Worried my friend will spill my secrets to my boyfriend

[Butterflyalwaysx]

I apologise to how stupid and immature this post is, but I am looking for some guidance if possible. I also recognise that I am an easily influenced person, and this is something I am trying to work on. 

I started working at a company about two years ago, and about a year in I met a coworker (F24) (I will call her Emily for this) and we became good friends. For some background information, I am in a heterosexual, long term relationship with my partner, and she is in a similar situation. For the past few years I have been questioning my sexuality, but I haven't told anyone about it due to shame and fear, and also because I am in a relationship with a man. My parents are homophobic and I haven't felt safe enough when I was a teenager to explore.

At work I met this other girl (Rose), and I told my coworker friend (F24) Emily about it when I was drunk. I was extremely embarrassed and paranoid she would tell everyone, especially because my boyfriends sister's best friend works with us, it could spread around the office like wildfire. Anyway, Emily didn’t  seem to care and she and I go on with our friendship.

A bit down the line Emily confesses that she's been cheating on her boyfriend for the past 4 years with an older man, and she is also cheating with her boyfriends best friend,  as well as having regular sex with other friends in order to get money online. At this time, Emily confessed she has a crush on this older woman at work, and for the next few months she proceeded to pretend to the coworker she was mentally ill, fake a suicide and self-harm repeatedly for her attention. She would often stalk her house and befriended her daughters (they are the same age as her). Emily has this thing where she pretends to be mentally ill for attention, and that was how she has had repeated affairs because she makes everyone feel sorry for her. 

Bringing the story back to the coworker I fancy (Rose), me and her started to become friends, and I realised over time I didn't actually have a crush on her, I just admired her a lot (I have low self-esteem), and I thought the fact I liked her meant I wanted to be in a relationship with her, when in fact I just wanted to be her. She has a lot of qualities I would like in myself, and I got confused. We are platonic friends, she is in a relationship, and everything is fine. She has no clue that I guess I had a small crush on her. We talk every few weeks to give updates on our lives, and we go for walks for a chat etc every month or so. I have never told my boyfriend I have met up with the coworker, not because I have anything to hide, I just was worried I would look weird (she is gay herself and very masc presenting). However, every time I have told Emily that me and Rose have met up, I have tried to tell her that it is platonic, we are only friends etc but she is always convinced there is something more there, almost I guess to make herself feel less bad about herself. 

I no longer work at that workplace anymore due to relocation, but every day I am paranoid and worried that Emily will tell everyone about my crush. She has messages between us that clearly highlight my previous feelings for the coworker, and I am in a state of worry every single day. Emily is a rubbish friend, a toxic person, but I am having difficulty cutting off contact with her in case she tells everyone the truth. She also has started becoming good friends with my partners sisters best friend, who doesn't like me, and I worry if Emily was to tell her, then news will quickly spread to my boyfriend.

I have deleted all messages and texts from myself and Emily when I left the company in hopes of putting everything behind me, but I know she has all our messages, which worries me. I am tempted to tell my boyfriend everything, but I look stupid. I am a weak-willed person and I hate how much control Emily has on me and my life. I do know that if she was to tell people, I do have information that could a) ruin her relationship with her boyfriend and b) get her fired from her job, but I am not petty enough nor harsh enough to do that. Me and Emily haven’t fell out but we aren’t as close as we used to be, so I don’t see why she would particularly tell everyone about it to be malicious, but the worry is still there.

I am tempted to tell my boyfriend the truth, but he is extremely insecure and has a very low self-esteem, and I worry he wouldn't take it well or be homophobic when that isn't necessary. I just want to leave the past in the past and move on with my life. Do you have any advice? 

[Batya33]

My advice.  Stay away from Emily. Keep your interactions to polite impersonal matters at the very most.  Do not respond/change the subject if she asks anything personal or shares anything personal.  Respond to texts delayed.  Do not agree to see her.  If she ever were to do what you fear, she will look like the crazy one as long as you keep your distance. 

If your boyfriend is homophobic about finding out that you have been curious about women then you should not be with him.  But if you plan on acting on your curiosity he deserves to know because that would be cheating and has nothing to do with sexual orientation. So far you haven't.  Having a crush is fine.  You don't need to share that.  Stop telling Emily anything about who you meet up with including Rose.  Emily is not your friend. Emily is not a stable person.  Stay away from her.  Do not talk about her behind her back either -stay in your lane -if others want to interact with her that is their choice.  

