Bosses having multiple girlfriends at work ( With women that are in relationships) Me getting into trouble as usual

[andreasg9677]

Hello, I hope everyone is doing ok. 

This is something I have kept my mouth shut about in order to get by from work. But I just can't let this inside me all the time, I have to get it out somehow which is why I am here.

There's a girl I used to like at work we were talking for some time, only to see the boss the next day being mad at me for whatever reason.  I had no idea that this was a girl that he was flirting and ***ing with aside with his current girlfriend. That was a long time ago though. 

Though I managed to talk to him and tell him that he doesn't treat me well at work as we went outside, I told him that he only thing I care about was my & I don't hit on the girls I work with ( which is true, some of them initiated the flirt first that then got me interested although that wasn't my plan). I told him that you look like you are ready to fight every time you see me. 

He said to me that we are not going to fight & I like the fact that you don't hit at girls at work( bull***, he was lying in order to look professional. Deep down the guy doesn't like me and he knows it) He has stopped in a sense ever since & tried to establish trust with me at the workplace in order for us to work better at the job.

But I just can't unsee what I saw in the workplace, him taking a sidechick of a woman that is in a 5 year relationship ( Although she was into this as well and part of the blame was on her as well). That same woman was also showing interest to me as well & some other friend of mine at work (who left now and works in a forex company). 

The truth is, some women at work really love this kind of stuff. This happened to me twice but in a different manner the second time. I learned my lesson at the job I am in. I work at Intersport currently in the Mall, so I am a salesperson with a Bachelors in Sports Science. And they are all women who are in LTR with guys who are older than them.

The first girl (25 years old)that this happened to me her boyfriend is a mechanic. The second girl is 22 and she is in a relationship with a 40 years old guy that has stocks in some supermarkets.  And those same women, also hit to the managers at work ( the 25 girl cheated on her boyfriend with him) the other 22 year old didn't cheat on her boyfriend but flirts really heavily with both me & the manager.

Well, long story short. I have cut both of these women out of my life for good, I just see them at work & I do my job and that's that. The funny thing is that both of those women came back. The first one gave up after a solid year of trying to win my trust. I never seen such a persistent person in my life. So she wanted to have her way as she pleased & also have my trust at the same time?  That I would keep flirting with her and don't be disgusted after all the things that I saw, that I am a fool or something? ( She told me she has a 5 year relationship by herself, then  I stopped chasing her but she persistent because I stop chasing her, go figure).

The second girl, was in a relationship with a guy her being 20 and the other guy 38 so she was two years with him, now her 22 and him 40. Then she wanted some backup guys I guess, so she was also flirting with me and the manager. Then I dissed her really hard and wanted nothing to do with her. She came back! I rejected her as best as I could. 

Now, I started to talk to her after 3 months have passed by from the incident, but it will never be like before. I lost all my attraction to her, you flirt with me you tell me to come by the other guys house in order for you to introduce me to him as if we are all going to be some kind of bff's and all that crap (  of course I haven't went).

Then she also hits on the second manager who is a lawyer and also has an MBA by now & she has a burning desire for him at the same time. I got really mad one day I called her and I was angry but then I dodged a bullet when she said that we could talk about this tomorrow but we never did. I'm so glad that happened. 

So what I am doing now, it's just getting this story out of my mind and my head somewhere I can talk about it so I can let go. I don't want advice guys just someone who would listen to this story. I managed to bring my life back to normal now, although both of this women now are out of my life, we are just colleagues and nothing more.

So I keep my conversations with them to the bare minimum and that's that. Even if they come back flirting I just don't care anymore. Those women sank very low for me I can never unsee all those see I saw.  But every obstacle is for good as they say, those women really taught me a lot believe it or not. They taught me to test the waters to see if they are someone that would last in my life, or just problems. 

[MissCanuck]

OP, I don't mean to be unkind, but are you sure you're correctly interpreting these women's interest in you? What do they say or do that constitutes hitting on you? 

You say they "came back" - what does that mean, exactly? You weren't dating any of these women, if I understand correctly. 

 

[Wiseman2]

Stay in your own lane. Mind your own business. Go to work to work and act professional. Stop confronting your boss or being unprofessional.

