Ghosting and anxiety is ruining my dating life

[MrMan1983]

Hi,

I seem to be in a pattern of having what I feel like are great first dates (sometimes I've likely read it wrong) however I'm finding a big trend in people thinking it's OK to just ghost instead of just telling me how it is after, which is really feeding into my anxiety levels to the point where I now expect to get ghosted or fizzled on even if I feel like it's been a great date. I don't want to be feeling that way. I will be in a state of 'when shall I text to try and organise a second date' 'should I text on the same night to say I would like to see her again' 'should I hold back so she doesn't think I'm too keen/coming on too strong' I'm fed up of it.

The last one on Friday we spent 7 hours together talking non stop, she kissed me 4 times and even admitted how attracted to me she was and how pleasantly surprised she was as to how well we were getting on. Got on like a house on fire, lots of very interesting convos and flirting.

She moved over to England just a week ago so does likely have a lot going on, and likely has a lot of options available being an attractive lady, however she seemed very keen. This time I just text as soon as we got home and said hope you got home safely, and that I had a great night and would like to do it again sometime if she wanted to. She said she had a great night too and sounds good. Fantastic.

However I text her again Saturday evening to get the ball rolling again (just asking about how her day after was, as she was visiting somewhere) with the intention of leading the convo onto setting up the next date and nothing, radio silence. She's been online plenty of times and yet again I'm finding myself being pathetic and anxious over someone I've had one date with hoping for a response. Maybe I came on too strong not leaving it a bit longer, what even is the normal etiquette?

I know that I need to be taking these dates with more of a pinch of salt, and 'should' be cooler about it after but feels like I have to pick myself up every time it happens. Does anyone else have these sorts of issues getting second dates, and if so how are you dealing with the whole ghosting and anxiety after thing? It seems to effect me a lot and I wish it didn't.

I just feel down about the whole dating thing at the moment even though I want to meet that special someone.

[Wise Wally]

I guess you could make the case that you were texting her like she was already a long-time girlfriend and she felt smothered, but man, if she truly told you all those things and kissed you multiple times, then something must have happened on her end.  It sounds like she would have been excited to hear from you after the date you described.  She either met someone else in the meantime, has some meddling girlfriend of hers that didn't approve of you, or just gets her kicks on getting strangers to like her so quickly.  Regardless, you should feel grateful that she showed you this side of her so early on so you don't have to invest anything else in her.  If you truly have anxiety towards women, one solution is to date less attractive women; someone that you find somewhat attractive but won't be noticed so much by the masses.  Just make sure she smiles a lot (assuming she has teeth).

[Lambert]

We are living through a terrible time for how people treat each other in the dating realm. I don't know if there's just so many options and we're numb with all the social media.... but it does stink at times.

I think you're right, taking it with a grain of salt. And also don't get so attached after one date. Yes she gave mixed signals... but now it's on you to see mixed signals as a no.

It's happens to me, too! A person all excited to meet then canceled and never heard from again. 

This one guy canceled claiming he had to take his son to the Emergency Room! Never heard from him again.... I believed him at first, but then thought, what a loser to make an excuse where his SON would be injured. He totally could have said "something came up" with the same result.

Oh well, I figured something changed on his side. Maybe an ex contacted him or something.... its for the best to find out sooner rather than later. Remember that! 

It's not you. If she was all crazy for you and then went cold, that's on her. Sure it's confusing but you may never know what happened. Or she may contact you later and try to jerk you around some more. 

Take her bad behavior as her true behavior and all the kissing and good stuff as her acting.

If it's getting to you, take a break. Hang with your family and friends or spend some time focusing on your own interests. 

[Batya33]

When I dated -from about 1979-2005 - I never was interested in hearing from a man after a first meet or a first date unless he was going to ask me out again.  Silence=lack of interest.

  After the first meet or first date if there wasn't a time/place plan I assumed that was the last date and if he called and asked me out again I'd consider it then.  Meanwhile I lived my life, met new people, whatever. That is how I had my thick skin and avoided too much stress/anxiety - i wanted to get married and try for a baby so I didn't want to be jaded or bitter.  And other than very temporarily -like for a couple of hours -I wasn't.  I had several one and done marathon dates or first meets where the guy never called (including one where he leaned across the table and exclaimed a least 3 times  I'M GOING TO CALL YOU!!!.  He did.  Three weeks later - of course I didn't call him back.  

