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My boyfriend doesn't feel comfortable having sex on extended trip with my parents.


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2 hours ago, cupcakefrosting said:

I'm curious what you would do to try and encourage him to just be himself. 

He IS being himself. It's up to you to honor that.

The body tells us stuff we don't 'like' sometimes. There are people who can't do natural things like poop before a trip or for the first few days of a trip or in a public restroom. 

Rather than consider his reluctance to be voluntary, consider that it may have zero to do with what he wants, and more of an unconscious outcome.

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Posted (edited)
41 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

The body tells us stuff we don't 'like' sometimes. There are people who can't do natural things like poop before a trip or for the first few days of a trip or in a public restroom

Oh I'm not the only one! 😅 

Edit: I like how you're trying to get the point across!

Edited by DarkCh0c0
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What is four weeks in the grand scheme of your entire life?  Do you feel you cannot possibly go without sex for four weeks?

How about just staying for the original two weeks then?  That way you'll only have to do without for 14 days.

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5 hours ago, cupcakefrosting said:

We actually have done a private picnic in the woods. There's this odd patch of like field grass in this woodsy area the cottage is in. We usually make a point to do that twice while we are there. 

image.png.a71471f410e0dd3afaa1fd2973601b7f.png

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24 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

What is four weeks in the grand scheme of your entire life?  Do you feel you cannot possibly go without sex for four weeks?

How about just staying for the original two weeks then?  That way you'll only have to do without for 14 days.

It's not the end of the world if we don't have sex, I just feel like, it would be nice to connect sexually while on a vacation. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

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48 minutes ago, cupcakefrosting said:

Wowwww you can't cut me a break at all, can you?

@DarkCh0c0 isn't entirely off-base here, though. 

It isn't a romantic couple's getaway. Yes, it's a nice holiday - but it's still with your parents. If you are looking to connect sexually while on vacation, it would be best to book a vacation for just the two of you. 

You already know he doesn't want to have sex with your parents under the same roof. I would not expect this holiday to be any different. The sex won't be enjoyable for him, I can nearly guarantee it. He won't be able to relax and get in the mood enough. It will be awkward. So, I would drop the idea and instead plan a getaway for just you and him sometime afterwards, where he feels naturally comfortable letting his guard down and you two can go to town. 

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Posted (edited)

At this point I see two problems.  #1 would be how you expect your boyfriend to act in uncomfortable situations.  Just because you're comfortable doesn't mean he is, and I'd like to remind you that he doesn't owe you sex.

The 2nd is just... why?  Family vacations usually come with the idea of less romanticism, and you're beyond that all the way to sex.  I'd say selfishly so.  You've probably only considered his side BECAUSE of this topic, which is good for you whether you're right or wrong.

Maybe this is a kink of yours that should remain in fantasy land.

Edited by LikeWater
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On 5/29/2022 at 8:36 AM, cupcakefrosting said:

I get that. I just get frustrated. We've gone on trips with his family and have had no issues having sex in a hotel with them next door, so for me I'm just trying to understand why he's more uncomfortable here than he would be possibly a hotel. 

Many people feel frustrated when they have to accommodate someone else or compromise. It’s irrelevant if you’re very sexual people. So what. You’re very sexual and what if you weren’t in the mood or on your period and didn’t feel comfortable. Would you like him telling you since you’re very sexual and he’s frustrated you should have sex? Maybe book a hotel for a couple of days. Relationships involve compromise. Even with basic desires like one person gets hangry and the other wants to keep driving to look for a specific fast food place.

Therefore hangry person brings snacks knowing her partner is picky about where to stop on a road trip. 

Or don’t go and stay home with your boyfriend if being sexual is more important than staying at your parents place. 

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21 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

It's not really a romantic vacation when parents are around.

I had both experiences - being under the same roof with parents and no sex and otherwise.  Being under the same roof =sleeping separately and otherwise. It all depends and it's all valid/legitimate.  Comfort level for the individuals is key.

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1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

I had both experiences - being under the same roof with parents and no sex and otherwise.  Being under the same roof =sleeping separately and otherwise. It all depends and it's all valid/legitimate.  Comfort level for the individuals is key.

It's a mix of a family trip and romantic trip. Like I've said, my parents are more than happy to give us space. 

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9 minutes ago, cupcakefrosting said:

It's a mix of a family trip and romantic trip. Like I've said, my parents are more than happy to give us space. 

That doesn't matter.  Two people have sex only if both want to and feel comfortable.

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47 minutes ago, cupcakefrosting said:

It's a mix of a family trip and romantic trip. Like I've said, my parents are more than happy to give us space. 

That isn't the issue. 

The issue is that your parents are present at all. That's not to say you two shouldn't go. You should, and relax, have fun with your folks and enjoy it for what it's worth - but it's not very romantic to have your parents around (for your boyfriend) He doesn't feel free to be as romantic as you would like. 

Therefore, I wouldn't go into this hoping he suddenly changes. That's very unlikely. As I said before, if you are looking for sexual intimacy on holiday, book something for just the two of you for another time and place. 

 

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23 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

That isn't the issue. 

The issue is that your parents are present at all. That's not to say you two shouldn't go. You should, and relax, have fun with your folks and enjoy it for what it's worth - but it's not very romantic to have your parents around (for your boyfriend) He doesn't feel free to be as romantic as you would like. 

Therefore, I wouldn't go into this hoping he suddenly changes. That's very unlikely. As I said before, if you are looking for sexual intimacy on holiday, book something for just the two of you for another time and place. 

 

My parents will leave and go somewhere, so we can have time together. 

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Posted (edited)
29 minutes ago, cupcakefrosting said:

My parents will leave and go somewhere, so we can have time together. 

That's all well and good, but it still doesn't necessarily mean he will want to get intimate. 

All you can do is respect if he isn't, and wait until you're back home or can have a holiday alone with no parents. Because no matter how you slice, a vacation with mom and dad doesn't exactly lend itself to a romantic atmosphere. 

Edited by MissCanuck
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13 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

That's all well and good, but it still doesn't necessarily mean he will want to get intimate. 

All you can do is respect if he isn't, and wait until you're back home or can have a holiday alone with no parents. Because no matter how you slice, a vacation with mom and dad doesn't exactly lend itself to a romantic atmosphere. 

Thanks. 

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2 hours ago, cupcakefrosting said:

My parents will leave and go somewhere, so we can have time together. 

You two should leave and go somewhere since you said he is comfortable in hotel rooms. 

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8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You two should leave and go somewhere since you said he is comfortable in hotel rooms. 

So that is a possibility. There are some motels that are super super super cheap in a small town by where we are at. I could call and see what the rate is possibly for a night or see if they do a half day thing.

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Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, cupcakefrosting said:

I could call and see what the rate is possibly for a night or see if they do a half day thing.

Hourly rate motels are know to have dead bodies under the bed, you're better off in the woods.

image.png.fac06138d71d64380ebfcb7913e22420.png 

Edited by Wiseman2
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