I think your boyfriend deserves to know if you cannot be fully committed to him because you're wondering about whether things would be better with a woman. Otherwise unless he asks you outright whether you've ever been really curious about sex with a woman no need to share and it would depend why he is asking.  You figure out how important this curious part of you is to you and whether you need to be with someone who is tolerant of this sort of thing -meaning you're not 100% heterosexual just like many people are "hybrids" - but if this was just a one time small crush, no need IMHO.

[Seraphim]

Stay away from Emily like the plague. She is bad bad news. The thing is she has already made herself look like a nutcase so if she does anything about you and it gets back to you I would just laugh and don’t even entertain discussing it. 

[Lambert]

If no one has said anything or made any threats to tell anything, are you creating this in your mind?

Work on being your own person.  And accepting yourself unconditionally. It is a life long practice but you have to start somewhere.

When you are accepting of yourself a lot of this petty bs goes away. Because it affords you the ability to be more authentic.

A more authentic person is willing to accept that maybe they are gay or bi-sexual.

Because that in itself is not a big deal.  but why do you have to tell people you have a crush on someone, regardless of sex? You're in a relationship. Did you want attention? 

Look at your motivations and the things you did in this situation.

Determine what is best- come clean to your boyfriend or is this just stupid and you're looking to create drama?

If it were to ever come out, you could always buck up the courage to laugh it off as silly talk and then spill the beans back on her. At that point any loyalty to her secrets would be gone. Or it should be. 

You said all this stuff. which was disrespectful to your relationship. You trusted someone maybe you shouldn't have.

What else can you do but learn the lesson and don't share your business like this again.

Focus on yourself and what you can control.  Stop creating problems and drama.

I know this sounds a little rough but I think you need to grow up a little bit. Maybe hearing it flat out will help in the long run. 

[lostandhurt]

When are you going to deal with your sexuality?  All this other drama doesn't matter once you do that.

Wouldn't you want your bf to talk to you if he was interested in other men?  Would you want to be in a relationship with that kind of secret?

If you are living a lie then you will always be worried some one some day will spill the beans and your secret will come out.  It seems like if you have a crush on a woman to the point where you are going out of your way to be around her then that is obviously bad for any relationship don't you think?  The fact that you didn't tell your bf is because you felt like you were doing something wrong even if you tried to convince yourself it was all harmless.  If it was you wouldn't be worried about the truth.

If you are interested in women to the point where this happens perhaps a relationship with a man is not where you should be right now. 

Lost

 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

When are you going to deal with your sexuality?  All this other drama doesn't matter once you do that.

Wouldn't you want your bf to talk to you if he was interested in other men?  Would you want to be in a relationship with that kind of secret?

If you are living a lie then you will always be worried some one some day will spill the beans and your secret will come out.  It seems like if you have a crush on a woman to the point where you are going out of your way to be around her then that is obviously bad for any relationship don't you think?  The fact that you didn't tell your bf is because you felt like you were doing something wrong even if you tried to convince yourself it was all harmless.  If it was you wouldn't be worried about the truth.

If you are interested in women to the point where this happens perhaps a relationship with a man is not where you should be right now. 

Lost

 

So I would say this despite the gender -she is interested in another person to a point where it's not just a harmless crush - I have been in both sides of the situation - where it was more than a harmless crush (and the guy didn't know and still doesn't know over 20 years later) but I actually did tell a boyfriend at the time because it was weighing on me too much and interfering with my ability to commit fully -meaning plan a future marriage.  Not to hurt him - not because I was cheating at all -but because it directly interfered. 

On the other side is the harmless crush I had the last few years on a local tv/radio personality who I never met in person.  I will never meet him or try to meet him.  I don't crush on him anymore.  I never told my husband -why? It might annoy him (meaning annoy him that I mentioned it) - and I knew for sure it was harmless.  Yes I mentioned it to friends because it's so silly and no I wouldn't care if a friend mentioned it to my husband.  Neither would he. 

So that's the analysis I recommend to the OP - she has to decide whether her feelings for this person interfere with her relationship.  And whether she sees it as a symptom of wanting to be with other people -regardless of gender.  I'd address this larger issue and not focus in on whether she feels she is actually a lesbian.  Bisexual people of course get married and are just as loyal/committed as anyone else.  The problem is in general when a person has a strong desire to explore outside the relationship- no matter the gender - and that can compromise the ability to commit fully. 