And if a man after a first meet asked me out for a real date and I wasn't interested I sometimes responded sometimes not.  (If it matters I didn't have a cell phone when I dated and I did instant messenger and emails when that was available).  I had no reason to call back a man to tell him "thanks but no thanks" and when I dated that was perfectly appropriate. 

There were times I did respond and was harassed for saying a simple "no thanks".  Including in July 2005 when I explained that I wasn't feeling "it" (after two dates) and didn't want him driving to see me a distance if I could see already that we weren't a good match.  He thanked me profusely for my honesty.  12 hours later, the next morning he sent me 6 increasingly harassing emails with the 7th being an apology (not sure if I knew how to block him). (this was one example of many so, no, I didn't always respond if I thought the person was unstable/would bother me).

I remember it well because an hour later an ex fiancee who I'd been in casual touch with about meeting for dinner while he was in town called and said he'd had a last minute cancellation and could we meet that night.  I was so relieved not to have to talk about dating and have a platonic dinner too.  We married and became parents 3.5 years later - I was so comfortable during that dinner because I was so done with being harassed for the moment lol.

I also couldn't stand when men called me after a few dates or emailed to tell me how "amazing" I was but they wouldn't be asking me out again.  I'd completely have preferred silence.  To each their own.  

[hidden_kitten]

Hey MrMan, I’ve not much advice to give other saying I know what you’re going through! 
 

I’m female and find that guys seem happy to ghost too, so I don’t think it’s necessarily anything to do with your approach. If I liked a guy, and he wanted to set up another date, I’d be happy to hear from the next day arranging something/checking in. If I wasn’t feeling it then I would respond then that I didn’t feel the same but thanks anyway.

I’ve also been thinking of taking a step back from trying to date, maybe that would quell the anxiety for a bit.

[MrMan1983]

2 minutes ago, Lambert said:

We are living through a terrible time for how people treat each other in the dating realm. I don't know if there's just so many options and we're numb with all the social media.... but it does stink at times.

I think you're right, taking it with a grain of salt. And also don't get so attached after one date. Yes she gave mixed signals... but now it's on you to see mixed signals as a no.

It's happens to me, too! A person all excited to meet then canceled and never heard from again. 

This one guy canceled claiming he had to take his son to the Emergency Room! Never heard from him again.... I believed him at first, but then thought, what a loser to make an excuse where his SON would be injured. He totally could have said "something came up" with the same result.

Oh well, I figured something changed on his side. Maybe an ex contacted him or something.... its for the best to find out sooner rather than later. Remember that! 

It's not you. If she was all crazy for you and then went cold, that's on her. Sure it's confusing but you may never know what happened. Or she may contact you later and try to jerk you around some more. 

Take her bad behavior as her true behavior and all the kissing and good stuff as her acting.

If it's getting to you, take a break. Hang with your family and friends or spend some time focusing on your own interests. 

Thanks, yes you're right it's a difficult time to be dating, everyone seems to have so many options too  so it doesn't take a lot to get cast aside.

Wow yes that's real low making up an excuse like that! Don't people realise that most of us just want to be told the truth? We're all adults after all.

Yep I do take breaks, focus on all of that, gym, making myself better each time then I come back to dating again feeling good and it's the same situations again. Just stings more when you feel like you've connected and had a great date, there's been dates where I haven't felt it but I let them know after and don't lead people on.

I'm 38 now and particular in wanting someone I'm very attracted to in all aspects but I guess that comes with many options for them. Just wish I could come out on top one day and not be riddled with stupid anxiety about it all.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, MrMan1983 said:

Thanks, yes you're right it's a difficult time to be dating, everyone seems to have so many options too  so it doesn't take a lot to get cast aside.

You are not being cast aside.  Please.  A near stranger decides she is not interested in seeing you again or is not available to date (like she met you and the next day her ex called to get back together for example).  That's not rejection of you personally.  A couple of times it was personal for me -and twice I told the man -who begged me as to "why" what the issues were.  I went out on a limb and they appreciated it - one emailed me months later to thank me.  But I don't think it's a near strangers job to do more than decline another date if you ask face to face.  You're not being cast aside.  Dating was incredibly hard when I dated too - as my cousin said "you could sneeze wrong and he wouldn't call."

