Would allowing my 15-year-old daughter to visit her mom who will be in jail for 7 months for check fraud be a bad idea even if they have a good relationship since then she will see the inside of a jail and prisoners?

[B7000]

Would allowing my 15-year-old daughter to visit her mom who will be in jail for 7 months for check fraud be a bad idea even if they have a good relationship since then she will see the inside of a jail and prisoners? Not to mention her mom in a jumpsuit. My daughter would like to go and seems enthusiastic and my wife says bring her if she wants but I’m not sure

 

Actually my daughter does not seem scared but instead seems excited and enthusiastic to visit. This is strange to me. Do you find this normal? My daughter seems to find the idea of her mom having to wearing a uniform, sharing a room funny. I wonder why she would think it is funny. My wife says bring her if she would like to and my daughter says she would like to but I don't know if it is a good idea. She hasn't gone yet so we can still discuss it together.

[DancingFool]

Yes it's normal and yes you should. It's one of those life experience things that you shouldn't shelter your daughter from. Yes, it's normal for your daughter to think it's all funny, because she is immature that way and has no clue. After all, your daughter is just a kid acting like a kid. However, seeing the reality of jail can be one heck of a learning experience for her about life consequences.

Also, your wife isn't in some high security prison, so yes, perfectly safe and might prevent your daughter from treating these kinds of things like a joke. An eye opening experience if you will. Don't shelter her from that. Let her see and learn and it may well serve her well later on in life. Kids NEED to see and understand consequences and that consequences aren't a joke.

[LaHermes]

4 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

An eye opening experience if you will. Don't shelter her from that. Let her see and learn and it may well serve her well later on in life.

Utterly agree, DF. 

[Seraphim]

Completely normal 15 year old behaviour. Yes , she should maintain a relationship with her mother . 

[Wiseman2]

49 minutes ago, B7000 said:

My wife says bring her if she wants but I’m not sure. Actually my daughter does not seem scared but instead seems excited and enthusiastic to visit. 

At 15 she can handle a bit more reality than a small child.

Yes, she needs to see her mother, that's why prisoners have visitors. It's to  keep important bonds for both the inmate and the visitor.

No it's not for your child to see her mother being "punished" and teach her a lesson. Or humiliate your wife by making her a spectacle for your child.

It's to maintain appropriate mother-child bonds. It's a human thing, not an 'orange is the new black' reality show "teaching' anyone anything.

It's not as if your wife is on death row and you're going to the execution.

[Seraphim]

 Lots of teenagers use bravado and thinking things are funny to cover up fears and concerns in fact even adults do that .  Plus teenagers are very concerned with being cool .  If you are fearful you don’t look cool . 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 

 

[Lambert]

I agree with the others. Your daughter is immature (not for her age, but in general sense, as children are) but she is old enough to experience this and it is good for her to see her mom. The humor is a coping mechanism. 

This will be a support to your wife as well.  she committed a crime and is doing her punishment but she still a human being that needs her loved one's support.

[B7000]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

At 15 she can handle a bit more reality than a small child.

Yes, she needs to see her mother, that's why prisoners have visitors. It's to  keep important bonds for both the inmate and the visitor.

No it's not for your child to see her mother being "punished" and teach her a lesson. Or humiliate your wife by making her a spectacle for your child.

It's to maintain appropriate mother-child bonds. It's a human thing, not an 'orange is the new black' reality show "teaching' anyone anything.

It's not as if your wife is on death row and you're going to the execution.

What would you say is the main benefit of visits over phone calls?

 

the guard I talked to and the other lady I’ve talked to said just treat it like a field trip, especially if since  mom is on board with the visit,  use it to keep in connection with mom, use it to learn what prison is like, that if it was a violent crime and she was going away for a long time it would be different and seeing someone you know behind bars for a non violent crime is perfect for her age just starting high school, and I should relax and not be uptight about it. 

 

 

pretty much the opposite of what I was expecting a  jailer to say

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, B7000 said:

the guard I talked to and the other lady I’ve talked to said just treat it like a field trip, especially if since  mom is on board with the visit,  use it to keep in connection with mom, use it to learn what prison is like, that if it was a violent crime and she was going away for a long time it would be different and seeing someone you know behind bars for a non violent crime is perfect for her age just starting high school, and I should relax and not be uptight about it. 

Agree. You're getting excellent advice from  the correctional people. Also did your wife have a defense attorney? Who pressed charges?

[B7000]

I am likely going to take her. I have heard some say  it’s a bad idea because it might be too frightening for a 15 year old and seeing someone you know in jail could my daughter think it is “not that bad”. Wonder what people think 

[arjumand]

I have known several young people whose parents went to prison and not one of them ever indicated in any way that it "was not that bad." Just the fact that their parents were separated from family made it bad to begin with. I

[gamon]

It's not like she's in some sort of maximum security with the really bad people such as in the TV series "Oz".

Doubt it will be all that scary, she's going to see the entrance, go through a metal detector and be in a room where there is some sort of visitation. And sure there will be lots of guards around and people wearing striped outfits with numbers on them.

If anything it might be a stark reminder that parents don't always make the best decisions and aren't always good role models to follow.