How does one meet friends and potential romantic partners anymore?

[decibelx]

I'm not into the whole dating app thing (tried it, multiple times-- never worked out). I'm turning 30 this year and am in my 2nd year of uni. I decided to go back to pursue another bachelors degree but because of covid, things have been incredibly different. Most of everything is online these days and there's barely any interaction with others in my day to day life. As per my last post, I met someone on Zoom but that fizzled out after some time. Long distance is incredibly hard after all. That situation still hurts, but I'm trying to move forward. However, I'm all alone in a foreign country with no opportunity to make new friends, what more date. The last two years have been so lonely and I'm not sure how to navigate life at the moment. 

[Batya33]

Covid is so challenging!  How I met people at your age (in addition to via dating sites):  through friends and colleagues and acquaintances (I set up many people, they did me the same favor), volunteer work, work, through work, singles events including through religious organizations.  My friend met her husband in her 30s -he was her salsa dancing instructor, another friend married one of her neighbors -they were doing laundry at the same time on a rainy valentines night - both in their 30s now married 16 years - I met my husband originally at work.  

I know it's hard and it was like a part time job and totally worth it as I wanted marriage/family.  Good luck!

[Cherylyn]

Try joining organizations or clubs at your uni.  I agree with Batya33.  You have to put yourself out there and be pro-active as they say.  Join a church if you're faith based, charitable events which will have empathetic types, sports groups if you're athletic, intellectual gatherings, hobby groups, special interest groups, etc.  Your options are limitless if you're willing to be creative and branch out.  People won't come to you.  You have to go to them even during covid.  Where there is a will, there is a way.

My college niece met a great young man through mutual friends and their various organizations which they belong to.  I met him last month and he definitely has my approval!  He's a catch!  He's currently enrolled in a grad program at a different uni and as soon as both of them graduate, he'll propose and they'll get married.  My niece and this fine young man eventually want to raise a family sometime in the future.  She snatched him up.  If she can do it, so can you.  All is not lost! 

[LaHermes]

Decibel.  You stated not long back that you have been depressed for years.  And as someone replied to you then, "dating is not an anti-depressant".

Yes, Covid has made everything difficult including socializing IRL.  But things are improving and there is no reason why you should not make friends in this foreign country where you are all "alone".  Why ever not?  

However, if you are depressed and down, you are in no position to date.  Have you seen anyone (a professional) to seek help for the depression?  It would be best to start with that.

Andrina advise this:

"You won't be ready to date until you get you get treatment that works for your depression. If you join one or more college clubs where you have a true interest in the activity or subject, you will make friends. "

It makes no difference whether things are online or offline.  You need to be in a good healthy place in your mind to attract healthy relationships.  People are surprisingly intuitive and back off from any shadow of negativity.

 

 

 

 

[Kwothe28]

Most of the luck I had was through the mutual friends. Its easier that way because they can "vouch" for you and the other side that you are at least OK people(plus put some good words for you) so its less "fishing in the fog" for both. You get introduced and the rest is on you. However, from your story(foreigner in another country) I dont think your friend circle is that big so I would suggest to work on that first. That means putting yourself out there. At uni, when you go out(I know that is harder because Covid but its doable at least hete where I am), maybe join some club, heck even some online group for your hobby so you can talk to likeminded people. You would have to be willing to make some steps forward but in the process you will meet people and even maybe some girls that you will like. Maybe even helps with depression issues.

[decibelx]

15 hours ago, LaHermes said:

 

Quote

Yes, Covid has made everything difficult including socializing IRL.  But things are improving and there is no reason why you should not make friends in this foreign country where you are all "alone".  Why ever not?  

 

The issue is that we're back in lockdown here in Australia and things aren't looking very good at the moment. If we were back on campus, I would go join activity groups 100%. But it's 800+ new cases a day now, so going out and meeting people isn't going to be an option. I wouldn't even know where to start making friends online either. 

[Tinydance]

27 minutes ago, decibelx said:

The issue is that we're back in lockdown here in Australia and things aren't looking very good at the moment. If we were back on campus, I would go join activity groups 100%. But it's 800+ new cases a day now, so going out and meeting people isn't going to be an option. I wouldn't even know where to start making friends online either. 

Ah, so you're in Sydney lol I'm in Melbourne and we're not as bad here but our premier always puts us in a strict lockdown. I'm sort of in the same boat except I'm not studying. 

I would highly recommend Meetup groups . They're still running a lot of groups on Zoom at the moment and you just chat to people in there. Speed dating companies are also doing the speed dating on video. Other than that online dating is the only thing I can really think of during COVID. Others you'd have a lot more options.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, decibelx said:

The issue is that we're back in lockdown here in Australia and things aren't looking very good at the moment. If we were back on campus, I would go join activity groups 100%. But it's 800+ new cases a day now, so going out and meeting people isn't going to be an option. I wouldn't even know where to start making friends online either. 

Yes and I'm sorry as I wrote above that this is so challenging right now.  In my family we have our own challenges and frustrations because of this situation so I can relate to that extent.

[1a1a]

4 hours ago, decibelx said:

The issue is that we're back in lockdown here in Australia and things aren't looking very good at the moment. If we were back on campus, I would go join activity groups 100%. But it's 800+ new cases a day now, so going out and meeting people isn't going to be an option. I wouldn't even know where to start making friends online either. 

Hello fellow Aussie, while you’re in lock down do some brainstorming and make a list of what social hobbies and classes you want to try once it lifts. Do the research, find out where they are, are there any that are free? Are there some that are in your price range?!! Find out when terms start if that’s relevant. Make the plan to attend, not all at once, as few or as many as take your fancy per month. 
 