[MrMan1983]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

You are not being cast aside.  Please.  A near stranger decides she is not interested in seeing you again or is not available to date (like she met you and the next day her ex called to get back together for example).  That's not rejection of you personally.  A couple of times it was personal for me -and twice I told the man -who begged me as to "why" what the issues were.  I went out on a limb and they appreciated it - one emailed me months later to thank me.  But I don't think it's a near strangers job to do more than decline another date if you ask face to face.  You're not being cast aside.  Dating was incredibly hard when I dated too - as my cousin said "you could sneeze wrong and he wouldn't call."

You're right, 'cast aside' is a too stronger term for it. I do need to stop taking it so personally, just feeling a bit crappy after it happening fairly often in a short space of time.

[Batya33]

Just now, MrMan1983 said:

You're right, 'cast aside' is a too stronger term for it. I do need to stop taking it so personally, just feeling a bit crappy after it happening fairly often in a short space of time.

Feel what you feel and come up with ways to control how you react (I described how I did it).  I met over 100 men in person through online sites and went through periods where nothing was happening other than disappointments.  But I had to keep my eye on the prize- husband/family for me  so I had to get up and brush it off and keep on keeping on.

In the late 90s I met a guy on a first meet after ending a relationship.  I asked him what his mom had done for a living (it was in context).  He said NOTHING.  So I said "well, she raised you and your siblings yes?"  He said SHE DID NOTHING.  Well obviously I was done with that person.  I called my mom after the date and told her.  She said "well this is good" -why? I asked "because it really can't get worse than this."  (My mom who stopped dating when she was 16 and met my dad).  She was right.  I brushed myself off and I think it was the following week I met a wonderful guy -set up on a blind date by a mutual friend -who I was with for 7 years.  

 

[MrMan1983]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Feel what you feel and come up with ways to control how you react (I described how I did it).  I met over 100 men in person through online sites and went through periods where nothing was happening other than disappointments.  But I had to keep my eye on the prize- husband/family for me  so I had to get up and brush it off and keep on keeping on.

In the late 90s I met a guy on a first meet after ending a relationship.  I asked him what his mom had done for a living (it was in context).  He said NOTHING.  So I said "well, she raised you and your siblings yes?"  He said SHE DID NOTHING.  Well obviously I was done with that person.  I called my mom after the date and told her.  She said "well this is good" -why? I asked "because it really can't get worse than this."  (My mom who stopped dating when she was 16 and met my dad).  She was right.  I brushed myself off and I think it was the following week I met a wonderful guy -set up on a blind date by a mutual friend -who I was with for 7 years.  

 

Thanks for this, I suffer from insomnia often also which doesn't help me keep my reactions/feelings about these things as in check as they perhaps should be but I'll work on my brushing it off again and keeping the dates going. Think I need to focus on the bigger picture each time this happens too.

[Kwothe28]

Its like that today. With many options comes also that unless she is very interested if she notices something she doesnt like, that means you are out. Never assume how date went. Date went great to you, but to her, who knows. They will always tell you how great time they had, how it was fun etc. But they will almost never tell you what they didnt like. And yes, unless some higher attraction is there, that could be as trivial as sneeze. Maybe its you, maybe its them, I had a girl that was very interested in me(even came up to me at the times) and we had a drink. But she, get this, brought her friend along. I decide to play along, see what is going on and have that drink and walked her home later(with friend leaving us). But nothing happens. So I just say to her that if she is interested in something she has a number and leave it alone. A week later I find out that she reconciled with her ex boyfriend in meantime. So whole charade with friend was just for that and that she didnt tell me. When she broke up with that boyfriend I saw her in town and she was cordial and she said I should call her. I never did, have no interest in pursuing somebody like that. 

What I am trying to say is, its a jungle out there. It might be you, it might be her, who knows? What you do know is that she doesnt want that second date. So leave it at that and dont hope over it. You had fun at the date so just look at it like that. She is somebody who made you company for a day and was fun. And that is it. Look at the dates like that. And dont get hope unless it develops into something more serious. Go with smaller milestones, a date, a kiss, a second date etc. After its serious then get hope. Because if you hope just based on just one date there will be a lot of dissapointments for you.

