Hard decision

[Me.shoes]

So I have been with the girl for 8years now. We are currently engaged. Recently she has told me she does want kids at all like ever. I want kids not now but one day. Before u say it no this isn’t one of those “oh she’s just saying that now she’ll change her mind” things. We have talked about this for a while I don’t know what to do. I need to let her know something soon. I don’t know should I stay with the girl I’m crazy in love with and miss out on ever having a family or brake it off now and one day have a family? 

also we have talked about this for a month now if we brake up it will be on good terms. But she has told me if we brake up years down the road over this cuz I’m regretting not having a kid it won’t be on good terms cuz she doesn’t think she can go threw this heartbreak again. 

[LaHermes]

It is really quite simple OP.  And you know it.

You want to have children one day. She doesn't.  Break up now on good terms. You will find a woman, who, like you, wants to have children. And she will find someone who does not.

Don't let this drag out.

[melancholy123]

i agree, end this now.   Dont get married.  You can find another girl to love who will want kids.

It will not end well if you marry her and don't have the kids you really want.

[Me.shoes]

See I deep down I know this but i just find it hard to just let someone I love so much to so easily. 

[LaHermes]

19 minutes ago, Me.shoes said:

i just find it hard to just let someone I love so much to so easily

There is nothing easy about it, OP.  But, If you love her you will let her go so she can find the life she wants, in which children are included. Besides you yourself said that when you break this off it will be on good terms. 

And you will get over it, and one day find the person who has the same objectives as you. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Me.shoes said:

We are currently engaged. Recently she has told me she does want kids at all like ever.  she has told me if we brake up years down the road over this cuz I’m regretting not having a kid it won’t be on good terms cuz she doesn’t think she can go threw this heartbreak again. 

Sorry this is happening. Do you live together? How old is she? 

Do you want to get married ? Does she?

Did you already break up over this? You mention she doesn't want to go through this heartache "again".

[LoveConquersAll]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Did you already break up over this? You mention she doesn't want to go through this heartache "again".

This.

[Me.shoes]

I am

15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Do you live together? How old is she? 

Do you want to get married ? Does she?

Did you already break up over this? You mention she doesn't want to go through this heartache "again".

I am 25 she is 26. We are engaged. We both don’t really care for marriage that’s a either or thing. We are together still be have been talking about this whole situation for the past month and a half (we agreed to live out our renting lease.) and it’s been really hard for both of us because we don’t know what to do. So by again I mean later down the road talking about us braking up heart brake again.  

[Me.shoes]

We talked about it and we decided we were gonna split and she already talked to her brother about moving with him (she wants to move across the country) and we both said once she talks to her brother that’s it it’s final no changing. The. Just recently her bother asked is she sure this is going to happen and he needs and answer by the end of the week. So that gave me a second chance to change out mind. But it really falls on me. And Idk what to do.  

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Me.shoes said:

I am 25 she is 26.  We both don’t really care for marriage. we agreed to live out our renting lease.

Ok, you'll have to take your GF's word for it. You've been together since age 17/18?

Good plan to finish out the lease and go separate ways. You're not compatible.

[LaHermes]

11 minutes ago, Me.shoes said:

Just recently her bother asked is she sure this is going to happen and he needs and answer by the end of the week.

The matter is between you and her OP.  Keep her brother out of it. 

 

2 hours ago, Me.shoes said:

We are currently engaged. Recently she has told me she does want kids at all like ever. I want kids not now but one day

She doesn't want children.  You do. 

It can't be any clearer.

I am a little puzzled as to why you are engaged.  Engagement is a prelude to marriage, and since you are not bothered about getting married, what was the point?  Just wondering.

Anyhow, now you are parting on good terms (you say) even though it involves heartbreak.

 

[smackie9]

So she was all you have ever known and the unknown when she's gone scares you. I get it, it's life changing. I assure you, you will get through it and grow as a better person. You will meet someone that will blow your mind because she wants what you want. It will happen.

[SooSad33]

2 hours ago, Me.shoes said:

See I deep down I know this but i just find it hard to just let someone I love so much to so easily. 

Then is up to YOU if you can accept no kids in this. ( just hope no resentment surfaces over this).

My brother never had kids.. he's almost mid 40's.  Not everyone has kids.. BUT, for you, if you are really yearning for kids of your own, this may cause some problems, eventually.

 

[adviceplease2]

This is a big deal breaker.  There really is only one answer here.

[Batya33]

If you don't care about marriage what's the point about being engaged? Anyway I agree this is a dealbreaker.  You each have to find a partner who feels the same about having a family. 

[LaHermes]

22 minutes ago, adviceplease2 said:

This is a big deal breaker.  There really is only one answer here.

Absolutely. Agree!

[Me.shoes]

To everyone asking about us being engaged. We got engaged to years ago we both wanted to get married then it just went away and we didn’t really care for it at all. Without still like to talk to her wearing a ring. And we are ending it on good terms because we have talked about it so much so there’s no bad blood we can’t be mad at each other for not having the same future in mind. 

[Me.shoes]

7 hours ago, LaHermes said:

The matter is between you and her OP.  Keep her brother out of it. 

 

She doesn't want children.  You do. 

It can't be any clearer.

I am a little puzzled as to why you are engaged.  Engagement is a prelude to marriage, and since you are not bothered about getting married, what was the point?  Just wondering.

Anyhow, now you are parting on good terms (you say) even though it involves heartbreak.

 

Her brother is in it because she would be moving in with him. Starting a new lease with him. Don’t want to tell him last minute and ge already signed a new lease and she won’t have a place to stay. 

[Rose Mosse]

It will hurt for awhile but you'll get through it. Both of you want different things so respect each others' decision as you are already and let go. I can't tell you whether you'll find someone to have kids with but that's a chance you have to be willing to take. If you want a family and it's a priority then you need to do what's best for yourself.

[Cherylyn]

I agree with others.  Break up now; sooner the better.  You want kids someday and she says no as in NEVER.  Both of you are obviously incompatible. 

Break up on good terms so she won't endure another heartache again as she says.  Do it so you can move on and have a family someday. 

[lostandhurt]

Tough spot for sure.

Ask yourself this simple question:

Would I rather have a broken heart for six months to a year over the breakup or have a broken heart every time I see a boy and his father the rest of my life?

  This is one of those times not matter what you do it will hurt but one choice will be short lived and the other regret will haunt you.

  Lost

[MissCanuck]

It sounds like she's essentially ended it now, yes?

I am sorry, OP. You two would not have worked out in the long-run and it's time to spread your wings and each find someone else more compatible with you.