[Kwothe28]

I think your sexuality is something worth exploring. For example would Rose be an issue if she wasnt in a relationship? Or if she was more assertive and tried something with you? Would you cave in and explore with her? Nothing happened so aside of stigma that people would react badly if you say that you are attracted to people of same sex, you have nothing to fear about. But, you need to know stuff like that. Primarely for you but also for your now and future relationships. If you want to explore that, your partner deserves to know. Because you cant stay there if you are confused and if you are not certain that along the way you will not get tempted again and maybe cave in. You need to make sure that he is the right person for you and not just somebody who is there out of convenience. And that he will accept you if you are bisexual. Or not stay there if you are lesbian. 

As for Emily, a person who has no boundaries about sharing the details of her personal life like that(she literally tells you everything about her, even details who should for all purposes remain very private and are reflecting very bad for her) would have no problem "spilling the beans" about others. I had a college friend who had "no filter" regarding that stuff. She would regularly told me and others every little detail about her life, about her relationships and all of that. So when I decided to confine her about me and one other girl from our college group that I had a brief thing going on, "lo and behold", after some time I found out some other friends from my friend group found out about it. And that she told them. So, be very careful who you tell about yourself and something like that. Especially if you work together and you know she will not keep it a secret.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Butterflyalwaysx said:

I am in a heterosexual, long term relationship with my partner

Ok. You didn't cheat on your BF so there's nothing to worry about.

Delete and block ALL these people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Stop spilling your guts to coworkers. Save that for trusted friends.

There's no need to discuss some girl-crush with your BF unless you plan on acting on it, is there?

 If you have doubts and wish to explore your sexuality with women, do not use your BF as a cover-up or security blanket.

[DancingFool]

3 hours ago, Butterflyalwaysx said:

A bit down the line Emily confesses that she's been cheating on her boyfriend for the past 4 years with an older man, and she is also cheating with her boyfriends best friend,  as well as having regular sex with other friends in order to get money online. At this time, Emily confessed she has a crush on this older woman at work, and for the next few months she proceeded to pretend to the coworker she was mentally ill, fake a suicide and self-harm repeatedly for her attention. She would often stalk her house and befriended her daughters (they are the same age as her). Emily has this thing where she pretends to be mentally ill for attention, and that was how she has had repeated affairs because she makes everyone feel sorry for her. 

Emily isn't pretending to be mentally ill, she IS 100% mentally ill. On that note, you need to slowly distance yourself from Emily and learn how to recognize someone who is psycho a little faster so you can stay away from such people.

On the bright side, anything Emily claims or says, you can easily dismiss as the ramblings of a crazy person. No sane person will ever take Emily seriously anyway.

OP, it seems that you've lead a very sheltered life and have little experience with human interactions, including friendships, liking or admiring people, as well as what crazy looks like. This entire situation seems like a crash course in all of that. Platonic love exists and it's very different from sexual desire. You can love your friend who is a female or have deep admiration for someone without any sexual desire. That love doesn't make you gay or bi. People like Emily may come across as very energetic, charismatic, etc. but when you observe them acting crazy it's because they are indeed crazy. They aren't acting, they just are. Look back and learn to see the signs faster because your intuition that this Emily is a dangerous person is correct. You never know when someone who is unhinged will turn on you, so you quietly distance yourself and become very very boring so she looks for company in others and leaves you be.

Finally, please make friends outside of work. Life is less messy that way.

[Butterflyalwaysx]

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

My advice.  Stay away from Emily. Keep your interactions to polite impersonal matters at the very most.  Do not respond/change the subject if she asks anything personal or shares anything personal.  Respond to texts delayed.  Do not agree to see her.  If she ever were to do what you fear, she will look like the crazy one as long as you keep your distance. 

If your boyfriend is homophobic about finding out that you have been curious about women then you should not be with him.  But if you plan on acting on your curiosity he deserves to know because that would be cheating and has nothing to do with sexual orientation. So far you haven't.  Having a crush is fine.  You don't need to share that.  Stop telling Emily anything about who you meet up with including Rose.  Emily is not your friend. Emily is not a stable person.  Stay away from her.  Do not talk about her behind her back either -stay in your lane -if others want to interact with her that is their choice.  

I think your boyfriend deserves to know if you cannot be fully committed to him because you're wondering about whether things would be better with a woman. Otherwise unless he asks you outright whether you've ever been really curious about sex with a woman no need to share and it would depend why he is asking.  You figure out how important this curious part of you is to you and whether you need to be with someone who is tolerant of this sort of thing -meaning you're not 100% heterosexual just like many people are "hybrids" - but if this was just a one time small crush, no need IMHO.