Whatever office romances are taking place is something you need to ignore. Stop flirting with women at work or imagining that they are all flirting with you and your boss is competing with you.

Get a good profile and pics on some dating apps and start talking to and meeting women outside of work. 

The workplace is not a pickup place, singles club or dating app so discontinue lusting for women at work. 

[smackie9]

I got some advice here. I worked for my company for over 30 years and I sure saw some stuff. MIND your own business. Do not express your opinion of the goings on in the office. People being naughty or whatever, just stay away as possible. Keep your private life private, do not commingle business with pleasure. And the workplace is not your personal dating pool. Never, and I say this because I did it once and will never do it again, never get romantically involved with a coworker. Don't flirt/chase, etc That's just bad juju.

[andreasg9677]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

OP, I don't mean to be unkind, but are you sure you're correctly interpreting these women's interest in you? What do they say or do that constitutes hitting on you? 

You say they "came back" - what does that mean, exactly? You weren't dating any of these women, if I understand correctly. 

 

Thank you for you feedback.  I just wanted to see how it sounds from another persons perspective who is reading this in a second person view. 

[andreasg9677]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Stay in your own lane. Mind your own business. Go to work to work and act professional. Stop confronting your boss or being unprofessional.

Whatever office romances are taking place is something you need to ignore. Stop flirting with women at work or imagining that they are all flirting with you and your boss is competing with you.

Get a good profile and pics on some dating apps and start talking to and meeting women outside of work. 

The workplace is not a pickup place, singles club or dating app so discontinue lusting for women at work. 

Sounds good. Thank you for your feedback 

[andreasg9677]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

I got some advice here. I worked for my company for over 30 years and I sure saw some stuff. MIND your own business. Do not express your opinion of the goings on in the office. People being naughty or whatever, just stay away as possible. Keep your private life private, do not commingle business with pleasure. And the workplace is not your personal dating pool. Never and I say this because I did it once and will never do it again, is get romantically involved with a coworker. That's just bad juju.

This is so true, I will do my best in doing that. Thank you 

[Kwothe28]

I learned not to dwell on those kind of things. At one of my previous jobs, boss of my department literally smacked the bottom of one of my female colleague in front of me. Her reaction was "Why did you do it in front of him, he would think something is going on". Like I didnt already know lol. Also married woman, small kid, husband has gone to another country to earn more money for them. But again, it wasnt my thing to question. At that job "discretion" was literally in job description. So the more you can "hear on one ear and let go on other" the better. At corporate structure its best not to meddle into things that dont directly influence you. So that is what I advise to you as well. 

[MissCanuck]

6 minutes ago, andreasg9677 said:

Thank you for you feedback.  I just wanted to see how it sounds from another persons perspective who is reading this in a second person view. 

And what about these questions?

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

What do they say or do that constitutes hitting on you? 

You say they "came back" - what does that mean, exactly?

 

[andreasg9677]

Q.1 Things like: Baby out of nowhere, my love, how are you doing my bird. Always being curious about what I do outside work. Or stuff like, my leggings have hole right here and stuff like that. Bumping on me and then telling me I'm sorry and all that. ( Some women really do manipulate men like that) Up until you ask her out and you see what she is really all about. 

Q.2. I stopped talking to them and avoiding them. I got confronted that ever since I asked one of those women out & she reminded me after all that flirt that she has a boyfriend, that I don't talk to her & I reacted badly and all that crap.  

The other woman after I started to avoid her, she wanted to spend more time with me for some reason. I stopped interacting with her because the boss was always so angry with me when I talked to her or even being near her, I'm not a fool.

I mean, ever since I managed to get myself out of this situation and just talk to her about work. The Boss all of a sudden went from an angry person to wanting to be friend and all that crap. But as soon as you talk to that woman, just talk to her he reacts.  Everybody now knows that those two have an affair. 

I mean things like that one way or another always come out. 

Thank you though for helping me understand where I stand, sometimes I do get lost in my own thoughts and maybe just maybe I care so much about all this stuff. That I need stop caring so much about all those mind games those women play and those people at work play.

