Hobbies...

[GB11CR7]

Really wasn't sure what to name the title of this thread so apologies if it's a misleading.

I have a job which I enjoy and have oppurtunities to learn and further myself every day. I feel grateful and satisfied in that area of my life.

I am also fortunate and grateful enough to have good people around me. I consider myself an introvert although I enjoy social interactions and staying active.

The issue I have is I can't seem to find peace in what I want to become and enjoy outside of work. Many people have hobbies and interests they stick to and further themselves in. That may be playing a sport, fishing, coding, learning a instrument etc

For me, I absolutley adore music and watching live music. When I was 20 or so I went to my first concert and was amazed at the performers on stage... in particular the drummer. From that point on I bought myself a little cheap electric drum kit. My problem is, I want to become as good as my favourite drummers, I want to record drum covers and show my friends 'this is what I do'. However, after 10 years of playing on and off, and I mean on and off I don't feel like I'm actually progressing. I just pick up the sticks one day and have a mess around. Rinse and repeat. I honestly believe as well as having a job and running normal chores, I don't have the energy to pursue my hobby as a drummer and become the musician I want to become.

But this attitude, like today, just leads me down a spiral of negativity and a defeatist attitude.

I just want to spend my free time not putting pressure on myself of 'I need to put more hours in to get better at this' and more 'I actually don't mind putting in hours into this activity because I enjoy it'. The thing is I love playing my instrument but I don't love putting the work in when I've been grafting at work all day.

I'm starting to delve deeper and question, if I give up playing my instrument, what are my interests? What will people think of me then?

I know this seems so trivial in the grand scheme of things, and I'm not sure what I'm actually asking here, more of a vent or if anyone here has been in a similiar situation I guess.

[Batya33]

I hate the questions what are your hobbies/what do you do in your free time.  And I don't judge people for what they choose to do in their free time.  I also might find lack of common ground depending on what they enjoy doing so we won't hang out but I still won't judge.  I like learning about people naturally, over time, not with pointed interview type questions.  I also think on social media people enjoy showing how diverse they are with interests, how cool their interests are, etc.  

I think people who have hobbies can be uninteresting and people who don't can be uninteresting.  For example, I love books, I love reading.  It's a solitary activity.  I was invited to a book-focused FAcebook group and now am on two. Through that I made a new friend -an online friend. We started by talking almost exclusively about books then branched out, discovering for example that our mothers have the same name (no, not "mom" -the first name LOL).  I do have friends who are uber-focused on their activities - running marathons, cycling, crossfit, their pets/animals, gardening.  Typically if you connect with them otherwise it's totally fine if your hobbies don't match or if you have no hobbies or different ones.

I wish I had more free time! (very busy at work right now, sigh, plus virtual school last week...)  Good luck!

[Jibralta]

11 minutes ago, GB11CR7 said:

I just want to spend my free time not putting pressure on myself of 'I need to put more hours in to get better at this' and more 'I actually don't mind putting in hours into this activity because I enjoy it'. The thing is I love playing my instrument but I don't love putting the work in when I've been grafting at work all day.

I totally relate!! At the end of the day, I am just exhausted. I just want to sit and veg out and often find myself clicking around and typing away on this site instead of doing the things I wish I was doing (no offense to this site--I love it; but there are other things I want to do). Then I beat myself up for not pursuing the other things that I want to do. What the eff is that all about? I have no idea. But it keeps happening.

11 minutes ago, GB11CR7 said:

I'm starting to delve deeper and question, if I give up playing my instrument, what are my interests? What will people think of me then?

This I don't really understand. Can you elaborate? 

[Rose Mosse]

Try a different instrument? I’ve played the piano since I was young but started l playing the violin recently. I still enjoy the piano but learning a new instrument is fun. I alternate. In the same way learning a new language gives you appreciation for another language as you compare the two in expressions. I never force myself to play. I may not be in the mood. 

Take up a sport too. Being active is a boost mentally.

It sounds like you’re mostly going about things in a routine and you’re in a rut. Change things up a little. Do what you like. Explore new things. Or nothing at all for awhile. Zone out and recharge. 