Thank you for the reply. Over the past few months I’ve made sure to distance myself a lot. We only talk to each other every few weeks, and when she asks to meet up I always ensure I have an excuse. 
 

In regard to Rose, I come from a very dysfunctional and abusive family, and I’ve always looked up to other people and wanted to copy them I guess because I’ve been jealous of them. I really admire Rose’s confidence and intelligence and I mistook that for attraction. I am not physically attracted to her nor could I ever have a sexual or romantic relationship with her. 

[Butterflyalwaysx]

4 hours ago, Seraphim said:

Stay away from Emily like the plague. She is bad bad news. The thing is she has already made herself look like a nutcase so if she does anything about you and it gets back to you I would just laugh and don’t even entertain discussing it. 

Hi Seraphim, thanks for the reply! The issue is, no one really knows about Emily’s infidelity or her attempts to get other colleagues attention by faking mental illnesses, I have told my boyfriend this information however in the past so he is aware of her. 

[Butterflyalwaysx]

3 hours ago, Lambert said:

If no one has said anything or made any threats to tell anything, are you creating this in your mind?

Work on being your own person.  And accepting yourself unconditionally. It is a life long practice but you have to start somewhere.

When you are accepting of yourself a lot of this petty bs goes away. Because it affords you the ability to be more authentic.

A more authentic person is willing to accept that maybe they are gay or bi-sexual.

Because that in itself is not a big deal.  but why do you have to tell people you have a crush on someone, regardless of sex? You're in a relationship. Did you want attention? 

Look at your motivations and the things you did in this situation.

Determine what is best- come clean to your boyfriend or is this just stupid and you're looking to create drama?

If it were to ever come out, you could always buck up the courage to laugh it off as silly talk and then spill the beans back on her. At that point any loyalty to her secrets would be gone. Or it should be. 

You said all this stuff. which was disrespectful to your relationship. You trusted someone maybe you shouldn't have.

What else can you do but learn the lesson and don't share your business like this again.

Focus on yourself and what you can control.  Stop creating problems and drama.

I know this sounds a little rough but I think you need to grow up a little bit. Maybe hearing it flat out will help in the long run. 

Hi Lambert, thank you for responding. No that’s correct, no one has outright threatened anything, but the other week there was a work party and I always get paranoid that Emily will get drunk and tell everyone about it. 
 

When I told my colleagues about the crush on Rose, I was drunk and I really shouldn’t have said anything. It was incredibly foolish and attention seeking on my part, and something I do regret. On the same vein, the other colleagues were also partaking in the conversation and they discussed who they found attractive too. 
 

I think my plan is to not tell him at the moment, I feel like I would be telling him for no good reason and it would look odd. If however in the future Emily does tell people and it does get back to my boyfriend, I will brush it off as best I can. 
 

Lastly, I do completely agree that I need to grow up. I have lived a sheltered life, and this was my first full time job after college, and I have learnt how to handle colleague friendships and my personal life in a more professional way.  

[Butterflyalwaysx]

3 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

When are you going to deal with your sexuality?  All this other drama doesn't matter once you do that.

Wouldn't you want your bf to talk to you if he was interested in other men?  Would you want to be in a relationship with that kind of secret?

If you are living a lie then you will always be worried some one some day will spill the beans and your secret will come out.  It seems like if you have a crush on a woman to the point where you are going out of your way to be around her then that is obviously bad for any relationship don't you think?  The fact that you didn't tell your bf is because you felt like you were doing something wrong even if you tried to convince yourself it was all harmless.  If it was you wouldn't be worried about the truth.

If you are interested in women to the point where this happens perhaps a relationship with a man is not where you should be right now. 

Lost

 

Hi Lost, thank you for your reply. In retrospect, I don’t believe I ever had any romantic or sexual feelings towards Rose. I was mixed up and confused because I admire(d) her a lot and I guess wrongly thought it was attraction I was feeling for her. 
 

I never told my boyfriend because I was confused and I wanted to figure it out before telling him anything. Now I know I definitely do not see Rose in a romantic way. 

[Batya33]

I think having friends at work is a wonderful thing for so many reasons, personal and professional.  I met my husband at work.  I have very close friends I used to be colleagues and coworkers with.  Avoid messiness by not become close personal friends with a boss or someone you supervise -that takes so much more work for boundaries.  I'd avoid telling your boyfriend anything else about Emily.  Have her be a nonentity in your life. Keep distancing.  Good luck!

