Yzel 1 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 I’m currently speachless right now. I didnt know what else to do since I dont have many friends and I feel I really need to let it out. We’ve been in a dreamed relationship for 6 years now and 4 months ago I realized I was pregnant. We’ve lost 2 babies already. I’m not going to lie, we’ve had our ups and downs but we have managed to get over those. Now he just decided to tell me he has to many things going on his head, that he’s not happy coming over home, that he’s not sure that he loves or that I make him happy. I’m just devastated. All I can think of is, what can I do not to get depressed and affect the baby ? ☹️ What have I done wrong ? Hopefully someone will read me Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MissCanuck 949 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 What kinds of ups and downs have you been through as a couple? You say it's been a dream relationship but that description suggests otherwise. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yzel 1 Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 Well we both have had our depression moments in which we have needed a lot of support and het we were each other’s rock during this situation. Other than that, there haven't been any alarming situations that I can recall Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SherrySher 878 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Did he say he was breaking up for good? Maybe he's been stressed over the loss of the other babies and is scared to get attached to this one because of that? How long have you been broken up? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yzel 1 Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 Its been a couple of days. The lost of our babies happened over a year ago. He said he still loves me, but that he needs to find what truly makes him happy. That he needs to find himself Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SherrySher 878 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Oh god, "needs to find himself"...what he needs to do is take care of his responsibilities. I assume he knows you're pregnant? Did he say anything on how he's going to support you and the baby? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yzel 1 Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 He said it has nothing to do with the baby. That he still wants it. At this point im just preparing for the worse and finding out how I will be a single mom Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SherrySher 878 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 It's not a matter of if he wants it, or not. He is now just as responsible for this baby, as you are. He should be there for you and be supportive, and he should definitely be there for you financially. It's possible that he is just upset right now. Do you think he met someone else? Has he been having any bouts of depression, etc? Have you had fights like this before? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 2,262 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Do you live together? How old is he? Have there been breakups before? You don't seem secure or confident in the relationship or with him. Sadly "I have to find myself", is another breakup line. If you decide to have the child, where will you live and who will support you? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SherrySher 878 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Apologies for all the questions, OP, but it helps give us more information. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 2,262 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 You need to get to your doctor for medical pregnancy and mental health care. Did he decide all this about not loving you and finding himself after you told him you were pregnant? We’ve been in a dreamed relationship for 6 years now and 4 months ago I realized I was pregnant. Now he just he’s not happy coming over home, that he’s not sure that he loves or that I make him happy Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yzel 1 Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 We have never had fights like this. We have had depressions on our own nd it made us reevaluate the relationship those times. But never to the point where we are now Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yzel 1 Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 I dont know if it comes before the pregnancy. He says he has been holding it off for quite a while now and that it just became a snowball Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yzel 1 Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 Im 30 and he is 26. We broke up before but vwry early in our relationship. And yes, i Will definitely have the kid and will have to live by my own Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yzel 1 Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 It's not a matter of if he wants it, or not. He is now just as responsible for this baby, as you are. He should be there for you and be supportive, and he should definitely be there for you financially. It's possible that he is just upset right now. Do you think he met someone else? Has he been having any bouts of depression, etc? Have you had fights like this before?[ /We have never had fights like this. We have had depressions on our own nd it made us reevaluate the relationship those times. But never to the point where we are now Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lambert 438 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 I'm so sorry he is doing this. I am sure it is making your head spin. I suggest you turn all your concern for him around. Focus all that energy on your health and the health of your baby. You have to be strong because you're a mother and he is being selfish. This is showing you a great deal about his character, his mental health, his maturity etc. I personally would be mad at him for doing this, hurting me, stressing me out. I'd leave him alone. He may come to his senses and at that point, for the baby's sake, I'd give him a chance to make things right. But there is no way I would beg this guy to be my partner or a dad to our child. He will be responsible financially, but he will not be wishy washy to my kid or to their mother (me). Find your strength. If you tolerate this behavior now or coddle him, you are setting up the opportunity for this to become a pattern in your relationship, which will not only be horrible for you, but also a terrible example for the child. You gotta think about things for two now. Its not just you anymore. You must make good choices and take steps that support the life you want, based on who this guy is, not what you wish he could be. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 2,262 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Do you live together? Do you work? Does he support you? Sorry to say but your relationship was quite conflicted and on/off all along. He doesn't seem interested in commitment or settling down at 26. He should have been using condoms. This latest news seems like a complication that he did not want. It's sad, but you need to take care of your health. Get tp a doctor about your depression and pregnancy. Im 30 and he is 26. We broke up before but vwry early in our relationship. And yes, i Will definitely have the kid and will have to live by my own Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yzel 1 Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 We have been living together for 6 years and we both decided to have a baby. Now he just came up with all of this. I guess he got scared. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 2,262 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Sorry to hear that. Is he moving out? Do you have a place to stay? We have been living together for 6 years and we both decided to have a baby. Now he just came up with all of this. I guess he got scared. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yzel 1 Posted October 23, 2020 Author Share Posted October 23, 2020 Im planning to move out and come back to the apartment once he leaves Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Batya33 1,885 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 I'm so sorry he is doing this. I am sure it is making your head spin. I suggest you turn all your concern for him around. Focus all that energy on your health and the health of your baby. You have to be strong because you're a mother and he is being selfish. This is showing you a great deal about his character, his mental health, his maturity etc. I personally would be mad at him for doing this, hurting me, stressing me out. I'd leave him alone. He may come to his senses and at that point, for the baby's sake, I'd give him a chance to make things right. But there is no way I would beg this guy to be my partner or a dad to our child. He will be responsible financially, but he will not be wishy washy to my kid or to their mother (me). Find your strength. If you tolerate this behavior now or coddle him, you are setting up the opportunity for this to become a pattern in your relationship, which will not only be horrible for you, but also a terrible example for the child. You gotta think about things for two now. Its not just you anymore. You must make good choices and take steps that support the life you want, based on who this guy is, not what you wish he could be. I agree and since you are not married make sure you establish his paternity, for child support. I'm sorry you are going through this. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
melancholy123 432 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Sounds to me like he does not want to be a father. If you have this child he is obligated to provide for it's care for 18 years, doesn't matter if he wants it or not. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
limichelle 230 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Like the others said the child legally is still his responsibility if he likes it or not. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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