A bad OLD rant

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Coily said:

my other problem is I am horrendous at cold opens, as I present my life without the gusto that I should. Maybe I'll find a sparkler, before I'm burned out.

Consider joining some groups and clubs, volunteering, taking some classes and courses, etc. Dancing, yoga, whatever. Seeing people regularly takes the "cold" out of cold approach. 

On a side note, I think she was setting you up to steal a kidney.😱

[waffle]

22 hours ago, Coily said:

. . . wanting my full name and FB page to vett me. Normally this is much too invasive for me . . . 

. . .  I expressed my privacy concerns sharing too much so soon, due to my work. 

 

So you won't share your name in a private message, but I assume you'll share your pic publicly on a website for all to see?  No concerns there "due to your work"?

So this isn't about privacy.  That said, anyone should have the right to share or not share personal info about themselves as they feel comfortable.  She has the right to ask, but you have the right to decline.  No one should be arguing or trying to coerce the other--not her and not you--simply block and move on.  Super easy.

 

[Coily]

1 hour ago, waffle said:

So you won't share your name in a private message, but I assume you'll share your pic publicly on a website for all to see?  No concerns there "due to your work"?

For me it kind of depends on what kind of "search" is done. Some of these private background sites (which she mentioned prior) can throw flags at renewal time. A google type search is no big deal, but when there is an impasse both should happily move on.

The emphasis is I had moved on, made the mistake of not blocking immediately, and just how bizarre (and humorous) the rest of the conversation was.

[catfeeder]

14 hours ago, Batya33 said:

As a woman I was able to avoid a number of potentially harmful in person meets and true wastes of time (ferreting out liars via the phone call, not the typing) by having a 20-30 minute phone call so I used it as a safety screening

Yep! Meeting early doesn't mean a lack of caution. It just avoids a big investment in fantasy-building with strangers who aren't worth your time.

[BeaTlesFan77]

On 4/27/2022 at 11:22 PM, DarkCh0c0 said:

@beatlesfan77have you tried Badoo dating app? It's really good with the free version!

Hi Dark. Thank you for your patience. To answer your question I have not tried Badoo at this point. Were you able to get a lot of quality matches on there in your location?  I imagine you had to also go through some duds as well. Will take a look at it. 

[DarkCh0c0]

@beatlesfan77hey, I don't really expect a lot "quality" with dating apps sadly.

However, I meet with a group of expats regularly and we were talking about dating apps last couple of times.

One of the ladies told me that she had a screening question she asked each man who talked to her. Her question was something in the line of "who's your favourite stand up comedian?". Lots of men would disappear after this question or stop showing interest... Until she found the one who answered with a comedian who matches her sense of humour. They've been together for a few months now!

So I've been thinking using a screening question too to at least remove those not so quality men.  Something more relatable though. So I thought I'd share this tactic with you! Might help you nail down quality if you're using the premium version of any app.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Her question was something in the line of "who's your favourite stand up comedian?". Lots of men would disappear after this question or stop showing interest... Until she found the one who answered with a comedian who matches her sense of humour. They've been together for a few months now!

I love this!  As an aside my friend met her husband through online dating many years ago.  She is a stand up comedian.  From what she told me their second date had a food poisoning episode (him!) but I can speculate that maybe her comedic skills came in handy. I sure hope his answer would be "my wife!"

[reinventmyself]

The last name and social seems may seem like a good idea to get, but yet I wouldn't offer it.   It's way too easy to find out a person's home address and vitals.  What is intended to give you some comfort or sense of security ends up putting you in danger. IMO 

I don't have a lot of people I know fairly well on my social media. I don't care for just anyone in to see my personal world.  Every so often I delete people I haven't spoken to in a while. 

I personally met men for coffee and if after I got a sense of who they were, I slowly volunteered or asked for more personal information then.  It took me a couple dates before took up an offer to pick me up at home.  If they needed all that info up front, they weren't the man for me.

[DarkCh0c0]

48 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

It took me a couple dates before took up an offer to pick me up at home.  If they needed all that info up front, they weren't the man for me.

I like this approach!

[Batya33]

59 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

The last name and social seems may seem like a good idea to get, but yet I wouldn't offer it.   It's way too easy to find out a person's home address and vitals.  What is intended to give you some comfort or sense of security ends up putting you in danger. IMO 

I don't have a lot of people I know fairly well on my social media. I don't care for just anyone in to see my personal world.  Every so often I delete people I haven't spoken to in a while. 

I personally met men for coffee and if after I got a sense of who they were, I slowly volunteered or asked for more personal information then.  It took me a couple dates before took up an offer to pick me up at home.  If they needed all that info up front, they weren't the man for me.

I only met if I had a last name -(but I stopped being on dating sites in 2005 -only got pushback one time on the last name).  I didn't meet at my home or his -except one time.  We were chatting and I told him the neighborhood I lived in.  Nice person.  He said "oh my brother lives at (my apartment building!!).  So, we met in my lobby for our first meet.  One date wonder but was fun.

[Wiseman2]