conceived my son because it could only have been over the course of one weekend.  The other two times I was pregnant it was more of an estimate.

Same. My friend had her period the first 3 months -- and it was her 4th child and they'd given up trying to conceive much earlier so total surprise -a happy one !!  I knew mine was over a specific weekend since we were long distance at the time.  

[RKO]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Periods are not necessarily an indicator of the timing of the pregnancy.  One of my friends had two periods while she was already pregnant.  Someone else I know had the misfortune of having periods the entire time she was pregnant (how awful!!).  I happened to know exactly when I conceived my son because it could only have been over the course of one weekend.  The other two times I was pregnant it was more of an estimate.

The sonogram will be another estimate.  But as you said, it's a starting point.  If it's estimated to be in the time frame of when you had unprotected sex with the woman, you can start socking money away for both the DNA test and to help provide financially for the child if it's yours.

Again totally get this but the size of the foetus will give it away, a supposed 12 week one In Theory wouldn’t be as far long developed as say a 15 week one.

with her unable to tell me her monthly cycle routine “Oh I’m not sure” then Im thinking\hoping this guy she met (I think) 1 or 2 weekends before me did have sex with her and is the father.  Was that actually a period? Or implementation bleeding?
 

As it stands, our unprotected sex happened EXACTLY 2 weeks after the 1st day of her last period, 14 days, which is meant to be average time to ovulate. Convenient much?

[RKO]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Not in my opinion. There is so much room for error.  Yes, if it was months - meaning she was 2 months along and you'd had sex with her 5 months earlier - and you had proof she was only in her 8th week -but anything less than that it's anybody's guess.  Even due dates -you're told it could be two weeks on either side.  And clinging onto hope is fine -whatever floats your boat - but still get your finances in order, the paternity test set up, etc.  

But she took the MAP with me so technically couldn’t have ovulated after that? Ruling out a conception after a certain date?

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, RKO said:

But she took the MAP with me so technically couldn’t have ovulated after that? Ruling out a conception after a certain date?

Again there is so much room for error especially in your situation where you want to prove it can’t be yours based on a guesstimate date of conception.  I only knew my last cycle date because for some odd reason it was my most painful one in years and occurred at a very important business lunch meeting where I was the only woman. So I could pinpoint the day. And yes I conceived between days 14 and 16 I guess.

I know of women who had positive pregnancy tests who had no clue when they ovulated or if. Tests can be wrong and there are so many variables. you can look yourself at the basic information and you’ll see what a wide variation there is and the unknowns. Yes of course if it was months I get it 

how do you know she took the pill or took it correctly?  
When you have casual sex with someone you barely know then you don’t know whether they’re reliable or honest with medication.  I knew of a woman who didn’t tell her boyfriend she was on antibiotics which messes with the pill - she claimed she forgot or didn’t know. So she got pregnant.  He married her I think. 
Maybe the pill or the way she took it caused it to malfunction. Or she didn’t actually take it. 

[Batya33]

Also I thought I had implantation bleeding when I was not pregnant. (Or if I was it was only a chemical pregnancy- I didn’t test ). When I was pregnant I spotted in weeks 5 and 6 which apparently was not implantation but never got it checked out.  Could have been.
Please know there is so much variation in symptoms among pregnant women.  I did NOT think I was when I was and did think I was when I wasn’t.  Which is typical. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, RKO said:

But she took the MAP with me so technically couldn’t have ovulated after that? Ruling out a conception after a certain date?

The NHS UK site has excellent accurate info on emergency contraception, both the pill and emergency IUD . You're better off being well informed than making to yourself nuts with misinformation, myths, etc.

[RKO]

39 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

The NHS UK site has excellent accurate info on emergency contraception, both the pill and emergency IUD . You're better off being well informed than making to yourself nuts with misinformation, myths, etc.

For sure, it’s been a good place to read up but I’m just going off other pregnancy websites and forums too and getting info off there too

[Batya33]

27 minutes ago, RKO said:

For sure, it’s been a good place to read up but I’m just going off other pregnancy websites and forums too and getting info off there too

When I was trying to conceive and pregnant I had to quickly stop looking at any websites -I chose one reputable one - very reputable and likely connected to the two books I trusted -back then The Pregnancy Bible and What to Expect When You're Expecting.  There was so much misinformation/scary information, random people posting -truly unhelpful.  Don't go down the rabbit hole ,pun intended.

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, RKO said:

our unprotected sex happened EXACTLY 2 weeks after the 1st day of her last period, 14 days, which is meant to be average time to ovulate.

I always ovulated 9-10 days after the first day of my last period.  No one can accurately predict ovulation.  But I always had pain due to my particular anatomy (no need to get into TMI) so I knew exactly when it happened.  And I only ovulated maybe 6 to 8 months out of the year.  So everyone is different.

Again, you cannot know unless and until you get the results of a DNA test.  All you can do now is find a reputable lab that can perform the test and start saving your $$ so you can be prepared.

[Wiseman2]

44 minutes ago, RKO said:

For sure, it’s been a good place to read up but I’m just going off other pregnancy websites and forums too and getting info off there too

Have you seen the movie "Junior"? It may dispel some of your myths and anecdotes about preganacy and all your angst. Or. It may make you laugh. Or. Scare the hell out of you..😂

[RKO]

31 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I always ovulated 9-10 days after the first day of my last period.  No one can accurately predict ovulation.  But I always had pain due to my particular anatomy (no need to get into TMI) so I knew exactly when it happened.  And I only ovulated maybe 6 to 8 months out of the year.  So everyone is different.

Again, you cannot know unless and until you get the results of a DNA test.  All you can do now is find a reputable lab that can perform the test and start saving your $$ so you can be prepared.