 

[Seraphim]

I think maybe what you are discussing is different than a hobby. You want to be a professional in your hobby. 

[SooSad33]

What will people think of you then?  Doesn't matter what anyone thinks.  Everyone has their own 'life', shouldn't matter to anyone else what anyone does behind closed doors or in one's spare time.

I have a cpl kids & friends who game on their time at home.  I like to bake & crafts ( crochet), I learned how to do on youtube and yah, I enjoy my tv time & music.  But this is no one's business of how or when I do anything 🙂 . So don't even look at 'your interests' this way.

I feel that maybe you're just a little frustrated that you haven't advanced with your past time of drumming?  If you're wanting to, maybe look into other musicians to learn more in this area... or even other tools eg, synthesizers- which have sooo many abilities to sounds etc. If you get what I mean.

And as someone else mentioned, after work, many don't have that deep need to look at other things for too long, but rather relax, chill.

 

[GB11CR7]

1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

This I don't really understand. Can you elaborate? 

I'm scared that if I stop playing drums I won't have any other hobbies. I don't want to be one of those people that just doesn't do anything.

Thank you all for your respones. I think it's just a case of shifting my mindset.

[Jibralta]

19 minutes ago, GB11CR7 said:

I don't want to be one of those people that just doesn't do anything.

But it's ok to not do something. You don't have to have hobbies. More importantly, hobbies are there to provide you with a source of enjoyment and relaxation. How can you relax and enjoy something when you're only doing it to meet the imagined expectations of other people? 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, GB11CR7 said:

I'm scared that if I stop playing drums I won't have any other hobbies.

Nowadays its at least easy to pick up anything you have an interest and find a bunch of stuff online to help you in it. For example, youtube tutorials. For example, I wanted to learn origami. Took a paper and watched a few youtube tutorials and learned to fold it in various shapes. So, if you want a hobby, just think of something else and pursue that.

Also, if you are passionate about drums, why dont you try to really learn them? I mean not just to mess around but to dedicate the time, see some tutorials and try to learn some songs and practice? You wont be Keith Moon but you can at least be decent. If you want to be professional, you would have to invest serious time, that probably wont work for you. But you can always enjoy your activity by maybe learning and practicing some new song for example.

[BeaTlesFan77]

6 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I totally relate!! At the end of the day, I am just exhausted. I just want to sit and veg out and often find myself clicking around and typing away on this site instead of doing the things I wish I was doing (no offense to this site--I love it; but there are other things I want to do). Then I beat myself up for not pursuing the other things that I want to do. What the eff is that all about? I have no idea. But it keeps happening.

This I don't really understand. Can you elaborate? 

I’m in the same boat as you on that. By the time I’m done with work each day I just want to relax my brain after working with Excel spreadsheets all day. My evening is typically streaming something on TV or listening to music to give my eyes a rest. 

[BeaTlesFan77]

I like to play video games or pinball however I don’t think most people classify that as a hobby. Was thinking about getting back into plastic model kit building again, however it’s time consuming getting everything set up. 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, GB11CR7 said:

I'm scared that if I stop playing drums I won't have any other hobbies. I don't want to be one of those people that just doesn't do anything.

Thank you all for your respones. I think it's just a case of shifting my mindset.

Why do you leap from no hobbies to "not doing anything?" What "things?" I exercise daily and have exercised regularly for almost 40 years so I guess that's a "hobby?' - I read books, I have a child, I do volunteer work when I can (not a hobby) and we travel when we can (pre covid, but will resume!).  I talk and text with my friends and my mom and sister.  I work a lot too.  But no I have no hobbies. 

And no I am not one of those people who just doesn't do anything.  Friday morning - is typical of my Friday mornings.  I got up at 5.  I worked out.  Then I showered and made breakfast for me and my son.  Then I went food shopping.  Came back and started the laundry then scrubbed 2.5 floors.  Then I had a work meeting and then I made lunch for me and my son. And then did the dishes and tended to the laundry.  I felt extremely productive and even energized.  After lunch I did some work. 

