I’m so confused

[Jenn2190]

My soon to be ex after being with him for almost 9 plus years did this:::  he just had a one night and had just met her at their mutual friends house who introduced them that was on Father’s Day. 
September 4th He left with her for almost 10 days when he was severely intoxicated. He came back and asked me to forgive him. I was dumb and I did.  We went through counseling and changed his number. 
1 entire month later he was severely intoxicated once again and she picked him up. We haven’t had any contact with each other as I blocked his number. It’s been 12 days and they both live at a mutual friends house who introduced them. She is going through her divorce and now my soon to be ex lives with her and that mutual friends house who introduced them. it pisses me off but at the same time I kind of laugh it out because he can’t stand cats with a passion and she has 2 cats plus kittens. 😂
He hasn’t spoken to his family as he knows what they will say.
My question is after giving him a chance why would he move in with a woman he knows in person for 2 weeks and leave only while intoxicated?? I tried.

[boltnrun]

Because he's an addict. Addicts will go wherever they can have easy access to their drug of choice. And she probably doesn't care how much or how often he drinks.

Please arrange for counseling for you and your children. As anyone can tell you, being the spouse or the child of an alcoholic is extremely damaging.

[Wiseman2]

Alcoholics typically enter a downward spiral and usually have horrible judgment.

[SooSad33]

Well, he is messed up plenty, we know that 😕 .

He's losing himself I think and is acting out inappropriately.

It could end up being like a rebound, where he'll come to have regrets, miss you etc- totally not ready again to be involved.

Either way, you wouldn't want someone like this in your life!  My first ex is an alcy, and yes, often those relationships fail.

You'll get over this in time.. just feel the pains, angers, etc. As you work through this... I know it hurts.

You have kids? Get a lawyer and work out visitation for him & child support, but watch that he is NOT drinking while he's got them, if so, visits can end up supervised.

 

[catfeeder]

19 hours ago, Jenn2190 said:

My question is after giving him a chance why would he move in with a woman he knows in person for 2 weeks and leave only while intoxicated?? I tried.

Simple, and I don't know why you're surprised.

He already ditched the relationship by taking up with her in the first place.

Your message to him when you took him back was, "Okay, I'll put up with that."

So, he did it again.

You can blame the drinking, but that's not going to change, either.

So consider this your time of liberation to 'find yourself' and learn why you'd ever settle for a drunken cheater. Once you're clear abut that, raise your bar.

Consider hiring a therapist to help you navigate the process, they're trained in this stuff and can teach you how to avoid working 'around' your self esteem problem so you can work ON it, instead.

Head high, his loss, your gain. Transform this into the BEST and most productive time of your life, and you will thank yourself later.

[Lambert]

He is not ready to stop being an addict.

He blew up the relationship before, but you took him back. 

He wants to be drunk and not answer to the responsibilities of life.  

Let him. You deserve so much better. It is confusing because you're applying logic to an illogical situation. 

 

[mg22]

My questions is to you , why are you putting up with him?? think about your children... this man clearly is toxic, and a DRUNK., he has no regards for you or your kids. Its time to really analyze the situation and focus on the well being of you and your kids.

[mg22]

Iam also wondering ... is he intoxicated 24/7 ? Or is this your excuse for his behavior?  

[lostandhurt]

First off the drinking did not cause him to cheat, that is who he is plain and simple.  He is a selfish person that only cares about what he wants when he wants it.

Your best bet is to do everything in your power to get rid of him out of your life.

Do you have children together?  If so does he pay support? He should be.

This guy is not going to change for the better and he kind of did you a big favor taking off like he did.  Can you imagine how long you would have put up with that alcoholic before finally kicking him to the curb?  Count your blessings you will not be wasting another day on him.  9 years is a long time but one more minute on him is a total waste.

Lost

[Jibralta]

There's nothing confusing about his behavior. He has no appreciation for you, no respect for you, and he doesn't value a relationship with you. Period. It's very clear.

What's confusing is why you can't draw the line. Why are you trying to stay with someone who is like this towards you?

[boltnrun]

And when your kids are adults they surely aren't going to say "Gee, Mom, we sure wish you'd stayed with that cheating alcoholic longer!"  My "father" was a deadbeat and when my mom FINALLY divorced him my siblings and I said "What took you so long?  You should have divorced that loser years ago!"  My siblings and I are not successful in our love relationships because we had such a poor example.  All of us are divorced (some more than once) and we struggle to this day.

Don't do that to your children.

[smackie9]

This should be the last straw. Divorce him and move on. Sadly not everyone can recover and stick with sobriety. It's time to free yourself.