i miss him so much

[essiejessie]

hey lovelys would love your insight :)

i broke up with an amazing guy 6months ago. We were together for 2 years. He had a great charachter treatet me well but i always knew i didnt see a real future with him but he saw a future with me and wanted to stay together. 

I was not satisfied in this relationship: sexually, emotionally etc..We where very harmonious never fought and we both grew in the relationship but mostly me. He has opened my eyes to a whole new  perspective and i am forever greatful.

i miss him, there are not enough ppl in the world like him; truly uniqe and loyal soul.

I desperately want to keep a friendship with him, but he has been ignoring me for the longest time although we both agreed and desires to remain friends initially. but now hes just been ignoring me..it hurts allot. 

He even told me post breakup after he stoped being depressed about it that we should promise each other never to get back together because he has since realized it is the right thing. Why does he ignore me then? why wont he allow this frienship that could be amazing between us?

[SooSad33]

29 minutes ago, essiejessie said:

Why does he ignore me then? why wont he allow this frienship that could be amazing between us?

He's been hurt and most often, while we try to work on & accepting things are done, is hard to be a 'friend' with an ex, especially when still emotionally invested.

You two crossed the 'friendship' line when you got involved.

So,you be respectful now & leave him be.

 

Maybe in another year or so he'll come around- but don't expect it.

And sometimes it is best to just accept what is now and cut all ties to move on.

 

[Kwothe28]

Because you still hurted him? Just because he accepted the break up and was cordial with you and agreed to stay friends doesnt mean he wasnt hurt in the process. And that he should be "happy go lucky" and go out as a friend with you to hear about your new boyfriend or crush. That is why in general we dont remain friends after the break up, because no matter what we say, things can never be the same. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, essiejessie said:

Why does he ignore me then? why wont he allow this frienship that could be amazing between us?

Sorry this is happening but he wants a GF, not a friend. Guys hate the friendzone.

They would rather invest their time and energy in women who want to date them romantically.

Make new friends. Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Sooner or later he'll post pics of his new GF, and you don't want to see that.

 Plus it gives you peace to date and find a new, more compatible BF.

[essiejessie]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening but he wants a GF, not a friend. Guys hate the friendzone.

They would rather invest their time and energy in women who want to date them romantically.

Make new friends. Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Sooner or later he'll post pics of his new GF, and you don't want to see that.

 Plus it gives you peace to date and find a new, more compatible BF.

actually i wouldnt mind ig he has a gf. id be happy for him because that how much i care about him…hes become like a brother to me

[arjumand]

You are completely missing the point. He is having trouble having a relationship with you because he wants to be your boyfriend, not your friend. You seeing him as a brother does not make him want to be your friend. 

 

[Rose Mosse]

6 hours ago, essiejessie said:

actually i wouldnt mind ig he has a gf. id be happy for him because that how much i care about him…hes become like a brother to me

That's fine that he's like a brother to you but it's not the same for him so try respecting that. You mentioned that you desperately want to keep a friendship with him but this seems peculiar. Why do you need him so much? A sister for ie would happily say "get lost" because you both need space to grow or at least respect that he is dealing with things in his own way.

Do you have other friends you trust whom you can speak with?

[essiejessie]

12 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Because you still hurted him? Just because he accepted the break up and was cordial with you and agreed to stay friends doesnt mean he wasnt hurt in the process. And that he should be "happy go lucky" and go out as a friend with you to hear about your new boyfriend or crush. That is why in general we dont remain friends after the break up, because no matter what we say, things can never be the same. 

true but i have since spoken to one of his friends. When I asked about what he feels towards me the friend mentioned that he told him that he is completely over me and doesnt know what he saw in the relationship in the first place.. he used to say post breakup that he was so thankful that our relationship happened… i mean we where together for two years. So i thought now he would understand we didnt belong together..if hes so over me then why is he so unable to keep in touch at least?

[essiejessie]

8 hours ago, arjumand said:

You are completely missing the point. He is having trouble having a relationship with you because he wants to be your boyfriend, not your friend. You seeing him as a brother does not make him want to be your friend. 

 

true but i have since spoken to one of his friends. When I asked about what he feels towards me the friend mentioned that he told him that he is completely over me and doesnt know what he saw in the relationship in the first place.. he used to say post breakup that he was so thankful that our relationship happened… i mean we where together for two years. So i thought now he would understand we didnt belong together..if hes so over me then why is he so unable to keep in touch at least?

[MissCanuck]

15 minutes ago, essiejessie said:

true but i have since spoken to one of his friends.

why is he so unable to keep in touch at least?

Respectively:

1) His friend cannot speak for him. He's obviously trying to protect his friend's pride but he cannot speak to his true feelings. 

2) Because he doesn't want to be your friend. Not all exes want to be friends, OP. You need to stop pushing him and start respecting his boundaries before you make a total pest of yourself. It's not your decision. 

[essiejessie]

you are right and i do respect his boundary i have given him his space and stoped trying to message him because ive already said all that has to be said now its his turn to decide if he wants to reach out. I guess the reason why its been to hard ro accept is because post breakup he would promise me a friendship was possible and that he also didnt want to lose me..He eould say I didnt have to let him go that he was sure we could keep up a friendship so for him to go from that to ignoring me hurt allot

[Keyman]

Why are you so desperate to remain friends with him?

You were never satisfied by him in the relationship, so you want to bring it back to a friendship and just keep the bits that worked well for you while you head off out to find the good bits from someone else?

Perhaps he was satisfied in the relationship, but would now have to be just friends with you without it, and he is not satisfied by that.