I think it's better to keep to myself and just do my work & go home, business and pleasure are a bad cocktail that could prove deadly. I need to resist the temptation of doing that and just keep my private life private regardless of what anybody does or says at work that might include me. 

 

[LaHermes]

16 minutes ago, andreasg9677 said:

business and pleasure are a bad cocktail that could prove deadly. I need to resist the temptation of doing that and just keep my private life private regardless of what anybody does or says at work that might include me. 

That's exactly it, Andreas. 

[SooSad33]

Sad.  All of it 😕 ... To cross those lines. I would never cheat on my partner.

shows where they lack.

Good on you to know better and not 'play'.

Yah, as mentioned, just go about your own business & work... avoid the rest.

I would seriously seek a new job.  Not feel so overwhelmed with the crap at that place!

[Batya33]

I met my husband originally at work.  Work is a great place to meet a potential spouse.  But you still have to act professionally.  What you're describing is harassment and even assault.  Nothing to do with normal socializing.  if you meet someone at work who you don't work directly with and don't supervise or she doesn't supervise you and dating is not prohibited at your workplace you can ask that person for a date outside of working hours.  And keep the dating outside of work.  

What is meant by some women are manipulative.  Some people are manipulative.  Not just women.  You can only control your reaction.  

[Rose Mosse]

If a certain person keeps coming back of questionable integrity, it's not exactly a compliment or subject of intrigue. Don't pay any attention because it's not worth any. 

Try meeting better quality people on a dating app or in shared interest groups. Your workplace sounds very unprofessional and you seem over-exposed to types of people/women who could quickly jade you. Ignore all of that and don't get involved. Find a better company even when it's the right time. 

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, andreasg9677 said:

Bumping on me and then telling me I'm sorry and all that. ( Some women really do manipulate men like that)

Or...they accidentally bump into you and apologize because that's normal behaviour. 

I don't know, OP. I think you're reading way too much into these women's perceived come-ons to you. 

[Guest]

There's a verse that says something like 'anyone who looks at a woman with lust commits adultery in his heart' - so....perhaps it is best to just avoid what is going on at work focus on self since we all are not perfect...

[andreasg9677]

13 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Or...they accidentally bump into you and apologize because that's normal behaviour. 

I don't know, OP. I think you're reading way too much into these women's perceived come-ons to you. 

Even if that's the case, I already made up my mind that I will just focus on the job & try to give them the benefit of the doubt & just care less and less about stuff like that. Being cynical and paranoid it's not good for me.

I think the best course of action is the one I am doing right now. Just go through my day, ignore most of the stuff that is going on around and certain behaviors & everybody leaves happy from the workplace.

That's the win win scenario I will go for. Thank you though for telling me this. 

[andreasg9677]

11 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

There's a verse that says something like 'anyone who looks at a woman with lust commits adultery in his heart' - so....perhaps it is best to just avoid what is going on at work focus on self since we all are not perfect...

I think that verse applies well into the workplace if not in other places.

[andreasg9677]

15 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Sad.  All of it 😕 ... To cross those lines. I would never cheat on my partner.

shows where they lack.

Good on you to know better and not 'play'.

Yah, as mentioned, just go about your own business & work... avoid the rest.

I would seriously seek a new job.  Not feel so overwhelmed with the crap at that place!

Thank you my friend, at one point I thought I was the crazy person. That I am seeing things that do not exist. But maybe it's because my mind couldn't comprehend that those things actually happened for real.

I should have pinched myself to see if what I am going through is real.

 

[andreasg9677]

14 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

If a certain person keeps coming back of questionable integrity, it's not exactly a compliment or subject of intrigue. Don't pay any attention because it's not worth any. 

Try meeting better quality people on a dating app or in shared interest groups. Your workplace sounds very unprofessional and you seem over-exposed to types of people/women who could quickly jade you. Ignore all of that and don't get involved. Find a better company even when it's the right time. 

And that is what I am going to do, thank you for telling me this 

[MissCanuck]

13 minutes ago, andreasg9677 said:

I already made up my mind that I will just focus on the job

This is the best plan. 

Look outside work for girls to connect with. 

