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Ex Fiancé Broke Up with Me


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I love my ex fiancé still. She left me back in March 2020. We continued to talk as friends. We only talked about coronavirus. Whenever I tried to bring up the subject about getting back together she would get angry and hang up. This situation continued until May when she told me to never contact her again. I ended up reaching out to her sister and brother in law which upset her more. I then reached out to her in early July. She said she never wants to speak to me again, I’m dead to her, and that she feels like she is being stalked. We were together for 1.5 years. We are both 31. I really love her and wish I could right my wrongs. The last straw for her was when she felt I did not support her when her aunt passed. She asked for some money for the funeral, I gave it to her and asked her what we were eating for dinner, she cursed me out, and I took the money back. The next day I broke up with her and tried to get back with her after the funeral. We worked it out until March came. How long if ever should I wait to reach out to her again? Will she ever reach out? Is this salvageable?

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You don't get it. You are dead to her, as you have said. She doesn't want to talk to you, or hear from you. Or have anything to do with you. I'm sorry, but it's OVER. Yes it hurts and you feel like crap, but you need to face the truth. Leave her alone, don't bug her or her family or you will find a cop at your door with a restraining order.

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She asked for some money for the funeral, I gave it to her and asked her what we were eating for dinner, she cursed me out, and I took the money back. The next day I broke up with her and tried to get back with her after the funeral.

 

I don't know what else went on in the relationship... reading the above I see a person that doesn't have the capacity to support someone through what would likely be a difficult and emotional situation in their life.

 

You also don't seem to respect her feelings or boundaries as you continue to pursue her even though she has told you multiple times to stop. Pursuing someone when they tell you to leave them alone isn't cute; it's aggressive, self-centered, and borderline stalking.

 

Leave her alone and take some time to reflect on how you might begin to respect the feelings and boundaries of others before you enter another relationship.

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OP, when someone tells you that she is feeling stalked, the answer to your question of when to contact her again is NEVER. You never contact her again because if you do, next step for her will be to get a restraining order and you'll have earned that.

 

Whatever your relationship was, it doesn't sound very healthy and it is definitely over. I'd tread carefully about blaming yourself for that exclusively. Asking you for money and then cussing you out over a simple question is not sane or acceptable behavior. Your reaction wasn't the best either. This relationship sounds mutually toxic and like you both bring out the worst possible in each other. What you call love is more like addiction to high drama, adrenaline rush rather than love and respect.

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We had great times together. I mean she said yet to getting married to me. I believe that the aunt situation and covid combined caused so much stress on the relationship that we argued way too much. Most days were good. We would argue about once every month but it wasn’t as intense as the end.

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I don’t want you all to focus on the negative aspects at the end. We had good times. We went to universal studios together. We talked extensively and exchanged each other’s thoughts. We went out together and had a ton of fun. It’s just the end that was way too drama filled.

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I love my ex fiancé still. She left me back in March 2020. We continued to talk as friends. We only talked about coronavirus. Whenever I tried to bring up the subject about getting back together she would get angry and hang up. This situation continued until May when she told me to never contact her again. I ended up reaching out to her sister and brother in law which upset her more. I then reached out to her in early July. She said she never wants to speak to me again, I’m dead to her, and that she feels like she is being stalked. We were together for 1.5 years. We are both 31. I really love her and wish I could right my wrongs. The last straw for her was when she felt I did not support her when her aunt passed. She asked for some money for the funeral, I gave it to her and asked her what we were eating for dinner, she cursed me out, and I took the money back. The next day I broke up with her and tried to get back with her after the funeral. We worked it out until March came. How long if ever should I wait to reach out to her again? Will she ever reach out? Is this salvageable?

 

It sounds like you feel unheard.

 

What were the wrongs you are mentioning? How do you feel you can right them? Just curious.

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I wish I could’ve have supported her more when her aunt passed. I wish I could’ve gave her space when she asked for it. I wish I could have bought us a house like she wanted. I wish I could still show her how much I love her. She did a lot of wrong too. She had anger issues. I wish I could have understood that and gave her a safe space to relieve her anger and not react negatively to it.

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We had great times together. I mean she said yet to getting married to me. I believe that the aunt situation and covid combined caused so much stress on the relationship that we argued way too much. Most days were good. We would argue about once every month but it wasn’t as intense as the end.

 

Well....if stress causes your relationship to break down, then quite frankly you need to recognize that this is more of a dodged divorce than a relationship meant to be. Life will throw a great deal of stress your way and how you handle that both as a couple and as individuals is pretty much everything. Either you handle it well or you learn that you cannot manage life's storms at all together and should part ways. It won't get easier, especially if you add children, diapers, money problems, sick parents that need care, etc, etc, etc to that list of stressors. Life doesn't let up and when you are choosing a partner, you better be sure that they aren't just fair weather fun variety but can actually handle all the bad stuff with grace.

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I have genuinely changed since the breakup. I’ve been in therapy 3 times a week. I’ve become better at my business. I’ve even created better relationships with my family members and friends. I wish she could see my growth and care about it.

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I agree. I mean the stress levels were insanely high. I believe I didn’t make it any easier on her nor her on me. I really want a solution to get back in contact with her and not so much doom and gloom. I know I have to give her the space she wants now. Do you think if I wait a year to contact her would that be good?

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I agree. I mean the stress levels were insanely high. I believe I didn’t make it any easier on her nor her on me. I really want a solution to get back in contact with her and not so much doom and gloom. I know I have to give her the space she wants now. Do you think if I wait a year to contact her would that be good?

 

NO, nope, noppitty, nope. Never means never. OP, you need to focus on healing and moving on. Like forget her.

 

As for therapy, three sessions aren't going to magically change you as a human being. Either there was nothing wrong with you in the first place or you need a great deal more work on yourself. Sounds like the work that you need is learning how to let go and how to keep away from toxic people. When you mention things like "should have bought her a house"....all I can say to that is it's not your job to buy her a house. Either it's something you want as a couple and BOTH work toward that as a team, or you aren't a team and need to part ways. There is no you taking on that kind of a burden as if you are single or her ATM.

 

I'll say this again - you've dodged a bullet and it would really good for you to start wrapping your mind around that...with the help of a therapist if you must. You also mention that she has anger issues? Really? How would that work if you had a child? Are you willing to use your brain and common sense or just want to wallow and pine for someone who sounds utterly psycho?

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She told you no. More than once.

 

There is no way to "get" her back. She's not a pair of shoes or a video game, you don't "get" people. They either choose to be with you or they choose not to. She chooses not to.

 

I know it hurts and it's not what you want but that is reality.

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Sorry to hear this. What was the breakup about? Did she block you? Most likely she has discussed this with her friends, family, coworkers etc.

 

Check your local jurisdiction. Stalking is a crime and having a restraining order on your record is not good. Also at any time any attempt to continue to contact her can be brought to the local police as evidence of your stalking and harassing. Once someone states this, you need to back off.

 

You can't undo or unsay stuff, but you can stand back and think about things.

She said she never wants to speak to me again, I’m dead to her, and that she feels like she is being stalked.

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