[Rose Mosse]

5 hours ago, Butterflyalwaysx said:

For the past few years I have been questioning my sexuality, but I haven't told anyone about it due to shame and fear, and also because I am in a relationship with a man. My parents are homophobic and I haven't felt safe enough when I was a teenager to explore.

I think weaning yourself off contact with Emily is the easy part. She is the least of your concerns. It's also her word against yours.

If your boyfriend is insecure or has low self-esteem, you will also have to deal with that and ask yourself whether you can sustain a relationship walking on eggshells. This is a complete dealbreaker for me. I cannot be with someone so insecure or fragile.

Do you mind me asking what you're planning to do about the bolded portions above? 

Are you bi-curious? You stated that you're heterosexual. What exactly are you trying to do with these friendships or other women? It's better to be open with yourself and eventually your partner. You both may have to go separate ways. 

[Butterflyalwaysx]

1 hour ago, DancingFool said:

Emily isn't pretending to be mentally ill, she IS 100% mentally ill. On that note, you need to slowly distance yourself from Emily and learn how to recognize someone who is psycho a little faster so you can stay away from such people.

On the bright side, anything Emily claims or says, you can easily dismiss as the ramblings of a crazy person. No sane person will ever take Emily seriously anyway.

OP, it seems that you've lead a very sheltered life and have little experience with human interactions, including friendships, liking or admiring people, as well as what crazy looks like. This entire situation seems like a crash course in all of that. Platonic love exists and it's very different from sexual desire. You can love your friend who is a female or have deep admiration for someone without any sexual desire. That love doesn't make you gay or bi. People like Emily may come across as very energetic, charismatic, etc. but when you observe them acting crazy it's because they are indeed crazy. They aren't acting, they just are. Look back and learn to see the signs faster because your intuition that this Emily is a dangerous person is correct. You never know when someone who is unhinged will turn on you, so you quietly distance yourself and become very very boring so she looks for company in others and leaves you be.

Finally, please make friends outside of work. Life is less messy that way.

Hi DancingFool, thank you for replying. I am in the process of distancing myself from her currently. It took me a while to know because she presents herself as very outgoing, confident and a cocky person, and she can make friends extremely easily. She slowly revealed herself to me over time. She has been careful who she’s told about her infidelity and mental health issues for attention, and i highly doubt people would believe me. 
 

I completely agree. I have been brought up in a dysfunctional and abusive family, and I always look up to those who I want to be like. I was envious of Rose and she has so many qualities I want, and I confused my emotions for potential romantic feelings. I guess I get fixated on people who I admire, and I want with all my power to be more like them as an escape from my low self-esteem and abusive family. Rose made me feel safe and confident and is a genuinely nice friend, and that’s where the confusion lay.

I have definitely learnt my lesson, and I will be extra careful in the future as to who I confide in and communicate with.

[Butterflyalwaysx]

5 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

I think weaning yourself off contact with Emily is the easy part. She is the least of your concerns. It's also her word against yours.

If your boyfriend is insecure or has low self-esteem, you will also have to deal with that and ask yourself whether you can sustain a relationship walking on eggshells. This is a complete dealbreaker for me. I cannot be with someone so insecure or fragile.

Do you mind me asking what you're planning to do about the bolded portions above? 

Are you bi-curious? You stated that you're heterosexual. What exactly are you trying to do with these friendships or other women? It's better to be open with yourself and eventually your partner. You both may have to go separate ways. 

Hi Rose, thanks for the reply! It is her word against mine, however if needed, she does have text conversations between myself and her, and she also has video message proof of me talking about Rose. 

His insecurity does bug me a bit. He is sometimes a bit controlling of what I wear when I am near my sisters boyfriend, he has a weird view that he is looking at me. For example he doesn’t like me wearing shorts because he thinks he will look at me. 

When I was younger I was bicurious, and I’ve been with my partner for 7 years, so I guess I haven’t had the opportunity to ever have a sexual experience or relationship with a female to know for sure if I’m heterosexual. 

[Rose Mosse]

7 minutes ago, Butterflyalwaysx said:

Hi Rose, thanks for the reply! It is her word against mine, however if needed, she does have text conversations between myself and her, and she also has video message proof of me talking about Rose. 