Initially, while he was going through the pain of the breakup, remaining friends seemed like a good idea as it lessened the pain, but after a while he just shut the door on the relationship and has moved on. I think this is something that you should be doing too. Never try to hold onto a partner once the relationship has finished, it will hold you both back. He's let go and is getting on with his life, but 6 months along, you are still stuck on the whole thing. Maybe it's time for you to let go and move on too. Maybe one day years from now your paths will cross and you can be friends, maybe. Until then, take the gifts you received from him and move on.

[MissCanuck]

An important life lesson: people sometimes change their minds and realize they can’t keep certain promises. And that’s entirely their right, especially when it’s in their own best interests. 

I’m not sure why you’re clinging on to the idea of friendship with him but you have to start letting go of that. The vast majority of exes don’t remain good friends; which is usually also the healthiest option. Once you both start dating others, having an ex lingering around isn’t going to go over well. 

He’s let you go. You need to start doing the same 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, essiejessie said:

true but i have since spoken to one of his friends. When I asked about what he feels towards me the friend mentioned that he told him that he is completely over me and doesnt know what he saw in the relationship in the first place.. he used to say post breakup that he was so thankful that our relationship happened… i mean we where together for two years. So i thought now he would understand we didnt belong together..if hes so over me then why is he so unable to keep in touch at least?

You are indeed missing the point. He can understand that you dont belong together and accept that relationship is over. That doesnt mean he is not hurt and that he wants friendship with you. You are looking from your perspective, not his. Its you who broke up with him, that is why you dont care if he has a girlfriend and can hang out, you have beed detached from that relationship probably long before even breaking up and never even saw the future with that guy. He, on the other hand saw future with you and probably wanted to marry you. You breaking up with him broke his heart. In the situation like that can you blame him for not wanting to remain friends? Again, he was cordial, he doesnt really want to be friends with you. You broke his heart, last thing he needs is you acting like nothing ever happened and talking to him about new guys or even anything at all. He can be over the relationship and still not wanting to have anything to do with you.

Also "doesnt know what he saw in the relationship in the first place" is not really something positive. That probably means he resents you. Again, you did broke his heart. So try to look at the things from his perspective and leave the poor guy alone.

[Jibralta]

14 hours ago, essiejessie said:

He even told me post breakup after he stoped being depressed about it that we should promise each other never to get back together because he has since realized it is the right thing. Why does he ignore me then? why wont he allow this frienship that could be amazing between us?

To be honest, I've had a hard time understanding this myself. Why does it have to be all-or-nothing with some people? I don't know. But it is that way with many; and you have to learn to be prepared for it, and to accept it. 

57 minutes ago, Keyman said:

You were never satisfied by him in the relationship, so you want to bring it back to a friendship and just keep the bits that worked well for you while you head off out to find the good bits from someone else?

You see, I think this make perfect sense. You're not 'doing it' for me, but I still like you a lot as a person. Can we just dial it back to 50% from 100%? That's still something, right? There's still value there, right?

57 minutes ago, Keyman said:

Perhaps he was satisfied in the relationship, but would now have to be just friends with you without it, and he is not satisfied by that.

Guess not lol! You 'did it' for him, and as it turns out that's was pretty much 100% of the relationship for him. It didn't matter who you were as a person--that's not what he was after. God, no. How arduous it would be to have to deal with you as a only friend--what value could that possibly bring lol (kinda gives you pause, huh)?

Well, that's how it might be with him. But here's another thing to consider: he may be in a new relationship. Or he may want to be in a new relationship. He may think you're great and all, but it's just time for him to move on.

Sometimes, in order to get that new relationship off the ground, you have to cut an ex or two out of your life (especially if that ex keeps calling and trying to be friends while you're trying to woo a new mate!) 

Bottom line is there could be any number of reasons for him to have this change of heart, and they're all valid because it's his life, too. What 'could have been' will never be, and that's ok. Time to move on.

[poorlittlefish]

14 hours ago, essiejessie said:

He had a great charachter treatet me well but i always knew i didnt see a real future with him but he saw a future with me and wanted to stay together. 

I was not satisfied in this relationship: sexually, emotionally etc..We where very harmonious never fought and we both grew in the relationship but mostly me. He has opened my eyes to a whole new  perspective and i am forever greatful.

i miss him, there are not enough ppl in the world like him; truly uniqe and loyal soul.

So you had a great guy, but you weren't happy with major aspects of what you had with him, so you broke it off.  Now you want all the bits you liked about him, without the parts you didn't.  That's quite selfish and sounds like you would be using him for your own gain, so no wonder he's not keen.  He's been hurt by you, he realises that the relationship he thought you had together was one-sided and doesn't want to know you anymore.  That's normal, so accept that friendship between exes often doesn't happen and move on.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, essiejessie said:

…hes become like a brother to me

He doesn't want to be your brother. It's absurd to think that an ex would be interested in that.

The fact that you think of him as a brother is why it ended in the first place.

Make new friends. Find a new BF. Leave him alone.

[essiejessie]

1 hour ago, Keyman said:

Why are you so desperate to remain friends with him?

You were never satisfied by him in the relationship, so you want to bring it back to a friendship and just keep the bits that worked well for you while you head off out to find the good bits from someone else?

Perhaps he was satisfied in the relationship, but would now have to be just friends with you without it, and he is not satisfied by that.

Initially, while he was going through the pain of the breakup, remaining friends seemed like a good idea as it lessened the pain, but after a while he just shut the door on the relationship and has moved on. I think this is something that you should be doing too. Never try to hold onto a partner once the relationship has finished, it will hold you both back. He's let go and is getting on with his life, but 6 months along, you are still stuck on the whole thing. Maybe it's time for you to let go and move on too. Maybe one day years from now your paths will cross and you can be friends, maybe. Until then, take the gifts you received from him and move on.

because hes changed my life and there are not enough ppl in the world like him. but i am able to accept this and let him be for his sake. it is very selfish of me