[MrMan1983]

2 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Its like that today. With many options comes also that unless she is very interested if she notices something she doesnt like, that means you are out. Never assume how date went. Date went great to you, but to her, who wnows. They will always tell you how great time they had, how it was fun etc. But they will almost never tell you what they didnt like. And yes, unless some higher attraction is there, that could be as trivial as sneeze. Maybe its you, maybe its them, I had a girl that was very interested in me(even came up to me at the times) and we had a drink. But she, get this, brought her friend along. I decide to play along, see what is going on and have that drink and walked her home later(with friend leaving us). But nothing happens. So I just say to her that if she is interested in something she has a number and leave it alone. A week later I find out that she reconciled with her ex boyfriend in meantime. So whole charade with friend was just for that and that she didnt tell me. When she broke up with that boyfriend I saw her in town and she was cordial and said I should call her. I never did, have no interest in pursuing somebody like that. 

What I am trying to say is, its a jungle out there. It might be you, it might be her, who knows? What you do know is that she doesnt want that second date. So leave it at that and dont hope over it. You had fun at the date so just look at it like that. She is somebody who made you company for a day and was fun. And that is it. Look at the dates like that. And dont get hope unless it develops into something more serious. Go with smaller milestones, a date, a kiss, a second date etc. After its serious then get hope. Because if you hope just based on just one date there will be a lot of dissapointments for you.

Thanks, you're right. It is a jungle out there and there's a lot of variables needed for something to work out it seems, need to set my hopes a bit more realistic. I'm just having a bit of an 'oh no, not again' moment and that 'will I ever meet someone' pity party, guess each time you're coming down from that initial excitement (created by the hope/so called good date) creates this too. 

[Kwothe28]

43 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

I'm just having a bit of an 'oh no, not again' moment and that 'will I ever meet someone' pity party, guess each time you're coming down from that initial excitement (created by the hope/so called good date) creates this too. 

Its OK, it happens. You essentially did nothing wrong. You asked if maybe you should have waited longer to send her a message after, I dont think that you should play those mind games. If she is interested she will be happy that you contacted her and answer. Yours from some reason didnt. So take it as it is and move on. It happens. And yes, for your own sake, lower expectations. Not every date is "future wife" material. Some are indeed "just some person we got out once". 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, MrMan1983 said:

The last one on Friday we spent 7 hours together talking non stop, she kissed me 4 times and even admitted how attracted to me she was and how pleasantly surprised she was as to how well we were getting on. 

She moved over to England just a week ago so does likely have a lot going on,

Unfortunately one-and-done meets and ghosting are too common. All you can do is screen better for more viable candidates. 

Exchange a few messages and set up a brief coffee meet. Do not make the first meet a half-day marathon. Do not overinvest in texting or first meets.

 If the brief coffee meet goes well, ask for a real date at the end of it, in a timely manner. For example when you are both available in the coming weekend. Keep dates brief until you develop more rapport. 

Saturation and marathon dates lead to disappointments and a false sense of  "going well". That is because you are both talking to and meeting others.

[greendots]

Ghosting is not excusable, except when you're dealing with an abuser, or some such that warrants it. (Dating only once without any further texting, doesn't count.)

Ghosting is someone's passive aggressive way of dealing with an uncomfortable situation. She may be busy, not in a good time to date, or simply not interested, etc. The reality is that texting someone "I don't think we're a match.", "I don't feel the same way about you.", "I'm currently unable to date.", "Please stop texting me." or whatever takes less than 30 seconds to type.

Her attitude is revealing you how she treats others in those circumstances and how she deals with uncomfortable situations - by avoiding them and disappearing.

Do you want someone like that in your life?

[SooSad33]

Maybe you should back off dating for a while. if it's causing you such anxiety?

Yes, maybe you are expecting too much, reacting this way after one meet.

There's millions of people out there and to assume the first one you meet is the one for you - is wrong.

Is like on a dating site... A woman can get hit on 10 times a day. Doesn't mean she's accepting that first guy who said 'Hello'.

Not sure how many gals you're speaking of?  Do you meet someone new every month?

IMO, if she's feeling good around you and IS truly interested, you will hear from her again, no problems.