I do bachata and the other dancers are pretty different to me so I haven’t ended up with any friends or cute boys out of it but you will have met every person of the opposite gender by the time class is done because you change partners regularly (waaaaaaay better than swing dancing where you have to bring your own). 
 

Set yourself a much lower stakes challenge when you attend these social hobby things of talking to new people. That is all. If you find a person or few that you enjoy chatting to then invite them on a friend date, coffee in town, mutual interest you both have, or you could invite a group out or to your place for dinner. It’s scary and expect a lot of people to have lives that are already too full up to make room for another friend but just like romance it’s a numbers game. 
 

I’m thinking about the friends I have now, two I wooed, with invitations to coffee and walking on the beach respectively, two wooed me (with invites to go walking and watch a movie we’d been talking about respectively) 

 

For finding company online, I haven’t dabbled but discord and twitch seem very sociable and if you like gaming get a headset and find an online game where people can talk to each other while they play. My old housemate hardly ever sees his friends but he talks to them near daily playing games. 
 

800 cases a day sucks, dammit Gladys!

 

One thing you can do in lock down is invite existing friends (where ever they live) or friendly acquaintances for a phone call at a set date and time. I hate calls but I don’t mind them if I’m walking so I like to walk and talk but my Melbourne friend sits in the yard and drinks wine while we catch up. 
 

This won’t be forever, you’ll find your tribe of that I’m certain!

[LoveConquersAll]

Hey there. I don't entirely relate to your situation as I find talking to and / or meeting new people easy (and fun!) but I've never dated online or off and as a recently single (yet happy!) 46 year-old, I have a very good inkling that things might change for the better for me :).

I don't go looking, but my instincts tell me that the new life I am about to embark upon (new job, new country - super excited about this new adventure!!) will be full of unexpected, serendipitous encounters, just as the universe has it planned for me. The universe has had my back for the last 46 years, I trust I'll be given more meaningful surprises still.

In a nutshell: decibelx, you need to chill :). Things will work work the way they are meant to.

[decibelx]

On 8/24/2021 at 11:01 PM, LoveConquersAll said:

Hey there. I don't entirely relate to your situation as I find talking to and / or meeting new people easy (and fun!) but I've never dated online or off and as a recently single (yet happy!) 46 year-old, I have a very good inkling that things might change for the better for me :).

I don't go looking, but my instincts tell me that the new life I am about to embark upon (new job, new country - super excited about this new adventure!!) will be full of unexpected, serendipitous encounters, just as the universe has it planned for me. The universe has had my back for the last 46 years, I trust I'll be given more meaningful surprises still.

In a nutshell: decibelx, you need to chill :). Things will work work the way they are meant to.

Yeah, you're right. I think I'm just so depressed and tunnel visioned out at the moment that I can't envision a future where things will change or where I'm happy. I just have to try and pull myself together for the next couple of months and focus on my studies first and foremost, and then everything else. Wish I wasn't doing it alone though.

[LoveConquersAll]

5 minutes ago, decibelx said:

Wish I wasn't doing it alone though

Looks like you've found just the right place, then 🙂 

[smackie9]

A lot of organizations, businesses offer the public alternatives for fun activities to get people back out socializing. It's all there on their websites. Put on a mask and go out.

[Batya33]

On 8/24/2021 at 9:01 AM, LoveConquersAll said:

Hey there. I don't entirely relate to your situation as I find talking to and / or meeting new people easy (and fun!) but I've never dated online or off and as a recently single (yet happy!) 46 year-old, I have a very good inkling that things might change for the better for me :).

I don't go looking, but my instincts tell me that the new life I am about to embark upon (new job, new country - super excited about this new adventure!!) will be full of unexpected, serendipitous encounters, just as the universe has it planned for me. The universe has had my back for the last 46 years, I trust I'll be given more meaningful surprises still.

In a nutshell: decibelx, you need to chill :). Things will work work the way they are meant to.

For me I found if I wanted marriage and family I had to be proactive and not trust in "fate" in a passive way.  I never dated online but used online sites to meet people.  Huge difference and made all the difference in my being able to meet quality people over the years. I had to do it alone, OP, much of the time.  But I didn't feel alone and I was motivated to give it my very best shot despite no guarantees.  Good luck!

[decibelx]

38 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

For me I found if I wanted marriage and family I had to be proactive and not trust in "fate" in a passive way.  I never dated online but used online sites to meet people.  Huge difference and made all the difference in my being able to meet quality people over the years. I had to do it alone, OP, much of the time.  But I didn't feel alone and I was motivated to give it my very best shot despite no guarantees.  Good luck!

I agree. Figured that people are never going to come to you but instead you have to go to them if you're really set on making new friends. I'll try to look for some online activity groups as well, as there'll probably be less pressure to it than online dating. I was going to reach out to some course mates but most of them are 16-21 so we'd probably not have much in common 😕

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, decibelx said:

I agree. Figured that people are never going to come to you but instead you have to go to them if you're really set on making new friends. I'll try to look for some online activity groups as well, as there'll probably be less pressure to it than online dating. I was going to reach out to some course mates but most of them are 16-21 so we'd probably not have much in common 😕

They may have older friends or siblings. 

[Andrina]

Are you bilingual? You could always offer to help people whether in person or online with their skills in speaking another language. Some people help others translate documents on genealogy forums. Helping other people is always a good way to connect with others to make friends.