[andreasg9677]

15 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I met my husband originally at work.  Work is a great place to meet a potential spouse.  But you still have to act professionally.  What you're describing is harassment and even assault.  Nothing to do with normal socializing.  if you meet someone at work who you don't work directly with and don't supervise or she doesn't supervise you and dating is not prohibited at your workplace you can ask that person for a date outside of working hours.  And keep the dating outside of work.  

What is meant by some women are manipulative.  Some people are manipulative.  Not just women.  You can only control your reaction.  

I know, perhaps I put the most blame on me for never seeing that coming in the first place.  Most people at work are manipulative, it's just the nature of the workplace sales that is.  But they are a few of them which are good people which I have be friended at work & hang out with them often.

Yes & I should work on becoming more of a stoic person, which is a goal of mine for years. I have been practicing stoicism for years now. But there are just times where I break. I believe I have above average mental strength all thanks to stoicism.

But still, I'm not a Stoic Saint & all that. I too break down mentally from time to time, which is why I talk here with you guys in anonymously in order to be able to have some support where I cannot take that support from another place. 

And I am very grateful that I reached out. No man is a mountain. Yes I'm strong, but still I am one man & there's only so much one man can take before he breaks. 

Above average pain tolerance mentally and physically doesn't mean that I'm unaffected but some amoral stuff. I have a very strong moral compass, which makes me sad to see things like that in the workplace.

But still, I'm angry at myself for falling into this trap. I learned though how to respond in those situations by making these types of mistakes. I mean, I knew that it's not good to have relationships at work but another thing it's to know.

Another thing it's to experience it first hand & develop the strategies to avoid the situation next time. 

Thank you though for your comment & advise, they are really helpful. 

 

[MissCanuck]

53 minutes ago, andreasg9677 said:

Yes & I should work on becoming more of a stoic person, which is a goal of mine for years. I have been practicing stoicism for years now. But there are just times where I break. I believe I have above average mental strength all thanks to stoicism.

But still, I'm not a Stoic Saint & all that. I too break down mentally from time to time,

Yes, I think the underlying issue here is that you are too attached to these situations. What you describe are fairly mundane interactions, and yes, some crappy behaviour on the part of the cheaters. 

But you're too emotioanlly-involved and take things personally, when really, there is no need. Most of these things had nothing to do with you (apart from the one *** boss) and I don't think these woman have malicious intent toward you nor were out to manipulate you. 

In general, how is your social life? Do you date much? 

[andreasg9677]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Yes, I think the underlying issue here is that you are too attached to these situations. What you describe are fairly mundane interactions, and yes, some crappy behaviour on the part of the cheaters. 

But you're too emotioanlly-involved and take things personally, when really, there is no need. Most of these things had nothing to do with you (apart from the one *** boss) and I don't think these woman have malicious intent toward you nor were out to manipulate you. 

In general, how is your social life? Do you date much? 

My social life due to the corona situation has went down the sink. I am afraid to be outside all the time, I am vaccinated yes but still. I'm not going to lie here, my social life is on good standards to tell the truth. 

My dating life went down the sink with the corona situation as you can tell I don't date much & you have a good point here. I should date more often. Ugh, truth be told I work all day and when I am off I am focused constantly on my goals. 

But you do have a point, I should start dating more often otherwise I would be having this types of problems popping up. I guess there's none avoiding dating in order to concentrate in your goals.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is always right. You need the intimacy and the concentration on your goals at the same time. Otherwise, things like that happened. 

So I'm glad you asked if I date much, you actually pin pointed me towards what I really should be doing to solve problems like this at work. 

[MissCanuck]

1 minute ago, andreasg9677 said:

My social life due to the corona situation has went down the sink. I am afraid to be outside all the time, I am vaccinated yes but still. I'm not going to lie here, my social life is on good standards to tell the truth. 

My dating life went down the sink with the corona situation as

Understandable that the pandemic has affected things. It's been tough for so many people. 

But there are still ways to safely meet new folks. I would start there, as it would be very wise to expand your life and social interactions beyond the workplace. Seeing nobody but coworkers has got you too wrapped up in their drama.