So, like I said... maybe you should tone things down for a while.  I don't see this such a good thing if you're freaking out inside.

 

[tattoobunnie]

Next time, towards the end of the 1st date, ask them for the 2nd one with someone fun planned (no home dates!!!!) for a week away.  Then, text after three days to get their input on what food they like to eat, or any food allergies, or dress code for the date.  Asking in person, you get a good idea of what next.  Texting the next day, even though, cool, you need to slow your roll.  Anticipation is good in the beginning.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, MrMan1983 said:

Thanks for this, I suffer from insomnia often also which doesn't help me keep my reactions/feelings about these things as in check as they perhaps should be but I'll work on my brushing it off again and keeping the dates going. Think I need to focus on the bigger picture each time this happens too.

Keep reminding yourself that feelings are valid.  Not controllable.  You get to choose the reaction.  Why are you dating -what is your goal? Keep first meets short.  They are not dates.  Do you really care that much about someone being "polite" and sharing with you why she doesn't want to see you again? I mean sure if you did something wrong, offended her, were late without apology that's fine but typically the response will be "no thank you" or "I'm not ready for a relationship right now [with you]" or "you're amazing and I'm sure another woman will be sooooo lucky to have you!!!"  

[reinventmyself]

I have anxiety, so I can read it on someone else pretty easily.  It's not a curse but it is something you need to get in check and not let it spill over into your dating experiences.

When I was doing on line dating I was easily spooked by men that came on pretty strong.  There is a fine line between someone who is showing genuine interest from a place of confidence - or someone who is anxiously hungry for attention.  Had I picked up on your anxiety and gotten a text the following morning, it might have caused me to back peddle a little.  My interpretation is this is someone who is just looking for someone, not me personally.  Fair?  Maybe not, but that is where my mind goes.  

My anxiety is pretty much under control.  But I have been in your shoes and whether it was dating or in a relationship, if I was feeling anxious I would ask myself before I picked up the phone. - *was I making this call because it was necessary and really good idea - or was I doing so to quell my anxiety?  So many times anxiety was running the show and just as many times I was trying to sooth my anxiety by reaching out.  More often than not I put the phone down and redirected my thoughts to something else.

When I was dating I practiced living in the moment.  I went into each date as just that.  A date, not a marriage proposal.  I didn't sum them up as my forever after or forecast into the future in any way.   I enjoyed the moment and moved forward.  If it organically took hold with easy effort I was pleasantly surprised.  Anything else was just a learning experience and I met some really nice people.  I managed my expectations of mere strangers I crossed paths with. 

It may sound funny, but watch the movie (made from the book) The Secret.  It's about the theory of law of attraction.  What I got from it is dating isn't something you can be calculating about.  How long do I wait?  How often do I text?  It's about the attitude in which you approach things.  It's about letting go and allowing things to happen organically .  I watched it a few times and it helped me in a few different areas in my life.  

Once I changed the way I viewed dating, my energy changed and the side benefit is men could read it on me and I attracted better quality men.

If you find yourself in a negative cycle, it's often best to step back and take a break.  It can continue to spiral you down if you aren't able to approach it from a better place.  Take a break, rethink how you approach it and take care of yourself.

[reinventmyself]

35 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

  Do you really care that much about someone being "polite" and sharing with you why she doesn't want to see you again? I mean sure if you did something wrong, offended her, were late without apology that's fine but typically the response will be "no thank you" or "I'm not ready for a relationship right now [with you]" or "you're amazing and I'm sure another woman will be sooooo lucky to have you!!!"  

Early on, I felt I owed an explanation, until it went sideways a couple times and the men went off on me in a ways that made me feel unsafe.  I thought I was doing the right thing. But what I learned from that was, that I didn't have good feelings about them for valid reasons.

It doesn't matter what side you are on.  No one likes to have that conversation when you tell someone why you aren't attracted.  Consider their silence as your answer.  It may not be right and at the same time I don't condone it.  But it is the way it is.  May as well get comfortable with it.

There have been times that I have met or dated really great guys, but for whatever reason, sometimes things I couldn't find the words for, that elusive chemistry was missing.  Or I wasn't in a good place . . fill in the blanks.  Don't make it about you. 