So if I then chatted with a friend I might share how my day is going depending but if she asked me what I was up to that morning I'd tell her.  With zero concern that it would sound boring or routine or "not a hobby".  Where are you getting this from?

[Jibralta]

20 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

By the time I’m done with work each day I just want to relax my brain after working with Excel spreadsheets all day.

That's funny, because when I get home one of the things I do to relax is play with excel spreadsheets lol! Sort of a reluctant hobby 😂

[BeaTlesFan77]

5 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

That's funny, because when I get home one of the things I do to relax is play with excel spreadsheets lol! Sort of a reluctant hobby 😂

Wow that is funny!  I will admit they can be fun to play with manipulating numbers and what not. 

[1a1a]

Down the path of keeping at the drums, can you talk yourself out of the need to be excellent at them? With or without succeeding at that mental shift, I’d also recommend getting a few drum lessons. You sound super busy so maybe better to go fortnightly than weekly and try and commit to 10 minutes of practice a day (it’s only 10 minutes, you can do it). My other recommendation would be to join a band, a really easy one. You might find you’re better than you thought. And as long as it’s an easy band, once you’ve learnt the songs you won’t really need to practice in between jams, just show up and enjoy playing. 
 

And If you put the drums down for now that’s fine too, you can always pick them up later. I call myself a musician but I am a very lazy musician who doesn’t practice of her own volition. There have been periods of time where I was in no band and so never played. And then one day I think to myself ‘I should join a band again’ and off I go. (When this happens I always join on bass because that’s the instrument I can play passably with the least amount of practice time required). 
 

I co sign the idea of trying another instrument too and recommend bass if you don’t want to be challenged (and violin if you do, that’s the hardest instrument to play *bows down to Rose Moss*

[Cherylyn]

Don't care what others think.

I have hobbies.  However, I'm extremely busy with my job and maintaining my household.  At the end of the day, I want to do something mindless such as watch TV for an hour and get ready to sleep.  If I'm particularly industrious,  I'll work on my hand sewing quilting projects such as hemming while watching the news.  Other times, I prefer a quiet moment of reading my daily newspaper or book.  Earlier in the day, I'll exercise. 

Do what you enjoy and determine how much time and energy you're willing to devote to your hobby or interest during your downtime. 

[GB11CR7]

Some wonderful advice in here, thanks all.

9 hours ago, 1a1a said:

Down the path of keeping at the drums, can you talk yourself out of the need to be excellent at them? With or without succeeding at that mental shift, I’d also recommend getting a few drum lessons. You sound super busy so maybe better to go fortnightly than weekly and try and commit to 10 minutes of practice a day (it’s only 10 minutes, you can do it). My other recommendation would be to join a band, a really easy one. You might find you’re better than you thought. And as long as it’s an easy band, once you’ve learnt the songs you won’t really need to practice in between jams, just show up and enjoy playing. 
 

And If you put the drums down for now that’s fine too, you can always pick them up later. I call myself a musician but I am a very lazy musician who doesn’t practice of her own volition. There have been periods of time where I was in no band and so never played. And then one day I think to myself ‘I should join a band again’ and off I go. (When this happens I always join on bass because that’s the instrument I can play passably with the least amount of practice time required). 
 

I co sign the idea of trying another instrument too and recommend bass if you don’t want to be challenged (and violin if you do, that’s the hardest instrument to play *bows down to Rose Moss*

Very refreshing to read this and has calmed my mind down a bit so thank you. Is bass not so challenging?

[BeaTlesFan77]

12 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Don't care what others think.

Do what you enjoy and determine how much time and energy you're willing to devote to your hobby or interest during your downtime. 

Amen to that!

[1a1a]

Your mileage may vary but if you have a good ear and a good sense of time I think you’ll be plonking away to your favourite tracks in no time. 
 

Since you’re coming over from drums I bet the rhythm will already be there. And if you haven’t got the melodic ear yet tabs will be your friends And you’ll get a stimulating challenge 🙂 

 

Edits to add: there’s absolutely no need to buy a bass to try, I guarantee you have at least one muso friend who bought one for recording and it mostly sits and collects dust.