Plus One Etiquette

[adviceneeded21]

My boyfriend of over a year and I were each invited to weddings of close friends of ours.  My friend's wedding is on Friday about 1 hour from where we live and his friend's wedding is on Saturday about 4 hours from where we live (3 hours from the location of my friend's wedding).  At the time of these weddings we will have been dating over 2 years and will be living together.  He has told me he won't come to my friend's wedding with me because he wants to go to the location of his wedding to hang out with his other friends.  He is not a groomsman and will not be attending the rehearsal or anything like that and he sees his friends every few months so its not as if he hasn't seen them recently.  

I am very disappointed and angry that he won't attend the Friday wedding with me and then just drive to the Saturday wedding with me in the morning.  Am I being crazy?  I can't tell if this is something I am just being sensitive about and should just get over and not think too much about it or if this is something I should be upset about.  

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, adviceneeded21 said:

At the time of these weddings we will have been dating over 2 years and will be living together.  He has told me he won't come to my friend's wedding with me because he wants to go to the location of his wedding to hang out with his other friends.

Sorry this is happening. Sounds like a scheduling conflict. It also seems he does not wish to attend your friends wedding. Were you invited to his friend's wedding? 

Cross this bridge when and if you get to it. At this point you are dating one year and not living together so don't assume you'll make it that far if these types of conflicts are already happening.

 

[tattoobunnie]

Tell him you can't make the Saturday wedding then because you'll be too tired from having a blast on Friday! T1t for Tat.  Sometimes they need reminders, you can hold your own without them.

[Coily]

What times are the weddings? How often do you see your friend getting married?

Going to separate weddings isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I think this is making a mountain out of a non-issue. Yes it's nice to have your plus one at such functions, but it's about your friend getting married, not either of you.

 

[Lambert]

I have actually been in a similar situation.  2 weddings on the same day. My advice depends on your relationship....

If you can, rise above it. Go to your friend's wedding. I imagine you have people to sit with etc. So it's not like you're alone at the wedding.

Then if you want to, go meet him at the other wedding. 

I understand you feel a little slighted that he wants to do something differently than you do but.... 

Relationships last because we compromise and support the needs of each other. 

This time, it's you doing the compromising... if you feel it is always you, then that is a different problem and you need to assess that. 

If you don't want to compromise on this. Then don't go to the other wedding.  Realize that maybe you guys are not as strong as a couple as you expected.

Maybe this is the right time to talk to him about what you expect in a relationship and if he doesn't agree, then maybe you're not compatible or at least not on the same page of the relationship.

What I wouldn't do, is let this slide if it bothers you.  Maybe you are at a cross roads... Be strong and realistic about your relationship do not be more commited than he is. if you're just a woman he dates (which is what it might be) Then he needs to be demoted to the same....

Then you, do you.

maybe you'll meet a new guy at the wedding.

Sorry. 

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, adviceneeded21 said:

I am very disappointed and angry that he won't attend the Friday wedding with me and then just drive to the Saturday wedding with me in the morning.  Am I being crazy?  I can't tell if this is something I am just being sensitive about and should just get over and not think too much about it or if this is something I should be upset about.  

If your upset, your upset. It doesn't make you crazy. I'd probably be annoyed. On the other hand, could it be that he hasn't seen his friends in a long time? I can see how he might want to maximize a four hour drive--8 hours round trip.

[boltnrun]

You're disappointed. I presume you wanted to travel together and now you can't. But that doesn't mean you have to argue about it.

Can you meet up at his hotel or wherever he's staying the morning of his friend's wedding and go together?

BTW, this has nothing to do with etiquette. 

[Kwothe28]

Is it important to you that he is at your friends wedding? Then tell him that it is important to you and that you would really like him to be there with you. He probably hates to be hustled that much with driving and/or maybe wants to spend more time with his friends. But in a relationship sometimes we do even the stuff that is of slight inconvenience to us so the other side is happy. Frankly, yes, it is a big deal. It would be OK if both weddings are on same day or very far away so logistically you couldnt do both, but like this I think you should insist on it if it bothers you.

[HeartGoesOn]

Although I can certainly understand your point of view, a different choice would be to pick your battles.  Rather than stress yourself out, you could focus on having a good time with others at your friends wedding.

Again, I'm not trying to minimize your feelings here.

[Rose Mosse]

I think it's odd that he wouldn't make the effort and yet you are traveling to spend time with his friends. I wouldn't argue about it but I'd be disappointed and probably take a step back from the relationship. If these things keep happening he may not be as invested in the rl as you are.

[lostandhurt]

Yes he should make the effort to attend the wedding with you not to mention travel with you and make sure you are happy and safe.  He is being selfish and lazy.

You are a couple and sometimes one partner may have to do something they might not particularly want to do just because their partner would be happy if they did. 

He could easily drive to the first wedding and attend with you, spend the night and then drive to his friends wedding having the whole day to spend with you before the wedding starts.

 I agree you need to step back and think about how much this relationship means to you and then how much it means to him through his actions.  You have been dating a year and I am sure if you are moving in together the "I love you's" have been said. Love is more than a word...

  I wouldn't skip his friends wedding as punishment but I wouldn't go.  Also don't go alone to your friends on Friday, ask a friend to go with you as your plus one. I am sure one of your gf's would love to go and have fun with you.

Lost

[catfeeder]

I dunno, I tend to enjoy attending weddings alone.

If being at a wedding together with BF is important to you, then make his friends wedding your place to do that.

Meanwhile, enjOy your friend's wedding with all of YOUR friends...

Uhm--unless THAT is the really the issue. Maybe you're a bit jealous that he has a closer bond with his group than you have with yours?

I wouldn't harm my own relationship over this, but that's just me.