His insecurity does bug me a bit. He is sometimes a bit controlling of what I wear when I am near my sisters boyfriend, he has a weird view that he is looking at me. For example he doesn’t like me wearing shorts because he thinks he will look at me. 

When I was younger I was bicurious, and I’ve been with my partner for 7 years, so I guess I haven’t had the opportunity to ever have a sexual experience or relationship with a female to know for sure if I’m heterosexual. 

Your boyfriend is insecure. This no doubt causes unhappiness in your relationship and you're looking for an out. You're only loyal to him because you're in a relationship with him. I'm sorry but there is no way I would be happy in a relationship like this. If this is your first relationship then rethink this. 

I don't think you need to explore your sexuality unless you are really called to do so or feel free enough to do so (not in a relationship) at a time when you feel ready. Your immediate concern should be whether you're happy with your boyfriend or whether this relationship can be sustained. 

[smackie9]

Worry about it if it happens. There is nothing you can do about it now. If your BF finds out, just have a discussion with tact and kindness. If your BF can't handle it, so what. You do what you need to do to have a happy life.

[Butterflyalwaysx]

1 minute ago, smackie9 said:

Worry about it if it happens. There is nothing you can do about it now. If your BF finds out, just have a discussion with tact and kindness. If your BF can't handle it, so what. You do what you need to do to have a happy life.

Hi Smackie9, thanks for the reply. I am worried to death what his reaction would be if he found out. I don’t want to hurt him, and I know he would be very confused and freaked out by it all. He doesn’t seem very accepting and even if I did explain I don’t have feelings for Rose, the mere thought I would even question it would freak him out. He is insecure already, so this on top of it would really ruin his self-esteem. I am petrified of him viewing me as a freak or different. When I was a teenager my family found out about me having a crush on a girl and they said so many disgusting and rude things to me that I became suicidal. I can’t bare the thought of him looking at me with disgust like my family did. 

We’ve been together 7 years, he is the sweetest, most caring person ever and I don’t want him to look at me differently. I worry he could end up suicidal if I ever did choose to leave him and I feel incredibly guilty.

[Butterflyalwaysx]

5 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Your boyfriend is insecure. This no doubt causes unhappiness in your relationship and you're looking for an out. You're only loyal to him because you're in a relationship with him. I'm sorry but there is no way I would be happy in a relationship like this. If this is your first relationship then rethink this. 

I don't think you need to explore your sexuality unless you are really called to do so or feel free enough to do so (not in a relationship) at a time when you feel ready. Your immediate concern should be whether you're happy with your boyfriend or whether this relationship can be sustained. 

I’ve been with him 7 years, we are saving up to buy a house next year and move away. He has been my only boyfriend and I worry to death that if we did break up for whatever reason that he would hate me and be disgusted and his mental health would plummet. 
 

I don’t see a good reason why we would break up however just because it’s our first relationship, or why I would maybe need to rethink it. Please can you elaborate?

[Lambert]

I think we all go through these kinds of things.  learning as we go to make better choices. 

But some people never learn.. They never rise above the fray so to speak and their life reflects that.  

Some people will use your words against you.  So always remember that. Try to only say what you really mean and would defend if it was printed on a bill board for all to see.

And don't put things in writing (text or in other types messages) that you wouldn't want anyone else to see. 

Keeping to those rules alone will save you a lot of anxiety in the future.

[Seraphim]

1 hour ago, Butterflyalwaysx said:

Hi Seraphim, thanks for the reply! The issue is, no one really knows about Emily’s infidelity or her attempts to get other colleagues attention by faking mental illnesses, I have told my boyfriend this information however in the past so he is aware of her. 

The only one you should care about is your bf. If he thinks she is off her rocker than he is less likely to believe anything else . 

[Wiseman2]

55 minutes ago, Butterflyalwaysx said:

 I became suicidal. . I worry he could end up suicidal 

Try not to project this much. If your depression/anxiety has gotten this bad hopefully  you have seen doctors and therapists for this. 

His world will not end if you break up. Where do you see this relationship going?

[greendots]

Why keep toxic people in your life out of fear? Remove, remove, remove. At most, only to be polite and keep the peace, you unfollow them on social media instead of deleting them.

By the way, even the nicest and greatest of friends might not be able to keep confidential stuff, confidential. So, it's good to vet which one's spill the tea and which ones don't.

Anyhow, as others have suggested, before you confess anything to anyone think about what you really want and you might want to consider seeing a psychologist / therapist so they help you deal with what you're going through. One step at a time. You've got this! 🙂