She dropped a Dog Adoption on me…

[smackie9]

Obviously she has a different view about what it is to be committed in a relationship ie; communication, boundaries, etc. I hope your discussion has changed her perspective on this. 

[John-VT]

The dog has arrived.  Things have become awkward.  Weird text exchanges, the dog is not treating other dogs well/seems aggressive, she is canceling activities because she doesn't want to be away from her home.  The trip we have planned for the beginning of next month is now potentially/more than likely cancelled because of this dog...  Yeah.... 

I appreciate all the responses.  I have to do a lot of soul searching and consideration about all that has happened.  

[John-VT]

Well, it's over. 

Final recap:

Her: "It's tough to have such an important part of my personality not be understood. I'm sorry you feel this way, but if something like this is such a big deal, then I don't think its going to work out.  Neither of us should have to make a compromise we're not comfortable with"

It would appear that I have not and will not ever matter to her in a relationship. I'm glad I found out now.  It's really too bad.  I truly do love her, but I cannot be in a one way relationship.  

Thank you all again for all your advice!!

[boltnrun]

Yes, it's good you found out now rather than after you two signed a lease or bought a property.

Sorry it turned out this way, but you are now free to find someone more compatible.

[Tinydance]

4 hours ago, NH-Lover said:

Well, it's over. 

Final recap:

Her: "It's tough to have such an important part of my personality not be understood. I'm sorry you feel this way, but if something like this is such a big deal, then I don't think its going to work out.  Neither of us should have to make a compromise we're not comfortable with"

It would appear that I have not and will not ever matter to her in a relationship. I'm glad I found out now.  It's really too bad.  I truly do love her, but I cannot be in a one way relationship.  

Thank you all again for all your advice!!

Well, firstly I'm really sorry it's over :( But reading all your comments, to me this woman sounded very self-centered. Absolutely she should gave discussed getting another dog with you because you were moving in together. The fact that she just went ahead and got one and then said it's "her decision" already wasn't good. But now she actually ended your relationship over this! So essentially she chose this dog over you. 

[Jibralta]

I am sorry this ended. You clearly cared about her a lot and wanted very much for this relationship to work. I have to say, I was surprised that you chose to stay after she completely stonewalled your concerns.

On 1/23/2022 at 9:28 AM, NH-Lover said:

I had a conversation with her about it and she said that she does not understand my reaction or why this is any sort of problem. She went on to say that she’s disappointed with how I am reacting. 

I know it's not your desired outcome, but I think it's best that the relationship ended now. I think things would have gotten even more one-sided as time went on.

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, NH-Lover said:

Her: "It's tough to have such an important part of my personality not be understood. I'm sorry you feel this way, but if something like this is such a big deal, then I don't think its going to work out.  Neither of us should have to make a compromise we're not comfortable with"

It would appear that I have not and will not ever matter to her in a relationship.

You dodged a bullet. Not because of the dog-lover thing, but because of the impulsive, unilateral, selfish thing. She seems utterly bitter from her past. 

[Lambert]

you totally dodged a bullet.

She completely gaslight-ed you at the end.  again making it about her.

I'm sorry you're hurting but you'll see you did the right thing.  ❤

[Coily]

You dodged an artillery shell of a degrading relationship. Once you take time to extract your heart from this mess, hopefully you can find someone who values you.

A bit of cold comfort, she got herself a dog with her own selfish personality.

[reinventmyself]

I can't help but put myself in your shoes.   2 dogs is a big commitment.  Adding a third is a tipping point.  Would I risk my relationship by adding another dog and only think to mention it after the fact?  No. Not if I value this relationship.

I think people create roadblocks, sometimes unconsciously.  It could be, whether she wanted to admit it or not, she knew this would be a deal breaker.   Add to that, she tries to make you look unreasonable and it's all your fault the relationship fell apart because you were being unreasonable?  Good try, but no again.

Sorry it ended this way.  You did the right thing.

[Lambert]

19 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

I think people create roadblocks, sometimes unconsciously.  It could be, whether she wanted to admit it or not, she knew this would be a deal breaker.   Add to that, she tries to make you look unreasonable and it's all your fault the relationship fell apart because you were being unreasonable?  Good try, but no again.

I totally agree. It is a mind game and for the person to refuse to see their actions as the real problem says a lot about them.