Don't forget before online dating, you might have crossed paths with someone you were equally attracted to a couple times a year. If you were lucky.  Now you have instant access to scores of people.  You have to consider the odds that any combination of the two of you that will ultimately be good matches that go the distance.  The odds are low and it's a numbers game.  Be patient and resilient.

Quoting catfeeder "most people are not our match"

[reinventmyself]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately one-and-done meets and ghosting are too common. All you can do is screen better for more viable candidates. 

Exchange a few messages and set up a brief coffee meet. Do not make the first meet a half-day marathon. Do not overinvest in texting or first meets.

 If the brief coffee meet goes well, ask for a real date at the end of it, in a timely manner. For example when you are both available in the coming weekend. Keep dates brief until you develop more rapport. 

Saturation and marathon dates lead to disappointments and a false sense of  "going well". That is because you are both talking to and meeting others.

^^this.

I never considered a meet 'n greet a date.  It was an opportunity to meet someone and weigh whether or not we should go out on a date in the future.  Even if I was pleasantly pleased with my date, I still wrapped it up within a couple hours and headed home.

7 hours and making out with what I personally consider a perfect stranger, I would totally second guess myself the next day and wonder what message I gave that person.

Meet.  Keep it brief.  Be very selective and make a conscious decision the following day.  It's much easier to recover from and saves you the feeling of having jumped in too deep too early.

[MrMan1983]

28 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Keep reminding yourself that feelings are valid.  Not controllable.  You get to choose the reaction.  Why are you dating -what is your goal? Keep first meets short.  They are not dates.  Do you really care that much about someone being "polite" and sharing with you why she doesn't want to see you again? I mean sure if you did something wrong, offended her, were late without apology that's fine but typically the response will be "no thank you" or "I'm not ready for a relationship right now [with you]" or "you're amazing and I'm sure another woman will be sooooo lucky to have you!!!"  

My goal is to meet a long term partner, I’ve been single for a while now and not getting any younger. I’m a natural over thinker so it does tend to put me at ease knowing, last time someone said it how it was after I was thankful for the honesty and just moved on abs didn’t look back. I don’t get that same feeling from ghosting. I can see it from the other point of view if guys have got butthurt about it in past and caused hassle though, as to why people may do it. I guess I’ll just chalk it up as ‘had a great evening, must of at least been attracted physically to want to kiss me’ and try and take the positives. 

[MrMan1983]

3 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

^^this.

I never considered a meet 'n greet a date.  It was an opportunity to meet someone and weigh whether or not we should go out on a date in the future.  Even if I was pleasantly pleased with my date, I still wrapped it up within a couple hours and headed home.

7 hours and making out with what I personally consider a perfect stranger, I would totally second guess myself the next day and wonder what message I gave that person.

Meet.  Keep it brief.  Be very selective and make a conscious decision the following day.  It's much easier to recover from and saves you the feeling of having jumped in too deep too early.

Good advice right here, guess we got carried away and were enjoying the summer sunshine and company. I can also see why she might of woken up and thought about things after, it was a lot in one day/night to digest. 

[MrMan1983]

Anyhow thanks everyone, added some good perspective to things as always. Guess I’ll try and relax for the evening and get this irrational anxious feeling under control, also actually get some sleep (another pressing issue). Forced out a jog at least which has helped somewhat. 

[Juha]

On 9/27/2021 at 11:44 AM, greendots said:

Ghosting is not excusable, except when you're dealing with an abuser, or some such that warrants it. (Dating only once without any further texting, doesn't count.)

Ghosting is someone's passive aggressive way of dealing with an uncomfortable situation. She may be busy, not in a good time to date, or simply not interested, etc. The reality is that texting someone "I don't think we're a match.", "I don't feel the same way about you.", "I'm currently unable to date.", "Please stop texting me." or whatever takes less than 30 seconds to type.

Her attitude is revealing you how she treats others in those circumstances and how she deals with uncomfortable situations - by avoiding them and disappearing.

Do you want someone like that in your life?

This 100%!  So many people now would rather ghost, not deal with someone because they have poor manners, poor people skills, and do not want to deal with any situation where they may feel like they are a bad person due to having esteem issues.

 

So not dealing with it is better than disappointing someone and feeling like they are a bad person.

This is rampant now, can't tell you how many times I have heard this happening, let alone to me.