Can my relationship evolve or is it 100% dead ?

[Kakoo]

 

Hello everyone ! 

I met a girl on January, we filrted for months and then I confessed. She became my girlfriend and made it official. We agreed about a serious relationship. She told her family about me, everything was perfect. I was her first boyfriend.

I asked her if was free this week to have a date but she said that she was sorry and something was planned. (okay, it happens)

The thing is that, out of the blue, I received a message. She said that she had no space in her heart recently because of problems in her family. ( I knew that was not the reason and asked for more explanations). She said that she needs to follow her own pace and that if I wasn't respecting that we shouldn't be in that relationship. No problem, I always respected her rythm, several times in our relationship I gave her a lot of time to think about our situation and asked her how she felt about a lot of things. So, I offered her some time to think.

She ignored my offer and then she proposed me a "friendship" because she "wanted to go back to friends". I couldn't see myself doing that after all the love words we said to each other. I think she got scared about all the new feelings she discovered in that new kind of relationship and wasn't sure about what she wanted. 

So, I told her that it was impossible after all this story. I thanked her for everything and I said It was better for me to move on. I refused her "friendship" even if I was hurt. She said "Okay thank you for everything too" (maybe she got confused and didn't expect that.). That idea was confirmed because 10 minutes later she asked if that meant that I will not keep in touch with her anymore. I said that going back and pretending that nothing happened was impossible for me and that she knew  that a friendship will be weird after our story. If she really wanted our relationship to end, that was the end. 

Then, she sent a few messages that " she didn't know if I was going to read it", thanking me for everything I did, that it was very sad to end it but if I wanted to end it, she will accept it. ( I think she tried to act as a victim and reverse the situation even if she was the one who dumped me because she didn't want me as a boyfriend anymore.). She told me I had a beautiful heart and she was sure that I will find a nice girl not like her. 

I replied (I think it was a mistake). I wanted to make her realize that she decided to end it. I thanked her for everything too, I said she made me happy and gave me good memories. I told her that I didn't want it to end like this, that we could have had a beautiful story but if she only wanted me as a friend and nothing more, I'll accept it but I can't stay. I told her that I was sure that she'll meet some other nice friends. I wished her a beautiful life.

She said " Thank you" and everything ended on this. 

We broke up 4 days ago and we had no contact at all from this day.

Do you think I should keep the no contact or should I text her to have a real discussion after that ? Because everything happened so fast and I feel like we wanted to say more but we couldn't because of emotions. 

Thank you for reading ! 

[MissCanuck]

2 minutes ago, Kakoo said:

several times in our relationship I gave her a lot of time to think about our situation and asked her how she felt about a lot of things.

Why did she need so much time to think about things, and several times over?

This indicates she has never really been all in with you. I can understand needing to slowly build a connection, sure. But if this was a regular occurance, (and it must have been, given the short span of your relationship), it means she's been having doubts all along. 

I feel for you, and understand why you're hurt. But I think this one is done, for the reasons I mentioned above. There's really not much more to talk about with her. 

[SooSad33]

5 hours ago, Kakoo said:

I replied (I think it was a mistake). I wanted to make her realize that she decided to end it. I thanked her for everything too, I said she made me happy and gave me good memories. I told her that I didn't want it to end like this, that we could have had a beautiful story but if she only wanted me as a friend and nothing more, I'll accept it but I can't stay.

Okay.. leave it alll alone now.. you're over doing this.

You can't be 'friends', that's it.  Is often how it goes- because, yah, you went past that & is hard to go back - of which she should understand and respect your decision..

5 hours ago, Kakoo said:

She said that she needs to follow her own pace and that if I wasn't respecting that we shouldn't be in that relationship. No problem, I always respected her rythm, several times in our relationship I gave her a lot of time to think about our situation and asked her how she felt about a lot of things. So, I offered her some time to think.

Fact.. She is done.  She's told you her reasoning.

Do not contact her anymore.. leave it all alone now.

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Kakoo said:

then I confessed. 

I asked her if was free this week to have a date but she said that she was sorry and something was planned.

She said that she needs to follow her own pace and that if I wasn't respecting that we shouldn't be in that relationship.

she "wanted to go back to friends".

Sorry to hear this happened. How old is she?  Don't go back to being friends. 

The good news is several good lessons learned. Do not "confess" it's creepy, awkward and puts everyone on the spot.

 If you like someone, you ask them on a date. Anything but a solid yes, is a no. If it's yes, great. If it's no, you step back with dignity and move on.

There's no need to keep deliberating this. In fact delete and block her so you can invest time in dating apps and start talking to and meeting interested available women.

[catfeeder]

How much actual dating happened between the flirting and becoming BF/GF?

It sounds like the relationship became too much for her. I don't see this coming back from that.

[lostandhurt]

You did the right thing in not agreeing to a friendship.  It would have just prolonged the hurt.

She sounds like she is an indecisive person in general so stay no contact for now to allow her some solid space to get her thoughts together.

Who knows she may start missing you so much that she contacts you in a week or two.  Either way it is best to leave her be for now and try to accept that you may never see her again.

It sucks but if she wasn't really committed to the relationship it was better to find out sooner than later.

Hang in there and stay busy with other things in your life.

Lost

[Rose Mosse]

Yes, you're doing the right thing. No, don't bother being friends. It will slow you down. When a romance ends, the gears shift. Start healing on your own and rebuilding your life. 

Eventually things will start to calm down with your emotions and the dust will settle. Give yourself a few weeks to feel good again and reconnect with other parts of your life.