Yes I think that’s a good point. It all seems a bit too on point date wise as to what the average says 

[RKO]

26 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you seen the movie "Junior"? It may dispel some of your myths and anecdotes about preganacy and all your angst. Or. It may make you laugh. Or. Scare the hell out of you..😂

Well I wish it was me being pregnant like in that film I tell you 

[Tinydance]

The approximate date doesn't tell you if it's YOU who is the father though. And that's your main concern.

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

The approximate date doesn't tell you if it's YOU who is the father though. And that's your main concern.

Agree. You're trying to figure something out before you can figure it out.

It's like asking "what will the neighbors have for dinner on May 23, 2023?".

People can venture a guess: pizza, chicken, pot roast, hotdogs, etc. but it's guessing.

You need the facts and the only data for that is a DNA test.

[RKO]

2 hours ago, Tinydance said:

The approximate date doesn't tell you if it's YOU who is the father though. And that's your main concern.

 

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. You're trying to figure something out before you can figure it out.

It's like asking "what will the neighbors have for dinner on May 23, 2023?".

People can venture a guess: pizza, chicken, pot roast, hotdogs, etc. but it's guessing.

You need the facts and the only data for that is a DNA test.

So do you advise I tell the mother to not tell anyone who the supposed father is until paternity test?
 

Also, do I keep this to myself or talk to my mum? I don’t want to cause her undue stress but she will know something is up if I carry on like this until march.

Also once the mother says she is pregnant I know for a fact friends will ask if it’s mine, how would I even answer that

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, RKO said:

 

So do you advise I tell the mother to not tell anyone who the supposed father is until paternity test?
 

Also, do I keep this to myself or talk to my mum? I don’t want to cause her undue stress but she will know something is up if I carry on like this until march.

Also once the mother says she is pregnant I know for a fact friends will ask if it’s mine, how would I even answer that

I would not "tell" the woman to do anything.  I can predict that'll go over like a fart in church.  All you can do is ask her to agree to a paternity test once the child is born.  If any gossip reaches you, simply say nothing is determined yet.  Don't talk bad about the woman or contribute to gossip by saying the father could be anyone.

What do you mean by "carry on like this"?  Are you unusually emotional?  Exhibiting angry behaviors?  Do you live with your mother?  If not, how does she know so much about how you're feeling/behaving?

Again, if anyone has the bad manners to ask if you're the father of the woman's baby, simply say nothing is determined yet.  If they rudely persist with questions, say you're not prepared to discuss it.

[RKO]

16 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I would not "tell" the woman to do anything.  I can predict that'll go over like a fart in church.  All you can do is ask her to agree to a paternity test once the child is born.  If any gossip reaches you, simply say nothing is determined yet.  Don't talk bad about the woman or contribute to gossip by saying the father could be anyone.

What do you mean by "carry on like this"?  Are you unusually emotional?  Exhibiting angry behaviors?  Do you live with your mother?  If not, how does she know so much about how you're feeling/behaving?

Again, if anyone has the bad manners to ask if you're the father of the woman's baby, simply say nothing is determined yet.  If they rudely persist with questions, say you're not prepared to discuss it.

I do live with her yes along with my little brother, I help out a lot with him (another story) but she has asked if I’m ok several times as I’m quiet and not my usual fun self. I’ve broken down in tears several times which she hasn’t seen yet but asked why my eyes are so red. She’s noticed I’m not eating much as normal, getting up a lot earlier than normal.

Ive not snapped at her or got angry, that won’t happen. 
 

I’m pretty sure they will ask, one of her best friends is married to one of mine. They will talk I know it and will ask without a doubt

[Batya33]

I would say nothing to the mother to signal you are trying to control what she speaks of in relation to her pregnancy.  Simply say to anyone intrusive enough to ask that question "that's personal."  I think you should tell your own mother since you live with her and help out and she will get more and more worried about you.

[gamon]

Well the news of her pregnancy is going to break so you need a story. Probably better to get it out there before it comes to you and then you won't be carrying it all on your own. Something along the lines of "she's pregnant, I messed around with her one nite but probably so did a lot of other guys, if it's mine I'll do the right thing" and just leave it at that. The right thing can be any number of things.

 

[Jibralta]

1 minute ago, gamon said:

I messed around with her one nite but probably so did a lot of other guys,

Yeah, character assassination is always an easy win.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, gamon said:

Well the news of her pregnancy is going to break so you need a story. Probably better to get it out there before it comes to you and then you won't be carrying it all on your own. Something along the lines of "she's pregnant, I messed around with her one nite but probably so did a lot of other guys, if it's mine I'll do the right thing" and just leave it at that. The right thing can be any number of things.

 

I would not say anything negative about the pregnant woman at all or gossip.  

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, gamon said:

Well the news of her pregnancy is going to break so you need a story. Probably better to get it out there before it comes to you and then you won't be carrying it all on your own. Something along the lines of "she's pregnant, I messed around with her one nite but probably so did a lot of other guys, if it's mine I'll do the right thing" and just leave it at that. The right thing can be any number of things.

 

Nope.

Gossip and character assassination don't make anyone look good.  

I strongly disagree with this advice.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, RKO said:

I do live with her yes along with my little brother, she has asked if I’m ok several times as I’m quiet and not my usual fun self.

Be honest. "I had ONS, she's pregnant and believes it's mine but I have to take a DNA test to be sure. I am concerned because I do not want a relationship with her, a family or to be a father right now".

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, gamon said:

Something along the lines of "she's pregnant, I messed around with her one nite but probably so did a lot of other guys, if it's mine I'll do the right thing"

No. 

Do not do this, OP.