why would a co worker tell me lies about what other co workers said about me?

[MrsWise]

This lady at work whom I thought was genuine person has always seemed nice and polite. she has always kept me in the loop about everything that has been going on at work when I'm not around. however, I recently caught her in lie when one of my friends who is also a co worker worked after me. The lady in question came to me and told that a coworker who worked after me was complaining about not having supplies and blaming everything back to me. I was confused because I had told my friend what she needed ahead of time so she will come prepared. so I was mad and confronted my friend to which she vehemently  denied and was quite upset by these accusations and it turned out the lady made everything up. 

 

Fast forward last week, the lady in question told me about a different staff member who made comments about how lazy I am and the other people who replace me are always picking up slacks. Of course I was skeptical this time so I went directly to the person asked them and of course the lady flipped and twisted what the other person had said. but the second victim decide to confront her next time she sees her. I also verified with another co worker who was there to which they confirmed that those remarks were not said. So this time I  told the lady to stop lying to me and what she is doing is causing a toxic workplace environment. To which she responds by saying she never lied and was just looking out to me. Then she apologized.

 

Now looking back, I notice a pattern of this lady always telling what so and so said bout me and now I started spotting holes in her stories including things she had said about others. Why would anyone do this? just to make someone feel bad?

[Rose Mosse]

It is anyone’s guess but the main takeaway is that she can’t be trusted. 

Now that you know she’s like this, keep your distance. Do you need to talk to her at work? 

What do the other employees think of her? Are they upset with her as well or do they avoid her as much as possible? 

[MrsWise]

47 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

It is anyone’s guess but the main takeaway is that she can’t be trusted. 

Now that you know she’s like this, keep your distance. Do you need to talk to her at work? 

What do the other employees think of her? Are they upset with her as well or do they avoid her as much as possible? 

unfortunately we have to interact for work since we directly work together. She appears to be a very nice person on surface so I don't think anyone knows her true colours if they do then they didn't warn me or make it known

[Rose Mosse]

15 minutes ago, MrsWise said:

unfortunately we have to interact for work since we directly work together. She appears to be a very nice person on surface so I don't think anyone knows her true colours if they do then they didn't warn me or make it known

In that case, let this blow over and avoid her where possible, remain professional always. Report it to HR if it affects your work and you feel bullied and harassed.

If you’re worried about your performance get it straight from the person you report to or the person who discusses these matters with you and ask for an evaluation or feedback on your work.

You’re coworkers not friends so have good boundaries. Just because someone has a pleasant or charming demeanour doesn’t mean they’re trustworthy.

[1a1a]

Next time she starts to tell you something someone negative has said to her about you, say ‘I would like you to not pass this information onto me. Person might have been venting to you and that’s fine but if they aren’t bothered about it enough to speak to me directly I need that venting to stop with you knowing it. By which I mean don’t pass it on to me’.

 

She’s going to keep trying, this is how she connects with people, every time you catch her ‘hold that thought, I told you before I don’t want to hear the negative things people say about me to you. Is there anything further I need to know for work? If not I’ll get back to mine and talk to you later’ (I imagine you don’t actually want to talk to her anymore and later never comes but if it’s tolerable, you could also derail this bad gossip conversation by asking her something about herself). 

[Kwothe28]

We always think people around us want good for us. Why else they would be around us, talk to us etc. Unfortunately, in lots of cases, people around us, especially in the places like work where you dont even get to pick coworkers most of the time, would show us differently. They would be jealous, lied to us, even try to get us fired. So I would look your coworker in that prism. She doesnt like you very much. And tries to agitate you and get you to quit or be fired. Either that or she is playing some kind of sick games. Which would make her a psychopat.

If you have to talk to her, just communicate about work. Other than that, avoid interaction at any price. This person is not your friend. And doesnt think good about you.

[poorlittlefish]

Make sure you have recorded dates, times, witnesses and details of each event.  You have already gone down the informal route by speaking to the woman in person.  I don't know which country you're in, but in the UK you should raise a grievance against this employee so that the matter can now be formally investigated.

[Wiseman2]

Steer clear of workplace gossiping hearsay and politics.

Go in, do your required job, be neutral, polite and professional with everyone then go home, shift gears and relax.

You can't control who's playing games and gossiping. All you can do is be the best you can be and only report directly to superiors.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Steer clear of workplace gossiping hearsay and politics.

Go in, do your required job, be neutral, polite and professional with everyone then go home, shift gears and relax.

You can't control who's playing games and gossiping. All you can do is be the best you can be and only report directly to superiors.

There was no reason ever for you and she to be talking as you were to "keep you in the loop" - loop in on your own.  Without gossiping - and unless there's an essential reason you need to be in the loop about what others say about you, who cares??  I now work with a friend of mine -because she learned of the position through me and by pure coincidence also knows our boss. 

We don't work on the same projects but we have the exact same title and responsibilities.  As soon as she became my coworker I was on high alert -with myself - to be very careful about what I shared with her that could affect my work.  I mean - with a non coworker I might complain about having too much work.  (I adore all my colleagues and bosses -I am very fortunate - and I've never said a bad word or impliedly bad about any of them nor would I).  I never complain to her or share with her any issues that have to do with work-life balance. 

She has never said a bad word about anyone either but I even won't joke with her about people we work with because there is too much risk of one of us saying something that could be misunderstood as not a joke.  If I ever heard anyone speak of her good or bad I would NOT share it with her -even good - because sharing good feedback could lead to opening the door to sharing other stuff on her end that's not good. 

It's better to be completely silent IMO.  I do share personal stuff with her as a friend just adhere to that firm boundary.  I strongly suggest you do too.  You chose a path that was risky.  These are the downsides.  I'm sorry.

[Lambert]

When I was kid, I remember sometimes "so called friends" would tell me so and so said this or that, so and so doesn't like me, blah blah blah.

Those were lies to make me feel bad. To make me feel like I needed them because no one else liked me.  It's a manipulation.  

I would not tolerate this and by that I mean, I would simply get away from this woman.  Work is work.  You are paid to be there and to do a job.  Don't create drama.  keep to yourself.  If she talks to again about things other than work, cut her off and get back to work.

Remember actions speak louder than words.  Things you say or put in a text or email can be used against you.  Walking away and going back to work, what can she say?  She tried to talk to you, but you were working??? 

Learning to not waste your breath on people who know what they do is the best course of action.  People know what they do.  Always remember that.  

[catfeeder]

This woman is what's called a 'pot stirrer,' and those can never be trusted.

She might be so insecure and envious of the potential she fears for you to befriend others, she tried to sabotage that. 

In her mind, this might keep you beholden to her. 

I'd be kind to her whenever our paths must cross, but of course I'd never trust another word she says. 

Even if her reportings were accurate, they were inappropriate and not helpful. The fact that they were deliberate lies makes her doubly dangerous. If you believe that she could possibly harm your reputation with your bosses, you may want to head her off by discussing these incidents with your boss. Explain that you don't want trouble for the woman, but you don't trust her to never attempt reputational harm to you going forward.